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Ughz! - 11/18/2004 4:03:12 AM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
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Ok, please bear with me here, this may be just a lil' blowin' off steam time. I have been up since 0200 and am missing The Man terribly! He left on Sunday, will be back this Friday..........yeah, i know that is tomorrow...here is the, hmmmm...kinda problem?
I am decorating the house for Christmas...yes! already *chucklez* One of the things He said to me before He left was: Make Me proud girl.
I have spent each day doing something to the House....i have almost all the Christmas presents wraped even. I am even all done with the Christmas shopping...yay me! BUT! why does His last words bother me? i do make Him Proud, He tells me this all the time...The house looks great, i believe He will be Proud of that. I spoke with Him last night on the phone about this a little bit and He said: It's a whole different thing pet, be proud in what you do. I am! but, but....i am tired of the me,me,me..i,i,i......it's kinda like being proud about this is all me? good gawwddd does this make any sense to any of you? *shakes my head* sorry, i need more coffee....been up tooooo long, i know what i am thinking but not sure it is just coming out right. ughz!

If any of this makes sense to y'all....god bless you....it's almost work time now...have a great day everyone.

~smilezz~

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RE: Ughz! - 11/18/2004 4:30:48 AM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
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Midear smilezz-

You know, you sound exactly like someone having mild sepreation anxiety. Sounds like you are, at some level, alarmed by how much you miss the M., and your subconscious is grabbing at any little thing and obseessing on it to make you not miss him so much.

drink your coffee. Relax. his love for you is not an imposistion. and he'll be home soon...

Stay warm,
Lawrence

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RE: Ughz! - 11/18/2004 5:32:32 AM

MaitresseEden

Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
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Makes perfect sense to me! Even Dom's need down time. Sometime we like the focus to be off of us and be able to "do" for others. We are still human and need to be needed, and feel useful at times. I think it is one of the hardest parts of personality to integrated with BDSM personally. For some reason, that behavior is associated with weakness or is seen as submissive which in all honesty, it isn't. It's about being human, being real and having compassion. I have no doubt your Sir is proud of you, What I suspect is he needs to feel useful and needed too.

quote:

He said: It's a whole different thing pet, be proud in what you do. I am!but, but....i am tired of the me,me,me..i,i,i......it's kinda like being proud about this is all me?

Sounds to me like he needs to feel proud of himself too. Sometimes Dom's and Domme's don't want all the attention on them. It holds them to a high standard of expectations that they don't want to always have to meet. My guess is He needs to feel useful and like he is contributing to the little things. If a good sub takes care of all his needs, which is what it sounds like your great at doing. Sometimes it makes him feel like he is incapable of it, or dependent on it and like he said. I don't want to be limited to being just about that.

Ms. Eden

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RE: Ughz! - 11/18/2004 9:10:47 AM

sweetpleaser

Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
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What she said

I know how you feel, "don't I always make you proud?" Like he expects you to disappoint him sometime. I'm sure he didn't mean it like that but you are oversensitive because you miss him. Have a wonderful homecoming.

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It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

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RE: Ughz! - 11/19/2004 2:44:20 PM

MrThorns

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Ahhh it was a very nice homecoming and I was very proud of the work smilezz had accomplished. I understand her dilemma and can perhaps clear up some confusion regarding pride.

Ms Eden,

The quote from me should read, "It's a whole differen't thing, pet...take pride in what you accomplish." The "mememe...iii" portion of the quote was smilezz's feelings about how she feels as though she shouldn't be concerned about how she feels about how she has done. She doesn't want her accomplishments to be about her. She wants to do things to please me and me alone.

Although I find this concept to be a very noble one, I do want her to take pride in her work. I want her to know me well enough so that she can finish her task, take a deep breath, know that she has done her very best to please me, and be at least fairly confident that I will be happy with the results.

I wonder if other slaves face the same dilemma. Do some slaves work hard to gain favor with their dominant? Do some work hard because they take some pride in what they do? Or do some only work hard enough to accomplish what is required of them without "going the extra mile"? Smilezz has always gone that extra mile and for that, I am very proud of her. She knows me well. My tastes, my desires, my little idiosyncrocies.(sp?) That knowledge has come from seeking information, communicating openly, being aware of how I operate and being aware of the things I dislike. I would hope that she would take pride in her deep understanding of "The many facets of Master" and pride in her work.

~Thorns

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