obedientnwilling
Posts: 35
Joined: 9/19/2013 Status: offline
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It seems like you are thinking of the act of kneeling as an act of surrendering yourself to your master. Therefore, kneeling is not, in this case, the same thing for you as it would be for me: I kneel next to my partner very comfortably, and it's my established position. For me, there is no tension in it or any sense of surrender. The surrendering has all been done, even done to death. Since it's a new thing for you, though, you're really anxious. For one thing, don't try to do it when your master is busy with something. If you get in his way or waste his time, he will most likely just get annoyed. That would very much spoil the moment for you, and it might take a while for you to recover lost dignity. That's the only really important timing factor you have to worry about. What you are asking, though, is whether you should go with gut instinct and do it at a spontaneous moment...or carefully plan it to be done at a certain time in a certain place, perhaps ready with some kind of speech for the occasion. Well, what you say is that you want to commit with your full mind, body and soul, so you need BOTH an element of impulse and an element of deliberation. Your heart and mind need to be on the same page. If your heart is in it but your mind is not, then later you will be thinking, "it was a moment of blind impulse," and you'll start to doubt its legitimacy. If your mind is in it but not your heart, then you will later look back and feel that it was "empty" somehow. Find that balance, and I figure the rest ought to feel natural. And that's really my thinking on it!
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