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Maslow's hierarchy of switching. - 11/23/2013 11:50:59 AM   

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I assume you've heard of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Basically it says that if a person needs food, water, or shelter, that becomes his or her overriding focus. Once those primal needs are met, then other needs kick in - socialization, etc. And s on, until the person's needs at all levels are met.

My sub has a drive to submit. I've cheerfully met that need in her. Now that it's met, she's having rumbles of being a Domme. If she hadn't had her submissive needs met, she never would have allowed her hidden Domme to emerge. (Note - that refers to both Topping and mentoring a sub.)

I was curious - how many other have this as well? They need to submit or Dom, and once they have that sated, they want to try the other role?


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RE: Maslow's hierarchy of switching. - 11/23/2013 12:39:18 PM   

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Maslow's hierarchy is topped with self-actualization - the psychological term for "well-rounded" and secure.

I think your question pre-supposes that if a person's original "identity" is one way or the other, that it is the more primal need. I've met a lot of women and men who come to BDSM with vanilla ideas (and sexist, at that), so men become Doms and women become subs, for that reason. Only through experience do they realize that while they love the dynamics of a D/s relationship, they aren't limited to only one way of living it.

As a part of Maslow's self-actualization, the personality needs to surpass previous limits and to do that, a person needs to think and act differently than before. These people would be the antithesis of the "I am who I am" crowd. Self-acceptance does not equal rigidity.

Through learning in a local community and making friends there, (which I know you already do), it can be seen that some people Dom/me to only one sex, and may only sub to another sex. Switches may be Doms/Dommes to one partner, or to many others and may at the same time, submit to only one. It's the beauty of switching. There is no map and exploration is endless.

I think it may be more useful to think of this in terms of evolving and expanding, rather than as a sign of another need having been sated. That need may continue to exist.

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RE: Maslow's hierarchy of switching. - 11/23/2013 1:26:56 PM   

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I was curious - how many other have this as well? They need to submit or Dom, and once they have that sated, they want to try the other role?

No wish to switch here. But I have been feeling a yen for new kinky toys.

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RE: Maslow's hierarchy of switching. - 11/23/2013 3:03:19 PM   

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~FRing it~

I'm coming at this from the opposite side of the field. I identified as a dominant female from the beginning (about 19 years ago) until nearly 2 years ago when I became involved in a switch relationship with another switch who formerly identified as a dominant male for over 20 years.

For me personally, I don't really feel like my need to dominate was sated to the point that it awakened a submissive need in me. I think that for us, it was more along the lines of a perfect storm that just came together at the right time and in the right way. It was just one of those flukes that turned out to be a life-altering events.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 11/23/2013 3:04:24 PM >

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RE: Maslow's hierarchy of switching. - 11/23/2013 3:22:21 PM   

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when i was younger yes i would go through phases like that, usually i would enter a relationship being tired and just wanting a break to sleep chained in a basement for a while, once i had rest i would obliterate any illusion that had grown from my apathy and if they wouldn't let me go... well the personality that emerged could be called "dominant" though it was more just vindictive... as the years have gone past though its become more stable. i dont go back and forth between thinking i'm a god on earth to feeling like nothing can pull me out of whatever ditch i am lying in anymore. it's just me. overly thoughtful, quiet, self-assured, patient, easily amused, aware, happy-go-lucky me. some people when they meet me get an immediate dominant vibe, some get an immediate submissive vibe.... i dont think it has anything to do with me. people will always see what they expect to find. i can just sit and smile and different people will form entirely different stories about what they think i am like.... and they will start to believe it. i think some of switching comes from being fluid with how people perceive you. someone that submits and then wants to try domming, its because they are comfortable and not scared or self conscious anymore and feel that the 2 go hand in hand. its about what makes you feel comfortable around different people, a dom that tries subbing might view the person he is with as being more put together.... or they just have more fun together when he adopts another role. i think humans naturally try to fit into the path of least resistance and that when choosing roles that path can often shift perspective.

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RE: Maslow's hierarchy of switching. - 11/24/2013 12:27:55 AM   

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Another thought about a need, once sated, making room for a shift to the pursuit of a new set of need... I think that may be more likely to happen with a Daddy/lg relationship. Once he has built her up to be all she can be... then what? If his original need was in part, to be needed in that specific way, and she outgrows this, then they both need to grow in tandem, or move on. I've known a few lg's who after a fulfilling relationship, discovered their need to explore their dominant sides.

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RE: Maslow's hierarchy of switching. - 11/24/2013 3:20:31 AM   

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Interesting theory Steven.

It *sort* of works with me as I am a person who needs to express both my dom and my sub side to be happy. But I don't forsake one side to pursue another.


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RE: Maslow's hierarchy of switching. - 11/24/2013 6:50:48 AM   

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Hmm yes but prob not for the same reasons. I am more sub, it takes me longer to feel confident to unleash the domme, but after a while of submitting and 'nilla she really does like to come out to play :)

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RE: Maslow's hierarchy of switching. - 11/24/2013 5:08:09 PM   

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I don't really identify as a switch.

I do, now having explored a good deal of my "sub" side, have the occasional desire to explore topping. but I haven't acted on that yet. I wouldn't describe it (at this point) as a 'need'. I've certainly become increasingly more comfortable with the idea, and I do not think that would be possible without first finding my "submissive self".

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RE: Maslow's hierarchy of switching. - 11/25/2013 6:45:44 PM   

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Hello Steven...

Since it`s you asking...I will sign in and give you what experience I have had...

I don`t consider myself a switch nor dominat at the moment...thats neither here nor there as far as your question...

I think most know I moved to where a scene existed at a point and knew I was going to have to start at the bottom. From a slave to a submissive and some point,I began topping and at some point became a dom to a few...Was it the right thing to do? I question myself in that area alot...

The majority of my *needs* were met, as you stated,it was great, as I found out I was not a slave and just let my submissive side open. There, I began to find out what limits and boundaries I had. There I learned how to serve, take beatings, play on the edge and many other *things* I needed, wanted to experience and learn...I learned how to uses certain implements in a way I would say a fairly *safe* way...It was all high protocal...

When and why did I want to explore my sadistic side? The dominat side I had no problems with... I`m not sure, the sadistic side scared me in alot of ways and I buried it because of that, until I knew I would be able to express it in a *safe* whatever safe means, healthy way...So I began to explore that with people.

IT did take some huge adjustments on my part ,comming out of *submissive mode*...before I could proceed.

I will never look at it as a *bad* idea...I needed to find out, explore, *feel*, certain things ,areas of my life I had surpressed way to long.

In reality now, all I am is a service top who would, or may bottom again. The wounds are still healing from my last D/s realtionship with a girl, I feel I let down in huge areas.

Now, what role your submissive will take and where her journey takes her will depend alot on you. She has had a great teacher and partner...she may very well find out it`s not her cup of tea. I doubt very much she will ever overcome her need and desire to submit

Some make great service tops to scratch that *itch*...

Whatever happens, I do hope the best to you both!!!


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RE: Maslow's hierarchy of switching. - 12/4/2013 8:27:29 AM   

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It's a DarkSteven thread! ~whamtackles and luvs upon~

I think I could have gone either way when I started out and still have ended up the same. I have never felt the need for a 24/7 and couldn't hack it if I wanted to. I'm just not built for it mentally. I started out a sub because a guy I met online thought I'd love it, and BOY did I. Now I'm content to bottom for my husband and looking for a boy toy to be merciless to.


i'll try anything once, twice if i like it.

If you wanna know you better ask, and if i don't want to answer i won't.

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