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Paranoid Sub - 11/30/2013 11:28:23 AM

hornymuslim

Posts: 7
Joined: 11/30/2013
Status: offline

I just had someone share some amazing pics with me but then I got paranoid that my luck was too good to be true so asked if she could show a hand pose on cam so that I could verify the person I was speaking to was person in pics.

Any advice, my paranoia is because i have had a couple of guys work up some pretty good fake profiles before I sussed them out.
I think my Mistress took offense and left.

Advice on what should have been my proper etiquette as I do feel I was in wrong but at same time I was hoping she could see from my perspective.

<Mod edit: contact information removed>

< Message edited by VideoAdmnOmicron -- 11/30/2013 11:46:30 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Paranoid Sub - 11/30/2013 11:37:40 AM

MsMJAY

Posts: 515
Joined: 3/17/2013
Status: offline

Was she your Mistress or was she just someone you were communicating with?
How long had the two of you been communicating?
Did you send her pics as well?

(in reply to hornymuslim)

Post #: 2

RE: Paranoid Sub - 11/30/2013 11:43:07 AM

Blonderfluff

Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline

First of all. I'm not a Mistress.
But I am a woman.
If she took offense and left, it was because she could not or would not cam verify. This is fine. If you take more time getting to know a woman as a woman first, and a Domme second, the real ones will stick around to get to know you. Jumping right to cam verify means you are moving too quickly.

And. "My Mistress???" After just seeing a few pictures? Again, You might want to take a little more time getting to know someone before referring to anyone as "your " anything. A worthy Domme ( there are many here) would gladly appreciate the patience shown before you bestow any titles.

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.

I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to hornymuslim)

Post #: 3

RE: Paranoid Sub - 11/30/2013 11:47:42 AM

hornymuslim

Posts: 7
Joined: 11/30/2013
Status: offline

Thanks for replying

She was not my Mistress. It was an initial discussion. (She was actually a sub looking to experiment I was more than willing)
We'd been communicating for all of... ten minutes (i.e. chatting via mail/text)
I did not send pics.

The last one is where I do feel like a douche as she did send over two pics which looked legit but I guess my paranoia kicked in as it was kind of too good to be true and that is when I asked if she could show herself (non-nude) o cam and I think she was upset with me.

I know that a lot of Mistresses think we are ass holes but sometimes there is a reason for our idiocy.
Oh well... we live and learn.

(in reply to MsMJAY)

Post #: 4

RE: Paranoid Sub - 11/30/2013 11:51:34 AM

hornymuslim

Posts: 7
Joined: 11/30/2013
Status: offline

Thanks for the useful advice Blonderfluff. Noted.

(in reply to Blonderfluff)

Post #: 5

RE: Paranoid Sub - 11/30/2013 12:23:42 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

Most ladies seem to view the webcam as more important than their "holiest of holies". You have to jump through an incredibly long series of hoops to get what they seem to demand almost immediately (this happens to the dominants, as well. If you have a penis, you have to "prove yourself").

It's unfortunate but, it's true.

If I were you, I would adopt some of the same attitude; why the fuck should I show someone a photo of me who doesn't "feel comfortable enough yet" to reciprocate? I wouldn't, if I were you.

Also, remember that you are a submissive. You are looking (hopefully) to give yourself to someone. You should take a very long time, making sure that this person isn't just any Jane Duh with a warm, wet hole and a whip at the ready. Understand what it is that you bring to a relationship. Know that what you offer is valuable and treat it as such.

Lastly, it's not a good idea to give anyone a photo of yourself unless you're sure that it won't somehow affect your career or your family.

Good luck,

Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to hornymuslim)

Post #: 6

RE: Paranoid Sub - 11/30/2013 1:24:56 PM

MsMJAY

Posts: 515
Joined: 3/17/2013
Status: offline

Looking at it from a woman's point of view.

1.You were only chatting 10 minutes.
2. You asked for pics.
3. She sent them.
4. You asked for more pics without ever sending any of your own.
5. Add to all of this the fact that she is just beginning to explore her Dominant side.

All of that together would have caused me to cease communication as well. You were moving it too fast. Slow it down, get to know her as a person before you start asking for pics and proof. I am actually surprised she sent you any pics at all. Remember that one conversation with a random stranger you just met online does not obligate them (or you) to anything. They are not your Mistress, and they do not owe you pics of themselves. If you are serious about meeting others, you may want to look RT and join munches, or attend BDSM clubs and events. Its a much better way to meet others in the lifestyle and it should calm some of your Paranoia.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hornymuslim

Thanks for replying

She was not my Mistress. It was an initial discussion. (She was actually a sub looking to experiment I was more than willing)
We'd been communicating for all of... ten minutes (i.e. chatting via mail/text)
I did not send pics.

The last one is where I do feel like a douche as she did send over two pics which looked legit but I guess my paranoia kicked in as it was kind of too good to be true and that is when I asked if she could show herself (non-nude) o cam and I think she was upset with me.

I know that a lot of Mistresses think we are ass holes but sometimes there is a reason for our idiocy.
Oh well... we live and learn.

< Message edited by MsMJAY -- 11/30/2013 1:25:12 PM >

(in reply to hornymuslim)

Post #: 7

RE: Paranoid Sub - 11/30/2013 1:26:46 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

As another woman who does not cam verify, I can understand her position. A chat of ten minutes, in My opinion, certainly isn't long enough for somebody to want Me to immediately jump on cam to prove who I am. Even sitting here typing this post right now, I'm wearing no make-up, hair is pinned up, since I'm working on wax play candles, I'm not exactly dressed in anything I'd want people to see Me in, and even if all somebody wanted to see was a hand pose, I'd probably flip them the bird.

It's not that women don't understand that you want to be sure that you are dealing with an actual female. More precisely, we understand that you want to know that you are dealing with the person who looks like the one in the pictures you've seen. I'm just asking you to see it from our side of things, too. A very high majority of males who ask for that cam to go on, even if they say they just want to see a person's face or some other innocent thing, are really fishing for naked cam, cyber sex, or something else that women aren't necessarily interested in doing with people they don't really know.

There's a guy who frequents these forums by the name of RedMagic. He's actually really good at giving advice on this particular subject. Generally, he suggest to males not to try to move faster than the woman and let the females set the pace. Hopefully, he'll drop in on this thread and put his special flare on explaining how he does things because he does pretty well in this area.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 8

RE: Paranoid Sub - 11/30/2013 1:30:30 PM

SweetAnise

Posts: 480
Joined: 8/23/2013
Status: offline

I tend to agree with MsMJay... some men expect women to do just whatever...whether dominant or submissive and then don't have the consideration or respect to return the same courtesy. You asked for pics she gave you pics and you turned and ask for more and sent none of your own. You then come to a message board asking why she didn't respond to what YOU wanted...when honestly the answer is quite clear...you ARE moving to fast and you have no respect or intent to give the woman the honor to move slowly and show some pics of your own. Or at least get to know her. Many messages I get is from men telling me what they want from me...never asking me what I want from them. Shame because you get more with honey than with vinegar.

< Message edited by SweetAnise -- 11/30/2013 1:31:18 PM >

(in reply to MsMJAY)

Post #: 9

RE: Paranoid Sub - 11/30/2013 1:57:37 PM

hornymuslim

Posts: 7
Joined: 11/30/2013
Status: offline

Thanks for being so honest everyone. Some really insightful advice. Just to update you all. I ended up gulping my fear and sending a pic. I am not sure whether I will be getting another skype session but she appreciated my effort.
We must walk before we can run...

(in reply to SweetAnise)

Post #: 10

RE: Paranoid Sub - 11/30/2013 2:18:10 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

I've meet maybe dozens of men from online sites (the majority from this one) and do not own a web cam. After two long distance relationships crashed and burned, I adopted a policy of dating local guys only and verifying them when we met for coffee, lunch, dinner, and once a voter registration drive.

hornymuslim - if you are looking for a relationship with a woman who is not a professional Domme, I advise you to change your name to something not sex-focused.

(in reply to hornymuslim)

Post #: 11

RE: Paranoid Sub - 11/30/2013 4:30:31 PM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline

You should be ashamed of yourself. She sent you the pics you asked for, yet you did not do the same in return. In other words, you consider it alright for HER to take the risk of putting a photo into a stranger's possession, while you yourself don't dare to.

How utterly chivalrous of you.

Hopefully you have learned better behavior from the advice others have given you here. Don't make the same mistake a second time and expect a different result.

I almost NEVER show pics of Myself, except to those with whom I've grown close. I currently have ONE photo viewable online...on ONE website. Search for it if it's that important to you. It is not an attractive photo, and this is intentional. I could care less if submissives know what I look like prior to O/our meeting, and generating sexual arousal is completely counter to My intent. What I look like has NOTHING to do with the D/s dynamic I've had with My submissives. Yes, "submissives", that's a PLURAL...yes, you can attract submissives without posting lurid photos of Yourself. Wow, what a thought! Ability and willingness to Serve are what's important to Me. I don't give a rat's ass what submissives look like, what color they are, how tall, how fit, whether they have all their limbs or whether their finger count is a perfect "10". IF THEY CARE WHAT I LOOK LIKE, THEY HAVE WRITTEN TO THE WRONG DOMME.

If someone wants "verification" of My gender he will first have to get through the initial interviews, and when I am in the mood to show him My face I will CAM CHAT. Meeting in person comes next, if things seem to be working out.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 12

RE: Paranoid Sub - 11/30/2013 4:35:23 PM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline

GOOD BOY.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hornymuslim

Thanks for being so honest everyone. Some really insightful advice. Just to update you all. I ended up gulping my fear and sending a pic. I am not sure whether I will be getting another skype session but she appreciated my effort.
We must walk before we can run...

(in reply to hornymuslim)

Post #: 13

RE: Paranoid Sub - 11/30/2013 11:33:06 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hornymuslim

I just had someone share some amazing pics with me but then I got paranoid that my luck was too good to be true so asked if she could show a hand pose on cam so that I could verify the person I was speaking to was person in pics.

Any advice, my paranoia is because i have had a couple of guys work up some pretty good fake profiles before I sussed them out.
I think my Mistress took offense and left.

Advice on what should have been my proper etiquette as I do feel I was in wrong but at same time I was hoping she could see from my perspective.

<Mod edit: contact information removed>

My position:

1. It's bad form to ask for someone's photo but refuse to send them yours; that ends it with me instantly.
2. The way to suss out online pretenders is not to give them online jollies -- don't get all hot and heavy with the BDSM stuff in emails. If you start swapping fantasy and sexual emails, you get what you deserve.
3. Get offline and meet as soon as possible, if there is any mutual connection. Nothing matter until you are eye to eye.

(in reply to hornymuslim)

Post #: 14

RE: Paranoid Sub - 12/1/2013 12:50:41 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Profile Not Found

If the op is in a country where there is no community. If the only thing he wants is cyber, then why does it matter what she really looks like? Or if she's a he? If it's not real life, then what matters is how you respond in your brain to info received.

Why demand people prove things when you aren't ever going to meet?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to seekingreality)

Post #: 15

RE: Paranoid Sub - 12/1/2013 7:14:50 PM

LadyAnne68

Posts: 134
Joined: 9/4/2013
From: Moorestown, NJ
Status: offline

Since I am only looking for real-time, I ask for a face pic when we are going to meet at a designated public place. That's so I can recognize who I am meeting.

Until then I don't care what he looks like.

There usually aren't more than two or three emails before the first meet up, anyway.

_____________________________

Breast Cancer Survivor for 4 1/2 years.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 16

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