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RE: Can submission be taken back - 12/3/2013 6:48:53 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I find it amusing that my ex- gets butt hurt when the kids tell him that I don't talk about him.
I loved him, I no longer love him. He doesn't keep any part of me.

I loved my late dom with all my heart and soul, he died, and I am now engaged to a man I adore. Because I love my sweetie doesn't mean that I no longer love my late dom. My heart is infinite - I can love more than one person at a time, in more than one sort of relationship. I don't leave part of me behind, I take my loves with me. I am more with every person I love, not less.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Can submission be taken back - 12/3/2013 7:27:33 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		There you go.

I find it is easier to define when one thinks of how large of a capacity we have to love. Poly people talk about their ability to love many. Loving someone for life (or dominating/submitting) does not mean you can never love another when some part of your journey ends.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

I find it amusing that my ex- gets butt hurt when the kids tell him that I don't talk about him.
I loved him, I no longer love him. He doesn't keep any part of me.

I loved my late dom with all my heart and soul, he died, and I am now engaged to a man I adore. Because I love my sweetie doesn't mean that I no longer love my late dom. My heart is infinite - I can love more than one person at a time, in more than one sort of relationship. I don't leave part of me behind, I take my loves with me. I am more with every person I love, not less.



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Can submission be taken back - 12/3/2013 7:36:28 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The love you give to each is different because we are different at different points in our lives.

The fact that my mother died when my daughter was a newborn didn't mean that I could not lavish love on my daughter. I didn't have to stop loving her in order to also love her brother.

Self actualized people don't become damaged half people when a relationship ends. They mourn, often very deeply, but they go fully through the grieving process. I'd have to say that the op who claims to still have a piece missing, did not go fully through the grieving process. And not having had the courage to feel all the pain does not make her someone who loves more deeply as she appears to believe.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Can submission be taken back - 12/3/2013 8:03:26 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shaded1

Sure :)

*Leave a piece of me behind* - when the dynamic is no longer active but the connection you had to that person still exists strongly for you even if you move forward to another relationship. Feelings still remain (a bit like having your first boyfriend and never quite getting over him/her) perhaps there are areas of submission that you can give to others and felt only able to give to that one person.

Hope that explains.


I guess that has never happened to me. I've always been able to move on from past relationships without those feelings happening. Then again, I barely remember most of my past relationships. The only one I will say that has happened with was my deceased husband but we were childhood sweethearts and share a child together.

And no, bdsm relationships do not require more trust. That's a myth. Believe me, I've given more trust to "vanilla" relationships than "d/s" ones. It had zilch to do with bdsm and everything to do with the man I was with.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Shaded1)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Can submission be taken back - 12/3/2013 10:44:40 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		~ Fast Reply ~

As for giving "mind, body and soul," - I'm of the belief I can't give my soul away, so it's not really a view I subscribe to.

However, I have, in the past, given myself fully - as much as was possible for me to give, with as much love as I was able to give. I honestly felt I needed him. In fact, I remember once saying something along the lines of, "Without him you may as well drain the blood from my veins."

And then he was gone. And one of the first things I did (after hyperventilating, panicking, and dealing with the shock) was to take ownership of my life back. I won't say it was easy, but it was necessary. He still came around, trying to dominate me, unfairly so, and all I could tell him was, "You don't get that anymore. You forfeited your right to that part of me." That took practice, but yes, I managed to fully take my submission back. It didn't belong to him anymore - he gave it up. And I could (and did) *choose* to not allow him access to that part of me anymore. I once didn't think it was possible, but I proved myself wrong.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Can submission be taken back - 12/4/2013 9:43:48 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shaded1

Alrighty, so I am new to this site. Just joined today. I have been around the world of BDSM for some time now and have a fair amount of experience both online and in real time. My question today is - can submission be taken back once it is given in full. When a sub gives her heart mind and soul to Another, does a piece of her remain with the Dom when the dynamic changes?

I discussed this with a friend on another site recently and I wonder what people here thought.




The answer is unequivocal yes most definitely it could.

But... When you put it in the context of a specifics relationship. That question is no longer valid or the answer The more appropriate question is ' can that person with draw their submission in that relationship?'. For some the answer would be yes.. For some the answer would be no.

Secondly.... Any time we are in a relationship we will always have an affect on the other person regardless of the path said relationship takes. Just the experience of it can affect our choices in the future with regards to other relationships. But whether that affect has a controlling affect is another matter all together.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Shaded1)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Can submission be taken back - 12/4/2013 9:46:50 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP


Self actualized people don't become damaged half people when a relationship ends. They mourn, often very deeply, but they go fully through the grieving process. I'd have to say that the op who claims to still have a piece missing, did not go fully through the grieving process. And not having had the courage to feel all the pain does not make her someone who loves more deeply as she appears to believe.


Perceptive! And very possibly hitting the nail very close to dead centre!


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Can submission be taken back - 12/4/2013 4:08:38 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shaded1

Alrighty, so I am new to this site. Just joined today. I have been around the world of BDSM for some time now and have a fair amount of experience both online and in real time. My question today is - can submission be taken back once it is given in full. When a sub gives her heart mind and soul to Another, does a piece of her remain with the Dom when the dynamic changes?



I dunno about anyone else here, but every gal I've been with has left fingerprints on my heart

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Shaded1)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Can submission be taken back - 12/4/2013 4:40:12 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: Shaded1

Alrighty, so I am new to this site. Just joined today. I have been around the world of BDSM for some time now and have a fair amount of experience both online and in real time. My question today is - can submission be taken back once it is given in full. When a sub gives her heart mind and soul to Another, does a piece of her remain with the Dom when the dynamic changes?



I dunno about anyone else here, but every gal I've been with has left fingerprints on my heart



A few have for me as well.... Of course their was one other that left spoiled milk in the cupboard... It took awhile to get rid of the smell.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Can submission be taken back - 12/4/2013 7:16:53 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: Shaded1

Alrighty, so I am new to this site. Just joined today. I have been around the world of BDSM for some time now and have a fair amount of experience both online and in real time. My question today is - can submission be taken back once it is given in full. When a sub gives her heart mind and soul to Another, does a piece of her remain with the Dom when the dynamic changes?



I dunno about anyone else here, but every gal I've been with has left fingerprints on my heart


I don't think it is your heart where they left their fingerprints.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Can submission be taken back - 12/5/2013 2:18:05 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		lol - oh, snap!

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Can submission be taken back - 12/5/2013 5:27:41 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder




I don't think it is your heart where they left their fingerprints.



Ooooh. I think that was teeth marks wasn't it?

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Can submission be taken back - 12/5/2013 6:09:33 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder




I don't think it is your heart where they left their fingerprints.



Ooooh. I think that was teeth marks wasn't it?

No...but now it hurts when I pee. Advice?

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Can submission be taken back - 12/5/2013 7:39:45 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder




I don't think it is your heart where they left their fingerprints.



Ooooh. I think that was teeth marks wasn't it?

No...but now it hurts when I pee. Advice?



jalapeno peppers will do that to ya you know.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Can submission be taken back - 12/5/2013 7:44:38 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder




I don't think it is your heart where they left their fingerprints.



Ooooh. I think that was teeth marks wasn't it?

No...but now it hurts when I pee. Advice?


Don't pee!


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Can submission be taken back - 12/6/2013 6:42:52 AM   
NullHypothesis


Posts: 20
Joined: 2/4/2012
Status: offline 		"Submit" is a verb that occurs only in the present. A submissive is free to end a relationship just as a Dominant is.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Can submission be taken back - 12/6/2013 12:33:20 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Don't recall ever saying that a submissive cannot end the relationship. I ended all my romantic relationships, not necessarily wisely. I just stated that for some relationships, even ending does not mean that the urge to continue the behavior of submission sometimes stays on the plate. The only way to stop that is to stop indulging it. I can love and not express it. I can still desire to submit but suppress that desire. It is survival.

Oh... and I am not a verb.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 12/6/2013 12:38:26 PM >

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to NullHypothesis)
Profile   Post #: 37
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