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RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/4/2006 10:33:22 AM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline 		What benji said.

But it's also a rhetorical question, isn't it? I doubt any of us could tell you why those women in your life, dominant or otherwise, told you one thing and did another, cheated. There is no one size fits all about dominant women, any more than there is about submissive men.

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a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to pantysub3)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/4/2006 10:46:54 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		If you insist on looking for why people cheat (while lying about cheating) beyond the fact that they do suck, you have to look in the mirror and ask why it is you keep falling for people who will cheat/lie to you, don't you think?    M

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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to pantysub3)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/4/2006 11:09:19 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pantysub3
Lady Topaz
 
Yes Lady Topaz in both cases we were supposed to be exclusive, each of them said they were monogamous and never cheated on anyone


If there was a mutual agreement that the relationship was monogamous, then I can't think of any good reason for them to go behind your back and cheat on you. 
 
This is not an exclusively "Domme" behavior, either.  I have known of male doms, male submissives, female submissives, switches and vanilla folks who have done the same thing.  Why?  I think some enjoy the excitement of an illicit affair.  Others have needs that aren't being met in their primary relationship, and figure it is easier to find what they need on the side rather than address the issue honestly with their partner.  Others have low self-esteem and the attentions of another lover bolster their ego. 

I also think some people are wired to be poly, but if that's the case, they should not make commitments of monogamy that they do not intend to honor.  There are probably a myriad of other reasons, but these are the ones I have observed in people around Me.  Without knowing the particular Dommes in question, I can't even begin speculate as to what their reasons were. 

Sorry to hear this happened to you and hope you have better luck in your future relationships.
 
Lady Topaz

< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 7/4/2006 11:13:23 AM >

(in reply to pantysub3)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/4/2006 11:23:04 AM   
pantysub3


Posts: 15
Joined: 5/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

If you insist on looking for why people cheat (while lying about cheating) beyond the fact that they do suck, you have to look in the mirror and ask why it is you keep falling for people who will cheat/lie to you, don't you think?    M


Yes Ms Blk and i am trying to do that.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/4/2006 12:51:11 PM   
BuxomGoddess714


Posts: 91
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: So.California
Status: offline 		Dear Panty,

There is a huge segment of the population, be they Domme/Dom/sub/slave alien, vanilla, toad, whatever..  That think "everyone lies, everyone cheats".  This is a falsehood.  They have convinced themselves of this because they have set very low standards for themselves in the areas of honesty, integrity, self respect, respect for others, etc. and are so lazy, do not have any goal to ever improve, they just settle for this horrible low class way of life.  Let me assure you, this is not someone I would refer to as "Dominant" in MY world.  

It is the road less travelled to be honest and to always do the right thing.  It is easier to make up excuses and to lie when faced with a difficult situation.  It is easier to cheat when tempted to do so, at least for the less enlightened who do not fully understand the ramifications on the Soul, self esteem and outward relationships. 

I think Poly relationships are fine, but they require the upmost honesty and integrity to work.  If I understand the thread here, you were not in a poly situation.  Being a submissive puts you in a delicate situation, I know.  But you still need to demand HONESTY from your Domme.  Someone in a place of authority and domination should expect to be held to the highest standards of honesty and integrity.  A Domme/Dom who is poly needs to have the balls/ovaries to state so openly or they are not really dominant, they are a pussy ass poser trying to use people.  Thats just a slut. 

BUT HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE REALLY WHAT THEY SAY THEY ARE??  Only the true leaders and only the Ones who truly deserve to be worshipped and respected.

She was lying to herself.  In my opinion, she does not deserve your submission or your love.  She is not a leader.  I'm sure if you look back in hindsight you will see there were many flags that she was not an honest person.  But you wanted a relationship, wanted SEX, wanted Her, you overlooked things, gave Her second chances.......  I've done the same thing.  Don't be so needy.  Make yourself stronger and test these people's integrity and honesty BEFORE you submit to them.  Keep your dick in your pants until they prove themselves.  Your submission is a gift.  Don't give it to trailor trash.

THERE ARE LIARS AND HONEST PEOPLE.  LEAVE THE LIARs.  They are everywhere and frankly, who wants them?  You cannot believe anything that comes out of their mouth.  Its a waste of time to be with them and they will bring you down to their level, not build you up.

Listen for how people talk to OTHER people, not just you.  Do they make excuses or stand up for themselves??  DOMS do not make excuses, they are REAL!  If they can't or don't want to be somewhere, they will say WHY not lie about it, or just say "I'm not going" end of story.  Are they shifty, late all the time, not where they say they are going to be, not following thru??  Those are all types of dishonesty.  Do NOT overlook it.  Do NOT be with someone like that.  They will eventually be lying to YOU everytime there is a difficult situation.  THAT is the way they handle pressure and stress.  Dishonesty.  That is not someone to be served as a Superior.  That is a child who cannot handle their own life.

YOU need to examine yourself.  Are YOU 100% honest??  If not, get that way.  Then you can demand it from others.  I know I am going to get flamed for this because 99% of the human race are liars and they will say this isn't possible, but it is.  I have removed the LIAR from my life, and I have Doms and subs left who do not lie, even when it is very difficult to tell the truth.  We have all been thru what you are going thru, and learned the hard way that we need to live in REALNESS and total TRUTH.  I wont say there are alot of them, because an honest person is very hard to find.  But how many people do you need to make your life complete?  I'd rather be alone then live a lie. 

Good luck to you,
Goddess



(in reply to pantysub3)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/4/2006 1:43:22 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		For exactly the same reason a man (or woman) in a vanilla marriage will cheat on the spouse they say they love.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

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CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to pantysub3)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/4/2006 2:25:27 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pantysub3

This has happened to me more than once and i'm curious as to why They do it? Why tell a sub over a period of months that They love him but then cheat on him?


Saying you love someone and saying you will be monogamous are two very different things.

There are married folks and paired folks who no longer love each other but also maintain monogamy for a variety of reasons.

Likewise there are many, many poly folks who love one or more of their partners.

As for cheating, that's about lying and I can't say whether or not someone who lies to you truly can love you but they may certainly believe that they do and just separate sex and love so much that they don't see what the problem is. Especially if you did not specify monogamy.



< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 7/4/2006 2:29:54 PM >

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(in reply to pantysub3)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/4/2006 2:33:15 PM   
TaBurn


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		But it's also a rhetorical question.  It has to be a rhetorical question because subs cheat just as much.  I am sure that can be supported by the stats.  The sad thing is they could in fact be in love with the one that they are cheating on, I would say that in that case it is a sickness.  What you do about it is up to you.  You can be sad and blue or you can move on and continue your search.  Good Hunting

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/4/2006 5:21:58 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pantysub3

This has happened to me more than once and i'm curious as to why They do it?  Why tell a sub over a period of months that They love him but then cheat on him?



I think a question that would garner significantly better results would be "why do you end up with people who do this?"

Perhaps your 'picker' is broken.  At least it's something you have power over.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to pantysub3)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/4/2006 11:06:58 PM   
pantysub3


Posts: 15
Joined: 5/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BuxomGoddess714

Dear Panty,

There is a huge segment of the population, be they Domme/Dom/sub/slave alien, vanilla, toad, whatever..  That think "everyone lies, everyone cheats".  This is a falsehood.  They have convinced themselves of this because they have set very low standards for themselves in the areas of honesty, integrity, self respect, respect for others, etc. and are so lazy, do not have any goal to ever improve, they just settle for this horrible low class way of life.  Let me assure you, this is not someone I would refer to as "Dominant" in MY world.  

It is the road less travelled to be honest and to always do the right thing.  It is easier to make up excuses and to lie when faced with a difficult situation.  It is easier to cheat when tempted to do so, at least for the less enlightened who do not fully understand the ramifications on the Soul, self esteem and outward relationships. 

I think Poly relationships are fine, but they require the upmost honesty and integrity to work.  If I understand the thread here, you were not in a poly situation.  Being a submissive puts you in a delicate situation, I know.  But you still need to demand HONESTY from your Domme.  Someone in a place of authority and domination should expect to be held to the highest standards of honesty and integrity.  A Domme/Dom who is poly needs to have the balls/ovaries to state so openly or they are not really dominant, they are a pussy ass poser trying to use people.  Thats just a slut. 

BUT HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE REALLY WHAT THEY SAY THEY ARE??  Only the true leaders and only the Ones who truly deserve to be worshipped and respected.

She was lying to herself.  In my opinion, she does not deserve your submission or your love.  She is not a leader.  I'm sure if you look back in hindsight you will see there were many flags that she was not an honest person.  But you wanted a relationship, wanted SEX, wanted Her, you overlooked things, gave Her second chances.......  I've done the same thing.  Don't be so needy.  Make yourself stronger and test these people's integrity and honesty BEFORE you submit to them.  Keep your dick in your pants until they prove themselves.  Your submission is a gift.  Don't give it to trailor trash.

THERE ARE LIARS AND HONEST PEOPLE.  LEAVE THE LIARs.  They are everywhere and frankly, who wants them?  You cannot believe anything that comes out of their mouth.  Its a waste of time to be with them and they will bring you down to their level, not build you up.

Listen for how people talk to OTHER people, not just you.  Do they make excuses or stand up for themselves??  DOMS do not make excuses, they are REAL!  If they can't or don't want to be somewhere, they will say WHY not lie about it, or just say "I'm not going" end of story.  Are they shifty, late all the time, not where they say they are going to be, not following thru??  Those are all types of dishonesty.  Do NOT overlook it.  Do NOT be with someone like that.  They will eventually be lying to YOU everytime there is a difficult situation.  THAT is the way they handle pressure and stress.  Dishonesty.  That is not someone to be served as a Superior.  That is a child who cannot handle their own life.

YOU need to examine yourself.  Are YOU 100% honest??  If not, get that way.  Then you can demand it from others.  I know I am going to get flamed for this because 99% of the human race are liars and they will say this isn't possible, but it is.  I have removed the LIAR from my life, and I have Doms and subs left who do not lie, even when it is very difficult to tell the truth.  We have all been thru what you are going thru, and learned the hard way that we need to live in REALNESS and total TRUTH.  I wont say there are alot of them, because an honest person is very hard to find.  But how many people do you need to make your life complete?  I'd rather be alone then live a lie. 

Good luck to you,
Goddess





Dear Buxom Goddess,

Thank you so much for the thoughtful reply.  You are correct when You said i ignored the warning signs that she was lying.  i wanted to believe her and so i followed my heart and not my head.  Your response gave me much to think about and i will do that.  Thank You for helping me, it was most kind of You and i appreciate it.

Gratefully,

panty

(in reply to BuxomGoddess714)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/4/2006 11:18:26 PM   
AnnW


Posts: 6
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline 		Hi, entering this discussion perhaps a little late, but wanted to weigh in. Assuming that you and she (both shes) had a clear agreement and the Domme broke that agreement, I have to agree with SweetDommes who said

"For the same reason that subs cheat on Dommes that they profess to love.  Because some people just suck (in bad ways)."

Having been badly injured by a sub in the recent past, I think the "just suck" answer is pretty cogent.  You could make it a lot more complicated than that, but at the core, sometimes people just suck, or make mistakes, or do mean things, or whatever.  It's hard to unwind their reasons for doing so, and even if you knew, it wouldn't change anything.

A more useful question might be, what can you do to prevent this from happening to you again?  What warning signs can you observe beforehand?  How do you choose better partners who will treat you how you want to be treated?  Etc.  You have to spend a certain amount of time on lament, but the questions that look forward eventually need to take over.

I speak from a modicum of experience. :) --Ann

(in reply to pantysub3)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/4/2006 11:41:30 PM   
pantysub3


Posts: 15
Joined: 5/15/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks Ms Ann,

You are right to point out my responsibilities to learn from this and make better choices in the future.  Life is a learning experience and each of us should try to improve ourselves a little bit each day in some way.  As a few of those responding have said, some people do just suck.  i hope never to be one of them.

panty

(in reply to AnnW)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/4/2006 11:59:54 PM   
BuxomGoddess714


Posts: 91
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: So.California
Status: offline 		you're welcome, honey.  Happy to help you.

Goddess

(in reply to pantysub3)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/5/2006 5:42:55 PM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pantysub3
Ma'am,

i would define cheating as one having an affair with another sub and even collaring the other sub, when the Domme promised to be exclusive to me.  Exclusive as in having no oter subs or lovers.

The relationships (6 years apart) were discussed extensively and clearl defined.  The simple fact is that They lied repeatedly, over & over again.  To clarify things further, these were Women i had met, served, made love with, shared life with.

Respectfully,

panty


Perhaps you should ask yourself why you chose to stay in those relationships when they were apparently filled with lies.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to pantysub3)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/5/2006 6:49:40 PM   
pantysub3


Posts: 15
Joined: 5/15/2005
Status: offline 		i didn't stay in those relationships once i knew for certain that they had cheated on me

panty

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/6/2006 2:26:16 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		panty greeting
 
I am sorry you were hurt, but it something the power we have been given the choice of
having as many subs as we want, the act of controling men, I would not do it but it is just so much power not all of us do this to the ones we love but some do and they are acting like some men lol i just thought of it men do this all of the time come home and act like nothing strange i know but if it is worth anything we are not all into cheating i hope you found someone good for you.
 
take care panty
 
mons

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/6/2006 5:11:14 PM   
pantysub3


Posts: 15
Joined: 5/15/2005
Status: offline 		Dear Ms Mons,

Thank You for Your kind wishes.  i thought i had found someone wonderful and it was for a long time.  i thought i had found "the One".  i was wrong! 

About the Dommes that have multiple subs; what they usually don't know is that those subs have other Dommes.  i guess some people can justify anything then blame others for their deceit and treachery but the cruelest of all lies are the one's we tell ourselves.  i have had to relearn that lesson and it has been very painful.
But i accept responsibility for my faults and one day will forgive her.  i just hope that in time i can forgive myself.

In the meantime i try to find one funny or good thing in life each day, no matter how small, to get me through.

That's life in the Northbound lane, driving South,

panty

(in reply to mons)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/6/2006 5:32:37 PM   
WetHotGoddess


Posts: 128
Joined: 5/18/2006
Status: offline 		because they can. 

(in reply to pantysub3)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/6/2006 5:55:06 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		You cant get an answer as to why THEY cheated...
Many of us dont.  Personally, I refuse to put myself intoa  situation where I am exclusive becasue I know I am not ready to limit myself to a single person. Any subs who contat me are told that straight off, and if thats not what they are interested in, it gets that out of the way in the beginning, no surprises. However it also means that any that go on with me, many of whom I ahve told I love at some point, dont feel cheated on regardless of the others i may be with.
Its al a matter of open communication. And it isnt just a communication problem with Dommes/subs (as in yuor experience) the same thing happens in vanilla relationships all the time.  

DV

(in reply to pantysub3)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Why do Dommes Cheat on subs They say that they love? - 7/7/2006 9:36:14 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

If you insist on looking for why people cheat (while lying about cheating) beyond the fact that they do suck, you have to look in the mirror and ask why it is you keep falling for people who will cheat/lie to you, don't you think?    M


Thank you, M, you took the words right out of my mouth. 
 
Much like people who constantly fall for alcoholics, addicts, liars, etc...there are people that always fall for the person that will cheat on them.  Serial cheaters have a dependency issue whether that's a relationship dependency or a sexual dependency it's still a dependency and those people who time and again find themselves in a relationship with them also have a dependency issue, co-dependency.  There are groups all over the world that can help you help yourself with such issues.  There are many books written about the subject as well.  The one that I recommend the most is "Codependent No More" by Melanie Beatty. 

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 40
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