I don't know if im posting in the correct place

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I don't know if im posting in the correct place - 12/11/2013 6:26:22 PM

Posts: 4
Joined: 12/11/2013
Status: offline

Hi, I don't know if Im posting in the correct place,

In the past I have dabbled in BDSM, quite a few years ago when I was younger, left it all when I met a guy who wasnt into it,

Im now feeling the urge again and have been speaking to a guy, met off another site,

when I first started speaking to him he was nice enough so gave him my mobile so we could text

he now demanding that i submit in every area of my life, (havent met him in rl yet)
he wants me to text him everything I do, and ask permission to what I do,

now I know this is quite normal in the lifestyle but I feel I just can't totally submit straight away, when we first discussed stuff I told him what I didn't want to do and what I was willing to do, now he says I have to do everything he says. It makes me nervous really

Im now not sure what I should do, as I can't do everything he wants, Im a single mum in rl and my kid is my priority

what should I do, how do I tell him it's to much, I hope I dont sound stupid but its just putting me off trying this again now

RE: I don't know if im posting in the correct place - 12/11/2013 6:30:46 PM

Posts: 5159
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

This is NOT normal behavior for a dominant. You owe nothing to anyone until you have agreed to allow the other person some control over your life. You decide when and if that happens.

You owe nothing to someone you have never met.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to Ifeelineedthis)

RE: I don't know if im posting in the correct place - 12/11/2013 6:32:46 PM

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Joined: 12/11/2013
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Thanks, Im going to email him and tell him how I feel, it didnt feel right and he changed the minute we started texting

(in reply to peppermint)

RE: I don't know if im posting in the correct place - 12/11/2013 6:35:47 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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Errrr, it's not rocket science, do what you like and don't do what doesn't suit you. There aren't any rules, if he's saying there are, he's not telling you the truth. Everyone does things differently. I'm not sure why you think that it's quite normal in a kink relationship to tell someone everything you do and ask permission…it's not. I've never done that with anyone I"ve been with and I wouldn't be with someone who expected it since micromanagement is not my thing.

So don't do everything he wants, why would you unless you felt you wanted to? It sounds very gullible to be taking the word of someone you've never met as gospel. Yes, your kid comes first, tell this guy to take a hike as he's really not paying attention to what you want or what makes you comfortable- he seems to be in it for himself.

(in reply to Ifeelineedthis)

RE: I don't know if im posting in the correct place - 12/11/2013 6:37:47 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Tell him you're not compatible.

In the future, you might want to get one of those month by month phones to talk to people though. Because if he doesn't like you refusing him, he may start calling and harassing.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to lizi)

RE: I don't know if im posting in the correct place - 12/11/2013 6:40:10 PM

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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If you tell him it's too much, he's going to back off in an attempt to keep you, but he has already shown himself to be an asshat so just dump him.

A good rule is to not give your power to someone until you have met them in person several times and established chemistry.

(in reply to Ifeelineedthis)

RE: I don't know if im posting in the correct place - 12/11/2013 6:45:42 PM

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Joined: 12/11/2013
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yes I think I have been guillable like and just taken his word, think I need to take a step back and just chat for now

gonna change my mob number as well, he just changed when we started texting.

(in reply to kalikshama)

RE: I don't know if im posting in the correct place - 12/11/2013 6:48:29 PM

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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Ya, I'm cautious about giving out my number - I like to email for a while first.

Good luck to you!

(in reply to Ifeelineedthis)

RE: I don't know if im posting in the correct place - 12/11/2013 6:49:43 PM

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Joined: 12/11/2013
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thanks

(in reply to kalikshama)

RE: I don't know if im posting in the correct place - 12/11/2013 10:58:10 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ifeelineedthis

now I know this is quite normal in the lifestyle but I feel I just can't totally submit straight away, when we first discussed stuff I told him what I didn't want to do and what I was willing to do, now he says I have to do everything he says. It makes me nervous really

It's not normal.

It might be normal after months or years of getting to know each other, making commitments and gradually working towards it, though even then having to text about everything is pretty unrealistic rule.

It is NOT normal to expect total submission before you've even met. It's not normal to get in the way of your responsibilities regarding your child. It's not normal to agree limits and then ignore them.

You're dodging a bullet with this guy. He's telling you right away that he's unrealistic and irresponsible. That's going to save you time and heartache down the road. If he's like this now while he's still trying to impress you, imagine how he would be six months in?

Only an idiot would give control of their life to someone they didn't know if they could trust. You know this is madness. You don't need to feel at all stupid that it's putting you off - that's your survival instinct teaming up with your common sense. It's a very good thing.

This is not in any way a failing of yours, and you should never, ever silence that little voice that says 'this doesn't feel right'. Tell him to get lost. Even if you COULD do all the things he asked, you shouldn't.

I strongly suspect this guy is spinning you a line about how 'real' subs act and how you 'must' behave. It's all bollocks. You get to be as picky as you like, you don't submit until the moment it feels right, and there is no one right way to do things.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Ifeelineedthis)

RE: I don't know if im posting in the correct place - 12/12/2013 1:31:39 AM

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Hello,

You've had some great advice so far, but I thought I'd chip in.

The first thing you need to decide on is where you'd like all of this stuff to go...

Are you ultimately looking for a relationship? If so, then my advice would be to limit the "sexey stuff" till you've met in person. Kink compatibility is only one part (and for some of us it's actually a pretty small part) of what it takes to have a fulfilling relationship.

Are you looking for some casual kink (and there's nothing wrong with that)? If so, then you should make that clear, and make your limits and expectations clear at the same time.

If you're looking for some thrills, and online works for you then sure - you can submit to someone you've never met if you like the idea, but the moment you feel uncomfortable you need to make it clear - If he's not a tosser he'll respect your concerns, if he is, then you'll simply have to tell him to move on.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of the men here are looking for instant submission, and are usually doing so with one hand on their cocks. If you're looking for something real, you'll have to be patient and wade through the tosspots before the right chap for you rocks up.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Ifeelineedthis)

RE: I don't know if im posting in the correct place - 12/12/2013 4:06:54 AM

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

This man changed when he could text you b/c that's clearly one of his fantasies, having a slave he could control via text.

He's shown you he can't separate fantasy from reality. Think about that.

He's shown you he expects an 'instant' relationship. Think about that.

Now think back and see if you can discern any red flags you should have picked up on. (I bet there are some.)

You know, your nick screams 'needy sub' and I would seriously ponder that as well. Being too needy means doms who can't separate fantasy from reality and expect an instant relationship will be VERY attracted to you.

Can you see how that works?

_____________________________

(in reply to Ifeelineedthis)

RE: I don't know if im posting in the correct place - 12/12/2013 5:15:48 AM

Posts: 127
Joined: 5/20/2010
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You do what you want to do. He does what he wants to do.
If the twain shall meet, so be it.
Most of the time, it does now.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

RE: I don't know if im posting in the correct place - 12/12/2013 5:23:15 AM

Posts: 146
Joined: 8/17/2008
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He's a control freak, you deserve better than that. Submissives can be their own worst emeny in their eagerness to please. Be patient, you'll find someone.

_____________________________

Dont rattle your sabres at me as an introduction. Be polite and I'll respond in kind.

(in reply to Blankpain)

RE: I don't know if im posting in the correct place - 12/12/2013 5:31:22 AM

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

There are many power exchange dynamics that do not involve micro-management.

So, while it may be normal for some people, it isn't for others and if you prefer not to have a dynamic that involves that you don't have to have one.

You haven't met him.
There are people who willingly (or foolishly) turn their lives over to people they have never met.

Personally, I wouldn't.

I don't believe in virtual collars or virtual ownership.

If I am going to obey someone, I need to know they are trust worthy.
You really can't do that with someone you don't know.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Ifeelineedthis)

RE: I don't know if im posting in the correct place - 12/12/2013 5:35:57 AM

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Dump him.

When I give an order to my sub, it's done with an eye toward what I consider best for her. Your original post implies that his orders conflict with your taking care of your child. That's a hard limit to me.

He's just getting off on controlling you, with no regard to your own well-being. I assume much of it is sexual.

You don't respect nor trust him. You should NOT care a whit about his orders.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Ravensnake)

RE: I don't know if im posting in the correct place - 12/12/2013 5:59:18 AM

Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ravensnake

Submissives can be their own worst enemy in their eagerness to please.

^^^^^^^^^^^^
This
It can make female submissives easy prey for the nut cases and male submissives easy prey as well or annoying to the Dominants they are so desperate to find that are not nut cases.

(in reply to Ravensnake)

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