Need help Switching. Very first post , bare with me :/

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Need help Switching. Very first post , bare with me :/ - 12/14/2013 6:28:33 PM

nikkiplays88

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Joined: 12/14/2013
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Ive always been very submissive. My partner on the other hand doesn't understand the lifestyle i crave.. :P I've finally gotten through too him , which excites me beyond belief , but i am thinking this is going too be a " live and learn " Experience. So , I've decided too play Dom for a night. which is planned for this upcoming Friday. ive went out and purchased the props i need, including anal plugs, rope , tape , blindfolds , crotchless panties, lubes and such.

a few things id like to incorporate into my evening would be : Orgasm control , Humiliation , Anal Play , Face sitting , And Punishment.

Being VERY new to this , and naturally submissive , i fear ill come across " Fake " without A Serious And commanding voice. My biggest struggle at the moment is Vocal part of our evening . which id prefer to be Very vocal. I am used too being asked the questions , not being the dominant one. Thats what brought me here , i as unable to find anything over the internet as most trends and sites references, track back to a male dom.

Any guidance would be greatly appreciate .. Expecially in the Question / Verbal part of my play activities. if ive posted in the wrong place , please excuse me. Inboxes welcome. Thank you :)

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RE: Need help Switching. Very first post , bare with me :/ - 12/14/2013 6:35:39 PM

angelikaJ

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I am wondering why you chose those activities?

Not every guy (even every submissive guy) is going to be into anal play cross-dressing or humiliation.
Punishment without reason often doesn't make sense and many dynamics don't incorporate it at all.
Funishment can be fun but it is important to understand the difference.

So how did you arrive at those choices?
Being dominant isn't about the activities, it is about the head space.

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RE: Need help Switching. Very first post , bare with me :/ - 12/14/2013 6:41:20 PM

nikkiplays88

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Joined: 12/14/2013
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I guess i came up with those, because there the things that i am into and would enjoy...I am pretty sure once friday comes, i wont be nearly as Assertive as i plan LOl.. Like i stated , this is very out of character for myself. Funishment? Sounds fun. :) Thank you.

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RE: Need help Switching. Very first post , bare with me :/ - 12/14/2013 6:55:31 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Okay. Relax.

Look, you're going to try some stuff. It may work, it may not. Your relationship will be okay either way.

You've decided to try making him a sub. I assume he knows about this and is okay with it?

I'm not 100% sure why you made that decision. If he is a closet Dom, be prepared for him to get uncomfortable, and you probably should then propose changing sides.

The thing that bothers me, is that if he really likes it, you'll have a relationship between two subs, which you don't really want.

What end result do you want, and THEN let's discuss how to get there. I'm not sure that Topping him is the right approach.

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RE: Need help Switching. Very first post , bare with me :/ - 12/14/2013 7:25:40 PM

angelikaJ

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As long as he can opt out of anything that isn't working for him, and you allow yourself to stop anything that isn't working for you, you should be just fine.

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RE: Need help Switching. Very first post , bare with me :/ - 12/15/2013 8:54:15 AM

JetOnly

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Joined: 11/6/2013
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Hope you have fun :)
Sounds good that you are thinking of what YOU want and not what you think you should do
Have you had chats about what he wants and thinks as well? Could be good to read stories together or even watch some films and chat about what you both like
You dont need to have a commanding voice if you dont want to have one, I get that you feel that you will have to motivate him - but motivations can come in many ways, a whisper can strike a chill - or excitment

It might be easier first time for you both to roll play a scene you like the idea of that gives you a character to give you a little confidence - cheezy I know but a naughty nurse giving a boy a physical could be an easy start - or however imaganitive you can be :)

(in reply to angelikaJ)

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RE: Need help Switching. Very first post , bare with me :/ - 12/18/2013 9:35:00 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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Some how I don't think this is going to be a good intro for him.

Instead of pulling stuff out of a hat without bothering to ask if he's interested in it, I'd sit down and talk about it.

Maybe he's a closet sub or dom or switch. And maybe he isn't. There's nothing wrong in him being happily vanilla. What's wrong is that you waited until after the relationship started to be honest with him. This doesn't bode well.

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RE: Need help Switching. Very first post , bare with me :/ - 12/18/2013 7:51:34 PM

SeekingTrinity

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From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
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~FRing it~

Late to the party, but I'll give it a go. A bit of backstory to provide the point of view Im coming from...my guy and I are both long time dominant types in our past who switch with each other in our relationship. For us, the dominance came easy. It's the submission we struggled with. Feeling like a fraud or a fake in the beginning was a mutual feeling that we shared.

Id actually echo what the others have said. If you are wanting this to be something ongoing, you have to go slow. If you are just beginning to learn how to drive, the Autobahn in Germany is not the ideal place for your first driving lesson. You can't tailor your dominance based on what it is you yourself like as a submissive. For a total new guy like your guy clearly is, you have to take it in baby steps. If someone gets a bad first taste of BDSM, they are less likely to want to take another taste to see if it still tastes bad. I have a different approach entirely for an extreme novice than I do for a more experienced submissive.

Hope this makes sense. Good luck

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 12/18/2013 8:11:38 PM >

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RE: Need help Switching. Very first post , bare with me :/ - 12/18/2013 8:01:09 PM

BitaTruble

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From: Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: nikkiplays88

, i fear ill come across " Fake " without A Serious And commanding voice.

You'll need to find your own style but I have found that I don't need serious and commanding when just whispering in his ear while I run one well-manicured nail
along his thigh works wonders.

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He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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RE: Need help Switching. Very first post , bare with me :/ - 12/25/2013 3:27:31 AM

ShaharThorne

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Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
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Maybe he is a Top yet you wish to make him a bottom first go round. Usually that can be trouble.

Let him lead the action...might be more enjoyable. I dealt with Tops most of the time when I was active in the community. Now, no libido so no relationship.

Try dealing with 3 Dominant personalities in one household...hard to deal with and one was a child (now she is 18).

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RE: Need help Switching. Very first post , bare with me :/ - 2/22/2014 5:50:58 PM

StrongSpirit

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Joined: 4/10/2005
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I agree with the others. There seems to be very little upside to this idea, given your description.

Instead of taking things slowly, you are making a major mistake of moving too fast to the hard stuff. I think you choose to be dominant so as not to scare him away, but I think that just makes it WORSE.

If you are submissive, then you should try to get him to dom you just a little bit. It's not that hard to get a vanilla person to try a little bit of kinky stuff - hold your arms at your side while you make love, maybe get him to lightly spank you or put you in those fake, easy to get out of plastic handcuffs.

If that goes well, then up the ante a bit.

Here are a couple of simple easy ways to ease him into dominating you.

1) Play "strip/slave poker" (note it doesn't have to be poker). That is, each round you bet clothing (start out with very little clothing) till you are naked, then offer to keep playing by doing dares. "If I lose I get spanked."; "If I lose I have to suck you off..." Don't intentionally lose too obviously.

2) Role the desperate loose girl. Example, "Can you teach me to xxxxx? I can't pay, but if you give me the first lesson I will...(see slave poker above)

3) Watch a kinky BDSM film with him.

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