iamarealsissy
Posts: 3
Joined: 4/14/2011
Status: offline
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My name is Karen I live in NYC I grew up in the Suburbs of New York
I was born a sissy, my mother wanted me to be born a girl and was disappointed in me being born a boy. inside I am female I guess maybe all that wishful thinking on my mothers behalf anyway it is who I am inside. In my bedroom growing there were two closets the one on the left had all my mothers gowns, dresses and shoes, the one on the right had her blouses, skirts and boxes with slips garter belts,stockings,bras and panties. I had part of that closet for my clothes. As long as I can remember I used to dress in my mothers clothes, I guess wanting to be like her. I started dressing around Five years old. My mother would catch me frequently and never said anything except make sure you clean up or I'm going to tell you father what you do. Which scared me, my father is very male macho and I was made to do male things like sports. My father would not have a effeminate son so I had to hide who I was inside. my first sexual experiences were with boys they would make me rub the head of their boy dicks and they would get hard I loved doing that. Sometimes they would lay on top of me and dry hump me as if I were a girl I was eight years old I didn't really understand what they were making me do it just felt natural.
The first porn I ever watched was at a friend of mines house David there was another boy there Vinny he used to make me rub the head of his dick. We watched David's fathers films on a super 8 projector the film was a women dressed in garter belt, stockings, heels, red nails and a slip just like I wore every night to bed she was rubbing this mans cock then she started sucking on it over and over going up and down I was mesmerized until all this stuff came squirting out as she licked it up. David and Vinny were saying I wish she was doing that to me and I kept thinking to myself I wish I was her pleasing that man. From that moment on the first time I played with myself my first orgasm I pictured myself as a women pleasing a man. I have NEVER master bated thinking of a women and still don't to this day.
it's always pleasing a MAN. I had to hide my dressing I couldn't be gay that would have meant constant ridicule. So I hid it from everyone except my mother who never said anything, she would occasionally put something new in the closet from time to time. I used to dress up and master bate a lot Always wanting to please a man I imagined being a house wife dressing and taking care of my man in every way,
it has always felt right I didn't feel gay I felt like a women wanting a man it felt natural it still does. I always kept this to myself. I dated girls my whole life one women to the next we started out having sex me proving that I was a straight great lover when I was with women I felt like I had to be a man it didn't feel natural as wanting to be with a man. I always lost interested in sex with women and we became friends. I would hide my dressing and master bate thinking about belonging to a man and being a women. In my thirty's I started going out dressed to crossdresser clubs making friends with other gurls and meeting guys that just wanted to have no strings sex I was always safe just giving blow jobs with condoms . It was fun but it got old and I just felt degraded in a sad way. all I wanted was to be in a relationship with a man that wanted me to become his transsexual sissy it just became frustrating. I did the classic purges, so stupid had so many beautiful things that I wish I could wear now, oh well went with the territory I guess. I went back to dating women on and off always going back to dressing. I got in a steady relationship with a women that was very beautiful but the sex quickly ended she did not know I was dressing my body is naturally smooth no chest hair very minimal hair I would wax so no stubble hid it well years of experience doing that.
I kinda stopped going out em femme started doing the phone chat line thing Where I met a man, Robert. he wanted to give me everything I ever wanted to make me become his transsexual sissy wife we met a few times and I fell in love with a man. he had prostate cancer so he couldn't get an erection anymore.we would talk for hours on the phone I still hear him in my head and call out his name as I master bate.
I kept flaking out on him because I was just too afraid to get what I really wanted. What an Idiot I was. I was still in a frustrating relationship with a women that ended. I started going for electrolysis on and off then
I met another women for first six months we had sex then again that stopped. Robert moved to Floridia. I continued electrolysis even set up an appointment for hormones and was ready to go.
I wound up getting diagnosed with terminal Cancer I had an operation and beat the cancer. After the cancer I wanted to have fun and do what made me happy I met another man on line Tad we had some great times he made me feel special that I should become a transgendered women. I kinda got found out by my girlfriend when he texted me and she read the text and freaked out. I told her it was a joke sexting I tried it and it was just stupid I hated to lie to her. I stopped it with Tad and tried to be with her it was too late I was deeply into men and it was so difficult to get an erection with her. also not having sex for years and ended that, I felt so bad she helped me through a very difficult time in my life I really feel bad still do.
I tried Getting back with Tad he moved on. I tried to get back with Robert the one man that understood me, I thought of traveling back and forth to Florida and was going to make it work with him I wanted to with all my heart but I messed him around too long hurt him too deeply, always a reason why things don't work out, timing if I moved to Florida with him I wouldn't have received the treatment, care I did in NYC.
I vowed to become as femme as possible started going back to electrolysis regularly and growing my hair out then I met another women very beautiful we really kinda hit it off same sense of humor, interests I am attracted to her sexually she has no idea that I am a sissy. I am so torn. I am currently trying to get out of this relationship with her she is so sweet I don't want to hurt her and I enjoy having sex with her first time in a real LONG time but its a lie. I am not fully happy I'm not being who I really am and as much as I enjoy her company a big part of me is so very sad.
I want to belong to a man that will take control and end the confusion for me. I know no one else can do that for me I have to do it but having a man in my life that wants me to be as femme as possible would be so nice.
I want to become a transsexual sissy wife.
we'll see what happens I know this will be my last relationship with a women I don't want hurt anyone anymore. I'm forty nine and want to live my life as a happy sissy Its not easy being a gurl but I LOVE it. It's who I am.
I now except it. I don't want to live a lie anymore.
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