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Just an Idea - 12/20/2013 3:22:27 PM

worshipyourfeet

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/25/2005
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Hello All

I'm not sure if I have put this in the Right Place but after talking with a Domme on this site just being friendly with each other She has Helped me with Writing Messages to my Potential Mistresses and I will admit since her help my replies have gone up even though still No but getting replies where wasn't before.All I was Thinking was that if each domme took the time to Maybe pick one reply at Least to point out Possible Mistakes in Messages to them the Quality of messages would go up and Maybe more People would find the right Person

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RE: Just an Idea - 12/20/2013 3:27:29 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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Actually, we've already made threads that do exactly what you've suggested. There are links to them included in the FAQ for this section. It's great that you're trying to help, but in the future, please read the FAQs and use the search feature to see if your idea has been discussed before. We get threads about things like this pretty frequently. We've given out a lot of advice for improving profiles and introductory emails if someone will spend a few minutes to look for it.

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RE: Just an Idea - 12/20/2013 3:31:53 PM

SoulAlloy

Posts: 2106
Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
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It's a thought, though my first instinct is "one person's water is another's poison"

My second thought is that people often do not react well to criticism, and that not everyone is good at giving criticism in a constructive way.

It's an idea, but I generally relate messages to what's in a person's profile rather than a one size fits all approach so whatever advice I received may not be that useful

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RE: Just an Idea - 12/20/2013 3:39:51 PM

OsideGirl

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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: worshipyourfeet
All I was Thinking was that if each domme took the time to Maybe pick one reply at Least to point out Possible Mistakes in Messages to them the Quality of messages would go up and Maybe more People would find the right Person

Teaching someone to mimic what someone else has instructed them to say isn't actually helping them. It actually does a disservice to both people. The sender doesn't learn to see why they're not getting responses and the receiver actually ends up dealing with someone that is different than they've presented themselves.

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RE: Just an Idea - 12/20/2013 3:45:10 PM

JetOnly

Posts: 78
Joined: 11/6/2013
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Sure, as others have said nothing is universal
But Im happy to help from my point of view

Do you mean for people to post messages here for us to critique? or us to pick some of the things we dont like from the messages we do get??

Agree with above, much better to have a short line or two based on what is in my profile and what drew them to me - rather than a cut and pasted page that makes it clear that they havent even read my profile

From my point of view things to avoid

titles - a random person on the internet is not your mistress so dont call them that (unless their profile tells you to) most people want to feel special, like you dont give your submission away to just anyone
grovelling - you are NOT worshipfully on your knees, talk to me like a real person
Pushing your kink in my face - Mistress, I humbly request that you do this crazy thing to me that you will get totaly nothing out of
Lies - I have no limits - ohh???? I really doubt that!

Much better something like
Hello X
You profile really stood out to me because of x, x and x and x made me laugh

(in reply to SoulAlloy)

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RE: Just an Idea - 12/20/2013 6:09:52 PM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
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Okay, now for the jaded, embittered, old domina... lol

Childhood is used to learn many things, but some don't learn a lot and some simply have no opportunity. Then we have the teen years... and then the twenties. Somehow, most guys are getting laid by then and they had to at least grunt and say ugga, ugga, me want you. Through a trial and error, men learn to get laid and some even learn other things.

Now... we come to our thirties, forties and fifties... and on and on if we are lucky. My point is, if you haven't learned how to get by in life, how to get laid, how to get what you want by then... something just ain't right. (I know... poor grammar... but I say ain't with a twang and do it for effect, so it effects you good or bad... maybe you can see my point.) You learn what works, you learn what works for you.

So now... we want teachers long past the point when people should know how to speak. I look it like this. Teach me how to manipulate and present someone I am not so I can get laid.

Ummm... no.

How am I helping anyone and what am I teaching someone that can be used on another woman? She gets sidelined because even a hard case can learn enough to work his way through a couple of months of pretty words and false pretense. Some will catch it faster, some will not, it all depends. There is nothing worse than thinking a man can speak and finding an ugga, ugga, me want you guy sitting at Starbucks waiting for you.

A smart man doesn't depend on someone else to teach him. He learns what isn't working and goes out to find out how to make it work if he really wants something. A lazy man says, feed me, feed me, ugga, ugga, me want you... and expects someone to depend on that will enable him in remaining in ugga, ugga land.

Teaching isn't doing anyone any favors sometimes. Teach them things they haven't dealt with... sure... but to teach them about women, any kind of woman, when about half the population are women and they have been around.. there are books, shows, articles and many things one can get some pointers from... but no... we dominant women need men we can lord it over because we all know they are ugga, uggas. Wrong.

I want a full grown man. I know, I am single again... guess I didn't enable ugga, ugga enough. I think I can deal with that. lol

Seriously... there is no excuse and the excuses are getting more lame as we all age. You want to get laid... you want to serve, whatever... learn your skills men. Some of us don't need the ego walk of teaching those who fail to teach or learn themselves.

Give a man a fish or teach him to fish. Ya know?

< Message edited by Rawni -- 12/20/2013 6:11:41 PM >

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RE: Just an Idea - 12/20/2013 6:14:53 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: worshipyourfeet

Hello All

I'm not sure if I have put this in the Right Place but after talking with a Domme on this site just being friendly with each other She has Helped me with Writing Messages to my Potential Mistresses and I will admit since her help my replies have gone up even though still No but getting replies where wasn't before.All I was Thinking was that if each domme took the time to Maybe pick one reply at Least to point out Possible Mistakes in Messages to them the Quality of messages would go up and Maybe more People would find the right Person

(Well, that's only slightly odd and unbelievably confusing).

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 12/20/2013 6:15:23 PM >

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RE: Just an Idea - 12/20/2013 6:18:26 PM

LookieNoNookie

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"...my replies have gone up even though still No but getting replies where wasn't before...."

(Is that actually English?)

(I'm struggling with this one).

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

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RE: Just an Idea - 12/20/2013 9:30:23 PM

AthenaSurrenders

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I don't mind helping people who ask, but I'd never just correct a message of someone who was getting in touch with me. It's highly likely to be met with anger. Well, I occasionally chew people out when the messages are really bad, but I don't kid myself that I'm helping them do better.

Oside makes a good point - teaching someone to write a great first message will only delay the realization that they are not a good match. Rawni is also right that people shouldn't need to be told past a certain age, but I am soft and I think a lot of people do really well with a little gentle nudging to draw attention to things they have missed.

It's possible to help without saying 'Say X not Y'. Sometimes people just need a little encouragement to think things through.

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RE: Just an Idea - 12/21/2013 2:45:04 AM

Dreamless

Posts: 104
Joined: 7/30/2010
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I try to help people out who are obviously new to this whole 'talking to women online' thing.

Usually it goes like this.

-I get ignored.
-I get yelled at/cursed out/textually abused.
-"I didn't actually mean x y and z"
-Will you demonstrate this to me over cam naked while humiliating my small dick? I'd love to learn more about grammar if you'll do it while doing that!

Usually it does not go like "oh thank you for your help, I appreciate it and will keep this in mind in the future."

Constructive criticism has its place and it's not in a reply to a first message, I'm afraid. People are sensitive, dainty flowers on these dating sites who take advice as personal attacks. At least, some of them are. As such, I've come to the conclusion that critique ought to come after a message saying "I have some advice for you if you're interested", and not unsolicited.

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RE: Just an Idea - 12/21/2013 10:39:19 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

I don't mind helping people who ask, but I'd never just correct a message of someone who was getting in touch with me. It's highly likely to be met with anger. Well, I occasionally chew people out when the messages are really bad, but I don't kid myself that I'm helping them do better.

Oside makes a good point - teaching someone to write a great first message will only delay the realization that they are not a good match. Rawni is also right that people shouldn't need to be told past a certain age, but I am soft and I think a lot of people do really well with a little gentle nudging to draw attention to things they have missed.

It's possible to help without saying 'Say X not Y'. Sometimes people just need a little encouragement to think things through.

I'd be perfectly happy to help if someone came to me to ask for help, presented the message and then at least attempted to ascertain why the message isn't working, then sought verification to see if they were correct about the error.

Kind of like doing the background work on a math problem. Being told the answer only teaches mimicking. Being told how to find the answer teaches them how to solve the problem.

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RE: Just an Idea - 12/21/2013 12:41:21 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dreamless

I try to help people out who are obviously new to this whole 'talking to women online' thing.

Usually it goes like this.

-Will you demonstrate this to me over cam naked while humiliating my small dick? I'd love to learn more about grammar if you'll do it while doing that!

This made me LOL. You should do it and charge for sessions!

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Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

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RE: Just an Idea - 12/21/2013 1:19:51 PM

LadyPact

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OP, I've actually done what you suggest. I don't invest My time on it for "random guy on the internet". I've done it for friends or those who have shown they are worth the trouble and effort. (Sue Me, but I'll prioritize somebody I know over somebody I've never met any day of the week.) Not just messages, either. What kind of profile pics get a good response and what kind of info goes into a profile, too.

Yes, it does help you to improve. You don't need to rely on strangers. Listen to your female friends. They don't have to be kinky. Unless you are a shut in, you interact with women every day. There is so much information already at your disposal.

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RE: Just an Idea - 12/21/2013 2:54:14 PM

MsMJAY

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A few weeks ago a submissive man sent me a message asking for my attention. He had one (and only ONE) fetish he was interested in. Being tied in tight inescapable bondage and left like that for hours. I responded with the suggestion "if you are serious about meeting a Domme you should try to expand your interests and maybe be open to trying her favorite fetishes as well." He sent me a message completely cursing me out. This was not an isolated incident.

So while your suggestion is good. For myself, it just would not work for the above reason and not to mention the fact that many sub men get the idea that if you exchange a few emails with them that makes you "their Mistress."

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