initial meeting (Full Version)

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tbear4759 -> initial meeting (7/4/2006 12:12:21 PM)

hello all,
I am trying to get into the lifestyle as a Dom/Master.  I met a sub here on CM and we exchanged emails a couple times.  we chatted on yahoo 2 times and during our 2nd chat, she gave me her phone number.  I was surprised she did iy so soon, but really honored that I have gained her trust so quickly.  we have talked on the phone a couple times, and  last night when we were on yahoo I mentioned something about tieing he rup, blindfolding and gagging her and having my way with her.   I wasn't sure what she would say, and was surprised when she said it sounded like fun.  I asked if she was serious and she said yes.  we had to end our chat at that point.  t today when we got together at yahoo I asked her again if she  was serious and she said yes. we live about 2 hrs apart and we have set up a meeting in a town that is half way for both of us.  we will be meeting next sunday. we have to determine the time and location still. any advice on what I should expect, and/or do or not do?  I'm anticipating sex and bondage during this meeting because of what she said. 



kyraofMists -> RE: initial meeting (7/4/2006 12:36:38 PM)

I think that the advice given by you in this post is very applicable to this situation:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_433144/mpage_2/key_/tm.htm#460728




MistressTexas -> RE: initial meeting (7/4/2006 1:24:33 PM)

Quite personally, I would be mortified if I found out that my potential (whether i was a sub or domme, or dom or switch) were on here posting about personal conversations and saying that he expected sex and bondage on a first date.. but hey thats just me.



sublizzie -> RE: initial meeting (7/4/2006 2:35:12 PM)

The positive is they know exactly what he's expecting so they can conveniently not show.

I can't imagine doing this, frankly. Maybe because I've had it pounded into my head by all of my mentors not to leave my familiar territory. To drive to an unfamiliar place to meet someone who is going to want to play and have sex right away? Nope. Not going to happen.

One of my mentors told me that I was worth having the guy drive to where I live and meeting me in a comfortable place, not where I live, for coffee and talk. If he needs to stay in a hotel over night, that's his business, but I was never to go with him. I've learned that he is very wise in what he said.



babysburnin -> RE: initial meeting (7/4/2006 3:46:12 PM)

I think you both have set yourselves up for awkwardness.  You are a new Dom.  Expecting sex/play on the first meeting.  Maybe it will work...but, for me...too much pressure, too many expectations to ever make me feel relaxed and enjoy.  Maybe that's me - do you both thrive on that type of energy? 






slavejali -> RE: initial meeting (7/4/2006 4:10:12 PM)

Yuo know something, sometimes with these kinda subjects I have difficulty responding. The thought that always comes up for me is, how many people meet someone at a club or wherever, go home with them and fuck. One night stands are a thing that happen, often. I could walk into a bar and be fucked within 20 minutes if I wanted.We know when men go out, they are looking for some cunt for the night, certainly most wouldnt say no if it was offered. Thats where my dilemma is in responding to first meets. What makes them any different than first meeting someone anywhere. Why does the mans desire have to be different than if he was out cruising a club for some pussy?

One of the things I'm very clear on though, is the play. I wouldnt let anyone tie me up I had just met...god knows though, cuz I've never been tested in that situation, maybe if it all felt good I would...so maybe I'm not so clear about that as I thought.

Anyways...just some thoughts...I think with all the wisdom we can sprout, when it all comes down to it...we do what feels good at the time. People anticipate things, its a natural part of human nature..maybe a flawed part, but its there...we arent perfect and the situations we find ourselves in arent always perfect.

Just take it easy tbear, enjoy your meet..let things flow..try to be sensible.



babysburnin -> RE: initial meeting (7/4/2006 4:18:39 PM)

Jali - the differnence is that they have had previous connection - therefore - expectations.  Oh hell...what should we care?  hehehe!  I hope they "get lucky" [:)]



LeatherLord2003 -> RE: initial meeting (7/4/2006 4:23:01 PM)

I must be the other extreme, I talk to people for a long time before I ever meet them, and then make sure they make their safe call each day they are with me. Have talked to a couple of people 3-4 years prior to meeting them, and still made sure they made their safe call. Cound not imagine meeting someone so soon and having sex with them that quick. It is not to say everyone I would meet would take that long, but unless the chemistry was really strong, and circumstances made it silly not to meet, I would be finding out about the inner workings of a potential mate, long before then physical evolved. And the first meeting would be a comfortable one with no expectations, for the likelyhood of something happening would be slim to none. My opinion, (and only mine) (and not saying she is anything less that perfect), if it is that easy, is it worth having? Even though many are into casual sex, I dont happen to be one of them. I need to bond on many other levels for one to be appealing to me in a sexual manner.



slavejali -> RE: initial meeting (7/4/2006 4:26:29 PM)

hi LeatherLord: I'm not actually into casual sex either..but I can accept that some people are, its a fact of life.

Good Lord, chatted for 3- 4 years before you met? Now, that would make me insane *grin*



mymasterssub69 -> RE: initial meeting (7/4/2006 5:46:42 PM)

IMO i side on being cautious and advise that you first meet at a public place (a bar or restuarant) even though your new slave said yes to what you have planned for your first meeting. however i do wish you good luck



demmy101 -> RE: initial meeting (7/4/2006 6:25:17 PM)

Hello dear,
     Do you know that men and women are angels created with only one wing? And they need to embrace each other to be able to fly... I Hope to find my angel whom i can fly with forever.
havent meet that real partner to fly with,am i not submissive enough?



srllile7 -> RE: initial meeting (7/4/2006 10:42:04 PM)

Personally from what you've said just because she said she would enjoy these things doesn't mean she would enjoy them right out of the box.  First dates i could see possibly some vanilla fun but being tied up and gagged right out of the gates doesn't sound like a good ideal personally.   Is is not possible for you to travel all the way to see her? That would be much more polite and put her in a bit of a safer position?  Is this some one that you are looking for a long term commitment with or just a causal play thing?  Also i agree with the no bondage on first date kinda rule that seems so far from being safe and sane on both parties part, if this sub is new she may be as lost and at odds as you and you need to step up and take the initiative to make sure the play is safe sane and consensual.  I can only speak from the view point of a sub but the first time i played i wanted to try it all right then and there but i had a grounded Dom who knew that would be too much so he took control of the situation and made sure we both had a good time and gave me a little with each visit instead of doing what i wanted when i wanted and im sure the same goes for him.   



Lordandmaster -> RE: initial meeting (7/4/2006 10:45:15 PM)

Heh.  Good one.

Nice corset, too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressTexas

Quite personally, I would be mortified if I found out that my potential (whether i was a sub or domme, or dom or switch) were on here posting about personal conversations and saying that he expected sex and bondage on a first date.. but hey thats just me.



sleazybutterfly -> RE: initial meeting (7/4/2006 11:06:32 PM)

fast reply:
 
I am going to just assume she must have really said something to give you the impression you will have relations on the first meeting.  Maybe she is fine with that, that's not for anyone to say that hasn't seen what she wrote.. or you two talked about.
 
I think what someone else said was correct also...srllile7 I think it was... that if this is what you are trying to get into..and you are new yourself.  Why not take the position of the Dom and say..that it's too quick to jump in and play.. I want to make sure that you trust me..and everything is established.  May I say in that , you are  not only protecting her..but yourself..I think it goes both ways. 
 
I can see why you would be excited..this is your first (I can only assume) experience in this and you are anxious.. sort of the Dom version of subfrenzy.  I wish you and she luck..and I hope things go well for you both. 
Be safe.....
 
                                     Respectfully, andrea



AnnW -> RE: initial meeting (7/4/2006 11:50:50 PM)

Agreeing with sleazybutterfly (now that's a sentence I've not often written!)  - you will get the most mileage as a Dom by looking out for her best interest as well as your own.  Make sure she has a safe call - even if you're perfectly safe - she really doesn't know that, so teach her how to be safe.  Care for her wellbeing as much or more than what you can do with her or get from her, and you'll have her attention.

Some other thoughts for a new Dom -
Build your idea of a good scene, not too rigidly scripted but with some elements that you imagine and imagine how you would get from one to the next.  But leave plenty of room to change it because things will not always go as expected - I used to even write a cheat sheet (kind of a "set list") that I kept in my bag - I wouldn't refer to it but it helped me think through what I wanted to do and have everything prepped.  In reality, it always goes somewhat differently so you let go of the list once you're playing - but if you get stuck, you kind of know where you're headed.  have a few more activiites on it than you think you need - but not so many that you're trying to smash too many things in.  Be prepared to just let go of anything you don't feel like doing at the moment or that doesn't seem to be going well.

Author of SM101 says it is more important that the first scene go well and make both partners feel good, than that it be very intense.  I'm completely paraphrasing, but it is along those lines.  I think this is a good guide, personally.  Don't overreach and do leave her wanting to do it again.

I've made the mistake of trying to do everything at once when I find a new sub I'm excited about and it really doesn't pay off.  I get confused! :)

Sex - if it comes naturally do it, but be willing to just go on instinct and let it go - imagine how insane it will drive her if you do a really great scene and then make her wait and earn it next time!  Just a thought.

Good luck, hope you'll let us know how it goes. --Ann



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