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i'm in need of a mistress - 1/9/2014 3:19:49 AM

bubbabarrett31

Posts: 24
Joined: 1/4/2014
Status: offline

i live in western ga and i cant find a comunity mistress forum or a place where i can meet peeople who are actively seeking sub aor slaves. i'm willinng and ready to try nearly any thing. what may be my problem. i wwantt to be taken.i dont care about looks or size or race i just wannt to be abused in any way they want from any thing i'll please anyway i can just to break my sub virginity

Post #: 1

RE: i'm in need of a mistress - 1/9/2014 3:25:13 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

Go to a pro.

Look at what you just wrote. Do you think it makes a potential woman feel good to know that anyone will do, as long as they act out your fantasy?

Even in a casual arrangement, a woman wants to feel she's desirable and important. Not just any old vagina. 'I don't care about your size' is NOT a bonus.

Also, if you're new to this, you don't know what your limits are or what you will enjoy. When you say 'try nearly anything' it just shows you don't know what you're talking about. It's ok to be new - but you have to keep thinking with the big brain, not the little one. It's sensible to start small and figure out what works for you, not leap in at the deep end. People don't want to play with you if it seems like you haven't thought it through.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to bubbabarrett31)

Post #: 2

RE: i'm in need of a mistress - 1/9/2014 3:30:09 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

Athena is right.
You're not appealing to the woman at all. (Not at all talking about physical) What you say in your profile and here means a lot of a potential Domme. But as for now, I would seek a pro. One who will be interested in carrying out your fantasies.

Or go to a munch, or a play party, an event. Get out, explore. Do a search for your city and see what pops up.

P.S. Just checked your profile....SPELL CHECK!! Punctuation!! All this helps.

< Message edited by TNDommeK -- 1/9/2014 3:31:21 AM >

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 3

RE: i'm in need of a mistress - 1/9/2014 3:31:25 AM

bubbabarrett31

Posts: 24
Joined: 1/4/2014
Status: offline

you dont understand i dont want sex i dont desire sex i just want to please a woman i want to make woman happy. i dont care what type size or etnic back ground she has thats all irrelivent to me i just want to serve a woman loook at me i'm hedious and must take anyone willing to use me i just need to please a female to make me feel good on the inside i dont care about me having sex or even using the little head at all

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 4

RE: i'm in need of a mistress - 1/9/2014 3:36:20 AM

bubbabarrett31

Posts: 24
Joined: 1/4/2014
Status: offline

thank you i just wanted to know where to start what to do first i've been surfing theses sights for monts and just now had some one reply to anything i said. i cant find and pros tthat work around here. i dont know how to look for them effectively

(in reply to bubbabarrett31)

Post #: 5

RE: i'm in need of a mistress - 1/9/2014 3:37:42 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bubbabarrett31

you dont understand i dont want sex i dont desire sex i just want to please a woman i want to make woman happy. i dont care what type size or etnic back ground she has thats all irrelivent to me i just want to serve a woman loook at me i'm hedious and must take anyone willing to use me i just need to please a female to make me feel good on the inside i dont care about me having sex or even using the little head at all

OK fine, you don't want sex. But all the same, no one wants to feel like any woman will do. Think about that. You'd be happy serving a total bitch, who kicks puppies for fun and parks in disabled spaces just to be mean? You'd be happy serving someone who never showered, never bothered to brush her teeth, picked her nose and ate it? It's great that you're not concerned about appearances, but what you're projecting right now is 'ANY FEMALE WILL DO!'

You need to be more choosy. Otherwise woman feel like cardboard cut-outs, just there to make you feel good. You need to pick someone because you like her, because she's special in some way. You also have to show that there's more to you than just this desperate need to submit. And there must be. You're 32. You must have cultivated some interests in those years?

This whole 'I'm hideous and must take anyone' is so very unattractive. I wouldn't go near someone with that attitude. Because at best, it suggests you're wrapped up in an unrealistic humiliation fantasy which would be more important than our relationship. At worst, it suggests crippling low self esteem and unsafe decision making - also not something I'd want to be involved in.

Can you see how your post reads as 'Any woman will do, because I can't do any better'. Can you see why that would insult a woman?

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to bubbabarrett31)

Post #: 6

RE: i'm in need of a mistress - 1/9/2014 3:40:48 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

There are people who have been on here for YEARS! Patience is key.
Try fet life, they have group that you can check out.

I just did a quick search and found a spot called CUFFS in Columbus and a few ads on backpage ( they might be a bit seedy but hey! Go for it)

ETA: just read Athena's last post. I must say I agree with everything. The whole, "I'm worthless and will take what I can"... No, just no.

< Message edited by TNDommeK -- 1/9/2014 3:41:49 AM >

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to bubbabarrett31)

Post #: 7

RE: i'm in need of a mistress - 1/9/2014 3:41:56 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

Also on Fetlife I looked up your city and found TWO munches on this Saturday. Good chance to go and meet some people who do this in the flesh.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 8

RE: i'm in need of a mistress - 1/9/2014 4:29:21 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Fella, please forgive me for the bluntness.

Your profile is badly spelled. Your post here says, "I'll take anyone. I'm desperate!" Your profile pic is in awful light and is barely distinguishable.

The general effect that it projects is that you're lazy and don't care what anyone else thinks about you.

TNDommeK suggests spell check. But first, you need to care enough to use spell check in the first place. You need to have the self pride to care about what you put out there in cyberspace.

If you can spell and express yourself well, the women online will become interested. Adding a good pic won't hurt either.

Welcome to the forums, and good luck.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 9

RE: i'm in need of a mistress - 1/9/2014 4:29:57 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

I'm going to give you some advice I hope you'll take. Everything about you, your attitude, your profile, and your posts here screams 'desperate needy male sub who watches way too much porn lost in his own BDSM fantasy.'

This attitude is not in the least attractive. That 90% of the other males subs on this site have the same attitude doesn't help.

As long as you're lost in your own kinky fantasy, you will never find a female dominant unless she's a pro. I'm not saying this to be mean, but to enlighten you as to your circumstances.

What *you* can do about that is up to *you.*

I would say 'try not to think of a fem domme as a fetish delivery device' but I'm not sure you even comprehend this statement.

So I will end with this advice: Stop whining about your circumstances and start educating yourself.

_____________________________

(in reply to bubbabarrett31)

Post #: 10

RE: i'm in need of a mistress - 1/9/2014 5:08:58 AM

ExquisiteStings

Posts: 391
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline

Maybe I'm being horribly cruel here at the moment, but Athena..I just get from his whole attitude, caveman-like command of English and that mentally- challenged vibe that's just emanating off of him in noxious waves, that he, himself partakes of Snot Snax, and therefore would not mind if whatever female who might condescend to play with him, engages in the same thing.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 11

RE: i'm in need of a mistress - 1/9/2014 7:14:56 AM

MissKittyDeVine

Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
Status: offline

Somewhere in that profile there seems to be a genuine wish to find a relationship. But as has been pointed out, the way you're presenting yourself means that you're coming across as either a do-me sub who is only interested in his own needs, or just desperate. Neither is attractive. If you want to act like you're worthless, find a pro to humiliate you. However, if you want a committed D/s relationship you need to show that you have something to bring to it. Submission does not equal worthlessness. Why would a domme want a worthless sub?

_____________________________

Sanity is overrated. Live la vida loca

(in reply to ExquisiteStings)

Post #: 12

RE: i'm in need of a mistress - 1/9/2014 7:54:33 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

OP, did you have another profile here prior to the one that you started five days ago? I'm just confused by the part about how it's been months, but this profile was only created in less than a week. (I'm not going to read the profile, since other folks have already commented on that.)

GA is actually a pretty kink accessible state. I lived there long enough to know. Doesn't matter what city you are close to. They are bound to have a munch group. If you are having difficulties online, the real time community would be the better direction for you.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MissKittyDeVine)

Post #: 13

RE: i'm in need of a mistress - 1/10/2014 3:19:39 PM

gunner1330

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/6/2013
Status: offline

This seems like a good place to make my first post to a forum here on CM, because this is a subject that is near and dear to me. I was in a similar situation to the OP many years ago.

You may think that the “dominate me any way you want to” approach opens up opportunities for you, but in reality it doesn’t. Furthermore, it sets you up for disappointment and possible danger.
Dominant women, a.k.a. “Mistresses” (I prefer the term Domina, but I’m kind of old school) are a rare breed, and they are in demand because the ration of submissive men to dominant women in unbalanced – more men. Therefore, the law of supply and demand allows the women to be selective. If you don’t have a more specific idea of what you want, and also what you have to offer you won’t have a basis for common ground. And that doesn’t work for building a relationship whether kink or vanilla. A submissive wallflower will still be overlooked. You don’t get picked just because you are submissive. You get picked because of your presentation and your uniqueness.

I agree with Athena’s comment about making what you want known. Disappointment can come about like this: Suppose you found a casual play partner, and arranged a play date. Then you soon discover that she is going to inject your scrotum with saline, and pierce it with hypos to make a showerhead. But what you really had in mind was bondage and a paddling. That could be awkward. You need to negotiate some boundaries.

This brings us to the subject of safety. Just as in “normal” society, the kink scene has its share of psychopaths. Let’s call them real sadists. If you’re willing to jump on the rack with anyone, you could expose yourself to a very non-consensual situation. We might hear about you on the 5-o’clock news. Nobody but the psychopath wants that.
This is why so many of the respondents on this thread recommended a Pro Domina. You can explore, experience different things and discover what activities you do like in a fair degree of safety. But realize that professionals are selective too. With the “Dominate me anyway you want to“ approach, you will not get a session. If you do get one, you will likely be disappointed. You are paying for a service. You do have a right to specify what you want.

I’m sure there are fantasies, fetishes and types that find particularly stimulating, otherwise you would not be kinky. If you looked at some kinky pictures – and I’m sure you have – I bet you could use the process of elimination to zero in on your interests, i.e.:
- Leather, latex, or lace
- Paddles, whips, or canes
- Ropes, straps, or chains
- Blonds, brunettes, or redheads
- Young, middle-age, or mature
- Petite princess, average-height enchantress, or uber-tall giantess
- Bastinado, ball-busting, or branding
- High heels, boots, or sneakers (yes, I do know people with sneaker fetishes)

Get the idea?

Here’s my list:
- Leather
- Whips/paddles
- Brunettes
- Middle-age to mature
- Petite (haughty) princess
- Non of those “b” words
- Boot fetish

Lastly, yes, do try munches. They are a great way to get to meet like-minded people, and find out about events and activities. Try organizations too, like the National Leather Association. That’s how I met a beautiful Dominant woman and had a relationship for 23 years. She also happened to be a Pro Domina.

I hope this helps, and sorry to be so long-winded.

G

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 14

RE: i'm in need of a mistress - 1/10/2014 3:39:35 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Everything about you, your attitude, your profile, and your posts here screams 'desperate needy male sub who watches way too much porn lost in his own BDSM fantasy.'

This attitude is not in the least attractive. That 90% of the other males subs on this site have the same attitude doesn't help.

As long as you're lost in your own kinky fantasy, you will never find a female dominant unless she's a pro.

Make that 99%...

(... but then I've only been here a month.)

In addition to this attitude not being the least attractive, bubbabarrett31, but in your current state of sub frenzy, you might even scare off a provider. Nobody wants a loose cannon, too unpredictable and potentially dangerous for any woman to take that sort of risky strange male (client) on. Also ask yourself this, Would YOU date YOU?

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 15

RE: i'm in need of a mistress - 1/10/2014 5:14:52 PM

Angelsmile

Posts: 113
Joined: 12/20/2005
Status: offline

Hello bubbabarrett31,
just saw the replies to your forum entry by chance and found some of them rather insulting, like the ones who said "you are not appealing to a Domme" or "you look like a needy sub" this is just mean and not true but unfortunately these are all common prejudices male subs have to face in general unfortunately so dont take this personal when people write such prejudice statements. The problem is that there are much more male subs than real Dommes, so the demand is much higher than the supply in a sense to match up all the subs with Dommes, even though some Dommes would accept several male subs. And then there are lots of Dommes who just look for female slaves. This doesn't make things easy for male subs at all. And these difficulties may lead then to frustration for them. Indeed what some said patience is very important it can take years to find the right person for you. When I saw your text and your picture I thought this must be someone new to the lifestyle so someone who still has to learn a lot and then looked in your profile and so it is.
The first thing indicating this is: "i'm willinng and ready to try nearly any thing." "Any thing" means that someone has no clue, never do any thing !!!! Always keep it SSC Safe Sane and Consensual and avoid the risks that are always there as well. Do not any thing but the right thing for both of Y/you. A true Domme will naturally sense what is right for you but you cannot trust everybody you meet online to have this ability and you will have to weed out the good ones and the bad ones or those who have no clue to avoid the risk to get damaged by wrong things. The second thing is: "wannt to be abused in any way they want from any thing" this shows lack of a sense for reality if someone really abused you in any way what would this cause to you, foresee the consequences, it would not be what you might think in your dreams, cravings or fetishes but might be really bad, imagine if that "any thing" would be one of your worst nightmares. There is a large difference between seeing things on pictures or in videos and real time experience that can cause you all sorts of effects you have never thought of before and not only always pleaseant ones, so it needs from both sides lots of responsability and care and not any abuse of trust or other. BDSM is not about abuse it is about exchange, this means needs to be right and guided and fulfilling for B/both to enjoy it.
The third one is: "i'll please anyway i can just to break my sub virginity" As BDSM needs trust and the right person you can never hurry it things need to grow. Imagine a flower that grows to please it takes time. As a sub you will never be "virgin" you will always feel something like that deep inside you it will always have been there, there is not a time when it starts, but a time when you found the right person to submit to. But before you need to learn and to find the right person for you which also takes time. You can read books with titles like "how to find a mistress" and read online ressources.
When I look on your photograph there is something else, there is more. You look down from above, a male sub wouldn't. Then there is not that sparkle in your eyes that can be found in a sub male or female. Then your mouth shows more it looks like you would be ready to do irresponsable things which could put you into trouble which is not good. And it is not a submissive mouth. The nick name bubbabarrett31 doesn't look submissive neither.
And then your eyes show that you got hurt, something must have happened in your life which hurt you and was not ok and hence you try to do something about not sure if it is the right thing, but hurt and not stabilized after a bad experience with someone who was disappointing you badly. Also the way you type shows that something troublesome must have happened to you. You need first to get back balanced and grounded inside yourself and over the hurt, dealing with the hurt and raising above is what is meant. If you meet the wrong persons in BDSM the risk is to get more hurt. If you meet the right ones then ok but they are hard to find like needles in a hay stack. When I see you on the picture I would think a vanilla not a BDSMer and a hurt one. And the advise is to look deep inside you and fix what someone has broken and shield in a right way from such things. Going with that into a BDSM experience might lead you off-track totally that is what I think. I would not recommend that you really look for a Mistress I gave you some advise above but would not recommend to stay in the lifestyle but rather to fix what someone irresponsible has broken and to watch out over yourself to not become like the ones who were irresponsible and disappointed you. This is just what I see I might be wrong but usually am right. There is no shame in bad experiences and hurt, but you need to take the right track not the wrong one which is to fix it and raise above rather than plunging into unknown waters that could if anything goes wrong hurt you even more.

(in reply to bubbabarrett31)

Post #: 16

RE: i'm in need of a mistress - 1/10/2014 5:58:05 PM

Angelsmile

Posts: 113
Joined: 12/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bubbabarrett31

thank you i just wanted to know where to start what to do first i've been surfing theses sights for monts and just now had some one reply to anything i said. i cant find and pros tthat work around here. i dont know how to look for them effectively

As I said I would not recommend this to you to look for one.
But if you really want to try it and find the right person it takes years,
and those years are no guarantee it means you can also look for years in vain. It is like in the real world you would never ask : "how do I find effectively a girl friend?" that would not work. When you look for a real relationship it takes years to find the one and you can find such people on BDSM websites but you need to get to know them and to be yourself and also to learn a lot which will also take years to learn it. If you however look for professionals then you need to use www.google.com and type in there the key words "Mistress" or better "Dominatrix" and search but you will never have the intimacy like in a real relationship and they will take a lot of your money for it.
How much would you pay for a lunch in a McDonald's restaurant ? It is similar: you will get a meal fast at McDonald's but it wont be the same like the one you would get in a fine dining restaurant hidden somewhere in the last corner of your town. Of you choose the fast food option they will keep you hungry so that you will come again and pay. And it wont be a fulfilling relationship but a deal. Deals hurt. So again I would say dont go for it.

(in reply to bubbabarrett31)

Post #: 17

RE: i'm in need of a mistress - 1/10/2014 6:56:21 PM

Angelsmile

Posts: 113
Joined: 12/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bubbabarrett31
you dont understand i dont want sex i dont desire sex i just want to please a woman i want to make woman happy. i dont care what type size or etnic back ground she has thats all irrelivent to me i just want to serve a woman loook at me i'm hedious and must take anyone willing to use me i just need to please a female to make me feel good on the inside i dont care about me having sex or even using the little head at all

Not wanting sex is totally ok. A professional Domme would never have sex with her clients.
She is not a whore. And stop saying you would be hideous just to hear that it is not true and you know it, such games won't work, know yourself, when you try to hide or to twist you will have zero chances, because every real Domme will be able to look deeper inside of yourself and your soul so she will see the truth anyways and there is no chance to hide anything away.
Not being truthful is not appreciated at all it shows disrespect.
"loook at me i'm hedious and must take anyone willing to use me i just need to please a female" when you write this whom are you trying to fool there ? Certainly not yourself but others and this has nothing to do with worship and respect at all. You offer yourself to a Domme, your bare soul, no cheating, no lies. And you know that what you write in this sentence is a lie.
"to make me feel good on the inside" so you see can "anyone" make you feel good inside ?
You know the answer. Only the right person for you can. And this is work, work , work and it costs time, time and time and effort and patience and lots of looking everywhere to find that one. Its not a Mc Donald's fast food restaurant where you order a hamburger to get an unhealthy meal fast. It will make you happy for five minutes and make you feel good for that time. If you really want to feel good for years you need to find the right person for you.

When you want to please then this pleasing is effort. So I did some effort for you here but you can easily start with the exercise by continuing here by yourself to explore and learn. This is just a random easily to understand website of hundreds of others you can find out there.
So this is just some very easily to be understood guide for male sub starters to give them first basic advise and I hope you will read it and then continue to explore to learn first.
Usually it takes years to learn all the details but here you have a very basic short overview about just the most important items to know. If you really want this first explore, get the knowledge and learn, then add experience to it and find the right One:

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2010/11/what-do-female-dominants-desire-in-a-male-submissive/

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2013/03/male-submission-fantasy-vs-reality/

http://www.domme-chronicles.com/category/advice/advice-for-male-subs/page/2

http://www.submissiveguide.com/tag/male-subs/

http://www.submissiveguide.com/topics/safety/

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2012/06/a-safe-call-could-save-your-life/

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2011/03/5-things-to-give-your-safe-call-person/

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2011/09/use-your-safeword-without-guilt/

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2011/09/facing-sudden-illness-during-playscene-time/

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2011/08/entering-subspace-dos-and-donts/

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2010/11/hard-and-soft-limits-by-nansl/

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2013/07/male-submission-financial-domination/

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2013/09/single-in-the-scene-part-vi-vulnerability/

http://www.submissiveguide.com/topics/society-and-norms/

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2013/08/keys-to-a-successful-relationship-transparency-is-like-a-brick-wall/

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2013/09/making-him-the-dom-of-your-dreams-working-with-the-man-you-have/

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2013/09/how-to-turn-your-submissive-experience-into-education-for-your-dominant/

http://www.submissiveguide.com/topics/personal-growth-2/

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2012/07/submissive-self-discovery-leads-to-self-worth/

Good luck

(in reply to bubbabarrett31)

Post #: 18

RE: i'm in need of a mistress - 1/11/2014 2:58:14 PM

StrictlyADomina

Posts: 103
Joined: 7/11/2011
Status: offline

I looked at your profile and it is not that bad, I have seen much, much worse. Angelsmile and Gunner 1330 gave you some great advice and links. Use them.

The "harsh" you are getting is because we Dominas are pretty tired of the "I just got a profile on collarme one whole week and the droves of 22 year old hotties are not knocking my door down to love me, live with me, do kink I like and be my forever wife." Couple that with the lack of basic research on reputable BDSM sites (not porn sites) about what BDSM is, and we just get a trifle miffed.

Take the wonderful advice already given to you and go from there.

(in reply to Angelsmile)

Post #: 19

RE: i'm in need of a mistress - 1/11/2014 3:35:06 PM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline

GOOD BOY.
This is a good start, but your profile should reflect this. I just looked at your profile and none of this was very clear.

quote:

ORIGINAL: bubbabarrett31

you dont understand i dont want sex i dont desire sex i just want to please a woman i want to make woman happy.

(in reply to bubbabarrett31)

Post #: 20

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