Conflicting and Confusing Desires

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Conflicting and Confusing Desires - 1/9/2014 11:40:10 AM

pg4g

Posts: 296
Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
Status: offline

Hey Switches,

So I have to put this out there to see if it's just me, or more of a switch-related issue: do your desires conflict at times?

Personally I know I have dominant tendencies. A lot. I enjoy the idea of it so much it drives me wild. But the desire for my sub to switch back over and restrain me and force me down and rip into me in anger made me so confused when I started to experience it, I became certain I was a sub. Often times, feeling a simultaneous desire to bind and be bound, to be hurt or to hurt, would create difficulties and ultimately dichotomies in my mind where I felt like I had multiple personality disorder. I wasn't sure what I wanted. I ended up tying my dominant side up quite carefully under knots of self control, as I'm military and I know I could scare my partner with my strength, so the only time I'd let out my strength and dominant control demanding personality was when I was restrained, and I would feel it was safe. It almost began to make my dominant side and submissive needs merge into one. It became all very confusing.

Am I the only one who's switch desires act at the same time, and conflict rather dramatically. It's like I want to be a dom and a sub at the same time and two sides of my mind are at war trying to settle the conflict.

Is this rare, or common for switches?

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RE: Conflicting and Confusing Desires - 1/10/2014 7:22:20 AM

SweetAnise

Posts: 480
Joined: 8/23/2013
Status: offline

I am a switch for me there has to be balance because that is what I need. When I was exploring being a sub/slave and Domina- I started to notice it wasn't what I wanted full-time to be one or the other. I started to think that maybe I was both. In those beginning stages, I drove myself crazy, going back and forth without thought. One minute I wanted be dominant the next a sub and it happened sometimes automatically, but I knew that acting on these impulses would not only drive me crazy but anyone I played with. So I decided to meditate and do some introspection and as I quieted my mind, body, and spirit- I began to balance out. Equilibrium returned. I was a balanced switch.

I think it is quite normal to have the experiences you are having... to feel all over the place. I believe as you become more evolved and into you own explorations you will finally decide who and what you are. You will balance out. And even if you don't enjoy the ride.

< Message edited by SweetAnise -- 1/10/2014 7:28:08 AM >

(in reply to pg4g)

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RE: Conflicting and Confusing Desires - 1/12/2014 3:35:12 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

There's another poster here who mentioned that she was playing with her partner the other day, looked up and said "hey, wasn't I topping you when we started" and then said to hell with it, and went back to bottoming happily. So no, it isn't unheard of for people to switch during play. Just make sure any possible partner is also okay with being this fluid. Because not everyone is.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SweetAnise)

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RE: Conflicting and Confusing Desires - 1/12/2014 4:31:22 PM

JetOnly

Posts: 78
Joined: 11/6/2013
Status: offline

In general I stick in one role in a scene - but sometimes if the dom partners domness has a wee weakness then I find mine rising, and it has happened that I was pounced by my sub and found myself bound while I was cursing and demanding - till I was forced to submit - that was a very amusing afternoon, I was very pissed off to start with - but enjoyed it very much :D and learnt a whole lot more about making sure a switchy sub is properly bound when you are having a wee 'not so dommy' moment

(in reply to DesFIP)

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RE: Conflicting and Confusing Desires - 2/13/2014 10:17:00 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

The Ancient Greek aphorism "know thyself" (Greek: γνῶθι σεαυτόν, transliterated: gnōthi seauton; also ... σαυτόν ... sauton with the ε contracted), is one of the Delphic maxims and was inscribed in the pronaos (forecourt) of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi according to the Greek periegetic (travelogue) writer Pausanias (10.24.1)

Normally I'd stay out of here, because I do not have any relationship with Switching, and not having a relationship impairs my ability to relate to the subject. However, I posted the aphorism above, because it is the key to happiness and deep meaningful relationships.

After a few threads, posts, and a long history of the great switch debate here on CM, I'd like to point out that the only way you are going to be truly satisfied in life is to know yourself. As a switch, identifying as a switch, and the nature of the OP, it's fairly clear to me that you "know" your likes, dislikes, wants and needs. We get so much cut and dry, black and white, heavily laden with "one true wayism", the teaming masses have given you pause. DO. NOT. LISTEN. TO. THEM. listen to you.

You are dancing to the beat of your own drummer, which is what I do, but I'm not altogether sure mine is even a drummer. Evolve your personal dynamic, know what is bringing you the highest quality of hedonism you can muster, and stick with it. In your above scenario... Admittedly it was HOT... I appreciate the Dominance you initiated with, and I relished the submission you fell into. That is the glorious advantage you have being a switch, and it is working for you. Do not fret the niche, just allow the haters to hate, while you embrace your happy. For in the end, at the end of the day, you're living with your decisions, not them.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to pg4g)

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RE: Conflicting and Confusing Desires - 2/13/2014 6:17:02 PM

pg4g

Posts: 296
Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

The Ancient Greek aphorism "know thyself" (Greek: γνῶθι σεαυτόν, transliterated: gnōthi seauton; also ... σαυτόν ... sauton with the ε contracted), is one of the Delphic maxims and was inscribed in the pronaos (forecourt) of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi according to the Greek periegetic (travelogue) writer Pausanias (10.24.1)

You know it's funny because I have tattooed on myself in Ancient Greek lol

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

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RE: Conflicting and Confusing Desires - 2/20/2014 10:30:11 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

From my perspective, the switch gets to eat their cake and still have it too.

Jus sayin
Exiled

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to pg4g)

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RE: Conflicting and Confusing Desires - 2/21/2014 7:41:04 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

Interesting.

Find your happy place. I identified with being a sub, because that's how I was introduced into this world, but in the past if I was to label, I have a more dominant personality that likes my way. Labeling is to generic for me, and causes me confusion. Sometimes I want to to be the forceful one, and be able to go with my wants, and other times I want to be controlled, because I find it very attractive. I have a changeable personality so instead of labeling completely I just go with the flow, what I want at that particular time. Instead of asking what am I? I am asking what do I like today.

_____________________________

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My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

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RE: Conflicting and Confusing Desires - 2/22/2014 5:39:35 PM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline

There are rules to kink, just like life. If you break them then god himself will appear in front of you and whine about how you are not doing S&M right, just like he does when I put the milk away with only half a glass left.

Wait a second, that's never happened EVER. Never mind then, go about your business and do whatever you like to do.

If you like it, do it. It might take a bit longer to find someone that likes it too, but you are young and have quite a lot of time to find the right partner.

(in reply to chatterbox24)

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RE: Conflicting and Confusing Desires - 2/25/2014 12:22:43 AM

piggylez

Posts: 27
Joined: 12/5/2013
From: City of Fallen Angels
Status: offline

Hello there, Everyone! I'm new to the Forum side, and am More than comfortable being a switch female. All I want to do is just add my input... I suppose, just as Chatterbox24 stated, "I'm asking what do I like today."

We have our reasons why we find conflict and feel comfort between the two. My personal experiences as a Switch, I have dominant qualities but have fun and joy switching roles. I personally, just don't like coming off as predominantly Domme. People approach with expectations. But, being a switch, I feel forces people to test the waters, and at the same time testing your waters and which way you choose to go with the flow. Enjoy being submissive, but if there's something you have to put on the table as a Dom that others aren't doing, Live it up! If you have what it takes to keep the momentum going, then do it! I guess, it's about finding your own personal comfort and balance between the two. Hope I helped any! Best Wishes!

_____________________________

~A student in the Rite of Life. One day, I will truly know the Virtues.- Respectfully, Miss Piggy~
"Now here you must leave all distrust behind; let all your cowardice die on this spot" -Dante

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

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RE: Conflicting and Confusing Desires - 3/19/2014 4:19:13 AM

FightingChains

Posts: 293
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g

Hey Switches,

So I have to put this out there to see if it's just me, or more of a switch-related issue: do your desires conflict at times?

Personally I know I have dominant tendencies. A lot. I enjoy the idea of it so much it drives me wild. But the desire for my sub to switch back over and restrain me and force me down and rip into me in anger made me so confused when I started to experience it, I became certain I was a sub. Often times, feeling a simultaneous desire to bind and be bound, to be hurt or to hurt, would create difficulties and ultimately dichotomies in my mind where I felt like I had multiple personality disorder. I wasn't sure what I wanted. I ended up tying my dominant side up quite carefully under knots of self control, as I'm military and I know I could scare my partner with my strength, so the only time I'd let out my strength and dominant control demanding personality was when I was restrained, and I would feel it was safe. It almost began to make my dominant side and submissive needs merge into one. It became all very confusing.

Am I the only one who's switch desires act at the same time, and conflict rather dramatically. It's like I want to be a dom and a sub at the same time and two sides of my mind are at war trying to settle the conflict.

Is this rare, or common for switches?

You're not alone in liking both, and being aroused by the idea at the same time. There are plenty out there with fighting/wrestling fetishes, and liking flip scenes, and undetermined top/bottom dynamics.

Personally, it sounds to me like you have a strength fetish. You like having the strength to control, and the your sub to have the strength to fight back adequately. I have similar.

I can't agree more than with what Exiled said: (emphasis added)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

You are dancing to the beat of your own drummer, which is what I do, but I'm not altogether sure mine is even a drummer. Evolve your personal dynamic, know what is bringing you the highest quality of hedonism you can muster, and stick with it. In your above scenario... Admittedly it was HOT... I appreciate the Dominance you initiated with, and I relished the submission you fell into. That is the glorious advantage you have being a switch, and it is working for you. Do not fret the niche, just allow the haters to hate, while you embrace your happy. For in the end, at the end of the day, you're living with your decisions, not them.

(in reply to pg4g)

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Post #: 11