quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I am 100% "in" or I am not. I can no longer even consider casual, it lacks depth which I need.

I find if I love someone, then of course I also need them.

I have also found that wanting someone who ends up not supplying your emotional needs can be tragic.

I think as you mature you start to realize that needs are as important as wants.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

I'm happier with casual.
I'm in a monogamous relationship currently, and its hard for me.
Perhaps someday we will be poly. I certainly want that. But the current beau has issues- so right now I'm 100% in, but it hasn't been easy for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I am 100% "in" or I am not. I can no longer even consider casual, it lacks depth which I need.

I find if I love someone, then of course I also need them.

I have also found that wanting someone who ends up not supplying your emotional needs can be tragic.

I think as you mature you start to realize that needs are as important as wants.

Bada bing, bada boom!

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If she could handle getting her car fixed before she met you, then she doesn't need you to handle it. Yeah, you being knowledgeable makes it easier for her to talk to the mechanic but she managed before you and she could manage after. Convenience is not the same as need.

There's also a difference between physical and emotional need. I can't change the oil in the car but I can take it to the shop and wait for half an hour. My need for him is emotional, if this relationship ended I would mourn it deeply. As he would. Because we are each others support system, we turn to each other first in pain and in joy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


In another thread, I posted that I was 100% in a relationship, and that less than that, made me feel unfaithful to the relationship.

Perhaps it is that I am geared towards 24/7 TPE, and committing to that dynamic puts me all in. As I stated in the other thread, I am relationship orientated, so casual sex really doesn't get me excited... Although it is nice on occasion, in the end it reminds me of how much more I'm looking for... 100% of course.

Of course there is the whole thang... Well, me being a nightmare pain in the ass is a big one. I loathe sycophants, and I do not feel nor believe that being on the /s should a sycophant be. I love being challenged intellectually, physically, and just about any way that does not become bratty disobedience. Furthermore, I am one of the most skilled people I know, there is very little that I cannot build, fix, repair... I'm McGyvers smarter brother. I love turning people onto learning new stuff, and when in a relationship we start on automotive 101 and drift through the spectrum of "Homeland security can and will throw you under Guantanamo bay for the shit you know", needless to say, rarely a dull moment in exile-land.

I suppose I'm blathering long winded, rather than saying, I'd rather she be with me because she wants me and not because she needs me. To the point I will equip her with skills and knowledge that renders me moot in the vanilla need department.

I have seen, and still see titanic strength from our /girls on this site, I'd name them, but I only have about 9hours of battery left on this iPad, but you know who they are.

Conversely I've seen oceans of indifference from the D/ side of the dynamic, here and in social settings, that gives me enough pause to think I may be an island in the 100% in department. Not saying that all D's have given me doubt, we have a few here that have helped me broaden my horizons by example over the years, but it does seem to be a limited quality. From your side of the kneel, how far "in" are you, or intend to be?

So without further gilding the lilly... Tear into it

Exiled

quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

When I am in a relationship, I always strive to give 100%.

Is that always returned? No. Nor is it always recognized, and in fairness, sometimes results outstrips intent, diluting the perception of what is there, for myself or for her.

OP, are you merely approaching this from what you want to be/have, or from what is? Kudos to you if you can always make the two align. I'm not quite as fortunate, though I take any variance in stride. After all, giving isn't half as significant as what is received, or for that matter, learned and discovered.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


Yeah...blathering...that largely covers everything.

(By the way...change your profile pic.....no...seriously).

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


I love being challenged intellectually, physically, and just about any way that does not become bratty disobedience. Furthermore, I am one of the most skilled people I know, there is very little that I cannot build, fix, repair... I'm McGyvers smarter brother. I love turning people onto learning new stuff, and when in a relationship we start on automotive 101 and drift through the spectrum of "Homeland security can and will throw you under Guantanamo bay for the shit you know", needless to say, rarely a dull moment in exile-land.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

It's rarely 100/100. Sometimes she gives 100% and you give 20, and sometimes it's 80/40. It's overall that matters. You can't decide that because she can't give 100 % today, that it's over.

If you do that, then I'd conclude that you are afraid of emotional intimacy and are looking for an excuse to end things, to protect yourself from being hurt.

Unfortunately, if you remove the possibility of being hurt, you also remove the possibility of being loved.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


I love being challenged intellectually, physically, and just about any way that does not become bratty disobedience. Furthermore, I am one of the most skilled people I know, there is very little that I cannot build, fix, repair... I'm McGyvers smarter brother. I love turning people onto learning new stuff, and when in a relationship we start on automotive 101 and drift through the spectrum of "Homeland security can and will throw you under Guantanamo bay for the shit you know", needless to say, rarely a dull moment in exile-land.

I agree with this and the reason I agree is, my partner, like you is a multi skilled man. I've never heard him utter the words, 'I can't do that', its not in his vocabulary. He's taught me skills I never thought were possible. Since meeting him I have helped build a house, renovate a historical building, build a floating structure inside a historical building. Five years ago I couldn't even use a screw driver properly. Now I proficiently use industrial nail guns, chain saws, and angle grinders I know know how to strip an engine, make electric circuits, build a reasonably complex website, how to ocean navigate with the stars in case all the equipment goes down and how to get down a mountain safely when there is a high risk of avalanche. He has also taught me the rudiments of how to save someone else's life in certain mountain situations. The biggest thing he has taught me is, nothing is impossible if you put your mind to it.

Before meeting him, the man in my life was always saying, 'I can't do that, we need to get an expert in' and back then I didn't give it a lot of thought. What has shined through with my partner is his intelligence and the ability to think outside of the box and that thinking outside of the box reflects everything about him. It doesn't make him any more manly (well it does to me!) but what it does make him is highly attractive, at least to me and the fact he has that endless patience to share that knowledge and 'get up and go' with me, has been life changing.

Do I need to give my all to the man in my life? This man, yes but up until him I certainly didn't. I had never before been through the building blocks of love like I have here.

I do believe you can give your all to more than one person. I have been utterly in love with a long term poly woman in our household and when that relationship finally broke, I grieved, I sank down low and I went through the whole curb of emotions one goes through when they have lost someone they love. One of the reasons I can't be in a D/s relationship with Steves girl now is, I can't afford to get so emotionally involved again. I can still adore her, look after her and love her but thats as a friend and friends are different right?