Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Former Master


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Former Master Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Former Master - 1/18/2014 9:50:27 AM   
DomDolf


Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline 		orgasmdenial12, I disagree with your suggestion to fight for her. It is a child of a woman that wants a man to "fight" for her in the sense that you are suggesting. If her eyes, mind, heart, etc. are with another man than she doesn't want what she has or doesn't know what she wants. Either way is a lose-lose for the man, even if he "wins" the fight.

(in reply to DomDolf)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Former Master - 1/18/2014 10:52:55 AM   
HntersToy


Posts: 56
Joined: 12/7/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pballer123

My slave's former master released her after basically ignoring her for several months. When I took ownership of her she had a lot of separation problems because of the way she was released.
She had a lot of anger there. I had her write a letter to him expressing all the things she wanted to say, but never did. The letter was never sent, just used to let her get it out of her system.
My slave lives a couple thousand miles from me and wee only get to meet every other month. 2 months ago former master contacts my slave and apologizes for his behavior and what he had done to her and asked
if she would like to play a game of online scrabble occasionally. (in the past it was a game or 2 every couple of weeks. I allowed the occasional game. She said "trust me," you own me now. The games are now daily
and they are texting on a regular basis. She asked If she could meet him for lunch so that she could clear her anger over him. She now wants to be friends with him again, where 2 months ago she said that
he was never to be trusted again. She keeps assuring me that I have nothing to fear from her going back to him. She admits that he still has the power to hurt her.

We are in a 3-day cooling period. I have told her that I want her to cut off contact with him in the future, I was told that I am paranoid. Am I wrong?

You are neither paranoid or wrong. But I would let her go. She will likely go back to him, either with you in the picture or not. He hurt her deeply for a reason, she was not ready for the relationship to be over, but it was stripped from her, that's where her anger an hurt was born. Is it really worth your effort to always be second guessing the situation?

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Former Master - 1/18/2014 12:55:06 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Weekly, daily . . . what's next, she moving in with him? So how did that 3 day cool down go? She pregnant with the ex Master's baby yet?



_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Former Master - 1/19/2014 9:50:30 AM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		You know, sometimes this is a very small community here at CM.

When we have someone that starts a thread, I think most of us try to respond to what is shared with us. There may be more to the story, but of course, we only have a bit to go on. Sometimes we are right... hell, lots of times we are, but sometimes we may get it wrong or half right.

I know I did and someone else mentioned, how long have you been together. No response to that.

Well... I won't go into details, but I will say. From break up one, new master and all that is or isn't being shared... four fucking months isn't enough time for any of this nonsense to make any sense.

OP... you should be ashamed of yourself. Drama, drama, drama. You pick someone that has been abandoned, claim ownership and expect things to go well... you got some problems of your own. So while pointing the finger at this submissive... your slave... how about going into detail about your end? Quite frankly, I think you both made some mistakes here... but you involved us.

Now... lets talk about this insecurity you have. Hummm... or have you run already?

Next time you involve others in your drama, you might want to make sure you share the truth. I don't know your former, but when you come to a place where she is... you gotta bet someone might see the other side.

Your version... I would stand by my statements, if it were true. Somehow I am thinking there is a whole lot more to this.

You should not use other people in the course of harming someone else. Yeah... you did that.

Just my personal opinion. Here's another. Stop picking out wounded submissives without the time for healing to take place. People can hook up in a hurry. I don't have issue with that. I've done it and I might again, but you don't go in wounded and expect things to go smoothly with the average person.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Former Master - 1/19/2014 10:09:29 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		hhhmm...ok, I'm curious now. But I'm guessing we'll never find out the whole story here.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Former Master - 1/19/2014 10:10:18 AM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		Seriously dude... stop the drama...

We are all over this site. You're pants are slipping.

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Former Master - 1/19/2014 10:36:57 AM   
Pballer123


Posts: 34
Joined: 3/10/2012
Status: offline 		She is 51 and not new to the lifestyle. Can a person give all the information of a 5-month relationship in one forum? I had ONE question, was I wrong in telling her to stop communicating with her former master. How many people answered the question? How many people went off on all of the rest of the relationship when they did not have the information or were asked for their opinion on the relationship?

Again, was I wrong to tell her to cut off contact with her former master at that point? Simple yes or no question. . . .

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Former Master - 1/19/2014 10:44:09 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I had ONE question, was I wrong in telling her to stop communicating with her former master.

No

quote:

Again, was I wrong to tell her to cut off contact with her former master at that point?

No

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Former Master - 1/19/2014 10:46:25 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Well now that I know there may be more to the story than mentioned by the op, my answer would be "It depends". I mean, what did you do to her that maybe she changed her mind, if anything? Did you deceive her in any way? Did you steal her away from the former Master and now she regrets it?

I mean, for me, there's now a lot of "what ifs".


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Former Master - 1/19/2014 10:51:54 AM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pballer123

She is 51 and not new to the lifestyle. Can a person give all the information of a 5-month relationship in one forum? I had ONE question, was I wrong in telling her to stop communicating with her former master. How many people answered the question? How many people went off on all of the rest of the relationship when they did not have the information or were asked for their opinion on the relationship?

Again, was I wrong to tell her to cut off contact with her former master at that point? Simple yes or no question. . . .


Did you or did you not paint your submisive in a poor light... which would taint the information we had to base an answer on?

It's not so black and white.

Emailing me will not be helpful. You brought this to the public... I will be damned if I go private with your drama. I don't see a reason to get personally involved in your relationship, especially when you cannot see anything but... I just want a yes or a no.

How about a maybe?

Edit to add. I missed a question. One doesn't need every detail of a five month relationship... which is off a month from what I saw. What one should do when pointing at someone in fault... is give a bit of their own... just for a clearer picture. Were you insecure with her before the former master of less than half a year (just to be fair lol) contacted her?

< Message edited by Rawni -- 1/19/2014 10:54:55 AM >

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Former Master - 1/19/2014 11:18:09 AM   
Pballer123


Posts: 34
Joined: 3/10/2012
Status: offline 		Now challenging my statements of how long the relationship has been, 4 or 5 months? Does it make a difference? It must, so to be clear and leave nothing out, the exact date that our relationship started was August 2, 2013. By my count that makes it 5 months and 17 days. Better? Is that complete enough. I assume you have chatted with her to get the information that you have. Of course she has a different view of all things. You are the one bringing drama. I had a simple yes or no question with some, what I thought was pertinent background information to make a reasonable answer. I DID NOT ASK for an analysis of anything else, just the one question, was I wrong in telling her to stop communicating with her former master. I also have not made any comments about all the other "suggestions or advice" because that was not the purpose of my question. No drama with the question just a simple question. For crying out loud!

BTW thank you Kalikshama for the one straight answer.

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Former Master - 1/19/2014 11:58:05 AM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline 		Ha! As you are seeing, there is no such thing as a yes or no question on these forums. Most of the threads are too stupid to generate much conversation; when one does capture people's attention, it tends to twist and turn, to take on a life of its own. Usually with a heavy sprinkling of snark thrown in. It's the nature of the only game in town

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Former Master - 1/19/2014 12:26:56 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pballer123
Simple yes or no question. . . .


But, it's not a simple question. Because the impetus behind it isn't simple. While you may not have been wrong to tell her to cut off all contact, it won't solve the issue. You're treating the symptom, not the cause.


So, really you didn't want help. You just wanted someone to validate your position.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 1/19/2014 12:34:42 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Former Master - 1/19/2014 2:25:16 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pballer123

Now challenging my statements of how long the relationship has been, 4 or 5 months? Does it make a difference? It must, so to be clear and leave nothing out, the exact date that our relationship started was August 2, 2013. By my count that makes it 5 months and 17 days. Better? Is that complete enough. I assume you have chatted with her to get the information that you have. Of course she has a different view of all things. You are the one bringing drama. I had a simple yes or no question with some, what I thought was pertinent background information to make a reasonable answer. I DID NOT ASK for an analysis of anything else, just the one question, was I wrong in telling her to stop communicating with her former master. I also have not made any comments about all the other "suggestions or advice" because that was not the purpose of my question. No drama with the question just a simple question. For crying out loud!

BTW thank you Kalikshama for the one straight answer.


Smile... You may note that I tend to know the answer to something quite often and there is a reason I say most everything I say. Of course you would know exactly how long you were together. It wasn't a silly me kind of question. Oh no. I asked so that I could now ask... why the fuck would you do that when she was so very clearly torn in her mind and heart and poured it out in various ways? Were you blind to that? (A one word reply will be fine, thank you.)

Therefore... were you wrong? YES.

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Former Master - 1/20/2014 4:08:28 AM   
evesgrden


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pballer123

She is 51 and not new to the lifestyle. Can a person give all the information of a 5-month relationship in one forum? I had ONE question, was I wrong in telling her to stop communicating with her former master. How many people answered the question? How many people went off on all of the rest of the relationship when they did not have the information or were asked for their opinion on the relationship?

Again, was I wrong to tell her to cut off contact with her former master at that point? Simple yes or no question. . . .


It is very rarely that I think telling someone to cut off all contact is a good idea. The exceptions to that really are if it's a toxic relationship where it's damaging to the person in question or if it's a tough love approach.

I want my slave to want me... period. If a former mistress came along and was making a play, I would expect to know about it, and if he has unfinished business he had best take care of it; if he want's a platonic relationship he can do that. And if there are feelings developing between he and the ex, then he had best go back to her.

I don't want him with me, wondering about her. I want him to know in his heart of hearts that he being with me is the right thing. Not because I tell him he can't see her, but because it is what he wants. This is the ONE thing that matters.. the s has to WANT to be with me.

I had this happen about 30 years. He told me his ex wanted to see him, yes she knew we were together.. and they had lived together before splitting up.

Yes, go, I said. Sleep with her even I said. He went. He spent the night with her. He came back to me... being with her was wrong for him. We were together ultimately 18 years, and not once after that did he wonder if he should be with her because he knew that their split up was the right thing, and that I was right for him.

More importantly, I didn't have to wonder if he thought about her, wanted her, and she wasn't forbidden fruit to him. Was I jealous that night? You bet. I knew I might lose him. I was a wreck. But the right thing for us, for me, and for him was that he had to come to me without doubt and unencumbered.

He also knew that my feelings for him might change after that night, and that he might want to come back to me and I might not want him anymore. That was a risk he was taking.

Ultimately we moved forward leaving the past behind us. Informed decision making every step of the way.

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Former Master - 1/20/2014 4:43:45 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Great posting, Evesgrden.



_____________________________



(in reply to evesgrden)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Former Master - 1/20/2014 8:02:02 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

BTW thank you Kalikshama for the one straight answer.


You're welcome. However, my answer is of no value, unlike the other answers you have received.

A better question for you to ask is "Will me telling her to cut off contact solve the problem?" My answer to that is "No" as well.

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Former Master - 1/20/2014 8:33:24 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pballer123
I have told her that I want her to cut off contact with him in the future, I was told that I am paranoid. Am I wrong?

Your order was "wrong," because it's unenforceable, and because she will disobey it. Create a situation where she habitually obeys you, not one where she habitually disobeys you.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Former Master - 1/20/2014 9:14:10 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pballer123
Simple yes or no question. . . .


But, it's not a simple question. Because the impetus behind it isn't simple. While you may not have been wrong to tell her to cut off all contact, it won't solve the issue. You're treating the symptom, not the cause.





Ditto! Especially the bold part.

And frankly... As far as relationships go.... If all you do is treat symptoms and not the cause the relationship will sooner or later die.

And because you are treating the symptom and not the cause.... Your wrong. In fact I would say your so wrong that your approach is allowing the cause to make your relationship even more dysfunctional.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Former Master - 1/20/2014 11:24:42 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

OP, this isn't Burger King. You aren't guaranteed to have it your way. You posed a question publicly. Once you did, your control over the answers you received ended. If you wanted to be told exactly what you wanted to hear, then you should have just said "I feel this way. Tell me I'm right. Validate me." I don't understand why people approach strangers with a question, then bitch about the answers they receive.

Honestly if it's come down to the point where you have to ask if requesting she cut off contact with her former master means you are paranoid, the battle is pretty much lost. If she was truly yours, you having to ask her to not be with her ex shouldn't be a factor. If she was yours, she'd not have a foot in both worlds. Now don't get me wrong, people are friends with exes for a variety of reasons. But based on the way you have worded the situation, you clearly have a problem with it. And this situation can have a way of building up resentment on both sides (either you dealing with her spending so much time with someone she admitted still has power over her or her being upset you having to tell her to cut off contact with someone she clearly doesn't want to cut off contact with) to the point of tearing things down.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 1/20/2014 12:13:23 PM >

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Former Master Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.098