Completely inexperienced

Completely inexperienced (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

totallyrandom -> Completely inexperienced (1/25/2014 11:24:00 PM)
Hello, To anyone with an answer. Are most doms ok with taking on someone who the kinkiest thing they've ever done was get handcuffed to the bed like once and is there some rule as to who makes first contact the dom or sub or is it like any other relationship and it doesnt matter who makes the first move?

MzMinx -> RE: Completely inexperienced (1/25/2014 11:37:50 PM)
Hey there, Welcome to collarme and welcome to your own explorations Asking questions is a great way to start its like any other relationship ... and if someone gets their knickers in a knot because you contacted them or tells you there are rules you have to follow before you have agreed to be teir submissive... then they have self selected as probably being wankers and you do not need them in your life Rules, expectations and protocols row from your relationship with someone ... not from the title they select from themselves I am not sure where you live , but most parts of the world have real life bdsm gatherings. And some areas have groups that are specifically for under 35's and lots of gatherings can just be discussion groups. They can be great ways to learn and meet others who you might find interesting edited for spelling

MzMinx -> RE: Completely inexperienced (1/26/2014 1:00:10 AM)
opps that would be 'flow' from your relationship ... not row and 'select for' not from grumbles at her multi tasking skills

myotherself -> RE: Completely inexperienced (1/26/2014 1:01:58 AM)
Every kinkster has to start somewhere - we weren't all born wearing leather and carrying handcuffs [:D] The most important thing is that you choose the relationship that makes YOU comfortable. If you're looking for something long term and intimate, then treat it like dating. Chat to the guy online, but make it clear you're not going to talk sexually (unless that's what you want). That will weed out the guys looking for a quick cyberwank. Meet for a coffee, as equals. See if you get on. Date a while, get to know each other, and then throw in the sex and the kink. This worked for me. It might not be the way you want to do things, but it's important that you set the pace to something that you're comfortable with, just like in 'ordinary' dating. There's plenty of time for the kinky stuff once you've decided you're compatible as people.

RC21 -> RE: Completely inexperienced (1/26/2014 2:07:30 AM)
It would be ok to me... It's interesting to explore together. As long as there is honesty and lots of communication.

DarkSteven -> RE: Completely inexperienced (1/26/2014 3:30:43 AM)
There are lots of reasons I would take on a sub. Experience level really isn't a major factor. That said, I've seen some insecure Doms wanting a newbie only, because they don't want a sub to have any basis for comparing them to others. Generally, the man makes first contact whether Dom or sub. But there's no rule for that, and as a male Dom, I'm flattered when a woman makes the first move.

WorldsWorstMan -> RE: Completely inexperienced (1/26/2014 5:07:31 AM)
I think that if its men you are looking for, most of us would enjoy it if someone that makes first contact. And the lack of experience will probably matter very little to the ones that get a chance to turn you on to some new experiences.

Kana -> RE: Completely inexperienced (1/26/2014 5:13:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: totallyrandom Hello, To anyone with an answer. Are most doms ok with taking on someone who the kinkiest thing they've ever done was get handcuffed to the bed like once and is there some rule as to who makes first contact the dom or sub or is it like any other relationship and it doesnt matter who makes the first move? Yep.In BDSM, as in Real Life, it is far often easier to train someone from scratch than to untrain and then retrain. At least with a true newbie, tabula rosa style,one never hears, "But that's the way my old dom liked it." Blank slates are wonderful things...as long as the willingness to learn andthe humility to accept teachings come with it

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Completely inexperienced (1/26/2014 5:19:07 AM)
I think most don't care about experience level, but it depends on the specific dom, doesn't it. Did you know your profile is not viewable? If you don't mean to have it hidden, you might want to contact support on the other side. As in real life, males tend to contact females, regardless of orientation. However, if you find a profile you like, I say go for it. BTW: I recommend not announcing your newness in your CM profile, it does tend to bring out the predators.

Kana -> RE: Completely inexperienced (1/26/2014 5:49:20 AM)
quote: I think most don't care about experience level, but it depends on the specific dom, doesn't it. To this cat, experience matters a whole heckuva lot less than characteristics such as willingness and obedience.I can teach everything I need her to learn,but without those two base ingredients,things ain't gonna go anywhere

RedMagic1 -> RE: Completely inexperienced (1/26/2014 6:12:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: totallyrandom To anyone with an answer. Are most doms ok with taking on someone who the kinkiest thing they've ever done was get handcuffed to the bed like once and is there some rule as to who makes first contact the dom or sub or is it like any other relationship and it doesnt matter who makes the first move? Limited real-life kink experience is fine. No real-life experience and tons of fiction reading is a negative, maybe even a red flag. (Women have the same kind of issues with men who are soaked in femdom porn.) BDSM fiction, much like any other romantic fiction, encourages impossible expectations, and shallow understanding of why people do what they do. Frankly, I think your best course of action is to stop reading fiction completely, and to start reading nonfiction and to meet people in real life. Go back to the fiction later on, once you have some reality under your belt.

VideoAdminChi -> RE: Completely inexperienced (1/26/2014 7:37:52 AM)
FR, This OP's account appears to have been deleted. Feel free to continue the convo, but I wanted to let y'all know that it does not look like answers from this OP will be forthcoming.

FieryOpal -> RE: Completely inexperienced (1/27/2014 11:56:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Yep.In BDSM, as in Real Life, it is far often easier to train someone from scratch than to untrain and then retrain. At least with a true newbie, tabula rosa style,one never hears, "But that's the way my old dom liked it." Blank slates are wonderful things...as long as the willingness to learn andthe humility to accept teachings come with it quote: I think most don't care about experience level, but it depends on the specific dom, doesn't it.To this cat, experience matters a whole heckuva lot less than characteristics such as willingness and obedience.I can teach everything I need her to learn,but without those two base ingredients,things ain't gonna go anywhere Couldn't agree with you more, Kana. Regarding obedience itself, going through the motions isn't enough. Words are cheap. Compliance is what matters. A sub can act as though he understands and agrees, but if he doesn't follow through with the consistency of his actions, then acquiescence is meaningless. quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven There are lots of reasons I would take on a sub. Experience level really isn't a major factor. That said, I've seen some insecure Doms wanting a newbie only, because they don't want a sub to have any basis for comparing them to others. Generally, the man makes first contact whether Dom or sub. But there's no rule for that, and as a male Dom, I'm flattered when a woman makes the first move. May I ask you, DarkSteven, are you the type of man who takes compliments well? Informally, I've noticed that men who don't react negatively to expressions of positive attention (from the desired gender) are not threatened by a woman making the first introductory move or showing interest (beyond innocent flirtation). Other men might view it as being overly aggressive, unfeminine, or in the worst-case scenario--being "easy." Obviously, this doesn't apply in a F/m communications exchange, and I don't hesitate to show interest in a male sub if warranted. When in doubt, though, I'd have to agree as follows: quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt As in real life, males tend to contact females, regardless of orientation. However, if you find a profile you like, I say go for it. As much as we women complain about being inappropriately contacted, it's still a gesture I would expect a man to make to get the ball rolling.

DesFIP -> RE: Completely inexperienced (1/27/2014 1:49:04 PM)
Waiting for a guy to contact you may mean you are only getting contacted by horn dogs. While the good guys have given up and just read about bdsm. If there's someone who attracts you, then you saying hi and you love his Twain quote or picture of a waterfall will only get a good response. Most males don't ever get emails from women they don't know and they are thrilled and almost pathetically delighted to receive one. If they're still on the site, it guarantees you will get a response. From a guy who you already know you like some things about him. I think that if you're into edge play there's a risk with a newbie. Because he/she may not yet know what they do like and don't. So if it turns out your top play favorite is needles and they need to hard limit that, then there's going to be a problem. The Man was thrilled I was a newbie because he'd just come off talking to a string of subs who were all "But that's not how my ex did it". So having someone who was able to respond authentically to him without any preconceived notions of how to do this was a nice change. With that said, I knew myself well enough to know I wasn't into pain play, and absolutely no emotional sadism, and that I would like to explore bondage.

Kana -> RE: Completely inexperienced (1/27/2014 2:27:40 PM)
quote: A sub can act as though he understands and agrees, but if he doesn't follow through with the consistency of his actions, then acquiescence is meaningless. That's why I tell people all the time,"I listen with my eyes." Lips only lie when they move. Hearts are full of bad shit. Feet, they tell the truth about a person quote: are you the type of man who takes compliments well? Informally, I've noticed that men who don't react negatively to expressions of positive attention (from the desired gender) are not threatened by a woman making the first introductory move or showing interest (beyond innocent flirtation). I can't speak for DS, but this cat adores compliments (I think you can tell a lot about a persons mental and emotional health by how they react to compliments.Healthy people say Thank You.Sick people deflect em). Not coincidentally,I'm quite fine with a gal making the first approach.Even if the interest isn't reciprocated on my part, I'm flattered as hell if nothing else. Chortles Course,if something comes of it,you can bet your bottom dollar I'll hold that over her for the rest of time: "Yeah,who's the one who approached who first,slut?" So much fun

Nukldo -> RE: Completely inexperienced (2/12/2014 2:23:51 PM)
For me being contacted by any female is a thrill, especially on a dating site. It seems as though us men are usually outnumbered considerably and knowing someone is interested is always good for the ego. With regards to experience; my first 24/7 D/s relationship was with a very experienced sub. I was not threatened at all by this and learned a great deal from her. She introduced me to one of her previous Masters and he became my mentor and allowed me to learn some of the art in some of the best private dungeons of NYC. I would have never had that opportunity otherwise. So, even the experienced sub who says, "That is not what my previous Master did/said/wanted," may actually have a point (even though she will never know it if she used those words of disrespect). We communicated very well and she was always very respectful when helping me to learn.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Completely inexperienced (2/13/2014 6:24:38 AM)
Am I the only one who loves that Kana calls himself "this cat"?

Blueswordsman -> RE: Completely inexperienced (2/13/2014 7:48:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: totallyrandom Hello, To anyone with an answer. Are most doms ok with taking on someone who the kinkiest thing they've ever done was get handcuffed to the bed like once It's a start. quote: ORIGINAL: totallyrandomis there some rule as to who makes first contact the dom or sub or is it like any other relationship and it doesnt matter who makes the first move? like any other relationship it doesn't matter who makes the first move. Playful talk is always a good way to begin.

quietandintense -> RE: Completely inexperienced (2/18/2014 1:11:04 PM)
This is a great and succinct reply. quote: ORIGINAL: MzMinx Hey there, Welcome to collarme and welcome to your own explorations Asking questions is a great way to start its like any other relationship ... and if someone gets their knickers in a knot because you contacted them or tells you there are rules you have to follow before you have agreed to be teir submissive... then they have self selected as probably being wankers and you do not need them in your life Rules, expectations and protocols row from your relationship with someone ... not from the title they select from themselves I am not sure where you live , but most parts of the world have real life bdsm gatherings. And some areas have groups that are specifically for under 35's and lots of gatherings can just be discussion groups. They can be great ways to learn and meet others who you might find interesting edited for spelling

ChristianDomCA -> RE: Completely inexperienced (2/24/2014 6:07:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: totallyrandom Hello, To anyone with an answer. Are most doms ok with taking on someone who the kinkiest thing they've ever done was get handcuffed to the bed like once and is there some rule as to who makes first contact the dom or sub or is it like any other relationship and it doesnt matter who makes the first move? I'm quite fine taking someone in my household, who the kinkiest thing they've ever done, was get handcuffed to the bed only once. From my perspective, the Dom usually makes the first move.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125