can you be a friend and not in the friend zone,

can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (Full Version)

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YourBigDaddy67 -> can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/29/2014 5:23:44 PM)
I have recently met a young lady, who tells me that I am her Friend, but I have not been Friend Zoned. I am not sure what to say or believe, every time I go down this road of being a friend to a woman with hopes that it might pay off later I have gotten screwed!!! My friend always goes off with someone who was more aggressive than I was, because I was trying to be "A FRIEND" and keep it casual and show her we could build something. My Current friend keeps telling me I cannot pressure her, but yet that hasn't stopped her from coming over to my house twice for sex. Then she always gives me this great big apology, I don't mean to send mixed signals. BULLSHIT! You either want me or you don't

RedMagic1 -> RE: can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/29/2014 5:29:46 PM)
Then why are you sending her mixed signals? I wouldn't bone anyone who was playing games with my head. There are plenty of sane women in the world. Why be a submissive to a crazy one?

anniezz338 -> RE: can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/29/2014 5:32:34 PM)
You guys are friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. You want to settle into a relationship and who knows what she wants but she is running the whole show. It would be your decision if you want to keep pushing for a relationship or staying on her terms. Good luck.

DaddySatyr -> RE: can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/29/2014 5:39:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Then why are you sending her mixed signals? I wouldn't bone anyone who was playing games with my head. There are plenty of sane women in the world. Why be a submissive to a crazy one? This was too good to not post again. Where's that sunny person, when you need them? Also, I was taking a sip of my soda, at the time so, you owe me for a new keyboard and mouse set(but it's one of those cheapy, wireless, Walmart jobbies so, it won't hurt much).

DesFIP -> RE: can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/29/2014 5:47:05 PM)
Obviously you don't value her as a friend or you wouldn't be doing this in the hopes of having sex. Why not be open and honest. If you value her as a friend and would like this to become a relationship, then say so. Tell her "I don't know how you feel about me but I really care about you. I would like to date. Would you come to dinner with me on Saturday?". Because expecting her to read your mind is wrong.

littlewonder -> RE: can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/29/2014 6:27:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YourBigDaddy67 I have recently met a young lady, who tells me that I am her Friend, but I have not been Friend Zoned. I am not sure what to say or believe, every time I go down this road of being a friend to a woman with hopes that it might pay off later I have gotten screwed!!! My friend always goes off with someone who was more aggressive than I was, because I was trying to be "A FRIEND" and keep it casual and show her we could build something. My Current friend keeps telling me I cannot pressure her, but yet that hasn't stopped her from coming over to my house twice for sex. Then she always gives me this great big apology, I don't mean to send mixed signals. BULLSHIT! You either want me or you don't Dude, really? She's not sending you mixed signals. She likes you as a fuck friend and that's it, that's all she wrote. It's up to you to say that one little word if you don't want to fuck her...."NO". Try it. She's not interested in you as a friend friend or a relationship. You're just her booty call.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/29/2014 11:26:06 PM)
The friend zone is a myth. She might not be interested in a relationship, but the idea that women sort men into arbitrary categories as friends and mates is silly. Acting like a friend when what you want is a relationship is dishonest. It gives the impression that you are happy with friendship, that you like her as a friend, and that you want to be around her even if there's no relationship. You've made it clear this isn't true. So do both of you a favour, tell her what you want. If she doesn't want a relationship, walk away. You're not interested in being just friends, so don't spend months showing how awesome a friend you can be in the hopes that she will change her mind. This 'friend zone' crap really irritates me. It implies the only value a woman has is as a girlfriend. Friendship is not a consolation prize - it has value in it's own right. It's not something women do out of spite - they do it because they enjoy having friends and they want to be around you. If all those friendly things you do with/for her turn out to just be a ruse to make her fall in love or feel like she owes you a chance at a relationship, you've insulted her. You're saying she's not worth those nice things unless you get what you want in the end. It's true you can't pressure her, but you can man up and set some boundaries. 'Hey, I'm not interested in being a fuck buddy. Do we have a shot as boyfriend or girlfriend, or is it time for us to both move on?' And if she rejects you, do NOT pretend to be something you are not to persuade her otherwise. All you will do is make her feel gross and make yourself look creepy.

shadeddragon -> RE: can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/30/2014 12:41:32 AM)
Ohh the friend zone is definitely a thing. Those that are in it are the most to blame. Stop clinging on hope guys, if she doesn't wantto have a romantic relationship with you, or sex0rz you, cut the damn cord. "Can't we just be friends?" No we can not, I will always want to wine and dine you/and or fuck you. Hanging around you attempting to push those feelings aside is hurtful and deceitful, hoping sticking around you will discover the reasons you want to be with me is just all sorts of wrong.

ARIES83 -> RE: can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/30/2014 4:39:04 AM)
whats friend zone suppose to mean...

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/30/2014 4:50:35 AM)
I'm with Aries, please explain what friend zone is.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/30/2014 4:52:39 AM)
It's the idea that women put men in a 'friend zone' from which they can never escape into relationship and/or sex land. It usually goes hand in hand with the suggestion that women only like assholes, and 'nice' guys are never seen as more than friendship material. Certain types of guy worry that if they don't immediately get a chance at dating/fucking a woman she will 'friendzone' him and he'll be stuck there. Which is terrible, because don't you know when you're nice to a woman she owes you sex as a reward? It's also bollocks. I can't count how many couples I know who started out as friends (incidentally, pretty sure the phrase comes from Rachel and Ross in the show Friends, who also ended up together). Problem is, the nice guys in the friend zone are often not actually being the woman's friend. They're hanging around thinking that if they keep acting nice the woman will fall in love with them, even if she previously turned them down and/or has no idea they're interested. It's a phony friendship. It's creepy. Either make your move, or accept that you are friends without secretly resenting her. Or walk away.

Toysinbabeland -> RE: can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/30/2014 4:55:50 AM)
Op: Frankly, You aren't aggressive enough to really please her, but when she doesn't have a penis to play with, she seeks you out, because you are preferable to a dildo. IF she had the chance to be with another that night who gave her the type of sex she wanted, you'd be left in the cold. BUT when there's no one else, she knocks on your door. She's not into you, just using you. She's not even your friend. Cut the cord, find an intimate connection. Oh, and I'd wait til she stopped by to let her know, being that she is leaving you hanging. Just tell her "let's just be friends, and we can talk" See how long she sticks around.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/30/2014 5:01:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland Just tell her "let's just be friends, and we can talk" See how long she sticks around. I would agree with you, but he doesn't want to be friends. So on the off-chance she says yes, he's then stuck back in the same situation. He's previously tried to be friends and been disappointed that he's had no 'payoff'. Saying 'let's be friends' is lying, in his case. He wants the relationship or nothing.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/30/2014 5:02:25 AM)
Ah okay, thank you Athena. I figured it was something like that but needed more clarity. For the OP: Dude, your'e supposed to be a dominant. One of the hallmarks of a good dominant (at least in my book) is that he can control his dick. In other words, he doesn't fuck someone just b/c she wants it. This chick is using you, which is fine as long as you're willing to be used and don't expect anything else to come from it. Since you know she's sending you mixed signals, just exactly why haven't you created some strong personal boundaries for yourself? Again, this is what a good dominant would do. This sounds like a great time to do some serious self reflection; I highly recommend it.

RedMagic1 -> RE: can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/30/2014 5:17:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shadeddragon Ohh the friend zone is definitely a thing. Those that are in it are the most to blame. Stop clinging on hope guys, if she doesn't wantto have a romantic relationship with you, or sex0rz you, cut the damn cord. "Can't we just be friends?" No we can not, I will always want to wine and dine you/and or fuck you. Hanging around you attempting to push those feelings aside is hurtful and deceitful, hoping sticking around you will discover the reasons you want to be with me is just all sorts of wrong. While I've seen this conventional wisdom posted on the net for maybe 15 years, I've never found it to be true. Most of my platonic friends are women, and I also have a pleasant sex life. Some (maybe all, now that I think about it) of my best friends are women I used to kiss and no longer do -- I'm in the friend zone, yes, but they care about me, and know me well. There are billions of women in the world -- more women than men -- and some will be friends, while others will be potential sexual partners. Why have the mindset that women are only good for one thing? Even more, why be attracted to someone who isn't attracted to you? Have the self-esteem to say that if she doesn't like me that way, then I don't like her that way either.

Milesnmiles -> RE: can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/30/2014 6:01:02 AM)
I have to echo ChatteParfaitt; quote: Dude, you're supposed to be a dominant. This sounds like you need to do some serious self reflection. It seems that you can't separate fantasy from reality. You have this fantasy of a long term loving relationship with this woman, which is a "possibility", when pigs fly but I wouldn't hold my breath. In reality you have a friend you have sex with, nothing wrong with that, if you are both okay with it. No need to discard one friend because you're still looking for a friend who likes "camping" too. But next time she has sex with you and starts to give you "this great big apology", just say that's okay, it was pretty good but it would be better if next time I tie you to the bed posts and blindfold you. Just saying.... ;-)

RedMagic1 -> RE: can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/30/2014 6:10:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Milesnmiles But next time she has sex with you and starts to give you "this great big apology", just say that's okay, it was pretty good but it would be better if next time I tie you to the bed posts and blindfold you. Just saying.... That is one of the most desperate, pussy-whipped things I've ever read. OP, don't do that. (Condescending winky-face.)

Milesnmiles -> RE: can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/30/2014 6:16:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: Milesnmiles But next time she has sex with you and starts to give you "this great big apology", just say that's okay, it was pretty good but it would be better if next time I tie you to the bed posts and blindfold you. Just saying.... That is one of the most desperate, pussy-whipped things I've ever read. OP, don't do that. (Condescending winky-face.) Still upset from previous conversations? ;-)

RedMagic1 -> RE: can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/30/2014 6:23:43 AM)
No. We've barely talked, and after the post I'm writing to you, we probably won't talk again. I'll tell you straight, though, one time. It's clear to me that you're lonely, and you miss human interaction, so your posts are geared primarily to elicit responses from others. Any other goal, like being correct, helping others, or figuring yourself out, are secondary, or perhaps you don't consider them at all. So I see no further reason to interact with you. I certainly wish you the best in your personal life. Your advice about women is still lousy, and if the OP follows it he's a fool.

ARIES83 -> RE: can you be a friend and not in the friend zone, (1/30/2014 7:44:56 AM)
Thanks Athena. Well OP, this doesn't really appear to be a BDSM,D/s problem... Try another girl I guess? keep trying till you get one. [:D]

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