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RE: Real Doms - 2/3/2014 5:53:43 AM

Delilya

Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
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This thread is just what I needed on a dreary day. Thank you all.

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RE: Real Doms - 2/3/2014 6:15:04 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

Because fin or pro aren't real Dommes.

Finally, at last,one admits the truth!

Well I figure if I keep up the ruse long enough :)

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RE: Real Doms - 2/3/2014 6:16:46 AM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
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LMAO...you want Her to give you your jollies, but offer nothing in return? Why should a Dominant serve YOU?

Try this...on your profile make a list of all the ways you can be of USE to Her. A list of your skills or things you are willing to learn to do is a good way to show potential Dominants your are earnest and not just looking to get off for free. If you aren't into the financial thing, fine, but make yourself USEFUL to Her.

One of My subs just last week saved Me a bunch of money (yes, his middle name is "Geico") by replacing My bad brakes. The parts cost Me $90 including tax. This was a job My regular mechanic had quoted Me $300 to do.
This subby also does My dishes, harvests and stacks firewood, weeds My garden, cleans horse stalls, etc., and with enthusiasm I might add. It's not all work, we have loads of fun together, with pics and videos to prove it.

A real Dominant will expect to get SOMETHING in return for spending Her/His time with you. We aren't here to serve YOUR fantasies or make YOUR life easier.

quote:

ORIGINAL: twong

Anyone have a suggestion on how to find a real/true dom ? All that I have contacted are here only for the money. I am looking to be trained and serve on a truly sincere basis, NO PAY. I need to find a dom who can accept mutual satisfaction. Is this even possible??

< Message edited by MAINEiacMISTRESS -- 2/3/2014 6:20:09 AM >

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RE: Real Doms - 2/3/2014 7:17:15 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Ironic that OP complains he can't find a real Dom, and the replies tell him he's not a real sub.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: Real Doms - 2/3/2014 5:07:42 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Ironic that OP complains he can't find a real Dom, and the replies tell him he's not a real sub.

You may be onto something there. Real subs do exist, as do real Dommes <clears throat in Esinn's direction>; lo and behold, there are actually *real* slaves who aren't overly fetishy (well, a handful at least).

The wannabes who complain the loudest seem to be the ones with the least to offer, whether it be service-oriented or relationship-wise.

Even the ones who talk the talk can't walk the walk (which would apply to Dominants equally so).

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RE: Real Doms - 2/3/2014 5:15:24 PM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
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Yes, it is.

And the great news is that there are lots of whiny, needy little dicks out there - so the competition isn't actually that tough.

All you need to do is be less of a dick than the majority.

Do you think you can do that?

It would be worth the effort!

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RE: Real Doms - 2/3/2014 5:45:11 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Yes, it is.

And the great news is that there are lots of whiny, needy little dicks out there - so the competition isn't actually that tough.

All you need to do is be less of a dick than the majority.

Do you think you can do that?

It would be worth the effort!

Good point. That strategy just might work, or help get twong's foot in the door....

The abridged version is: Don't lead with your dick.

(In fact, if you're a male sub, don't lead by Topping from the bottom -- learn how to follow instructions, and practice showing prompt compliance, as long as there are no Hard or Soft Limits involved.)

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Real Doms - 2/3/2014 7:12:01 PM

Redoubt

Posts: 185
Joined: 8/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

Wait a minute! if I say I "need" to be punished, I "need" a cock to suck, I "need" to be tied up and fucked and that I am "not looking for LTR and just seeking to hook up" I am not going to get any responses.... Are you telling me there MIGHT be a double standard?

Oh, I'm sure you'll get responses - I'm equally sure the quality of the respondents will be up to the level of your own investment in the process.

I believe it's been widely accepted that a female can find a willing sexual partner of the opposite sex on a effort vs expectation scale. That curve, in my experience, is exponential when you toss in BDSM. "What could possibly go wrong?"

You should try it. Start a blog. It could be the next "thing".

As far as the double standard, it is, as the song goes, "different for girls" - I don't think it's necessarily better, do you?

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RE: Real Doms - 2/3/2014 7:32:07 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

The wannabes who complain the loudest seem to be the ones with the least to offer, whether it be service-oriented or relationship-wise.

Even the ones who talk the talk can't walk the walk (which would apply to Dominants equally so).

I blame porn. The folks who have had relationships and know what work they are, know what they're doing.

The men who've learned D/s from watching porn, and for that matter the women who've learned from crap like 50 Shades, believe that D/s relationships are trivial and effortless.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Real Doms - 2/4/2014 10:05:09 AM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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As others have said, OP: When you just list "I want these things done to me" you're going to get "You're gonna have to pay me" a lot... because you need to offer something in return to a top, be they dominant or not.

What a person offers in trade with another person can be so many different things. But if you're not offering anything and just demanding things the other human is gonna be saying, "well, what's in it for me?". This leads to a lot of pro's contacting or responding as money's the most common thing a male who doesn't want to exchange other things is willing or should expect to offer.

Don't want to pay in cash? Pay in something else. What do you have and are willing to exchange for the other person's time and interest?

Having great discussions about shared hobbies or points of view?
Cleaning their bathroom?
Falling in love with each other?
Being handy when they need it?
Searching the internet and possibly offline for info on a subject they are learning about?
Going to a movie you're both interested in?
Offering yourself up to a kink she is into that isn't on your list but she loves?

Mutually fulfilling human relationships involve some form of trade, some form of balancing between what the two people want. If you're not offering potential partners things other than money then that's what's left.

Doesn't mean that if you do put out more you offer that all professionals will stop contacting or responding to you, but it will get you more non-pro's.

Just like my putting out there that I'm dominant and mostly a sharps top doesn't stop male dom's from contacting me to be their sub, but putting out info on who I am and what I'm like beyond a list of kinks gets me people with similar interests contacting me. Because in sharing interests there is that underlying balancing possibly there.

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RE: Real Doms - 2/6/2014 8:14:10 AM

cloudboy

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Joined: 12/14/2005
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Think of it as job hunting in 2008-09.

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RE: Real Doms - 2/7/2014 1:59:01 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

Because fin or pro aren't real Dommes.

Finally, at last,one admits the truth!

Well I figure if I keep up the ruse long enough :)

Ah, the tried and true old fashioned "Fake it til ya make it" strategy

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