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FieryOpal -> RE: Play Partner Etiquettes for the Male Subs (2/9/2014 6:45:46 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Well I guess we would need more information on how they came to be play partners. In a sense, they are on a "date" as in "play date." But depending on their relationship, they may hang out other times and not play. We don't know. However, I peeked at the OP's profile and he seems clear that his "job" is to pay for dinner when it is a relationship.
I'm as old fashioned as the next old gal, but the OP is not in our generation, nor do I expect is his play partner.. that generation looks at who pays differently. So I stick with him discussing it with her.
But I also take issue with the idea that he somehow "owes" it to her to pay because she is agreeing to top him. She isn't doing him a favor, she's getting something out of it as well. They aren't in a relationship, they are basically fuck buddies. In the vanillan world, she could just as easily find any guy to fuck. Without the play, her being top, would everyone say he owes it to her to pay his way for the priviledge of fucking her?
OP did say they "are not boyfriend/girlfriend in any way shape or form." You're right about the younger generation, doing things differently than we do. Nevertheless, if the shoe were on the other foot, and if he were a male Top with a female bottom, he should still offer. It's a gesture of appreciation. It isn't like they're going out to meet up with other play partners. My take is they are arriving together and leaving together, not separately. If I am being accompanied by an adult male, any male, I expect that male to look out for me, run interference if need be to ward off unwanted male attention. It doesn't matter whether we are involved with one another or not.
As women, we need to stop sending mixed signals to men about how we want to be treated. They need all the practice they can get. [;)]
Skipping up to what I bolded, I beg to differ. Back to the stop sending mixed signals part. He IS getting play favors, whether there's any fucking going on or not, which I get the distinct impression there isn't. Let's take the BDSM out of it and go back to the vanilla example. I'm not going to fuck just any guy who takes me out on a date, nor is he entitled to this privilege. And yes, I consider it a privilege regardless of what I get out of it. I can't relate to having a fuckbuddy -- is that like a series of one-night stands with the same person or within a select circle of persons? <semi-facetiously> Do they always come over empty-handed, no booze, no herb, nothing? If some people want to consensually use one another in this manner, that's their own business. But neither are they friends either. Friendship operates on a higher level than that, so "fuckbuddy" is a misnomer.
OP and his Top can reach an arrangement between themselves so that there aren't any misunderstandings. Listen, whether we want to admit it or not, we women do test the waters and any guy who goes above and beyond what's expected of him is bound to impress us as a man of character, integrity and worth.
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