ShadeDiva
Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline
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Nothing wrong with being a firecracker - I am something of a spitfire myself.
I guess for me it's a personal agenda for my work in progress I term my internal evolution/growth. I guess I respond more positively to someone with a ton of spunk when they are wielding that facet of themselves and still maintaining full control instead of allowing that nature to rule them or their communications and interactions with others. It's the non-thinking reacting that I seek to rein in, not the spirit itself, and certainly not of those I dominate.
On the comment about *calling them as I see it* - I can relate.
I am totally blunt. I also do not lie. Pretty much never. I am usually challenged on that by those that say we ALL lie at some point. I disagree. I think it's an option, yes, but never the only one. I think at times it's easier to do so, than to put forth the effort to speak the truth but not bludgeon someone with it, and so, since humans tend to be lazy creatures, we opt for the easy *out* - the white lie. I disagree that we all *have* to lie at some point - and one of the more often touted examples they tend to bring up is the well-known situation when a friend asks you if the dress she is wearing looks nice, but it is a hideous creation spun from the gaping maws of dæmons from the tacky realm. They all of course ask, if I would *actually* tell her the truth, it's grotesque and hideous, or if I'd lie and tell her she looked "nice."
When I respond when saying I'd tell her the truth - they invariably scoff at the mere notion that someone wouldn't choose the easy out and hand her a patented white lie. I then get the opportunity to point out that being blunt and honest does not automatically equate being tactless. I don't HAVE to tell her it's absolutely horrid - but I can say quite honestly that the garment does not do her justice and I think the colors drown her out, or the cut doesn't flatter her as it should, or whatever it is that I find about the thing that makes me cringe. I don't HAVE to blurt out OMG you look so FAT, or EEEEEEK that thing makes me dizzy! How could you even out that rag on? But I *can* communicate to her in a polite civil manner what I find about it that I don't like in my opinion, and why I think she ought to go with another choice, and be completely truthful, and never be without tact, or grace, or make her feel stupid or negative about how I conveyed my opinion that she requested.
Friends don't ask us things for us to LIE to them, and I cement the fact that when she asks me for what I think, she gets what she wants - I see no reason why one needs to lie anymore than I see why the truth, while being blunt, needs to be tactless or heartless.
In this manner I guess that's how I am starting to view "telling it like it is" or "calling it as I see it." I slip, don't get me wrong, "Shade Rants" aren't well known for being, well, ah, tender. LOL. But I also know that the same logic needs to apply to even my rants - something I am working on. I see no real reason why "calling it like I see it" automatically needs to be inflammatory or rude. I am sure that one could choose to do that and still remain civil or at least not sounding like they are attacking.
And I'm the first to admit, that if someone throws down the gauntlet at my feet and I have decided to take that gauntlet up, I tend to be pretty damn abrasive and harsh when I'm bluntly calling them out, so to speak. I guess to me, it's the difference between once you have ascertained that someone actually MEANT what they were conveying as being an attack or rude (I consider it gloves off if I decided to take that little matter up and address it) - compared to when you don't actually know if the person MEANT what they communicated as an attack, but you run off on that tangent without clarifying where they meant to be coming from. At that point, I guess I feel if you haven't taken responsibility for your end of the conversation by making sure they mean what you *think* you are understanding them as meaning - and you run off with that all wild and it turns out they weren't meaning that at *all* then the person that dropped the ball - namely the person running off halfcocked about something that wasn't even really conveyed - the fault that the interaction turned negative then lies with them - and not the person who wasn't clearly understood.
I don't think my posts had much to do with being poly - as much as they did about what an individuals goals might be for attaining, toning, and trying to perfect their skills at conveying what they mean to communicate and actually *hearing* what others are trying to relay - and learning to realize that your comprehension or interpretation is capable of being 100% off the mark - and then recognizing when such a situation might possibly be occurring and then seeking to verify of it is and then trying to rectify that situation.
I was speaking more from a personal goal orientation that would aid one wherever they go and whoever they meet, rather than a poly interaction though I can see how it could and would apply in many aspects.
But hey, that's just my view and my goals, others may not see any real or tangible benefit, substance, or concern with any of the above.
As with most of my posts, I tend to post to work things out in a more linear fashion for myself - it's something of a self-actualization application for me in some ways, I think. So yanno, take what ya like, discard the rest, lolol.
And it's funny, in writing this, I do see how far I still have yet to go, *chuckle*. I think I am still working out some things in my head, and I certainly know I have oodles work left to do with my communication skills before I could honestly say I have attained the goals I have touched on in this post.
Hell - I'm not even sure they made any SENSE! LOL!
~ShadeDiva
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~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld
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