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LadyPact -> RE: Dom-Domme relationships (2/17/2014 8:59:12 AM)
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"How does it work" is a pretty broad field. If you've got specific questions, I can address those. Until then, I'll try to give you a rough outline.
For us, it works pretty much like any other couple that you see across the street that doesn't have a power dynamic between them. Neither of us submits to the other and nobody is the final decision maker. We have to agree on decisions that are made between us. (That doesn't mean that every decision that we come to together thrills both of us. Sometimes, the smarter decision is the one somebody doesn't like.) We have equal say in our relationship between us. (The poly part is a little different and I'll get to that in a second.) We don't really engage in BDSM with each other. Like MP said, I'm the one with significantly more experience than he's got. My first dynamic was an experience that I had before I ever met him. He didn't get interested until after we were married. When he was first learning, we both gave the bottoming thing to the other a shot and neither of us like it, so we just understand that kink between us doesn't work. We're not a D/switch couple. We're a D/D couple and in My mind, there is a difference.
Since the BDSM and power authority angle doesn't work between us, we made the decision to be poly. That's the outlet for the kinky stuff and the ability to form relationships with others from a D/s perspective. My relationship with tk is one of power imbalance, meaning I have authority over him. MP does not other than the normal stuff about this is MP's and My home and anybody else has to respect that. Veto rights are something that are only used if it's the beginning of a dynamic with someone and not really something in place if there is an established D/s dynamic. If it's something that effects both of My relationships, that's where I get final say, and where the Head of Household thing comes in. There was something that came up just a few weeks ago where it was one of those deals where I 'pulled rank,' more or less and gave him the, "look, this is how it is" bit. (If I remember, it was about time sharing and that's My area.)
We've been known to co-top at times, but not that often. We have much different play styles and I happen to think I have more finesse. I'm also the one who has more types of play that I do. Like a number of D/D couples out there, I have more opportunities because I'm female. (Sorry to anyone who doesn't like that, but it happens to be true in our case. I've watched it way too many times over the years.)
If you've got anything in mind that you'd like a specific answer about, feel free to ask. I'll try to answer about how it works with the way we do things.
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