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pushing my buttons - 11/20/2004 3:36:57 PM

Av8er23

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Joined: 2/25/2004
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I have a question for anybody that can help! I have been talking to a sub recently that seems to be quite fiesty. I am rarely offended by what people say, unless it is a direct personal attack. This has always been the case as long as I can remember( I'm just not the type to take things personal that aren't) She has told me that I lack the dominant characteristics to be a good dom because when she trys to push my buttons, I dont get mad and lash out. Normaly if things got out of hand like this I would just punish her, but herin lies the problem. This sub lives a distance away from me so I can't physically punish her. It's not like I can make her spank herself!! I am at a loss at a way of controlling this type of behavior before it gets too out of hand. In my few years as a dom I haven't come across something quite like this, and the fact that a majority of the time I will not be able to physically punish her. What advice can you give me to remedy the situation.? What are some of the things that you have tried? It isn't making me as mad as it is frustrating me

.

Thanks A/all that respond

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RE: pushing my buttons - 11/20/2004 4:43:17 PM

proudsub

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Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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There is a discusion of this in the following thread:

to all with an online sub

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RE: pushing my buttons - 11/20/2004 6:23:05 PM

velvetvixen

Posts: 378
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Because you asked for replies for anybody that could help--

I have never been in a long distance situation, but a close friend was for over a year. Her Sir had a web cam installed at her house so that he could see her. When she was being punished, he would have her do whatever the punishment was while he was watching. I know at times she had to use wooden spoon on her clit or clamps, and sometimes a ruler. Sometimes he would make her do something in public and call her to verify that she was actually at that place and ask to speak with someone there to verify whatever was going on. On ocassion he would wait until she had to fly to see him and have her pack a toy that would have to be searched through security. Or wear jewelery that would set off the alarm and cause a search.

I hope this is of some value to you.

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RE: pushing my buttons - 11/20/2004 6:46:24 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
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If you're asking strangers on Collarme for advice about this, then she's right that you lack the characteristics to be her dom.

Either figure it out or move on to the next one.

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RE: pushing my buttons - 11/20/2004 7:51:22 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
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You say you have years of experience? Why are you wasting your time on a sub that you can't even physically discipline? It sounds to me like she is yanking your chain. This is her game to play. And in my opinion, she is playing you.

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RE: pushing my buttons - 11/21/2004 10:34:06 AM

cariad

Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
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this slave and her Master live 3000 miles apart but He gives a punishment and although there is the distance between U/us this slave follows through with whatever punishment Master gives her. she does so not just because Master has told her to do so, but also because she knows she deserves whatever punishment He hands down.

some punishments have included no contacting Him until He comes online or calls her, gator clamps on her nipples and cunny, spanking her cunny with a spoon, essays, earlier curfews, no computer and various other punishments.

just because O/one lives far away does NOT make them any less a Dom/Domme or sub/slave. this slave hopes this has helped You a bit and that You have had a great weekend.

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RE: pushing my buttons - 11/21/2004 1:44:46 PM

Estring

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quote:

just because O/one lives far away does NOT make them any less a Dom/Domme or sub/slave

The difference here is that you DO obey your Master. This other sub does not. So what is the point of continuing with her? She is a game player.

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RE: pushing my buttons - 11/21/2004 3:06:51 PM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
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i was in a LDR for 5 years, and it never occured to me to behave like this sub does. i'm not saying there weren't times i got into trouble, let my mouth get carried away with me, and needed punishment. This was before the days of web cams, so that wasn't an option. He developed several forms of punishment: He stayed off line, making sure i knew that the enforced time apart was my doing; an extra early bedtime; i'd have to write a paper on various subjects he'd come up with, that type of thing. The worst punishment, however, was just knowing i had disappointed him. He said often that i was far harder on myself than he would have been. He also knew me well enough to trust that what ever punishment he gave out was done, no hesitation. That trust didn't happen right away; in fact, i think it was extremely hard for him to do, but pleasing him was so very important to me, so i did what i was told.

In Your case i'd have to wonder if the 2 of you were right for each other, especially since she's saying she doesn't think you're Dom enough for her. There have been more times than i can remember when a man has said that i wasn't a submissive, and i finally decided they were right. i wasn't *their* submissive because we just weren't right for each other. i am, however, a submissive to the right Man...and that's all that's important to me.

good luck!

cheers
jimini

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RE: pushing my buttons - 11/21/2004 4:26:40 PM

DiamondDiva

Posts: 266
Joined: 10/10/2004
From: North Carolina
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I am not to fond of the distance/internet/nonrealtime relationship so I would say move on to someone much closer that you can control because it is obvious that it is not her.

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RE: pushing my buttons - 11/21/2004 4:37:59 PM

INSIDEYOURMIND

Posts: 483
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I also have an issue with an "online" relationship, and if in fact she is "pushing your buttons", take the biggest flogger you have and beat the hell out of yourself, because you can't really punish her from any distance, and you need to get something out of the experience!

After I posted this reply, I walked away from my computer for a minute, and had this thought, why would a Dom want a bratty sub, or one that "pushed my buttons"?

Part of this lifestyle to me is having a well behaved sub, I am not looking for a doormat, or anything like that, but I expect respect.

If a sub is being bratty, and is punished for this, and does not learn from the experience, then the sub is basically topping from the bottom, and controlling the relationship.

My sub voices her opinion, and we have wonderful conversations, but she understands her place, and it is a place she chooses to be!

< Message edited by INSIDEYOURMIND -- 11/21/2004 5:00:09 PM >

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RE: pushing my buttons - 11/21/2004 8:30:57 PM

BeachMystress

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From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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Somehow I don't see the ability to not get angry as being undominant. I expect to be able to control my own feelings. Someone who not only feels that a Dominant should lose control and get angry, but purposefully sets out to cause an anger reaction isn't worth your time.

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RE: pushing my buttons - 11/21/2004 9:56:42 PM

willing2serve

Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
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Regretfully, i have "pushed buttons" in the past...i was not yet mature enough to be a submissive or serious about my submission. Until i had to realize that no Dom can "make" me be a submissive, that it is something i do, have self discipline, self control and a willingness to please. For a submissive that pushes buttons (speaking from experience), she needs to feel the security that a Dom/Master is committed to the relationship, yet know He is strong enough to walk away if she is not fulfilling her role. In my opinion, she is not yet serious enough and she is topping you from the bottom and has lost respect for you or never had it. Unless some major changes occur on both of your parts, this is not going to work, imo.
**Please note, there is hope for a button pusher...LOL..my pushing days are over and my pleasing days have begun...so much more pleasant.**

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RE: pushing my buttons - 11/22/2004 12:26:53 AM

Suleiman

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Just my two bits, but isn't it the hallmark of a competent top to NOT lose control? Your person is basically saying that, because they are unable to manipulate you, you are somehow not in control. Next time they give you lip, simply point out that YOU, not they, decide when and where you will "lash out".

Or you could just as easily ignore them and move on. After all, they're apparantly looking for a relationship that borders on actual abuse, and that's a bad scene to get into, trust me. Find yourself someone else, with a tad more maturity. You might be happier in the long run.

Any way, as usual, this is all opinion. Your mileage may vary.

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