RE: In LOVE with a switch...

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GoddessManko -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/24/2014 6:41:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama quote: So the question is... HOW long is long enough to be wise, but not stupid about the waiting AND is my steadfastness the right thing as a " Dom" to do or am I just being stubborn not wanting to give up on someone I am in love with? My opinion is that yes, you are being stubborn...and that she's not healthy enough for a relationship. Kalikshama I really don't get why people are not realizing how incredibly and ridiculously submissive and complacent this guy is? Am I missing something? And despite that he claims he loves her. I don't see a Dominant bone in his body in regards to this woman and if he's asking for a green light to switch, well he has my blessing. Apparently he loves her because she fulfills every need that he has as a man but his cock and I'm not going to tell someone what their significant other is thinking. She has never once told him she loves him in order for him to stick around yet here he is asking whether or not he should knowing his love is unrequited. I am going to spell it out for you OP since no one else will. You have BEEN a sub to this woman and YOU KNOW IT.

kalikshama -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/24/2014 6:48:55 PM)
He's not asking for a green light to switch, in fact, he says: quote: I will not switch for her Doormat /= submissive.

GoddessManko -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/25/2014 10:21:55 AM)
Sounds like an intense form of DENIAL if you ask me, lmao. What Dom even ALLOWS himself to be a doormat. Just my limited perspective but yea, I do not see anything Dom about this man at all...at least not in the way he writes about her and his insistence he loves a woman he's never even kissed. In which case, I don't blame others for telling him to let her go. She seems to be more honest about things than he is and it's not fair to HER. :)

pg4g -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/25/2014 12:09:18 PM)
What Dom allows himself to be a doormat? Perhaps ANYONE might if they were in love, and they couldn't let the one they love go? So many people on this site are so tied up in roles they forget to use their heads and hearts.

FieryOpal -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/25/2014 12:15:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessManko that's for him to decide not raqndom people on the thread telling him.... He doesn't see himself as being a doormat. He envisages himself as her champion, her defender, her protector in an epic romance. It is sometimes best when a man has White Knight syndrome to try to reach him at the level where he's at. He's at the age of undergoing a mid-life crisis and a part of him wants to relive his youth through this woman, so he doesn't have any objectivity at this point. Although he appears to be asking for advice, he is actually looking for justification to continue playing this futile waiting game out of infatuation.

kalikshama -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/25/2014 12:17:00 PM)
Well framed, Opal :)

GoddessManko -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/25/2014 12:26:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pg4g What Dom allows himself to be a doormat? Perhaps ANYONE might if they were in love, and they couldn't let the one they love go? So many people on this site are so tied up in roles they forget to use their heads and hearts. LOL, THIS exactly. You see the logic applied. She was HONEST from the beginning and he CONTINUED to be complicit, he allowed himself into the role of a sub. There was ZERO DECEIT on her part, as far as he goes, who knows. He says ONE THING and does another. Very suspicious. And my suspicions alone might explain her hesitance. If you bark Dom while on your knees, am I supposed to know believe your barking over your actions? His claims of "not switching" are CLEARLY untrue.

Dwn2EarthDom -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/25/2014 1:44:30 PM)
Anyone who knows me would never say that I am a switch by any means. She asked me what " I want to do and to make the decisions" all the time... so if you are thinking that I am a switch in this case or ever you would be mistaken. On many occassions I have stood my ground with her and told her no and after seeing that I would not budge, she gave in to my way of thinking because I used logic behind it. I am going into this with my eyes wide open and yes I have my opinion aobut this whole situation and to be honest everyone has given me their opinion of what they think I should do but yet no one has answered the questions that I asked.... Am I right to hang on being as I love this woman and 2 how long should I wait on her? If you want to help me... answer those two very basic questions... do not give me your view of the situation because quite frankly, I will take whatever action I deem fit on my part. While I do thank you for your opinions, so far no one has answered the two questions I have asked.

TenderTorment -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/25/2014 1:49:36 PM)
Op you are contradicting yourself here. You ask us to answer two very specific questions that only you know the ultimate answer to, anything we say will, by definition be just our viewpoints and you made your stance on that quite clearly. Edit for typo

Dwn2EarthDom -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/25/2014 1:54:18 PM)
For those that think that a Dominant male cannot have a tender side, I do not get your logic here. This switch was diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer and I agreed to stand with her thru this... Now if holding up that word, helping her move around, drive her around town when she needs to get things in town but cannot do it herself, standing TRUE to your word is more of a Dominant act than just about anything I can think of. To those of you that think I am a sub, I would HIGHLY suggest you check your definition of what a true Dom is...

Dwn2EarthDom -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/25/2014 2:02:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TenderTorment Op you are contradicting yourself here. You ask us to answer two very specific questions that only you know the ultimate answer to, anything we say will, by definition be just our viewpoints and you made your stance on that quite clearly. Edit for typo Tender, actually I am not contradicting myself. I posted this message to get some input hopefully from someone that may have been down this road before.

Dwn2EarthDom -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/25/2014 2:09:49 PM)
Me posting this is obviously a mistake. I shall not make this same mistake again!

kalikshama -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/25/2014 7:18:55 PM)
Dwn2EarthDom - I did answer your questions. Because I agree with the option you gave that you are just being stubborn, the time period part is irrelevant. I don't see this working, so no amount of waiting will help. Just because no one is saying what you want to hear does not mean that there is no wisdom to be heard. quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama quote: So the question is... HOW long is long enough to be wise, but not stupid about the waiting AND is my steadfastness the right thing as a " Dom" to do or am I just being stubborn not wanting to give up on someone I am in love with? My opinion is that yes, you are being stubborn...and that she's not healthy enough for a relationship.

FieryOpal -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/25/2014 8:27:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dwn2EarthDom For those that think that a Dominant male cannot have a tender side, I do not get your logic here. This switch was diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer and I agreed to stand with her thru this... Now if holding up that word, helping her move around, drive her around town when she needs to get things in town but cannot do it herself, standing TRUE to your word is more of a Dominant act than just about anything I can think of. To those of you that think I am a sub, I would HIGHLY suggest you check your definition of what a true Dom is... You originally omitted this important factor when describing your relationship. You are also mixing up friendship with dominance. What you are doing is being there as a good friend to your switch friend, nothing more and nothing less. It has nothing to do with being the dominant one. Any non-dominant friend could take charge of helping out a sick friend. What you don't seem to realize is that for you to want or expect more out of this relationship is NOT being a true friend to her. For it to be driving you insane, in your own words, to not be able to kiss her is a big red flag that you are blurring boundaries. She may have sent you mixed signals by letting you see her naked, and the two of you having slept together in the same bed, and perhaps the intimacy of cuddling was enough for her. Women don't ordinarily do such things on a non-sexual basis. I know I wouldn't. For whatever reason, she is keeping you at arm's length in the Friend Zone. You really need to accept that and stop being hard-headed and refusing to swallow your pride. So as kalikshama had already answered plainly that you are just being stubborn, you may have also heard things you didn't want to hear, but you need a wake-up call. Be her friend, a true and caring friend like you have shown her you are capable of being, because THAT is what she needs right now in her vulnerable state (and yours). She may not have the luxury of another 3 years to decide what to do with her life, and she may be thinking it wouldn't be fair to you either.

DarkSteven -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/25/2014 9:59:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dwn2EarthDom This switch was diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer and I agreed to stand with her thru this... Now if holding up that word, helping her move around, drive her around town when she needs to get things in town but cannot do it herself, standing TRUE to your word is more of a Dominant act than just about anything I can think of. To those of you that think I am a sub, I would HIGHLY suggest you check your definition of what a true Dom is... WHAT?!?!?!? Geez, dude, why the hell did you decide not to share this at the start???? I have the choice between revising everything I wrote now that you finally told us what you should have mentioned at the outset, or just leaving the thread.

pg4g -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/25/2014 10:18:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dwn2EarthDom For those that think that a Dominant male cannot have a tender side, I do not get your logic here. This switch was diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer and I agreed to stand with her thru this... Now if holding up that word, helping her move around, drive her around town when she needs to get things in town but cannot do it herself, standing TRUE to your word is more of a Dominant act than just about anything I can think of. To those of you that think I am a sub, I would HIGHLY suggest you check your definition of what a true Dom is... Hmmm I think that's extremely caring and admirable. I don't question if you're a "true dominant" or not. You are whoever you are, and you need whatever you need, and that's cool. I think the people questioning your "domness" are not being fair on you. You are the only one who can decide what you need. If you'd be open to switching with her a little, or relaxing control a bit to her, then maybe that might help things with a switch, but that's for you to consider. I'd just reckon open communication is the key here. About feelings, wants, desires, what you'd consider trying for each other if it made this work. Just of note though, I would't ascribe caring about someone and looking after them to being dominant or submissive at all. People are people. If you care about them, you look after them no matter what - whether you're a sub, slave, dom, master, switch, top or bottom.

Rawni -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/26/2014 12:38:51 PM)
For the first year after my first diagnosis, I refused to let anyone join my party. I was going to a party that wouldn't be any fun and I didn't want anyone else to have to go through it. I still go through times when I don't think it is fair to ask someone to love me when I could die or go down, leaving them hurt and alone. It was a struggle, because at the very time you need support, you are denying yourself as well as anyone that does make the choice to love you anyway. I can see it being real easy to send mixed messages to someone with all that going on. I also know the Knights that wished to take care of me... many that I pushed away. In fact, I wrote one of my poem-songs about it for one special guy. Part of it is: My heart's not for love'n, its just keeping me alive, till my heart's reflection has eased my weary mind. Another time, another place, my heart would gladly take you in, give you loves wonder to dwell in and keep you safely tucked within, but babe I'm in a sorrowful state, my heart has no love to give. Don't put hope in me babe, don't dream about my love. I'm not the one for you. As a parent and a partner, I would try to protect everyone. My children would need someone, so would my partner. I would try to make arrangements for others in their lives, to pick up somehow where I left off. Others that would be known to them, that already had a bond, so they wouldn't be so lost. A man or woman that was a close family friend or another dominant that could assist. I was always preparing to leave, in some way. It can be a very confusing time and I can understand the feeling of her being skittish for more than the reason of being hurt by someone else. That can play into it too. It just may mean concentrating on too many overwhelming things and you simply need to only focus on a few. A stand by you friend, would be most welcome, but more, may be too much. She doesn't need pressure and even knowing you love her and she can't respond can be a mighty big pressure. Thus the writing of my poem-song. Good luck to the both of you!

Dwn2EarthDom -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/26/2014 3:05:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rawni For the first year after my first diagnosis, I refused to let anyone join my party. I was going to a party that wouldn't be any fun and I didn't want anyone else to have to go through it. I still go through times when I don't think it is fair to ask someone to love me when I could die or go down, leaving them hurt and alone. It was a struggle, because at the very time you need support, you are denying yourself as well as anyone that does make the choice to love you anyway. I can see it being real easy to send mixed messages to someone with all that going on. I also know the Knights that wished to take care of me... many that I pushed away. In fact, I wrote one of my poem-songs about it for one special guy. Part of it is: My heart's not for love'n, its just keeping me alive, till my heart's reflection has eased my weary mind. Another time, another place, my heart would gladly take you in, give you loves wonder to dwell in and keep you safely tucked within, but babe I'm in a sorrowful state, my heart has no love to give. Don't put hope in me babe, don't dream about my love. I'm not the one for you. As a parent and a partner, I would try to protect everyone. My children would need someone, so would my partner. I would try to make arrangements for others in their lives, to pick up somehow where I left off. Others that would be known to them, that already had a bond, so they wouldn't be so lost. A man or woman that was a close family friend or another dominant that could assist. I was always preparing to leave, in some way. It can be a very confusing time and I can understand the feeling of her being skittish for more than the reason of being hurt by someone else. That can play into it too. It just may mean concentrating on too many overwhelming things and you simply need to only focus on a few. A stand by you friend, would be most welcome, but more, may be too much. She doesn't need pressure and even knowing you love her and she can't respond can be a mighty big pressure. Thus the writing of my poem-song. Good luck to the both of you! Thanks Rawni. I appreciate the words. Good news is her final pathology report came back all clear, so after the healing up of the radical hystorectomy, she will be fine... No chemo or radiation at all. So in another 3 weeks she will return to work with a clean bill of health. I have been her "stand by friend"... I have been faithful to her. I see her honestly starting to turn in my favor...

angelikaJ -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/26/2014 3:09:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dwn2EarthDom For those that think that a Dominant male cannot have a tender side, I do not get your logic here. This switch was diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer and I agreed to stand with her thru this... Now if holding up that word, helping her move around, drive her around town when she needs to get things in town but cannot do it herself, standing TRUE to your word is more of a Dominant act than just about anything I can think of. To those of you that think I am a sub, I would HIGHLY suggest you check your definition of what a true Dom is... I am another person in the WTF! you omitted a pretty important piece of information camp. That was my first reaction. My second reaction is: "So?" Sounds like you are doing exactly what any good friend would do. Dominant men can be tender, sure. But you are doing what any good friend would do. And there is nothing inherently dominant about that.

FieryOpal -> RE: In LOVE with a switch... (2/26/2014 3:31:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rawni For the first year after my first diagnosis, I refused to let anyone join my party. I was going to a party that wouldn't be any fun and I didn't want anyone else to have to go through it. I still go through times when I don't think it is fair to ask someone to love me when I could die or go down, leaving them hurt and alone. It was a struggle, because at the very time you need support, you are denying yourself as well as anyone that does make the choice to love you anyway. I can see it being real easy to send mixed messages to someone with all that going on. I also know the Knights that wished to take care of me... many that I pushed away. In fact, I wrote one of my poem-songs about it for one special guy. Part of it is: My heart's not for love'n, its just keeping me alive, till my heart's reflection has eased my weary mind. Another time, another place, my heart would gladly take you in, give you loves wonder to dwell in and keep you safely tucked within, but babe I'm in a sorrowful state, my heart has no love to give. Don't put hope in me babe, don't dream about my love. I'm not the one for you. As a parent and a partner, I would try to protect everyone. My children would need someone, so would my partner. I would try to make arrangements for others in their lives, to pick up somehow where I left off. Others that would be known to them, that already had a bond, so they wouldn't be so lost. A man or woman that was a close family friend or another dominant that could assist. I was always preparing to leave, in some way. It can be a very confusing time and I can understand the feeling of her being skittish for more than the reason of being hurt by someone else. That can play into it too. It just may mean concentrating on too many overwhelming things and you simply need to only focus on a few. A stand by you friend, would be most welcome, but more, may be too much. She doesn't need pressure and even knowing you love her and she can't respond can be a mighty big pressure. Thus the writing of my poem-song. Good luck to the both of you! Beautifully expressed, Rawni. [sm=champ.gif] Dwn2EarthDom, that's wonderful news and thank you for sharing. I still get the feeling though that being a loyal, devoted friend is what this lady needs, not a lover. The last thing you want to do is chase her away with your romantic notions or by not allowing her to have the space she needs during her recovery period. Right now she respects you, and you wouldn't want to lose her respect. There's a thin line between having romantic aspirations and becoming that creepy dude.

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