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RE: etiquette question - 3/5/2014 11:48:23 AM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Sub men often write their ads to target what their dream fantasy partner is. It would be like a vanilla guy on eHarmony saying "I want a woman who needs oral twice a day, wants to fuck constantly, doesn't wear panties in public, and is open to threesomes. With another woman, of course." This is a fantasy caricature that exists in PORN but not in real life. Sure, maybe .000001% of the women on the planet are THAT sexually bizarre, and if they are also non-discriminating (they don't care about the man at all, it's sex first, relationship second) she's probably also reckless and unhinged.



^^^Loves this.

OP, how many times has this been said here and guys just don't want to accept it? I think we average at least 3 a week on these boards, which mean hundreds of thousands or millions of porn-contaminated dudes are running rampant out there preaching the wrong gospel.

The narrative of your profile is pretty good. Pitch the kink-centric stolen pictures. It is hindering your case, not helping. Trust me on this one.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: etiquette question - 3/5/2014 8:52:19 PM   
littlebuck


Posts: 24
Joined: 1/22/2014
Status: offline 		@MistressDarkArt
Thanks for the input, and thank you AAkasha also. I was experimenting putting pictures up and sure enough, got bit by it. I've been trying to delete the pictures you mentioned but for some reason the delete function is not working. I can't select the pictures to delete them and I don't know of a CM assist person to help address this. I feel like deleting the profile and starting all over again.
The comment regarding pornography is true. So many men are caught up in it. I know my weakness and believe that if the right mistress comes, she would make me hers and totally forbid me from scoping out the stuff. Of course she would keep me in chastity (I'd hope) so I couldn't do anything about the porn anyway.
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt


quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Sub men often write their ads to target what their dream fantasy partner is. It would be like a vanilla guy on eHarmony saying "I want a woman who needs oral twice a day, wants to fuck constantly, doesn't wear panties in public, and is open to threesomes. With another woman, of course." This is a fantasy caricature that exists in PORN but not in real life. Sure, maybe .000001% of the women on the planet are THAT sexually bizarre, and if they are also non-discriminating (they don't care about the man at all, it's sex first, relationship second) she's probably also reckless and unhinged.



^^^Loves this.

OP, how many times has this been said here and guys just don't want to accept it? I think we average at least 3 a week on these boards, which mean hundreds of thousands or millions of porn-contaminated dudes are running rampant out there preaching the wrong gospel.

The narrative of your profile is pretty good. Pitch the kink-centric stolen pictures. It is hindering your case, not helping. Trust me on this one.


(in reply to MistressDarkArt)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: etiquette question - 3/5/2014 9:18:00 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		There are other ways to disable a cock other than chastity. (I'm thinking hammer here. What can I say, I like tools, other than the male kind.) If you can't keep your hands off and you keep watching porn though you know it isn't doing you any favors that will lead to anything but self gratification... why would a dominant woman have an interest? You men are not helpless. You make choices every day and if you can't make a choice not to do what might hinder you in the big picture, you are presenting as weak and submission is not weak in my book.

So far littlebuck, you don't seem to be getting the messages, we have made fairly clear here.

A dominant isn't your fix all to addictions and self depreciation. I happen to think we are more than a lube job to another human beings maintenance. It's too bad you don't think so, because at this rate... unless you start paying someone to cater to your kinky ideas of what submission is all about... it will be 2050 before you get laid in any manner.

Wake up. Smell the coffee.. the roses... you know... life. Get one.

(in reply to littlebuck)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: etiquette question - 3/5/2014 9:31:43 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Oh my God. The new profile pic is wonderful! 'Cept it looks like a doe, not a buck.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: etiquette question - 3/5/2014 9:43:02 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Oh my God. The new profile pic is wonderful! 'Cept it looks like a doe, not a buck.

It's a beautiful doe though!

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: etiquette question - 3/6/2014 1:43:20 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

There are other ways to disable a cock other than chastity. (I'm thinking hammer here. What can I say, I like tools, other than the male kind.) If you can't keep your hands off and you keep watching porn though you know it isn't doing you any favors that will lead to anything but self gratification... why would a dominant woman have an interest? You men are not helpless. You make choices every day and if you can't make a choice not to do what might hinder you in the big picture, you are presenting as weak and submission is not weak in my book.

So far littlebuck, you don't seem to be getting the messages, we have made fairly clear here.

A dominant isn't your fix all to addictions and self depreciation. I happen to think we are more than a lube job to another human beings maintenance. It's too bad you don't think so, because at this rate... unless you start paying someone to cater to your kinky ideas of what submission is all about... it will be 2050 before you get laid in any manner.

Wake up. Smell the coffee.. the roses... you know... life. Get one.

OMG, are there any non-fetishists to be had, Rawni? Because fetishists can't be reasoned with. They are slaves to their fetish, which is why I don't want to own one. Being a slave to two Masters cheats me out of the full ownership I am entitled to as a Mistress. Otherwise, I am Mistress in name only, an empty title.

I've heard of cuckolding, to give another example, as a lifestyle as opposed to just a kink. Poly is a lifestyle. Being straight or non-hetero are lifestyles. Cuckolding is more a fetish-kink combo. Bondage can be both, depending on how it's played out. The point being, I had considered chastity using devices as being a lifestyle (instead of verbally or non-mechanically enforcing orgasm control, tease & denial, edging or delay), but now I'm reconsidering my position on that.

Dammit, all the REAL male subs must be taken, they're so scarce. You know, the ones who truly want to commit to a D/s relationship dynamic, not merely play around in BDSMland.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: etiquette question - 3/6/2014 5:06:57 AM   
littlebuck


Posts: 24
Joined: 1/22/2014
Status: offline 		Thank you Rawni.
I have done that and it works! Finally I can get the picture matter resolved. Hopefully now I have the profile matter settled but alas, there is always room for improvement.

Now let's return to the original intent of the thread, shall we?
We live in the 21st century; it is not 1950 all over again. Gender views have drastically changed. While chivalry is not dead (hopefully) the role of women has greatly increased in the work place, relationships and world view (most of the world anyway). So to all the dominant women out there: as a dominant woman, do you wish to select your own male sub/slave or have him make the decision by him initiating contact with you?
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

Once you think you have one uploaded... try signing out and shutting down your computer and coming back. Sometimes others can see the picture, but you see the old one. That's for the profile side. Over here, you may need to go to your profile at the top of the forum page and redo it there.


(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: etiquette question - 3/6/2014 5:39:26 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Again, you need to look at it practically, dominant women are still women, so take approaching them as an act of chivalry if you like, or you could say "I'm a bit more proactive instead of waiting around until one finds me"

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to littlebuck)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: etiquette question - 3/6/2014 1:01:39 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebuck

So to all the dominant women out there: as a dominant woman, do you wish to select your own male sub/slave or have him make the decision by him initiating contact with you?



I've done both. Some have contacted me (and thank heaven one in particular did!) and some I initiated. I think it is less of 'what is proper etiquette here' and more about carpe diem when compatible profiles collide for whatever reason. Snooze/lose and all that...

Best of luck!

(in reply to littlebuck)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: etiquette question - 3/6/2014 2:47:05 PM   
bearcatw125


Posts: 17
Joined: 6/22/2008
Status: offline 		No one gets anywhere by sitting back and waiting for things (or in this case people) to come to them. If you find someone that interests you, and you want to make first contact, go ahead. The key thing is HOW you make first contact.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: etiquette question - 3/6/2014 3:35:24 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebuck

Thank you Rawni.
I have done that and it works! Finally I can get the picture matter resolved. Hopefully now I have the profile matter settled but alas, there is always room for improvement.

Now let's return to the original intent of the thread, shall we?
We live in the 21st century; it is not 1950 all over again. Gender views have drastically changed. While chivalry is not dead (hopefully) the role of women has greatly increased in the work place, relationships and world view (most of the world anyway). So to all the dominant women out there: as a dominant woman, do you wish to select your own male sub/slave or have him make the decision by him initiating contact with you?




The original intent that you had as you posted the opening of this thread was an etiquette question and comments on what you have experienced. So by how you worded things, most everything I can remember about this thread, pertains to the topic and what our input is that answers a number of things you address in the original posting. So getting back to the topic doesn't apply here. Thank you for the attempt at correction though.

Chivalry... in the past brings certain pictures to my mind. Personally, I believe that chivalry... respect, honor, kindness, etc. are something that most people should have, no matter the gender. Women are not like children of days of old that were to be seen and not heard and we started being heard the minute women rose up and decided they'd had enough of being chattel or cherished, all tightly placed in societies little box. Because women started rising and expecting a different place in society and those of us that have maintained an expectation of better treatment and living situations, does not mean that we were asking to take on another role. It was freedom to speak, to work, to chose, to be all that we could be in whatever it was we wanted to do in life.

How people do things may be a result of many things, but to expect a certain behavior other than respectful interactions with the general public, is bringing that little box right back and shoving people into it. We all do it in some way, however that doesn't mean much in the big picture. Expecting women because they are dominant, to take on the role of initiating contact because they are ever so domly and should do that because that is what men did, doesn't fit my life the way I want it to. I like a more relaxed flow to things where people of any gender may make contact and typically believe that those that make contact are either being pro-active in what they seek or want or are the one that finds it most important to do. When you have a need to be first to make contact, you will do it. When there isn't a need, I don't see many people taking action because they don't need to. It should have nothing to do with a role or characteristic.

I do not need to seek and if I did, I would. I am open to people contacting me and I have contacted others, but I may not be contacting to make a connection that fits into a box so to speak. I do not seek just one thing.

I select the people in my life and a man contacting me doesn't mean that he is selecting me. I do not default to a man being chivalrous by making contact with me as I don't see it as chivalry or anything else close to that. Old concepts don't really work for me in the gender specific expectations that many hold true. I have my own view. One of the biggest things I have had to work with my partners in is expectations. Do not expect me to act the way you think I will. You would need to know me very well to know that and then I might even blast you with something new just to show you that I can, I will and you can expect that. It is best to simply ask me rather than to assume you know. You can expect I will not like clear actions to maneuver me into a position to react the way you hope I will. I assure certain respect, etc. with my partners... but after that, don't plan or think you know what I will do. You can't know unless you are me.

Will she hit the right or the left cheek? ROFL... you will not know, but I can see that tail end and the tightening in expectation and you may be surprised how that won't work. Do I really have to chose between the two? Oh hell no... I can stop, I can do soft or hard or tickle... everything varies. So when it comes to waiting for me to make contact, coming to my profile to get me to respond because you won't or can't because of some ill gotten perception of what is expected... it won't work well for most. I don't want to be chased and I will not chase. I interact with people and that is the only expectation that really matters... is that people can interact freely and be received just as freely and the ultimate goal, motivation or end result really has nothing to do with it unless you know the future and the person. Just because one person makes contact... doesn't mean anything more than they wanted to make contact. Anything else is most likely projection.



Edited to fix quotes ~ Chi

< Message edited by VideoAdminChi -- 3/10/2014 4:34:03 PM >

(in reply to littlebuck)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: etiquette question - 3/6/2014 3:53:09 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

OMG, are there any non-fetishists to be had, Rawni? Because fetishists can't be reasoned with. They are slaves to their fetish, which is why I don't want to own one. Being a slave to two Masters cheats me out of the full ownership I am entitled to as a Mistress. Otherwise, I am Mistress in name only, an empty title.

I've heard of cuckolding, to give another example, as a lifestyle as opposed to just a kink. Poly is a lifestyle. Being straight or non-hetero are lifestyles. Cuckolding is more a fetish-kink combo. Bondage can be both, depending on how it's played out. The point being, I had considered chastity using devices as being a lifestyle (instead of verbally or non-mechanically enforcing orgasm control, tease & denial, edging or delay), but now I'm reconsidering my position on that.

Dammit, all the REAL male subs must be taken, they're so scarce. You know, the ones who truly want to commit to a D/s relationship dynamic, not merely play around in BDSMland.


I'm hoping the quote thing works this time. I've been here for years and today I have a problem with it.

The bolded part, I totally agree with. I don't do empty titles and when there are two masters so to speak... the title means very little. I will not compete. It either is me in charge or not. A divided mind with interest so strong that it supersedes me as a person involved with another, isn't my idea of being within a female led relationship. We are either first or we aren't. We means... the two or more of us that value the person and what goes on between us. Everything after that really ought to be after that in importance.

Yes... it is rare. lol

I do love mental control. It requires people to stand up and be accountable... not depend on a device to head off the bad boy/girl stuff. If they are that bad that they need a device for more than the excitement of knowing I have ordered it as a reminder... kind of like a memento of our love... then he doesn't have the mental stamina I require.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: etiquette question - 3/6/2014 3:59:07 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebuck
Now let's return to the original intent of the thread, shall we?
We live in the 21st century; it is not 1950 all over again. Gender views have drastically changed. While chivalry is not dead (hopefully) the role of women has greatly increased in the work place, relationships and world view (most of the world anyway). So to all the dominant women out there: as a dominant woman, do you wish to select your own male sub/slave or have him make the decision by him initiating contact with you?

What makes you think I'm not the one selecting, just because I'm not the one initiating contact? A person sending Me an introductory email doesn't mean he's "decided" anything...... Except to send an email.

Here are all of the reasons why I, personally, do not initiate email exchanges, other than friendly ones to those folks who happen to frequent the forums:

1. I happen to be a married, poly Dominant with a huge sadistic streak. That means, at least one of those three categories is not going to match most people who consider themselves "seeking".

2. I already get more than enough email as it is. Most times, I don't even read it because I'm not looking.

3. To Me, real life interaction (meeting people at lifestyle functions) allows Me to skip the step of internet nonsense.

4. While there really are a good number of submissive males out there, it's My opinion that there is also a lot of white noise that comes along with it. Fetishists, fantasists, and fresh to the lifestyle folks abound here. None of those categories will match with Me.

5. Currently, I live in the middle of absolute nowhere. (That's not an exaggeration.) Literally, there is darn near no one who is local to Me, and I'm only interested in real time kink.

6. The time I spend here is to enjoy the forums. I'm not looking because I already have a submissive.


So, as you can see, it's not just the misconception that women don't take charge and initiate contact. There are people who have multiple reasons for not doing so.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to littlebuck)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: etiquette question - 3/6/2014 4:13:18 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		If I may add something to what LP said, if you come to a site like CM and you are looking (again plenty of people on here aren't), it's like going to a dance, you want to meet somebody, you ask them to dance, you wouldn't go there to sit in the corner and be a wallflower, in the feeble hope somebody will talk to you?

As for what you are into, while I think it's not really wise to start a discussion about your fetishes, approach a person as a person, I'm talking to somebody who doesn't live near me and our kinks don't match but I got a very nice mail, we started talking and stuff came up, we tossed ideas around and I think I could help him to identify a few problems why things didn't work out, I was overjoyed yesterday after he had a casual meet and greet with a dominant and things worked out. Don't approach everybody like a potential partner, approach them as a fellow human being wanting to be social, to make friends, just like you would do in any other environment.

Where your personal preferences, kinks, fetishes are, take a step back and identify what you need to have, what you can compromise on, what is a hard limit, while some stuff might be difficult, if it is essential to you, it is essential and compromising on it would cause unhappiness, so be honest, however there is a difference between being honest (somewhere further down the profile) and waving them like a flag. In vanilla terms, if you do tend to have flatulences in your sleep, it wouldn't be the first thing you put on a dating profile....

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: etiquette question - 3/6/2014 4:23:50 PM   
MissToYouRedux


Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebuck

So to all the dominant women out there: as a dominant woman, do you wish to select your own male sub/slave or have him make the decision by him initiating contact with you?



I've done both on CM (with ltr results), but frankly it has to be a profile that extraordinarily resonates for me to bother. Either way I am selecting my own male sub/slave. lol The male sub initiating contact is primarily trying to get noticed in the flotsam and jetsam of the personals side.


_____________________________

- Miss Marie


(in reply to littlebuck)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: etiquette question - 3/6/2014 7:13:52 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline 		little buck ...

Read through this thread, and honestly ... you have received some of the best advice known to man!

And from Women, nonetheless!

First and last, always realize that men cater to Women ... so try to court and attract!

Lifestyle doesn't matter ....

Success is ultimately measured in mental and emotional interaction ... anything more is simply a by product.

And if i may be egotistical for a moment, as a way of pointing a direction ...

i have: shared email with, talked on the phone with, met and taken out to dinner; some of the most brilliant and beautiful Dommes in North America.

And i do not mean sexually ... just interaction as Lady, man and real people. Same as occurs in vanilla dating.

The only difference is: should a relationship develop, i knew She controlled it, and i would say ... "Yes, my Lady" ...

Heck ... from listening to many male, vanilla, married friends .... that sounds like marriage, the only difference is in the method of expressing intimacy.

So good luck in your search ... but never forget,

Women choose, men pursue, court and say yes ...

_____________________________

Got my second paddle! Finally! :-)

Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

(in reply to littlebuck)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: etiquette question - 3/6/2014 10:06:08 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

never forget,

Women choose, men pursue, court and say yes ...


^^^Likes this.


(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: etiquette question - 3/6/2014 10:26:57 PM   
pg4g


Posts: 296
Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
Status: offline 		[Post Deleted]

< Message edited by pg4g -- 3/6/2014 10:30:28 PM >

_____________________________

Switching: the best of both worlds.

It ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. - Rocky Balboa

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: etiquette question - 3/7/2014 8:18:44 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

little buck ...

Read through this thread, and honestly ... you have received some of the best advice known to man!

And from Women, nonetheless!

First and last, always realize that men cater to Women ... so try to court and attract!

Lifestyle doesn't matter ....

Success is ultimately measured in mental and emotional interaction ... anything more is simply a by product.

And if i may be egotistical for a moment, as a way of pointing a direction ...

i have: shared email with, talked on the phone with, met and taken out to dinner; some of the most brilliant and beautiful Dommes in North America.

And i do not mean sexually ... just interaction as Lady, man and real people. Same as occurs in vanilla dating.

The only difference is: should a relationship develop, i knew She controlled it, and i would say ... "Yes, my Lady" ...

Heck ... from listening to many male, vanilla, married friends .... that sounds like marriage, the only difference is in the method of expressing intimacy.

So good luck in your search ... but never forget,

Women choose, men pursue, court and say yes ...

No wonder you've had success with Dommes--you're one of the savvy ones. (With a nod to bearcatw125)

littlebuck, you acted on suggestions about changing your profile and pics, so that's a good sign. However, I've been at this long enough to spot a brick wall when I see it. I sincerely hope you take the advice of these male subs, because they have no hidden agenda. Your unwillingness to take what Dommes are telling you at face value is what troubles me about you, quite frankly, which then causes me to question your submissiveness as not being obsessive bottom fever instead. It's not just chastity slaves, fetishists or male switches. Maybe it's just (most?) males who have a hard time listening. You latch onto a (self) pre-conceived notion and won't let go of it despite it not being in your best interests. Nobody here is out to sabotage your efforts. We have better things to do than to mess with your head, okay? (Most of us anyway, myself included)

It doesn't matter whether it's not the 1950's, 1850's, 1750's, or 2050. Women are women, not men; our XX chromosomes are never going to turn into XYs. If you don't want to play by our rules, then you always have the option of turning to...men.

[Edited for typo]

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 3/7/2014 8:36:35 AM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: etiquette question - 3/8/2014 12:48:22 PM   
VerySincere


Posts: 44
Joined: 4/1/2007
Status: offline 		little buck,

am thinking "Lady Fiery Opal" just gave you some really great advice.

Recognize it, understand it, and act on it.




(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 40
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