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Differences - 7/7/2006 3:04:23 PM

anthrosub

Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
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Here's a question I've been thinking about recently. It's a bit tricky to explain what I'm asking but I'll give it my best shot.

Imagine you're entry into this world came via being a Pro-Domme. Your experiences that formed your perception developed by interacting only with client subs and slaves. Now imagine another Dominant who never engaged in the world of Pro-Domination. Her sole experience came from experiences with her submissive mate or significant other (perhaps more than one over time).

Do you think there are benefits and/or liabilities to having either experience and how do you think this impacts the perception each may have of the submissive side of BDSM? What could be learned from the opposite's path? Would a Dominant who's engaged in both be a better Dominant than one who's only experienced one side? What about your own development?

This seems like an interesting point to ponder.

anthrosub

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RE: Differences - 7/7/2006 3:36:54 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
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You do raise some interesting topics, anthro!
I don't know if one or the other, or being from both sides, makes one better. It makes one different.
I can answer from the dual perspective.
I did not enter this lifestyle as a Pro Dominant. I had a serious need to fulfill as a Dominant Woman, and once I realized it was valid and okay, I went after it. No other type of relationship would do. I got into some part time Pro work because I was accosted so often by boys (yes, many had a wifey or SO on the side) who had a temporary need to fulfill, once a month, or twice a year,or when traveling. If I like the guy, and he doesn't want anything I wouldn't enjoy anyway, why would I get together for free? It's really quite as simple as that. Some would pass the opportunity by. Others do not. I did not. I elected to educate Myself and get more experience while searching for the permanent boy. And the extra money did not hurt. It really never bothered Me.
There are many who are Pro's, and they are really not Dominant at all. They enjoy what they do as Service Tops, but at the end of the day (or night), the costume comes off, and the regular gal comes out.
Then there is the lifestyle Lady who may go to clubs or munches and meetings, but unless or until She is with a boy or girl with whom She makes an emotional connection, She is not interested. Or She may play on occasion with a friend's sub/slave or at a public function. She has much knowledge, and is aware of what She needs, but the search goes on.
There is nothing wrong with any of these scenarios.
The Pro Dominant who isn't really Dominant does not really figure into the equation. But she may well have many more skills than the Lifestyle Lady who only plays 3 or 4 times a year. After all, the Pro is playing a few times or more each week, and that builds skill levels fast. Skills do not = Dominant.
I think the only benefit I have from being a Pro, albeit part-time, is that I can see through the crap the boys try to hand out faster than some of the others.
The only Ladies I have no respect for are the ones who come screaming onto a site like collarme with the "all men are pathetic worms, tribute required" attitude. It is painfully obvious that these gals think they have just found a new way to be a bossy bitch and maybe even make the guy pay along the way. And it gives us all a bad reputation. Because that is when the boys come screaming onto a site like collarme whining about how nobody will play with them just because it is fun and satisfying. This, of course, after they just sent $50 to a paypal account, and now that Dream Domina is suddenly no longer available to IM. Sorry, I got off track there...
I think each Domina is uniquely individual. We are all different. We can all learn from each other. And most of the time We do. That's part of My personal development. I like that.

**edited (as usual) due to My dyslexic fingers.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 7/7/2006 3:42:00 PM >

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RE: Differences - 7/7/2006 4:04:50 PM

AAkasha

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Joined: 11/27/2004
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I started domination as soon as I was old enough to date and it's played a part of every physical relationship I've had (I have never "been without" physical acts of BDSM on a regular basis since I started dating). Of that 20 or so years of experimenting (damn now I feel old), I only dabbled in real life pro sessions on a couple of occassions, probably totalling less than 20 sessions all told. I decided that in-the-flesh pro femdomming was NOT for me.

You bring up interesting questions about it. I guess my initial response is this: Why would a woman get into pro femdomming and have little/no experience in any real life domination (in her personal life) or at LEAST a hardcore lust for it? Just for money? If that was her primary motivation and there was really no interest in it from a passion standpoint, I think her perception of submissive men, their motivations, etc. would be very negative. I think a woman has to know how submissive wiring works -- *and* find a use for that thinking -- to respect it and find it of value. Otherwise, all the negative stereotypes come into play: he's weak, he's pathetic, he's disgusting, he's a loser, you name it.

A pro femdom has the opportunity to rapidly experience a wide variety of props, roleplays, types of submissives, types of sub headspace -- that's a great learning tool that she can bring to her own personal relationships. The learning curve is such that a pro can master so many things in a short period of time where a non pro femdom must evolve at the pace also set by her partner(s) and only the types of men she chooses to engage.

My wiring doesn't lend itself to pro-domming in the flesh because I am a very sensual, sexual and lustful femdom; more importantly, I have to be driven by attraction above all else. If I don't have serious lust for the man, it's not easy for me to get into the mode and actually enjoy the process. If anything, I'm feeling forced about it. If he comes with an agenda in hand as well, forget it. I'd rather eat dirt that earn money that way.

Akasha

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RE: Differences - 7/7/2006 5:54:14 PM

cloudboy

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I was friendly with a Domme a few years back who said to me that going from lifestyle to pro "ruined it." She felt it debased her and what she loved. She said she had to go from being "person centered" to "client centered" and that this adjustment threw her off her natural enthusiam for dominance and domination. It turned her vocation and artistry into a job. So, she decided to stop being a pro, to let her job be a job, and to let her kink return to being her kink.

I get the impression some ladies are better at blending the two worlds, but the above Domme's words left a lasting impression on me.

Clearly there is a pull between personal and commercial interests when involving oneself in these two worlds.

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RE: Differences - 7/8/2006 1:49:48 PM

MistressTheaZ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy
--snip--
Clearly there is a pull between personal and commercial interests when involving oneself in these two worlds.
--snip--

Good points, Goddess DG, and to echo cloudboy's thoughts...

I began seeking out SM when I was legally able to do so, through a local leather organization, (and previously, just through books and the internet.) I was always drawn to it, feeling I was different in some way but not knowing quite why. My own relationships and interests didn't seem to correspond with friends and siblings, and I couldn't reconcile it...

Beyond learning and playing with a local club, I began a Mistress Apprenticeship as a ProDomme through that time. However, My interactions were hardly limited to the dungeon; playing on a locally-recognizable level opened doors to parties, events and opportunity for a higher degree of involvement in the local community as well, and I enjoyed participating frequently.

While there were many ProDommes I knew who had little to no interest overall in participating in the scene, giving back, or furthering their own skills and personal growth within the Lifestyle, I think We can set aside those with a primary motivation of money only out of consideration within this discussion.

I wouldn't take back any of the years I spent as a ProDomme. It furthered My skills to a great degree, gave Me a wider appreciation for players of all labels at all levels, and brought Me many wonderful friends. That said, I disliked the nature of the commercial environment - churning out what sometimes could be likened to roleplay 'McSessions' - for the sake of higher profit. I felt rushed along and left feeling, at times, empty be constrained to such an one-dimensional connection with My playmates.

After a time, I began to lose any sense of enjoyment with management rushing Me out of one session early and into another...walking into a room to meet a kneeling, nude stranger I know only as joe, say, with about 45 minutes to proceed diving into this mystery sub's psyche and constructing a scenario accordingly. *sigh*

I prefer to play with a personal playmate only these days, and while it's definitely world's apart from 'working' as a ProDomme, I personally feel the enjoyment and anticipation has returned to a much greater degree than I could have found professionally. To have the freedom to enjoy really knowing someone on a three-dimensional basis: to give, to trust, to feel? Wouldn't trade it back.

Best,

~Thea

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