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wondering.maybewrong but open to others opinions - 3/13/2014 3:19:47 AM   
happyboi4u


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/9/2014
Status: offline 		This is not really a question, sorta...but i would love to find a strong domme, who taked, but also meets the subs requests openly and honestly.. everyone has needs to be met in this cmmunity, and expressing them honestly and with transparency, does not equal topping from the bottom..imho. thanks for the space to vent a little.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: wondering.maybewrong but open to others opinions - 3/13/2014 3:31:47 AM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		Communicating it all in the right time, with the right one is of major importance. I can't see why it would be a problem and considered topping from the bottom, unless more than communication was expected in the frame up of a demand or someone is evading something. Before I ever move to play, we have discussed a lot. I can say... this I will do... this I won't do and this I may do... but you may never know when, where and how.

With men new to me or just contacting me... no. I will not discuss a great many things. That is private. That is precious to me and someone has to matter. Basics in likes or expectations... to a point, but no further. I am not trying to trick someone, get them to like me and then spring something on them. I am only expecting to get to know someone a bit. If he or I feel it won't work that way, I haven't shared personal things with him. If we think we can move to the next stage as there does seem to be some basis of appeal, then I will discus more... but even then, it is when I am ready to and not worked into conversation because he might be in a hurry or might want to get stimulated by the conversation.

Open minded is good. Open for traffic isn't.

(in reply to happyboi4u)
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RE: wondering.maybewrong but open to others opinions - 3/13/2014 3:43:45 AM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Did someone tell you that submissives are not allowed to have wants, needs, desires? If they did that person is pulling your chain or just flat out fibbing. Everyone needs things and it is best to be honest about what you need. Don't be afraid or upset if you tell a dome what you need out of a relationship and she has a fit pass her on and look for someone a little more human.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to happyboi4u)
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RE: wondering.maybewrong but open to others opinions - 3/13/2014 3:43:48 AM   
happyboi4u


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/9/2014
Status: offline 		Thank you for the input. I feel strongly that if one has a particular fantasy, it should not be ignored or dissmissed. Com is the key

(in reply to Rawni)
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RE: wondering.maybewrong but open to others opinions - 3/13/2014 5:19:22 AM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happyboi4u

Thank you for the input. I feel strongly that if one has a particular fantasy, it should not be ignored or dissmissed. Com is the key



While communication is key, both dommes and subs have a right to have limits. That's why basic communication in non-graphic detail is important (there is a difference between saying "I have a fantasy for being a human toilet that is important for me to have fulfilled" and saying "Why won't you shit in my mouth? It's my fantasy and it shouldn't be ignored").

If, however, you are not compatible (i.e., your fantasy that is so important to you is one of her limits) then move on without a case of butthurt. Just because she won't indulge you doesn't mean she is being mean to you or insulting your kink.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to happyboi4u)
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RE: wondering.maybewrong but open to others opinions - 3/13/2014 6:08:29 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happyboi4u

Thank you for the input. I feel strongly that if one has a particular fantasy, it should not be ignored or dissmissed. Com is the key



Absolutely, but the trick is really finding somebody where the kinks meet. From what I gather you're into spankings, so you need to find somebody who does love to spank, wants to spank you, then it's fantastic, if it's all about the spanking and you just want somebody to spank you and that is the whole reason for any kind of relationship you have, then you want a service top and a lot of dommes aren't too keen on that. I'm not sure if I explained that the right way, but I hope you're getting what I mean...

What I would suggest is you find some local spanko groups, first of all you might get some fun out of that, but more importantly, the whole "kink compatibility" is out of the way and you can get to know the people and find somebody you're compatible with in other ways too.

While I agree that in every relationship the needs of everybody in that relationship really have to be met so there is a future (who'd stay in a relationship if it doesn't make them happy?), kinks or sexual preferences are an essential part but when it comes to living and being with somebody else, they are a fraction of the time you spend in the relationship and a lot of other things factor as well. Far too many relationships that are only based on kink compatibility crash because the people involved have nothing else in common.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to happyboi4u)
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RE: wondering.maybewrong but open to others opinions - 3/13/2014 7:12:13 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happyboi4u

Thank you for the input. I feel strongly that if one has a particular fantasy, it should not be ignored or dissmissed. Com is the key


Um. If my sub has a fantasy, then she communicates it to me, and I decide. I once had a sub who had a kidnap fantasy, and since I was living in an apartment at the time, I could not accommodate it. She communicated, I decided.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to happyboi4u)
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RE: wondering.maybewrong but open to others opinions - 3/13/2014 8:02:15 AM   
MsDDom


Posts: 368
Joined: 1/1/2009
From: GA
Status: offline 		I see D/s (or other dynamic relationships) as symbiotic. There are needs that will need to be met on both sides.

I believe having the attitude where it is all about one person or needs being met in one direction will create relationship problems in the long run.



_____________________________

...:: MsDDom ::...
... live Life honestly ...

(in reply to happyboi4u)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: wondering.maybewrong but open to others opinions - 3/13/2014 8:16:36 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happyboi4u

Thank you for the input. I feel strongly that if one has a particular fantasy, it should not be ignored or dissmissed. Com is the key



I have no idea what your fantasy is, but there are people who may not want to enact it for you, so they *will* ignore and dismiss you. This is true no matter what the fantasy.

The best way to get your fantasies enacted is to develop a long term relationship with someone who truly cares about you and thus cares about your happiness and well-being. There really aren't any short cuts to that unless you want to pay a pro.







_____________________________



(in reply to happyboi4u)
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RE: wondering.maybewrong but open to others opinions - 3/13/2014 9:50:28 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

I read something about meeting the submissive's requests openly and honestly. I also read something about not ignoring or dismissing someone's fantasies. These are pretty vague and open ended, so if I mistook the intention you had behind what you said...please accept my apologies ahead of time.

So my first thought was...perhaps the requests and fantasies are outside of the dominant's limits. It doesn't make them a bad person, but rather just not the right person for you. As vital as respecting the submissive's limits are, the dominant's limits are equally important. An example is that I'm not into using knives, needles, or other sharps on another person. And no amount of anything is going to get me to cross that line. Would I listen? Yep. Would I participate? Nope. It's a line I cannot cross for my own reasons. Someone who was into those sorts of things would be advised that I'm definitely not the right person for that job.

It really boils down to compatibility. You have to find someone who is in the same general vicinity of the spectrum as you are. Too different and it's like people are poles apart. Again since I don't know the specifics of your situation, this is more of a generalization I feel safe in making.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
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RE: wondering.maybewrong but open to others opinions - 3/17/2014 3:46:55 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The fact that you have a fantasy does not mean the other person is obligated to live it out for you. The dominant is a person in her own right, who is allowed to dislike things and to have limits as much as the sub is. Communicate it without fear of being called names? Certainly. But nothing beyond that.

Nobody owes you the kinky sex fantasy come to life. It is your responsibility to find someone compatible. And if you're a one trick pony with a less than common fetish, it might be easiest to find a pro domme willing to do this for you.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: wondering.maybewrong but open to others opinions - 3/17/2014 4:55:12 AM   
MissMorrigan


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		The two 'C's', communication and compatibility. Sometimes, through talking at length with a prospective submissive, it's become apparent that a particular fetish of theirs is so strong I know I cannot proceed to a relationship with them as I would not be able to provide the level of kink they require to fulfil them and that isn't a question of my not caring about them or their thoughts, I recognise we are incompatible and that is the key. .. finding someone with whom you share compatibility. The foundation has to be strong before you introduce kinks and you have to feel confident that your opinions are going to be listened to, and that your desires and wants meet the compatibility of the dominant in whom you have interest.

(in reply to happyboi4u)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: wondering.maybewrong but open to others opinions - 3/17/2014 4:52:11 PM   
happyboi4u


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/9/2014
Status: offline 		all valid points...but it is more of the domme not reslly into it....so have permission to go outside the relationship to meet this need

(in reply to MissMorrigan)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: wondering.maybewrong but open to others opinions - 3/17/2014 5:29:33 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		In My opinion, saying "no" is absolutely a legitimate answer.

I would say that if one has a specific kink that they have put in the 'need' category, they might want to consider that when dealing with individuals who may consider that kink as a part of their hard limits. If something is not a hard limit of the Dominant, that doesn't mean he or she has to provide it whenever the sub requests it.

If a person wants to find another Dominant to provide what they want, I'd say that is up to the individuals involved.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to happyboi4u)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: wondering.maybewrong but open to others opinions - 3/17/2014 8:59:07 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Well, if she is not into something you are into but has no trouble and is fine with you going outside of your dynamic to get that need met...it sounds like a win-win type situation.

(in reply to happyboi4u)
Profile   Post #: 15
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