RE: Submissive or masochist?

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RE: Submissive or masochist? - 3/27/2014 4:01:10 PM

UllrsIshtar

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The 'label' I use when people ask me what I am is to say that my kink preferences span the whole scale of possibilities out there, and vary depending on the context, person in question, my current mood, and the location we're at.

Which usually opens up a discussion in which they tend to admit that the standard labels don't fit them very well either.

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RE: Submissive or masochist? - 3/27/2014 7:39:16 PM

Kana

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The label I use is Kana and the only one I give a flying fuck about is "Mine."

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RE: Submissive or masochist? - 3/27/2014 9:44:25 PM

RemoteUser

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

The label I use is Kana and the only one I give a flying fuck about is "Mine."

Oh. I guess I should stop telling people to call you Donny.

(Dammit, I could have sworn you were in that boy band!)

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RE: Submissive or masochist? - 3/27/2014 9:55:04 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
The 'label' I use when people ask me what I am is to say that my kink preferences span the whole scale of possibilities out there, and vary depending on the context, person in question, my current mood, and the location we're at.

I have pretty good luck telling people we are "M/s without all the kink". That generally gets folks in the right ballpark and if they want or need more detailed information they ask. Honestly, in the real world I don't find people having nearly such a difficult time with labels. I suspect it's because when you're sitting in someone's living room sipping whatever they are more interested in understanding than a label debate.

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RE: Submissive or masochist? - 3/28/2014 10:22:03 AM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

The label I use is Kana and the only one I give a flying fuck about is "Mine."

Oh. I guess I should stop telling people to call you Donny.

(Dammit, I could have sworn you were in that boy band!)

Shhhh-you swore you'd never tell

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RE: Submissive or masochist? - 3/29/2014 2:09:52 PM

ForgetToRemember

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Interesting subject here. I think that there is a difference between S&M and D/s, but there is also considerable overlap. The reason why there is overlap can be explained in a few ways:

1.) D/s can be a means to an end for Sadism of Masochism. A way to 'justify' the act of being sadistic or masochistic (she is my slave so I can whip her kind of thing).

2.) Being sadistic or masochistic can overlap with being Dominant or Submissive naturally.

3.) It has been like this in popular belief for a long time (that is, D/s has to involve S&M in people's minds, and thus create a self-fulfilling prophecy). It is rare to see pure D/s and pure S&M separate in movies, porn, books, pictures etc.

As for myself, I am SadoMasochistic, but identify as Dominant in a D/s sense. However, I realize that the masochistic fantasies I have can and easily are confused with 'submissive' behavior. That is because it is natural for masochists to want to be unable to prevent their pain / suffering and that is most easily done and visualized with restraints to be physically unable to stop things and gags to be vocally unable to stop things.

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RE: Submissive or masochist? - 3/29/2014 3:18:43 PM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForgetToRemember

Interesting subject here. I think that there is a difference between S&M and D/s, but there is also considerable overlap. The reason why there is overlap can be explained in a few ways:

1.) D/s can be a means to an end for Sadism of Masochism. A way to 'justify' the act of being sadistic or masochistic (she is my slave so I can whip her kind of thing).

2.) Being sadistic or masochistic can overlap with being Dominant or Submissive naturally.

3.) It has been like this in popular belief for a long time (that is, D/s has to involve S&M in people's minds, and thus create a self-fulfilling prophecy). It is rare to see pure D/s and pure S&M separate in movies, porn, books, pictures etc.

As for myself, I am SadoMasochistic, but identify as Dominant in a D/s sense. However, I realize that the masochistic fantasies I have can and easily are confused with 'submissive' behavior. That is because it is natural for masochists to want to be unable to prevent their pain / suffering and that is most easily done and visualized with restraints to be physically unable to stop things and gags to be vocally unable to stop things.

Then you would be considered a masochistic Dominant. Much harder to come across are Sadistic subs, but they do exist. (I didn't know that either until last year, for those of you who weren't aware of this rare combination.) You could conceivably have your steady submissive service Top you without having to seek out other partners. I have not, to date, heard of a Sadistic slave, meaning 24/7 TPE once-and-for-all consent-given type submissive.

You are right about the separation of D/s from sado-masochism. I am an non-sadistic Domme. Gratuitous FemDom porn has polluted many minds, almost to the extent where submissive males routinely expect ALL Dommes to behave like Sadistic Bitches, which we emphatically are not.

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RE: Submissive or masochist? - 3/29/2014 3:31:34 PM

FightingChains

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I suppose the issue comes in with...

In a scene a sadist might enjoy taking control, being an asshole, "dominating" over the bottom, and ordering and forcing the bottom around. While s/he is not a "dominant" in the D/s sense, s/he is taking the controlling role.

In a scene a masochist might enjoy a sadist treating him/her with dominant control and overwhelming power, bending and forcing the bottom to the top's will. They may want to submit and obey these orders. While not a "submissive" in a D/s sense, they enjoy submitting to the top during the scene.

I think this is where confusion arises.

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RE: Submissive or masochist? - 3/29/2014 4:03:13 PM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains

I suppose the issue comes in with...

In a scene a sadist might enjoy taking control, being an asshole, "dominating" over the bottom, and ordering and forcing the bottom around. While s/he is not a "dominant" in the D/s sense, s/he is taking the controlling role.

In a scene a masochist might enjoy a sadist treating him/her with dominant control and overwhelming power, bending and forcing the bottom to the top's will. They may want to submit and obey these orders. While not a "submissive" in a D/s sense, they enjoy submitting to the top during the scene.

I think this is where confusion arises.

Precisely, because from the outside looking in, it will appear as though the Top is the Dominant, and that the bottom is the submissive. Furthermore, there is the misperception that being a masochist equates to being submissive and/or playing a submissive role.

This burst my fantasy bubble when I found out actor Ralph Fiennes is allegedly a hard-core masochist. I had assumed this meant he was submissive, but it doesn't.

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