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Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 5:01:39 AM   
RickandMimi2011


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/20/2011
Status: offline 		Yesterday I had an Interesting discussion with another dom that seemed to do nothing but criticize how me an my slave lived this lifestyle. He said that we were acting childish, and disgracing the lifestyle with our profiles. I respect his opinion regardless of how I may personally feel about it, but it made me think. Is there a correct way to live a BDSM life or is it more up to the individual participants to decide what it means to them? I welcome any discussion and look forward to hearing what the actual community thinks.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 5:07:06 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		No and anyone who tells you otherwise is talking bollocks.

Relationships are not one-size-fits-all. People have different needs and wants. If the two of you are happy, you're doing it right.

He's welcome to start his own little club and only let people in who follow his doctrines, but that doesn't make other people's interactions less valid.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to RickandMimi2011)
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RE: Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 5:09:18 AM   
RickandMimi2011


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/20/2011
Status: offline 		I tried to tell him as much, but he said anything I did only validated his point. Some people I suppose.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
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RE: Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 5:11:13 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		I had a look at your profile and I find it unrealistic, but hey, it's what you are looking for and you're not complaining that you can't find what you are looking for.

The right way is the way it works for you and your partner(s), if that means you're only do BDSM while wearing funny bunny hats, then that's also OK because it works for you. Anybody who doesn't like what you do, well they don't have to engage with you.

In short, you have the right to want whatever you want (as long as it's consensual), you aren't owed to have whatever you want to be given to you, but you can still look for it and enjoy whatever you have. What somebody else thinks about it shouldn't concern you, unless you're asking for their opinion, otherwise it's none of their biz.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to RickandMimi2011)
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RE: Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 5:20:37 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		There is no right or wrong way if what you are doing is informed and consensual.

However, I can see how it's possible that calling yourself a Master is offensive to some. It's a title that actually has meaning, beyond you finding a girl to call you that.

To me, for instance, the title connotes someone extremely experienced and knowledgeable about the lifestyle, and who has learned to master Her or Himself. IMO, this is not you.

But carry on with your masterful self.

_____________________________



(in reply to RickandMimi2011)
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RE: Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 6:08:43 AM   
Gradschoolgirl


Posts: 12
Joined: 2/23/2014
Status: offline 		In short? So long as everybody is a consenting adult, no.

In slightly longer form? So long as everybody is a consenting adult, no, but there are some people who talk a much bigger game than they live and sometimes they are dangerous due to ignorance more than intentional bad acts. However, that's true of life in general and people should always evaluate and make their own decisions about whether or not they want to be involved with the situation.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
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RE: Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 6:30:29 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RickandMimi2011

I respect his opinion regardless of how I may personally feel about it


Why? He's showing you no respect whatsoever.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to RickandMimi2011)
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RE: Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 6:33:29 AM   
RickandMimi2011


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/20/2011
Status: offline 		Because he is entitled to his opinion. I don't have to agree with it. I more respect his right to form it rather than the opinion it's self.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 6:53:49 AM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline 		Yeah. Your way, and if anyone tells you different, tell 'em to shove off. Simple as that.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to RickandMimi2011)
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RE: Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 6:59:15 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Tell him when he starts paying (all of) your bills, he can have some limited input into how you live your life.

Don't let anyone else be a buzzkill for you and your lady's pursuit of happiness. You're not sticking your nose into their business, are you? Well, then, that's settled.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to RickandMimi2011)
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RE: Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 7:02:21 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RickandMimi2011

Yesterday I had an Interesting discussion with another dom that seemed to do nothing but criticize how me an my slave lived this lifestyle. He said that we were acting childish, and disgracing the lifestyle with our profiles. I respect his opinion regardless of how I may personally feel about it, but it made me think. Is there a correct way to live a BDSM life or is it more up to the individual participants to decide what it means to them? I welcome any discussion and look forward to hearing what the actual community thinks.



There is no one way to live this lifestyle. This is NOT to say that every way is a good or right way to live it. Many roads lead to Rome, but not every road. But the road you take is your choice and it is up to you to decide if it is getting you to Rome or not. Some may tell you that your not going to get to Rome traveling that path. Some might not say anything. Others just might say yeah you can get to Rome traveling that way and not really know or worse know you are going the wrong way. In the end, you decide and where you end up is on you.... Almost ;)

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to RickandMimi2011)
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RE: Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 8:00:05 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		No, there is no "right way" other than the way which produces the most smiles for the participants. Anyone who says otherwise is an idiot.

Now that that's out of the way, I gotta ask, so what exactly in your profile was so disgraceful and childish? Did he, by any chance, articulate those "concerns" further?

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to RickandMimi2011)
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RE: Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 8:06:47 AM   
RickandMimi2011


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/20/2011
Status: offline 		He thought, and wrongly so, that by putting one of my fantasies in which I am able to stay home and handle the day today running of my household, which I say right after that I doubted would ever happen, was me wanting others to handle all my problems for me. which is not true at all. But he starts to yell about me not being a man and etc. Just being a disturbance really.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 8:17:02 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Tell him his fantasies are his, yours are yours and tell him to have a nice day

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to RickandMimi2011)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 8:21:20 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RickandMimi2011

He thought, and wrongly so, that by putting one of my fantasies in which I am able to stay home and handle the day today running of my household, which I say right after that I doubted would ever happen, was me wanting others to handle all my problems for me. which is not true at all. But he starts to yell about me not being a man and etc. Just being a disturbance really.


Why would you continue to engage with someone who feels a need to chastise you and be disrespectful?
Does it seem as though he has much control over himself?

It is perfectly acceptable to cut off contact with someone who is creating a disruption.
If you feel a need to explain, just say that you choose not to participate in discussions that are non-productive.
Then block the person.


_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to RickandMimi2011)
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RE: Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 8:31:49 AM   
RickandMimi2011


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/20/2011
Status: offline 		I should have, and I don't know why I didn't.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 8:37:21 AM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RickandMimi2011
Yesterday I had an Interesting discussion with another dom that seemed to do nothing but criticize how me an my slave lived this lifestyle. He said that we were acting childish, and disgracing the lifestyle with our profiles.


I don't get how any safe consensual behavior could disgrace the lifestyle. Have fun and don't put too much stock in what people on the internet say, to put things in perspective we have a guy around here who thinks unicorns are real.

(in reply to RickandMimi2011)
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RE: Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 8:38:58 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RickandMimi2011
He thought, and wrongly so, that by putting one of my fantasies in which I am able to stay home and handle the day today running of my household, which I say right after that I doubted would ever happen, was me wanting others to handle all my problems for me. which is not true at all. But he starts to yell about me not being a man and etc. Just being a disturbance really.

Ahhhhh, in other words, he's a bigot. Got it.

Pretty much any time someone refers to "being a man" or "masculinity" or "femininity" or any concept related to those I tune out. Pretty much all such thoughts are the products of small minds fed on media and raised in a parochial world view.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to RickandMimi2011)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 8:57:02 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RickandMimi2011

I should have, and I don't know why I didn't.


You felt you had something to prove, maybe?

You don't.


_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to RickandMimi2011)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Is there a "Right Way" to bdsm? - 3/28/2014 9:06:12 AM   
FelineRanger


Posts: 658
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline 		Sounds to me like you encountered a "Won twue way" type who is so justifiably ridiculed in multiple places. Until I read all the responses, I thought this pompous blowhard was somebody you encountered at a munch or play party. This guy is chucking judgmental rocks from the interwebz? Fuck him and the horse he rode in on! Guaranteed he lives in a house made of tempered glass that would shatter with a single accurate pointed comment.

_____________________________

Bill

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 20
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