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Changing roles - 7/8/2006 5:00:04 PM

Posts: 39
Joined: 12/7/2005
From: Norfolk UK
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After much soul searching I have decided ( maybe) to try taking a more Dominant role! This has come about because after a few failed relationships as the submissive, I have listened ( makes a change for me) to others who say that they feel I could be Dominant. How did anyone else realise they were switch please and has anyone any words of advice??

RE: Changing roles - 7/8/2006 6:00:21 PM

Posts: 155
Joined: 7/17/2005
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Hmm...answering your question from the flipside, somewhat...

Questions right from the jump: others may have remarked accordingly, but how do *you* feel? When you sit and think of what really stirs you, what side of the flogger are you on? What draws you to BDSM? When you think about playing with a partner, what are the things - activities, sensations, feelings - that come to mind? In the relationships you've had, how did the overall interpersonal dynamic contribute to your feelings within it? Were the issues more of a personal nature, or those relating to your feelings about your place within the relationship?

Perhaps figuring out what your own trigger is will help you likewise search out a dynamic that works for you with some additional clarity.

I don't identify as a switch. I identify as a sadomasochist, and most comfortable as a Sadistic Dominant above all else. I resented the idea of bending a knee to a man, and found it even more distasteful in that submission made Me feel used and ridiculous. Scening felt trite, but true submission or achieving subspace was similarly out of reach considering I neither sincerely trusted the Dominant nor felt comfortable with the idea of relinquishing My will to him for the sake of his pleasure. In fact, lacking both trust and desire to explore, I retaliated often and was a horrible sub and slightly less horrible switch.

That said, it boggled Me for years that I still had a foundation of fascination with pain - giving and receiving - that drew Me to explore BDSM in the first place. It has taken Me some years to reconcile this, to grow and become comfortable with finding out where these buttons are, whom I'd permit to push them, and why.

Only recently did I find a switch playmate with whom I actually felt a desire to engage...a desire to please....and enough trust and mutual respect between a shared motivation of sadomasochistic tendencies to move forward with this. That said, interpersonal dynamics - what you have with that *person* - does play a rather large role as I can't see having the least bit of desire to submit to anyone else other than him. As people change and grow, so do our interests, needs, wants, and what We find as a result in a compatible partner.

Best,

~Thea

(in reply to barbiealto)

RE: Changing roles - 7/8/2006 10:21:50 PM

Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: barbiealto

After much soul searching I have decided ( maybe) to try taking a more Dominant role! This has come about because after a few failed relationships as the submissive, I have listened ( makes a change for me) to others who say that they feel I could be Dominant. How did anyone else realise they were switch please and has anyone any words of advice??

Wow.. you could be me not so very long ago. I did the same thing almost for the same reason and found that inside me was a really good domme..<shrug> so I tried it..and found something inside me that responded to it. HOWEVER.. and for ME it was a big however, no matter how good I was at being a domme, no matter how "submissive" I could make the men feel and respond.. at the end of each scene all I wanted was to find a dom to take me back down again. This is why I decided to end that. This may not be your path.. and I hope you do find what you seek inside yourself as you go through this journey of discovery..Just make sure you are always "checking in with yourself" to make sure you are being who you TRULY are..

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to barbiealto)

RE: Changing roles - 7/8/2006 11:28:12 PM

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Joined: 9/14/2005
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quote:

HOWEVER.. and for ME it was a big however, no matter how good I was at being a domme, no matter how "submissive" I could make the men feel and respond.. at the end of each scene all I wanted was to find a dom to take me back down again.

I do something very similar, only I don't want them to "take me down." When I play with someone, I get an enormous charge out of it, and when it's over, and I've done my aftercare and the submissive is happily glowing in a corner, I want nothing more than for the Kaptin to hurt me. It's almost primal, the way I crave that pain, and I challenge Him to really make me feel it. This is notable because if it's just Him and me alone in the dungeon, I'm a big wuss.

But I digress...

To the OP, I would ask what made you feel you were submissive? Do you believe you have a submissive personality? Or do you identify more as a dominant. For several years, after I discovered "the community," I convinced myself that because I needed someone to be in control of me, and because I was on the receiving end of the whip, that I must be submissive. It made me miserable, trying to be something it was not in my nature to be. Do you feel the same way about "being submissive?" What is your true nature?

My advice to you would be to figure out what you want and need in your life. What works for you and what does not. What kind of person you want to share your life with you, and then go find it.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to JessieMe)

RE: Changing roles - 7/9/2006 2:40:09 AM

Posts: 39
Joined: 12/7/2005
From: Norfolk UK
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thak you for your replies..... all very interesting and thought provoking which is what I needed!

(in reply to barbiealto)

RE: Changing roles - 8/3/2006 1:00:57 AM

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Joined: 7/2/2006
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I have always been a Dom, but being a sadomasochist meant that I had to top from the bottom to get that part of myself off. After talking to my sub after one really intense session I discovered that I enjoyed sub space hence why I now label myself as a switch even though I let out the masochist side rarely and it is still as a dominant. Rules, rules, rules.

(in reply to barbiealto)

RE: Changing roles - 8/6/2006 7:09:21 AM

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/9/2005
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well, my story is a bit different from the responses I've seen so far. I started within this "lifestyle" at the age of 20. I met a woman whom I wanted to have carnal relations with. We talked, did some light flirtations, and when things started to become intimate, she became more dominant. I didn't know what to think, but being a young, handsome, virile young man, I said what the hell! After our first passionately intimate encounter (no penetration, but damned near everything else), she opened my eyes to D/s and BDSM. She told me she was a dominant, and asked if I wanted to learn about submission. I readily agreed. I also found out she was married. Being young, dumb, and full of cum, I wasn't thinking with the head on my shoulders when I found that out, but neither here nor there...

I was trained by both her and her husband how to be a proper submissive. She taught me how to truly make love to a woman's body, he taught me how to discipline my mind, and show passion through focus. Somewhere over the course of the next three months, they determined I would make one hell of a dominant, and (unbeknownst to me) switched my training from being the perfect lil submissive to becoming a dominant.

Long and short of things, I am a dominant now, with some switch tendencies. I love the feel of the flogger almost as much as using it myself. I love when a submissive is willing to please me, just as I love when I am able to please her. I won't lie... several of my earlier training techniques are still apparent, and very much a part of how I dominate. Yet there are times when I want to be more "strict," more "sadistic," and I cannot bring myself to torture someone else, physically. Its just not in my nature, nor was I ever taught how to be a sadomasochist.

I hope this sheds a little light on your question, and perhaps you might find someone like I did, to assist you on your path to understanding.

CC

(in reply to shadevarr)

RE: Changing roles - 8/9/2006 5:10:11 AM

ArdRi

Posts: 32
Joined: 9/27/2005
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I have heard of many people changing their identification with power. It just isn't as set in stone as sexual orientation, for examle, can be. Dominance and Submission, for example, are interchangeable and a switch is merely someone who enjoys the differenciation more than others. Its nothing to be ashamed of or confused about. Its very natural.

A.R.

(in reply to CreoleCook)

RE: Changing roles - 8/13/2006 7:17:53 PM

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: barbiealto

After much soul searching I have decided ( maybe) to try taking a more Dominant role! This has come about because after a few failed relationships as the submissive, I have listened ( makes a change for me) to others who say that they feel I could be Dominant. How did anyone else realise they were switch please and has anyone any words of advice??

I have always known I had dominant leanings but it took a long time for me to acknowledge my submission. One of the things I would encourage you to consider is if either are affected by the gender of the person you're playing with. I find that men bring out a more sadistic side of me as opposed to women. While I'm willing to submit to a man I wouldn't fathom doing the same with a woman. On the flip side, I love topping them. The answers won't come overnight but with time and patience you'll find your own niche in the grand scheme of things. I wish you luck.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to barbiealto)

RE: Changing roles - 8/14/2006 7:59:13 AM

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Joined: 8/13/2006
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*Loves It* i absoluely love new converts!!! Switching is amazing, I wouldn't have it any other way!!!

(in reply to porcelaine)

RE: Changing roles - 8/26/2006 1:18:44 AM

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Joined: 7/31/2006
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I'm a sadomasochist. I can be submissive for a few days. I can be dominant for long periods.
I need to have ultimate control in a relationship, but I exercise control very gently, with
persuasion, kind words and a lot of humility.

(in reply to MSUBLACKGIRL)

RE: Changing roles - 9/5/2006 8:12:42 PM

topbottomswitch

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline

Hi, I am very glad to have found this topic because I have just recently asked myself the same question...I am very new to this. I spent some time with a couple and he told me I was a dom to women and some men...He tried to train me but I wasnt too good at the dom to his partner a woman...so I question myself. But I also feel a bit used by men when I am the sub? I have not tried on my own to dom a woman or a man...but I want to try. I am afraid I might fail and feel stupid. But its all so new so I choose to give myself time to explore and ...its all good!

(in reply to WhipTheHip)

RE: Changing roles - 9/12/2006 8:31:49 AM

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline

I still have trouble with the sub in me. It was something that came naturally, tho- i'm gemini-- my twin s are mirror opposites!! ;)

the stronger of the two is the one who loves to be in control.
I say if you are inclined to try-- go for it. You will probably love the control part...

_____________________________

Desi

(in reply to topbottomswitch)

RE: Changing roles - 9/12/2006 8:57:26 AM

Posts: 221
Joined: 10/20/2005
From: Iceland
Status: offline

I identify myself as sadomasochist, always have since I learned about the existanse about these labels (dom switch blah blah...). Have never been much into the d/s part although I met very special person resently that has drawn out the submissive strike in me (don't know where she found it though

).

Best wishes
SM

(in reply to Desiree2)

RE: Changing roles - 10/2/2006 6:51:40 PM

Posts: 13
Joined: 9/30/2006
Status: offline

Yes, I did, though I have never switched with Sir Stephen. Never would want to. I only am dominant with women, though I have been topped by a woman. Actually, that experience was what taught me that I am what I am. Previous to that I thought I could bottem to anyone. Boy was I wrong LOL. It's Stephen or nobody.-- Jennifer

_____________________________

Your only validation is in living your own life; vicarious existance is a fucking waste of time.

(in reply to barbiealto)

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