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somealtguy -> new sub questions! (3/31/2014 5:56:23 PM)
I'm sure I'm missing a FAQ somewhere. Just joined the site - I have 0 experience but have always dreamed of being a sub (pegging, being held down, told what to do) - which I assume means I'm at the very least a bottom, probably a sub, but for the right woman I would do more :) I hit a BDSM club/dungeon last weekend and managed not to throw myself at anyone. I did have some questions: 1) collars - I assume that means you are owned by someone? Meaning I wouldn't wear one unless I was in some sort of relationship with someone. 2) appropriate wear for subs? I was in business casual and watched a lot of stuff, but want to wear something more appropriate to being a sub and looking for someone/open for play 3) My profile on collarme - what the heck do I put in it? 4) Toys - what are some good toys I should get to potentially get me started on my own? I'm worried about pain tolerance, pegging, etc. Wow. Typing this is freeing. Officially on day '3' in the scene - so forgive my totally awful questions.

Kaliko -> RE: new sub questions! (3/31/2014 6:41:34 PM)
It sounds like this man needs a mentor! :) Here's my take on a few items. Collars, I would assume that means owned. I'm sure someone will be along to correct me if I'm wrong. Appropriate wear for submissives in a BDSM club/dungeon, I can't help you with. No idea. Your profile on CollarMe? Put in a little bit about you. More than just your kinks. Definitely more than just your cock. And then settle in for a nice, long wait. I'm sorry, but from what I understand, male submissives are kind of a dime-a-dozen. I've never been one, but that is what I hear. Toys? Perhaps an anal plug if you're interested in that type of thing? And lube. Lots and lots of lube. Good luck.

frunandsins -> RE: new sub questions! (3/31/2014 6:48:00 PM)
Welcome. :) You might also want to introduce yourself in the Intro thread. To tackl the questions: 1. Collars can mean that, but it can also mean whatever the fuck others want it to mean. In public dungeons, it may mean only ownership in the dungeon and they are not necessarily 24/7 slaves. Whether you should or should not wear one depends much on the etiquette at your local scene. Ask someone at the scene if you want to know what the local rules are. 2. If you do not have fetish gear (leather, rubber, latex), something more reasy to take off will work, like a jockstrap. Also, did you see the attires of the other subs at the scene? Are they all in fetish gear? If so then you might want to invest in some basic attire. Latex or rubber shorts shouldn't be that expensive. Boots of some sort are recommended. Go bare chested if you can't also find a latex/rubber vest/shirt that you want. 3. In the profile, give some explanation on who you are, what you are looking for, and why should anyone contact you. It does not need to be a 5-page autobiograghy, but do make an effort to reveal some things about yourself. Avoid making it a long list of kinks, if you're interested in relationships and not just hookups. If you just want hookups for now, that's ok, too, just make that clear in the profile. If you're seeking female Dommes, the word of wisdom is not to post pics of your cock or ass. ;-) I took a look at your profile and it seems like a good start. I would personalize it more as you go, e.g. do you have geographic limits, do you want cyber relationships, do you want to be a part of a poly relationship, have you had successful vanilla relationships, etc., and also expand more on your hobbies and strengths (cooking? dancing? house work? etc.). 4. If you want to explore pegging, invest in a small dildo or a small vibrator (small in diameter, not length). For a beginner, I would recommend something no thicker than 2 to 3 fingers together. You should shop for it at a store the first time, because you probably won't know enough to pick a good one from just online. The hard rigid ones will make insertion easier, but the softer flexible ones feel better (imo). Don't be greedy and go for the gorilla size ones ;-P Another thing you may want to invest in is a good anal douche. There are many varieties out there, some can be attached to the shower and some are free-standing. Good anal hygeine is a good selling-point, unless you're looking for scat masters, which is perfectly fine if you are. And if you do douche, learn to do it correctly. Also, you will need a good lubricant. Get water-based ones - they are the most versatile. If you use silicone based lubricant, some toys will not work well. Get small sample bottles first if you don't already have a favorite before you buy the industrial sized one. After that, practice, practice, practice. You can ask more if you want to know about warm-up exercises and preparing yourself. Many of us have plenty of experience with anal virgins. Above all, keep being honest to yourself, and you will find your right match in time. Patience, self-imrpovement, learning, and also making mistakes, are all part of the plan. And do feel free to cotninue asking questions. The people here are brutally honest and we don't sugar-coat anything. But we are also very eager to help those who seek it. Enjoy, learn, grow. ;-)

MsLadySue -> RE: new sub questions! (3/31/2014 6:50:30 PM)
Deleted because the previous poster did such an excellent job of answering the OP's questions.

FeralFoxy -> RE: new sub questions! (3/31/2014 7:24:43 PM)
Just one addition - if you buy anything with the intention of sticking it up you butt, make sure it has a nice wide base. You don't want anything getting sucked up there where you can't get it back out. And yes, that can and does happen.

subbibear -> RE: new sub questions! (3/31/2014 7:25:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: somealtguy I'm sure I'm missing a FAQ somewhere. Just joined the site - I have 0 experience but have always dreamed of being a sub (pegging, being held down, told what to do) - which I assume means I'm at the very least a bottom, probably a sub, but for the right woman I would do more :) I hit a BDSM club/dungeon last weekend and managed not to throw myself at anyone. I did have some questions: 1) collars - I assume that means you are owned by someone? Meaning I wouldn't wear one unless I was in some sort of relationship with someone. 2) appropriate wear for subs? I was in business casual and watched a lot of stuff, but want to wear something more appropriate to being a sub and looking for someone/open for play 3) My profile on collarme - what the heck do I put in it? 4) Toys - what are some good toys I should get to potentially get me started on my own? I'm worried about pain tolerance, pegging, etc. Wow. Typing this is freeing. Officially on day '3' in the scene - so forgive my totally awful questions. Collars - To many in a public scene they are symbols of submission. For some they mean that they are owned. Sometimes the presence of a lock means ownership. An open lock can mean they are an unowned sub. For some people a collar is rather subtle, as simple as a silver necklace. It is best to never assume anything and just talk to everyone like a person. If someone is on a leash, maybe talk to the leash holder first. A Dom will be very clear if you have crossed a boundary inadvertantly, and assuming you are apologetic and learn from your mistakes, you will be fine. Appropriate Wear For Subs - That is highly subjective. What is your fetish, if you have one, about clothing? Leather and rubber are popular but expensive investments for now. I often go in just some nicely worn out blue jeans, a black T-shirt,a black belt and a pair of black boots. Simple and understated. Your Profile: I struggle with that too. I try to start out with a paragraph about some general things about me that offer a snapshot. Then something about what I am looking for in a person. Then something about how I view Dominance and submission. But I have no idea whether I am doing it right. Toys - Get a copy of 'Anal Pleasure And Health' by Jack Morin. It is an older book but a great starting place before getting into anal play, even on your own. Find a toy store either locally or online. Start with smaller toys, and work your way up to find your comfort level. I found that the smallest butt plug was usually the easiest thing to start with for new people. I noticed that you list enemas as a hard limit but you want to get into anal play. That is sort of a conflicting set of ideas for my perspective. You may not want to 'play' with enemas, but you probably are going to want to become experienced in giving yourself one. Finding a woman for a LTR D/s relationship can be a challenge. But it is not impossible. You are in a major metro area with lots of events and social gatherings happening all the time. You might want to consider attending some of the discussion groups or social gatherings that are not play oriented or dungeons. You may also eventually consider volunteering time to events as a way to network and meet local people. Or not.

somealtguy -> RE: new sub questions! (4/1/2014 5:07:54 PM)
Thanks for the responses! Time to go do some shopping. Probably will hit a different place this weekend and get some more exposure. The fact that there are people out there that understand and are nice is a big deal. Thanks!

windchymes -> RE: new sub questions! (4/1/2014 5:46:51 PM)
It might be a good idea to keep dressing casually at the dungeon for a couple more visits and just observe, talk to more experienced people, and most importantly, if there is a dungeon master or mistress, introduce yourself to him or her and tell her you're new and would like to learn and get more involved. They might introduce you to some of the regulars who might volunteer to mentor you or join their group or at least show you around, teach you the etiquette and protocols of that particular club. I think if you go in all dressed and ready to go it might give the impression that you're just a horny wanker who is just there for jollies. I think you made a great start by going to a dungeon, keep doing that, be casual and not too outgoing and people will be more inclined to approach you and strike up a conversation. Take it slow and learn as you go along as opposed to "I'm a sub, do whatever you want with me!" That can be a big turn-off to some people.

FieryOpal -> RE: new sub questions! (4/2/2014 7:42:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: frunandsins 1. Collars can mean that, but it can also mean whatever the fuck others want it to mean. In public dungeons, it may mean only ownership in the dungeon and they are not necessarily 24/7 slaves. --- 4. If you want to explore pegging, invest in a small dildo or a small vibrator (small in diameter, not length). A couple of quick comments on the good advice fruns gave you: 1. Since you are new on the scene and not a regular anywhere, I would not directly engage with anyone you see wearing a collar, and I'll tell you why. Even though you're a sub, unless there are colored armbands or ribbons to mark you as one, expect Dominants to be protective and possessive of their subs, male or female. You won't know which Dominants are high protocol and which ones aren't. This means you don't speak to their sub directly; if you have something to say, you address the Dominant. There are femsubs who will wear a collar as jewelry -- I don't recommend doing that. Generally, a collared sub signifies ownership. One might be wearing what's called a collar of consideration tentatively, but that can't be determined based on whether the lock is closed or open (which might be hidden by hair) since kinksters like to make their own rules, and it's safer to assume that sub is still off limits. I would advise you not to prematurely wear a collar decoratively or you will put yourself out of the running. It's bad form. 4. You are assuming you have to prep yourself in advance or that you have to break yourself in. No you don't, unless you want to self-gratify. Your future Mistress should know how to properly get you dilated. She may not like wearing a strap-on. Remember, females are not built like males - our bodies are designed differently - and it can feel awkward. You're making assumptions that are not factual. Heed FeralFoxy's warning. I personally prefer a sub who has not been dilated and would much prefer to take his anal cherry myself. Just keeping it real. Until you have a Mistress, you won't know this about her.

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