RE: Do you love feeling inferior to your D person?

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RE: Do you love feeling inferior to your D person? - 4/16/2014 5:31:48 PM

Spiritedsub2

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-fr
I couldn't submit to anyone I didn't feel was superior to me, or that I looked up to. Peer to peer doesn't inspire submission in me, though in fairness, few men do.

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RE: Do you love feeling inferior to your D person? - 4/17/2014 1:45:01 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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I prefer to think of us as equal but different. It's a symbiotic relationship or scales in balance - neither side is better because if either side were gone, the other side would no longer be.

That sounds cheesy.

In play, I don't mind a bit of humiliation or force, but it only works because I know he's wildly turned on and values everything about me. Otherwise I would just feel like crap. I need to know that he does these things with me because I am worth his time, and not because I'm worth nothing.

Equally if I were to take on a sub, I would not be interested in someone who I considered inferior. There's nothing special about having something worthless or weak submit to you. The whole 'lowly worm' style of role play found in femdom porn is a massive turn off for me. I want a strong, smart person to willingly hand themselves over to me because they think I'm awesome; I find grovelling and the idea of the sub being worthless to be really unpleasant. This is a big part of the reason why I choose to be the sub in a monogamous relationship and realistically will never have a sub of my own - many of the staple elements of a fem-dom fantasy are the very things I dislike.

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RE: Do you love feeling inferior to your D person? - 4/17/2014 2:11:31 AM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

I prefer to think of us as equal but different. It's a symbiotic relationship or scales in balance - neither side is better because if either side were gone, the other side would no longer be.
<snip>
Equally if I were to take on a sub, I would not be interested in someone who I considered inferior. There's nothing special about having something worthless or weak submit to you. The whole 'lowly worm' style of role play found in femdom porn is a massive turn off for me. I want a strong, smart person to willingly hand themselves over to me because they think I'm awesome; I find grovelling and the idea of the sub being worthless to be really unpleasant. This is a big part of the reason why I choose to be the sub in a monogamous relationship and realistically will never have a sub of my own - many of the staple elements of a fem-dom fantasy are the very things I dislike.

If you weren't already married, Athena, from what I've read in some of your other posts, I have a feeling you would make a damn good Domme.

Thank God not all male (and I suppose I should include female) subs are like that. My last sub J sure wasn't. Early on, when I had "threatened" a punishment, he asked me point blank why did I feel I needed to ever threaten him. I told him that that was how my husband had liked it - to be humiliated and punished at times - and that the sub before him (J) wanted to be humiliated. I didn't know any better at the time, that this was an optional BDSM practice and not a *mandatory* part of the D/s dynamic. I'll never forget the quizzical look on his face when he told me that all I had to do was to ask or tell him what to do, and he would willingly oblige. That was a huge epiphany for me, because I realized all this "kinky stuff" is supposed to be fun and enjoyable, not some big stupid-ass fakey production.

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RE: Do you love feeling inferior to your D person? - 4/17/2014 9:31:49 PM

DesFIP

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If he wanted someone inferior to him that would be tantamount to admitting that he wasn't able to feel competent being dominant. That he had to pick someone incompetent so that he would look good in comparison. Sorry, that kind of insecurity is a big turn off.

The other thing is that if you were buying a car, would you prefer a performance car or a pos on its last legs, barely able to make 40 mph? Assuming you could buy a new car with all the bells and whistles, what would you think of someone who was afraid to drive such a car? I'd conclude he was a bad driver, sure to bang it up and ruin it and that's why he drove a car that someone else had already beaten the hell out of.

Speaking as the car (so to speak), I'd rather know I was in the hands of a good driver, not a bad.

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RE: Do you love feeling inferior to your D person? - 4/18/2014 5:04:50 AM

Nakhla

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I think it depends, are we talking superior/inferior in rank or hierarchy or are we talking about quality ( e.g. the difference between a superior officer and a superior tenderloin? ) I'm absolutely fine with the former, in fact it's a large part of what I search for in the dynamic. As for the latter, I never really "got" it - why would you want to have substandard partners as a dom?

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RE: Do you love feeling inferior to your D person? - 4/18/2014 9:48:03 PM

sandyTheSub

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I think the word "inferior" causes a lot of turmoil.
I believe my Master is my superior. This does not make me doormat or anything. I offered him my life and I believe he does a better job of handling it than I do.

Maybe if we'd used a different word people wouldn't feel offended by it? Maybe "smaller" is a better word?
When one kneels before their Dom and kiss their feet, I think it is very hard not to feel smaller :)

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RE: Do you love feeling inferior to your D person? - 4/19/2014 7:00:12 AM

Kaliko

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I don't have negative connotations with the word "inferior." But I can understand how people do. It's not that my life or my opinion or my feelings are any less valuable than his are. But...I look up to him. He is superior to me. I'm inferior in ...rank, let's say, and inferior in life's little decisions and such. To paraphrase sandyTheSub, he does a better job of handling me than I do. That's why I defer to him - sometimes with heels dug in. (Just how much can a woman pout in the grocery store?)

So, do I "love" it? Yes. I love it that I now know this well enough between us. I love that I have felt a growing certain knowledge that his decisions about how I should handle certain things are really the right thing to do, even though I want to sometimes act childish about it and act irresponsibly. For me, there is a level of exposure and vulnerability that is hard to achieve if I feel like I can overtake someone intellectually or emotionally. There is no risk, no exposure, no laying myself before him and giving, no opportunity to be humbled and be wrong; there are none of those heady and intoxicating feelings I desire, if I feel like I am more than he is.

However, take what I say with a grain of salt. I embrace a certain feeling of inferiority throughout all aspects of my life. It's something a bit spiritual to me, I suppose. The richness of humility, submission, and obedience is how I strive for growth. It's only natural that I would choose my most intimate relationship to be with someone whose very being - whose superiority to me - causes me to nurture these within myself.

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RE: Do you love feeling inferior to your D person? - 4/19/2014 7:33:07 AM

TiedUpReady

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I don't feel inferior to him because I'm not. I may have submitted to him but we're also a partnership. He has the final word but my opinion is always asked for, heeded and respected.

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RE: Do you love feeling inferior to your D person? - 4/20/2014 4:13:07 AM

orgasmdenial12

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Oh he definitely listens to me, respects me, values me, all that good stuff. I don't want to suggest any confusion with being treated in a bad way - the point is not so much that I am lesser (although, to be honest, I like that feeling too) the point is that he is lifted up, reified.

I've never been religious and so perhaps that's why it seems interesting to have this concept of someone or something that I worship. And there are times he very much falls off his pedestal and we laugh about it. But there are also times where I feel so little, so humble to him that suddenly all the crawling and foot-kissing feels vividly real, it's like he's something so much greater and more powerful than I am, and I'm just this little thing, almost nothing, being blessed to be allowed to worship him. Eugh, I'm making myself sick with my own flowery language - but that's how it feels and I like it, so it seems a fun, harmless thing to do, and it makes the feelings of submission even deeper and more rooted.

Interestingly, it seems much more common in F/m relationships, rather than M/f relationships - probably because of feminism and female inequality being a touchy subject. I should add that I'm completely a feminist so it's not an issue of self-esteem or self-worth for me. It's just something I do that's very enjoyable - after all, if I didn't find power-exchanges sexy, I guess I wouldn't be doing this at all.

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RE: Do you love feeling inferior to your D person? - 6/7/2014 5:58:44 PM

slaveoubliette

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don't class it as love, but it is a positive feeling to be in the inferior position in the relationship

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