Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave?

Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (Full Version)

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Otakusubmissive -> Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (4/16/2014 3:36:46 AM)
This question has been plaguing me for months now; I finally decided to just go ahead and ask. I've identified as a submissive since my mid teens, if not longer. I have always considered myself submissive - in desire, often in demeanour and in sexual preferences. When asked in the past, I have been quite definite in my assertion that I am a submissive, with no inclinations towards the slavery or M/s side of dynamics. I just really wanted to ask how other submissives or slaves have defined their own role, and how they have come the these conclusions? I know some argue that it is a matter of semantics, and I know that of course the main difference is the ability to say no or safewords. I understand the differences in the two roles. It's how you figure out which of these best fit in with the individual that is puzzling me. Is it dependent on the dynamics between the individuals involved? Does it vary depending on if you feel that your partner is more of a playmate than an owner? How do you figure out if your own desires are edging more towards submitting, or serving? Do the lines blur completely for some? Or am I just placing too much emphasis on a title that doesn't really have a great deal of meaning? It's just so hard to define such things, but it almost feels like they need to be given a name - a meaning, a reason - so I can best figure out the way to search a little more seriously for something. If I can't begin to define it, how can I begin to know what, or who, I am looking for? Any insight for other submissives, slaves or switches opinions or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for your time.

petitespot -> RE: Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (4/16/2014 4:31:36 AM)
I don't define roles. I enter into a relationship and let it naturally evolve into what it's meant to be. With some, I've been submissive. With one, it slowly, naturally become m/s. It wasn't because of who I was or who he was. It was because of how we were together.

thishereboi -> RE: Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (4/16/2014 5:57:13 AM)
From what I have observed over the years of doing this is a submissive is a person who considers himself a submissive and a slave is a person who considers himself a slave. There is no rulebook telling you which one plays what role and what the rules will be. Both have entered into a relationship with another adult and they have agreed on how much freedom one will have and how much control the other will have. BOTH can use safewords and either one can walk away at any point they don't want to be in that relationship any more.

Greta75 -> RE: Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (4/16/2014 7:22:40 AM)
FR I have a seemingly very domineering personality because I am very clear about exactly what I want, and I usually live my life to make things go my way, because it's either make it happen, or stop trying to make it happen. But I also enjoy following when I meet someone I totally respect and look up to, I'm a very good follower and sidekick to have, who will watch his back and be the support he needs to achieve his goals. Sexually, I realise it turns me off to take any kind of initiative or lead. My arousal drops. But when a man who knows what he wants and just take without asking, and just orders me around in bed, it excites me to high heaven. So it's a little weird that I always tell men I can always teach him how to pleasure me correctly but deep down, I detest the fact that I have to do that, it makes everything less spectacular. And in the working world, I detest having to take any leadership role, although I end up being thrust into it, because I'm seen as someone who gets things done and not afraid to step on people's toes.

peppermint -> RE: Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (4/16/2014 7:46:23 AM)
I consider myself a submissive. I dislike the connotations of the word slave. I know several people I would say are submissive but they call themselves slave. It's not for me to say they are wrong. They have the right to put on whatever labels they choose.

JeffBC -> RE: Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (4/16/2014 9:25:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Otakusubmissive I just really wanted to ask how other submissives or slaves have defined their own role, and how they have come the these conclusions? Carol generally figures she is "my wife". But even that word, as reasonably well defined as it is, pretty much fails to convey much meaning regarding the actual details of our marriage. So given that both "sub" and "slave" are undefined isn't this going to come down to preference? You are going to define those words how you see fit. You will then measure yourself and see which pre-chosen category you fit in. Then presto, you will be that. The question is whether any of that changes any sort of reality.

stef -> RE: Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (4/16/2014 12:34:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Otakusubmissive Any insight for other submissives, slaves or switches opinions or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated. If you can leave, you're not a slave.

InHisHeart -> RE: Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (4/16/2014 12:37:43 PM)
I consider myself a submissive, I'm his full time partner not just his playmate and I also serve him in anyway he wants (sexually and non-sexually) with him always respecting my hard limits. He has control over some parts of my life and some decisions but not every part of my life or every decision made for me. quote: If I can't begin to define it, how can I begin to know what, or who, I am looking for? I don't feel it's important whether you call yourself a sub or a slave, what is important is to know what you want in a relationship and find someone who is on the same page as you.

DesFIP -> RE: Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (4/16/2014 2:50:47 PM)
It's relationship specific. We began as power equals, me bottoming to him. It progressed to him taking control in certain areas. It has since progressed to him taking control of almost anything he wants. But I didn't start looking for a box to fit into. The relationship grew organically.

sandyTheSub -> RE: Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (4/16/2014 2:51:02 PM)
I have read lots of definitions. Mostly you can ignore them. I have read many BDSM books and mostly people tend to define all things differently. Of course there are similarities, like a slave is always further down the submission route than a sub, but what exactly it means differs from person to person. I personally don't like labels because of that. Labels are just names and people interpret them differently. I like to call myself sub though most books would rank me as slave.

orgasmdenial12 -> RE: Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (4/16/2014 3:36:08 PM)
For the first, say, 7 or 8 years that I was in D/s relationships, I very firmly defined myself as a submissive because I had plenty of limits and I liked those boundaries. It was always my choice if, when and how I submitted. For the last 5 years, I've been more more interested in slavery - I like the whole concept and feeling of not having my own limits, of them having complete control (if they wish to use it) and going on a journey with that power exchange. For me, I consider it submission when I maintain the right to say stop or I won't do that and I consider it slavery when I give up the right to say what I will or won't do.

Toysinbabeland -> RE: Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (4/17/2014 2:44:31 AM)
Who can decide for you what one word means to you and what the other means? Everyone's dynamic is different, resulting in a new twist. You will never have the same relationship twice. Only YOU will decide the type of submission that you are willing to give.

DarkSteven -> RE: Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (4/17/2014 4:04:07 AM)
I have an issue with someone defining themself in a vacuum. Someone who is slave to one person might be sub to another, or even a Dom/me. A person does not define an orientation as much as a relationship does.

Chwilfrydig -> RE: Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (4/17/2014 5:19:26 AM)
So you would have an issue with me telling the mirror how gorgeous and desirable I am? [sm=lol.gif] It's been said "What you think, you become." Yes, I believe in positive visualization <Go Me!>. After all, the first relationship is the one you have with yourself. I understand the OPs struggle to frame a good description of herself...to herself. It is sometimes a first and necessary step, and can help her enter a relationship with another person more confidently. Hopefully as she reads through all the replies her own definition will become clearer. IMO, the feedback in this forum (if you pick and choose what resonates with you) is a valuable tool in self-discovery. It's why I lurk here, and why the variety of responses and opinions attract me. On this thread, JeffBC probably comes closest to how I personally view it. He wrote, "You are going to define those words how you see fit. You will then measure yourself and see which pre-chosen category you fit in. Then presto, you will be that."

littleone35 -> RE: Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (4/17/2014 3:18:58 PM)
I am a submissive was borm that wasy.I manage my day to day life i don't need Master to make every decision for me, He would not want that either. All of the major decisions he maks the decison wth input from me when asked. It worls for us and we are happy that way Matt's littleone

Nakhla -> RE: Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (4/18/2014 5:13:25 AM)
I'm a )(}%@&^&^U$. It perfectly describes me as a human being, translates that accurately to potential partners, and is intuitively meaningful to all those outside of the relationships I inhabit. In other words, I've completely given up on the sub/slave/xxxx definitions. I'm me, and those who get to know me will find out whether I'm a match or not. To most, I won't be. I've made peace with that.

inkedv -> RE: Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (4/18/2014 5:39:49 AM)
i am also submissive by nature. i can function in the day to day world making decisions, but when put would rather take an supportive role in work than be place in a position where i have to be the leader. With that being said i can do it, but is does not mean i like it or it is comfortable. The big decisions that Master and i discuss have my input, but are left of to him to decide what is best. He takes my opinion into consideration, but normally inspires me to think about things in a different light. What works for us currently may not work for everyone, because we are all different and have unique needs.

seekingreality -> RE: Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (4/19/2014 12:09:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Otakusubmissive This question has been plaguing me for months now; I finally decided to just go ahead and ask. I've identified as a submissive since my mid teens, if not longer. I have always considered myself submissive - in desire, often in demeanour and in sexual preferences. When asked in the past, I have been quite definite in my assertion that I am a submissive, with no inclinations towards the slavery or M/s side of dynamics. I just really wanted to ask how other submissives or slaves have defined their own role, and how they have come the these conclusions? I know some argue that it is a matter of semantics, and I know that of course the main difference is the ability to say no or safewords. I understand the differences in the two roles. It's how you figure out which of these best fit in with the individual that is puzzling me. Is it dependent on the dynamics between the individuals involved? Does it vary depending on if you feel that your partner is more of a playmate than an owner? How do you figure out if your own desires are edging more towards submitting, or serving? Do the lines blur completely for some? Or am I just placing too much emphasis on a title that doesn't really have a great deal of meaning? It's just so hard to define such things, but it almost feels like they need to be given a name - a meaning, a reason - so I can best figure out the way to search a little more seriously for something. If I can't begin to define it, how can I begin to know what, or who, I am looking for? Any insight for other submissives, slaves or switches opinions or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for your time. I don't care about labels, except as really general buckets to determine if you have basic compatibility with someone else. It all comes down to the specifics. Once you start talking as people, the titles are meaningless

Chwilfrydig -> RE: Blurred lines - how do you define if you are submissive or a slave? (4/19/2014 6:33:02 AM)
Hi Nakhla, Haha - this reminds me of "The artist formerly known as Prince." You could have a lot of fun at clubs with a t-shirt that said, "My orientation is )(}%****&^&^U$." Seriously, I liked your reply. Cheers!

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