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RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 7/5/2014 3:37:13 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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Just standing here gagging over the above chart and even so much more where it came from. That site is full of vomit.

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 21

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 7/6/2014 1:36:29 PM

Asfixation

Posts: 43
Joined: 3/11/2011
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LadyPact:
Oh, for fuck's sake....

When in the hell did this place become the blind leading the blind?

When I left lol
Maybe now there's light at the end of the tunnel......

but seriously when did it become so fucking vanilla with regard to male/female differences?

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 22

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 7/6/2014 5:34:30 PM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lec
On the other hand F/m tends to be more fantasy based, and more focused on some special areas of life, like chastity or orgasm control.

Well it's hard to get accurate statistics on demographics but every attempt I've seen has found far more male submissives than female dominants. I suspect this shortage has a lot to do with the prominence of Porn/wanker and Sex Worker/pay pig dynamics that sometimes get confused with F/m relationships.

That said I'm over 6 years into a M/f relationship which involves both chastity and orgasm control.

Attachment (1)

(in reply to Lec)

Post #: 23

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 7/7/2014 9:19:45 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Oh, for fuck's sake....

When in the hell did this place become the blind leading the blind?

Hell, Lady P.

It's funny how things change, isn't it?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3711447/mpage_1/tm.htm

Saw this thread, thought of that one.

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Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 24

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 7/7/2014 9:05:40 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Expanding on that, when a man is more competent in certain arenas I think he gets proud to display it and therefore has a vested interest in the woman being less competent. But a woman isn't going to feel like that when it comes to doing laundry even though a man feels like that when it comes to car repairs.

Wha ??? ROFL ... I just spent all day Sunday doing MY OWN laundry .. and CHANGING the Oil on my car BETWEEN washes .... heck, i feel incompetent as all get out!

If I have to do all of this, why not do it to serve a Lady?

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Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 25

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 7/26/2014 1:09:52 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rheea

I definitions blame porn for the distortions of real F/m, FemDom and FLR situations. (Same goes for cuckolding porn.) There's a lot of crap out there that is watched by men, who then in turn try to make these extreme fantasies into reality. Unfortunately, thus is not what most of us that live in reality can and will offer.
<snip>
@TieMeInKnotts: We dommes are just as willing to compromise and to take the subs personalities into account.

TMIK, I said I'd get back to your post, and I should mention that the difference you've noted may appear to be true about F/m relationships, but herein lies the rub:

-- Not speaking for all male subs, but many of them prefer for their Mistresses to boss them around in public, whether that's her usual demeanor or not.
(Not saying they act up or act bratty to get this response, but they tend to stay in a more submissive headspace when she does.)

-- In general, Dommes may have multiple collared subs with one being their primary partner, whereas Doms may have one collared sub with a more casual attitude toward other play partners.
(In either case, the primary partner may be the only one the Dominant has sexual relations with, unless s/he has a poly dynamic or open relationship.)

-- What this means is that with the deeper emotional investment (usually) of having a committed primary partner IMO, Dominants can be more relaxed in their domination style with their sub partner. (At least that's what I've noticed.)

I agree with you Rheea, that within a committed D/s relationship dynamic, we value our sub's happiness and contentment as much as our own, and are more willing to make adjustments than we would with a mere play partner.

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Rheea)

Post #: 26

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 7/27/2014 8:17:47 AM

thompsonx

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Joined: 10/1/2006
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ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

I agree with you Rheea, that within a committed D/s relationship dynamic, we value our sub's happiness and contentment as much as our own, and are more willing to make adjustments than we would with a mere play partner.

In a committed D/s relationship what is your personal opinion about others as play partners?

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 27

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 7/27/2014 8:36:40 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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To answer the initial question as simply as possible and if you'll allow for some loose language:

What I've mostly seen on these boards, specifically is that one is where "The one with the pussy makes the rules" and the other is where the female is acknowledge (by both parties) to be the dominant.

Just my observations in my years, here.

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

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Post #: 28

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 7/27/2014 11:37:39 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

I agree with you Rheea, that within a committed D/s relationship dynamic, we value our sub's happiness and contentment as much as our own, and are more willing to make adjustments than we would with a mere play partner.

In a committed D/s relationship what is your personal opinion about others as play partners?

I don't have casual play partners. I don't get (physically) intimate with others outside of a committed, exclusive relationship.

As for my owned sub, that speaks for itself. I don't loan out my toys.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to thompsonx)

Post #: 29

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 7/27/2014 2:29:22 PM

thompsonx

Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

I agree with you Rheea, that within a committed D/s relationship dynamic, we value our sub's happiness and contentment as much as our own, and are more willing to make adjustments than we would with a mere play partner.

In a committed D/s relationship what is your personal opinion about others as play partners?

I don't have casual play partners. I don't get (physically) intimate with others outside of a committed, exclusive relationship.

As for my owned sub, that speaks for itself. I don't loan out my toys.

I was speaking more directly to play partners (non sexual) at a bdsm/kinquie event...otk,flogging etc.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 30

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 7/27/2014 2:49:02 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

I don't have casual play partners. I don't get (physically) intimate with others outside of a committed, exclusive relationship.

As for my owned sub, that speaks for itself. I don't loan out my toys.

I was speaking more directly to play partners (non sexual) at a bdsm/kinquie event...otk,flogging etc.

People can play around casually and rationalize that it's all in good fun and non-sexual.
As long as somebody is getting aroused, whether there was skin-on-skin or genital contact or not, in my book it's sexual.

HNGs can surf porn sites, go into chatrooms, and rationalize that they aren't cyber-cheating on their wives.
People can carry on-line romances and convince themselves that this means nothing.

I don't play adult games like that, plain and simple.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to thompsonx)

Post #: 31

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 7/27/2014 7:11:28 PM

crwlon4

Posts: 47
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

Hmmm.....

The M/f relationship is usually the one looking for "a sister sub?"
Other than that are we talking about actual relationships or personal ads? There are way more male subs than dommes but from my scientific (loosely applied here) study, male doms are the most prevalent. I don't think there is really any difference when it comes to reality.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 32

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 7/27/2014 11:26:36 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crwlon4

Hmmm.....
The M/f relationship is usually the one looking for "a sister sub?"
Other than that are we talking about actual relationships or personal ads? There are way more male subs than dommes but from my scientific (loosely applied here) study, male doms are the most prevalent. I don't think there is really any difference when it comes to reality.

You're right, and that's ordinarily when the femsub (or female switch) half of the couple is bisexual.
Kudos for remembering about the elusive, hard-to-find "unicorn," which is a much different dynamic than that of a Cuckqueaning lifestyle.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to crwlon4)

Post #: 33

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 8/2/2014 9:44:09 PM

BecomingV

Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
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Wow, I was wondering where that came from! It's a religious right view AND hogwash.

Not Masters and Johnson, not Kinsey... try the more recent and more thorough, Shere Hite Report:

http://books.google.com/books?id=s3OZaVn2wfkC&lpg=PP1&dq=The+Hite+Report:+a+Nationwide+Study+of+Female+Sexuality&pg=PP1&hl=en#v=onepage&q&f=false

quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleator

Differences in Sexuality

(in reply to Coupleator)

Post #: 34

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 8/2/2014 10:17:29 PM

BecomingV

Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lec

Do you think there are any differences?

I am by no means an expert, but I've noticed on forums that M/f (Male dominant and female submissive) relationships tend to be more seriously taken and more reality based. And also there seems to be more exchange in power.

On the other hand F/m tends to be more fantasy based, and more focused on some special areas of life, like chastity or orgasm control.

However, I may be terribly wrong, and this might be just a prejudice and generalization.

However, I'm curious to see your opinions and feelings on that topic of differences between M/f and F/m dynamics.

On my way to discovering I'm a Switch, I had different relationships in which I was a submissive, and then I became a Domme. So, with experience on both sides of the kneel, I offer this perspective.

I think I attract, or respond to, people who share a certain sensibility with me. Meaning, people who care more about a loved one's heart and values, than other considerations, including BDSM. So, "shared values" make the difference in relationships, so far as I can see. For me, there is no inherent difference between M/f & F/m couples who share long-term relationships. Only the kinks may vary according to individuals and that's true in vanilla life, too.

I have noticed less respect is shown to F/m relationships on the boards, than for M/f relationships, but I take that as a strong, woman-hating seepage from vanilla culture -as opposed to a true reflection of R/L, D/s relationships.

One example of that is the criticism of Dommes versus Doms who control the money. There is outrage at women who dare to to do so, while simultaneously framing a man's hand in a woman's wallet as somehow (wink) "masterful" and "responsible."

There are both Fin Doms and Fin Dommes. There are both men and women who provide kink as a profession. Both may charge to teach newbies. Yet, there's a pervasive silence and soft-pedaling on the topic of male Doms who use a relationship to expand their financial resources. They just call it, "taking charge." Hell no! They are just "taking."

So, the woman-hating crap really does skew the view. While it may appear that there's a difference in they dynamic, there isn't.

In my local community, the clubs which are supposed to be "open to all" have naked women's pictures everywhere and no pictures of naked men. THAT's a difference. In F/m clubs, there's the understanding that everyone can exhale because the homophobic male Doms are not present and not a threat. Anyone else notice that in your community?

Also, I agree that porn thwarts sexual expectations, but that's true for vanilla folk, too.

(in reply to Lec)

Post #: 35

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 8/4/2014 11:36:48 AM

SpyUnderCover

Posts: 208
Joined: 6/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV

I have noticed less respect is shown to F/m relationships on the boards, than for M/f relationships, but I take that as a strong, woman-hating seepage from vanilla culture -as opposed to a true reflection of R/L, D/s relationships.

One example of that is the criticism of Dommes versus Doms who control the money. There is outrage at women who dare to to do so, while simultaneously framing a man's hand in a woman's wallet as somehow (wink) "masterful" and "responsible."

There are both Fin Doms and Fin Dommes. There are both men and women who provide kink as a profession. Both may charge to teach newbies. Yet, there's a pervasive silence and soft-pedaling on the topic of male Doms who use a relationship to expand their financial resources. They just call it, "taking charge." Hell no! They are just "taking."

So, the woman-hating crap really does skew the view. While it may appear that there's a difference in they dynamic, there isn't.

In my local community, the clubs which are supposed to be "open to all" have naked women's pictures everywhere and no pictures of naked men. THAT's a difference. In F/m clubs, there's the understanding that everyone can exhale because the homophobic male Doms are not present and not a threat. Anyone else notice that in your community?

Also, I agree that porn thwarts sexual expectations, but that's true for vanilla folk, too.

I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say "woman-hating," but I do think the attitudes you describe are a reflection of Western cultures' traditional values of men being charge. And I agree that this is sometimes reflected in the community.

One thing I've noticed in my local community is that male doms are referred to as Master [Whatever] by both female subs and female dominants. Yet the reverse is not always true: male doms do not consistently address the female dominants by their formal titles (Lady, Mistress, etc.). There definitely seems to be an imbalance there, an implication that, no matter what, the male doms are due more respect than anyone else.

Spy

(in reply to BecomingV)

Post #: 36

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 8/7/2014 5:56:31 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Oh, for fuck's sake....

When in the hell did this place become the blind leading the blind?

Granted, it's been awhile since I spent any consistent time here but......it's been so long ago I lost track.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 37

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 8/8/2014 4:54:56 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Asfixation

but seriously when did it become so fucking vanilla with regard to male/female differences?

If you don't mind my asking, what did you mean by this?

It can be taken many different ways, and as lifestyle Dommes, I was wondering how you see F/m.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Asfixation)

Post #: 38

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 8/8/2014 6:05:15 PM

PandoraFoxxx

Posts: 182
Joined: 1/3/2011
From: San Mateo, CA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV

I have noticed less respect is shown to F/m relationships on the boards, than for M/f relationships, but I take that as a strong, woman-hating seepage from vanilla culture -as opposed to a true reflection of R/L, D/s relationships.

One example of that is the criticism of Dommes versus Doms who control the money. There is outrage at women who dare to to do so, while simultaneously framing a man's hand in a woman's wallet as somehow (wink) "masterful" and "responsible."

There are both Fin Doms and Fin Dommes. There are both men and women who provide kink as a profession. Both may charge to teach newbies. Yet, there's a pervasive silence and soft-pedaling on the topic of male Doms who use a relationship to expand their financial resources. They just call it, "taking charge." Hell no! They are just "taking."

In all my years involved in D/s I have come into contact with maybe 1 male in 20 females who "use a relationship to expand their financial resources." That is a specific thing, a dubious thing; and not at all does it refer to pooling resources with one controller. The fact that you use that phrase identifies it as opposite of that. So do you actually mean "using" a relationship (deceiving a partner to get $ out of them) or are you speaking of all cases?

Dishonest Financial Dom[mes] are out there; but we must also bear in mind that this is a distinct interest and one that mirrors the socio-economic norm of men being breadwinners during the course of history. I have come to the conclusion that this "fetish" (for lack of a better term) is such because it is simply a very deep rooted way of giving up control. I have spoken to a lot of men over the years who are into financial domination - and they have confirmed this theory to me many times. These men don't see it as "taking." Perhaps the silence you speak of on this issue is because it is a rarity. Now, outside the D/s community, I see it as more of a 1 in 5 ratio of "taker" men. There is also the sugar-baby subculture as well. But, that's the same deal. Far less male "babies" than female ones. For the sake of this argument, I consider those folks to be outside the D/s community unless they expressly state the D/s dynamic.

< Message edited by PandoraFoxxx -- 8/8/2014 6:06:20 PM >

(in reply to SpyUnderCover)

Post #: 39

RE: Differences between M/f and F/m dynamics - 8/9/2014 3:25:12 PM

CloakedProtector

Posts: 70
Joined: 1/5/2007
Status: offline

The amount of FinDoms falls into nothing compare to the amount of FinDommes out there.

Actually now that I come to think to it I don't know a single FinDom while I know boatloads of Dominants but on the other hand I know about a lot of FinDommes and much less regular Dommes.

Furthermore there is that strange thing that for some reason many of the FinDommes you see are over-weighted while many regular Dommes are very physically outlined and dressed to the role.
I never really understood how that comes because it cannot be a coincidence, there must be a reason.

And another observation is that you almost never meat FinDommes in BDSM clubs for some reason. Regular Dommes do but FinDommes seem to stay home or go wherever it is they go.

(in reply to PandoraFoxxx)

Post #: 40

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