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Desire for freedom and equality? - 4/21/2014 2:20:45 PM

Lec

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Does the dynamics ever get old for you? Do you ever have desires for freedom and equality?

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RE: Desire for freedom and equality? - 4/21/2014 2:41:36 PM

InHisHeart

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Not for me it doesn't, it's not just about the dynamics of the relationship but being a submissive is a part of who I am, it's how I'm wired. I've been living this lifestyle for 30 years, I knew before I was ever in a relationship (vanilla or D/s) that it's what I wanted for my life. At that time (early teens) I didn't know there was a name for it, had no idea other people lived this way and really thought there was something wrong with me mentally for having the desires I had. I didn't get involved in the lifestyle until my mid 20s.

I do feel freedom (as my avatar says "I'm free"). Being in a D/s relationship frees me to be who I am and to live the kind of life I want to live. When I was in vanilla relationships, I felt stifled because I had to hold back a big part of who I am which to me was as far from feeling freedom as I could get.

Master and I both feel we're equal, just opposite from each other, we're two halves of the circle that make the whole circle. Without a Dom, I have no one to submit to. Without a submissive, he has no one to dominate.

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RE: Desire for freedom and equality? - 4/21/2014 2:51:18 PM

anniezz338

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Yes I have. I was with a high protocol dom at one point and it was just too much. I feel I lost my center in the details and trying to do everything correctly.

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RE: Desire for freedom and equality? - 4/21/2014 4:10:03 PM

sandyTheSub

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No, never really.
Well of course sometimes you are fed up with things and are pissed about certain things - but this happens with everything every now and then.
The funny thing is, I actually feel more freedom now then before I was collared. Things are so much simpler and clearer now and even though I sometimes ask for something that doesn't get granted, I know I am taken care off :)

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RE: Desire for freedom and equality? - 4/21/2014 4:27:03 PM

littleone35

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Never it is not a role i play it is what i am was born submissive. It may sound like a line but i found my freedom in submiitting to HIM.

Matt's littlrone

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RE: Desire for freedom and equality? - 4/21/2014 4:44:27 PM

DesFIP

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I don't want the pressure of being the main decision maker. That's stressful for me, not freeing.

As far as anything else, he loves me and wants me to be happy. So if I want to stop for an ice cream or at the book store, then he'll say yes as long as we have time. Plus he's usually up for that himself.

He isn't into depriving me just to prove he's boss. Emotional sadists do that and I'm not compatible with them so I didn't get into a relationship with one. He's the king to my princess.

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RE: Desire for freedom and equality? - 4/21/2014 6:48:05 PM

RaspberryLemon

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Not really. My Master leads us well. Him leading and me submitting to him is just who we are and it makes us happy.

I always have a voice with him, my opinions and input are valued, and my needs and desires are well taken care of because he loves and cares about me. And our value/importance in the relationship is equal. That's all the equality I need.

And similar to what others have said, being owned by him and him being in charge makes me feel "free" in a sense, because I am liberated to be who I am in the truest and most comfortable sense there is. I can just "be me" and he can just "be him." That's freedom to me.

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RE: Desire for freedom and equality? - 4/21/2014 7:08:51 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lec
Does the dynamics ever get old for you? Do you ever have desires for freedom and equality?

Speaking from the dom side I can tell you I'd like some equality right now. It isn't destined to happen but man that'd be nice.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: Desire for freedom and equality? - 4/24/2014 1:15:15 AM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Speaking from the dom side I can tell you I'd like some equality right now. It isn't destined to happen but man that'd be nice.

Would it be too personal to ask what you mean by this? I don't want to make any assumptions, but in my own experience, it gets tiresome to feel you are carrying most of the weight in a relationship, or always being expected to be the initiator. You might have been alluding to something else, however.

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Desire for freedom and equality? - 4/24/2014 6:08:15 PM

shiftyw

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Yup. I hated TPE.
I'm just bedroom only now, and loving it.

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RE: Desire for freedom and equality? - 4/24/2014 8:34:40 PM

TieMeInKnottss

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Oddly enough, what Opal said always seems to be what I hear...the subs are usually quite content, it is usually the doms that seem to have mixed feelings.

I am like most of the other subs...life is easier when you have found a person that you trust to lead BOTH of you. The hardest thing for a sub is the fear of being used, mislead...Most of the angst you see centers around that. Once they find a Dom that they KNOW will always look out for them, a Dom that will take the good and the bad and who they respect and trust...the hard part is over

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RE: Desire for freedom and equality? - 4/24/2014 8:46:24 PM

Spiritedsub2

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Personally, I think we all have freedom and equality in these relationships. One of us gives authority (or control, or power) to the other, who takes it. But freedom? We are always free to leave the relationship, even those who pretend to themselves that they must ask permission to leave it. Equality? We are equal complementary sides of the same coin.

Or maybe I'm just a crappy sub

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RE: Desire for freedom and equality? - 4/24/2014 10:35:50 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
Would it be too personal to ask what you mean by this? I don't want to make any assumptions, but in my own experience, it gets tiresome to feel you are carrying most of the weight in a relationship, or always being expected to be the initiator. You might have been alluding to something else, however.

Not so much that I find being in the lead tiresome, but we've been going through a rough patch at pretty much all levels in our relationship and I was feeling under-appreciated and overworked. I had all the responsibility and none of the authority. Problem is fixed as of this morning though... I just retook the authority.

Life is happier in our household now.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: Desire for freedom and equality? - 4/24/2014 11:11:13 PM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Not so much that I find being in the lead tiresome, but we've been going through a rough patch at pretty much all levels in our relationship and I was feeling under-appreciated and overworked. I had all the responsibility and none of the authority. Problem is fixed as of this morning though... I just retook the authority.

Life is happier in our household now.

Glad to hear this. Anyone feeling under-appreciated in ANY kind of relationship, including one's friendships, really sucks.
Often the cause for most break-ups, and I believe the leading cause for infidelity committed by women, is not feeling loved and appreciated by one's partner.
Then someone waltzes into your life who treats you like gold, and next thing you know, you're fantasizing about this person....
But I digress.

Being in the lead isn't such a bother, it's the (perceived) lack of support from your teammate who should be cheering you on, and you them.
As a woman, I expect my man to make romantic gestures without having to be told, assuming that he knows me well enough.
Hinting, asking or demanding kind of ruins it for me, outside of play. Unlike some, I like to be surprised, not hung up on too many protocols. Spontaneity over routine.
Nevertheless, when it comes to authority, I can be reasoned with, but my position of authority is not to be questioned. So in that respect, I can be intransigent.
I'll be the first to admit that I want the best of both worlds. *blush* <not really, I don't blush to speak of.>

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Desire for freedom and equality? - 4/24/2014 11:39:12 PM

DanielleofMists

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No, it doesn't get old for me. Granted, this relationship is fairly new (about 10 months) and this is my first time being a slave although I have been submissive in prior (D/s) relationships. What did get old for me was trying to pretend I would be happy and content in a vanilla relationship. Thinking I'd be satisfied without a D/s or M/s component and no BDSM in general got old and was unfulfilling, I resented it and was miserable. Being able to be true to oneself, being in a relationship that brings out your best qualities and strengths is freeing. I am free to be me and that's his requirement, to be true to myself and our relationship.

The power dynamic is very present in our lives 24/7, he is demanding, has high expectations and requires graceful obedience at all times. There is equality in that we all have a say in this relationship, our voices are heard, we are expected to share our thoughts and opinions. This is not optional, we must express our needs, wants and desires so that he can make the best decision by having all the information, for us as a whole. Us three girls are equals in our roles (no primary etc) as his slaves, we work together to serve him and our relationship. I have all the freedom and equality I desire and need to be thriving in this relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lec

Does the dynamics ever get old for you? Do you ever have desires for freedom and equality?

< Message edited by DanielleofMists -- 4/24/2014 11:57:19 PM >

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RE: Desire for freedom and equality? - 4/25/2014 5:23:30 AM

chatterbox24

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon

Not really. My Master leads us well. Him leading and me submitting to him is just who we are and it makes us happy.

I always have a voice with him, my opinions and input are valued, and my needs and desires are well taken care of because he loves and cares about me. And our value/importance in the relationship is equal. That's all the equality I need.

And similar to what others have said, being owned by him and him being in charge makes me feel "free" in a sense, because I am liberated to be who I am in the truest and most comfortable sense there is. I can just "be me" and he can just "be him." That's freedom to me.

I have always enjoyed your posts about your relationship. This is my idea of a very healthy union. Congrats on both of your lucky find in each other.

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RE: Desire for freedom and equality? - 4/25/2014 6:32:31 AM

KnightofMists

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Well said Danielle

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Desire for freedom and equality? - 6/7/2014 5:42:01 PM

slaveoubliette

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good question, I am a slave in a multi slave household and yes at times feel ignored and this feeling of being ignored played out equals jealousy. I try very hard to fight jealousy as it has no place in a relationship. so when I get jealous yes I can think incorrectly that it is simply a lack of equality causing the issues when it is simply me not working hard enough.

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