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LookieNoNookie -> Fucking cat wins (4/21/2014 5:26:29 PM)
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I was sitting in my bed last night, when K2 (second ver. Of “Klump”, a very large cat who seems lately to feel a need to sit on my chest at 2 a.m. and make a somewhat effective attempt at saying “WAKE THE FUCK UP DAD!!!”).
(This conversation takes place via some level of unspoken meter as well as knocking the cat the fuck off the bed).
Cat: “Dad, I’m feeling a need to be pet….your petting hand is outside of the bedspread which indicates that the petting hand is available for petting”
Dad: “You probably misunderstood the concept of the ‘free hand’. It’s for me….for my use, at all times…it’s there for freedom…to be free. It’s a sleeping hand…that hand is actually sleeping”.
Cat: “Yeah, I get that but (now pawing at my face), it’s there, and I’m thinking petting is a viable option”.
Dad: “Here’s the deal, I’m sleeping and, the hand is not awake, ergo, it’s a sleeping hand….therefore, the hand is not available at this time”.
Cat: “Totally understand that, I'm with you....totally, but here’s the deal…it’s 2 a.m. and I’m feeling a need to be pet, and well…there’s the godamned hand…I mean it’s kind of hard to deny…but….well…..there it is….”.
30 minutes later, 30 minutes respite…..I’d convinced the cat that 2 a.m. is not the most appropriate time for petting with the available hand…now 2:30 a.m., cat is back….
Cat: “Hey...HEEEEEEEYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!….say, listen Dad it occurred to me, you’re kind of just sitting there, doing, frankly, not a lot and, well….the hand is still out there….petting is seemingly what it always does…..let’s get to the petting thing because well…it’s 2:30 a.m.now and I have mice to kill and a little petting could go a long way BUB!!!!!.....you think those mice in your shoes just fucking SHOW the FUCK up by accident?????? PREPARATION is involved here Pal...and frankly....I figured a little chill action on the petting gig you'd be all in..... petting works rather well for me”.
Dad: “Cat, you’re a pain in the ass, why do you feel a need to sit on my chest and paw at my face?”
Cat: “Dad, you’re so funny, listen, I know this seems a bit silly to you but frankly….petting is kind of what we agreed to when you picked me up, we never discussed time frames and well…I’m thinking "NOW" works for me"
Cat wins.
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