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Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/22/2014 9:50:08 PM

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/1/2009
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Hey guys,

I'm pretty new to submission (last six months or so), and I've been having a tough time finding dominant women to play with that don't want me to make their car payment. Why is this? I was a dom myself for about 12 years and never had trouble finding play partners, but now that I want to experiment with the other side there don't seem to be many women interested without some sort of financial incentive. Even the women that say they aren't fin dommes then ask for tribute. Any advice?

RE: Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/23/2014 5:26:48 AM

Posts: 39
Joined: 11/24/2013
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If there's a market for something, there will always be entrepreneurs to fill it. There's so many pay-for-play dominants out there because there's so many guys who are willing to part with a few dollars in exchange for play.

If you want something different, then you have to change your approach. As someone experienced in the lifestyle, you already know about munches and socials and organizations and cons as a preferred way to meet other kinky folks. You get that it has to be a mutually beneficial relationship. You've no doubt made friendships in your time with other kinky folks. You also know that there aren't nearly as many dominant women as there are guys looking for them.

So what does that tell you about a better approach that would put you in touch with lifestyle Dommes?

(in reply to zissou)

RE: Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/23/2014 12:16:27 PM

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Joined: 2/9/2014
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Are most men horny enough to pay for sex?

(in reply to MzArianaPA)

RE: Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/23/2014 3:57:32 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

Many are, especially when they have nothing else to offer. And when they want it their way, like Burger King, without further emotional or time investment.

Many men create a market, many women fill that niche.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 4/23/2014 4:01:31 PM >

(in reply to PutMeAnywhere)

RE: Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/23/2014 4:38:33 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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Okay, I'm not a fin domme, but I'll tell you what I do do. I happen to like playing with someone I'm in a relationship with, either that or strictly kinky play & no actual sex with a close friend. Now, when some random dude comes along & wants me to scratch his itch for him with no relationship or getting to know each other time, I will consider(not necessarily do each time) playing with him for a "reasonable donation." Then I will turn around and give half of his "donation" to a very worthy cause in the local kink community....support for a new social/dungeon area we're getting going in my home town. Like I say, if some random dude just wants a fetish-delivery system, he will need to fork over some $$.

NBMG

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I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

RE: Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/23/2014 4:39:51 PM

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If your experience of the search to date has mostly been online, zissou, I think this is what one would expect. It's much better to meet femdoms face to face - at clubs or munches. Online, it can take some experience to sort out the lifestylers from the findoms. They'll show that they're real women first - personalities, interests and hobbies outside of kink, for instance. You have to do the same - because they'll be looking at what makes you tick, beyond and aside from kink, too.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to zissou)

RE: Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/23/2014 4:55:09 PM

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Joined: 8/23/2013
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I'm a "lifestyle" Domme here and the basic issue is that there are so few of us, in comparison to submissive men that we can be very selective. So you cannot just assume that you are going to show up and find some woman who wants to"play" with you. Personally I don't "play" with anyone , I seek a relationship first, and I am SUPER selective meaning I am looking for the vanilla aspects much more than any kinky stuff. I am also not in the "scene" as a I have a full vanilla life and have zero interest in anything dungeony.

From the tone of your note and the revelation that you were a dominant man, I would not be interested in further conversation. That's just me. Most Dominant women are very attracted to true submission, NOT men who "wants things to be done to him" aka do-me sub. That means men who can't be any other way. It might be a better idea to describe yourself as a switch. I am really turned off by dominant men, so the area in your profile that says you are seeking dominant AND submissive women is a giveaway. Deal breaker for me. I don't reply to people that have that on their profiles.

CM is riddled with women who have their profiles up for money. If you are looking for a lifestyle woman who is not into getting paid for it, you have to be a great prospect, someone who would easily attract vanilla women. Each woman may have specific requirement/interest that is listed on her profile.

This isn't probably obvious to people but a good percentage of men who are submissive are also unusually successful, powerful and attractive in the world at large, so you are going to be competing with desirable men for the Domme's attention. Something to keep in mind. Even if you are attractive in the world at large, in CM you are not THAT special:)

I wish CM had a filter for women who require "tribute" this way it would be easier to separate, but it doesn't. So you have to put in the work and write thoughtful messages to women whose requirements you fit.

< Message edited by pleasemsbliss -- 4/23/2014 5:04:27 PM >

(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/23/2014 5:22:51 PM

ExquisiteStings

Posts: 391
Joined: 4/10/2007
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To Put Me Anywhere:

You ask if most men are horny enough to pay for sex. Where does sex come into the picture? Fin Dommes demand money from their sub's, but they don't (as far as I know), have sex for the money. That would make them prostitutes. A whole different ball o' wax.
I am a Pro-Domme. I will engage in certain activities (excluding sex on MY part- if the guy sports wood, well that's his doing and his excitement at the situation, nothing I've directly done to him). My payment comes from My time spent doing whatever floats his boat, barring hard limits, like things of a scatalogical nature, bestiality, and pedophilia. And when I'm doing what ever to him, dressing him up as a girl, flogging him, humiliating him, etc, that is MY time and I want compensation for my time. I always am fully attired when sessioning and there is a hands off policy where I am concerned. No sex takes place. If he wants to jerk off, I send his horny ass to the bathroom, but no "happy endings" come from my hand. It's the fantasy that they're paying for. Don't confuse Pro-Domination or Financial Domination with sex.

(in reply to pleasemsbliss)

RE: Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/23/2014 6:58:52 PM

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Joined: 7/22/2012
Status: offline

I don't necessarily think that most Dommes are FinDommes, however, many Dommes offer "Paid Domination" which most of those seeking domination fail to understand. There is a difference between "Paid Domination" and "Financial Domination". Those that identify as a FinDomme often will explore and practice many different types of domination, humiliation, and worship but will not offer those services and relationships for free and often charge more than those identifying as FemDommes only. I think in this day in age, it's unrealistic not to pay for any type of sexual gratification that you are seeking if it isn't coming from a partner who is only seeking the same thing. Most people pay for sexual gratification in one way or another anyways.

(in reply to ExquisiteStings)

RE: Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/23/2014 8:50:47 PM

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It sounds like the OP is not aware of how hard it is to actually find a non-pro Dominant woman... For the non-pro Dommes that "play" in public I would imagine you'd have to impress them greatly to say the least. Try fetlife for groups and local events instead of CM. But expect competition, always:). You may need to offer service before you get anything in return. But the bottom line is, read profiles and write thoughtful messages with real introductions and DO NOT mention your kinks and "what you'd like to have done to you" on the message UNLESS you are asked. The last thing you want is to come across as a do-me sub.

(in reply to xoxotiffi)

RE: Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/23/2014 9:28:31 PM

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Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: zissou

Even the women that say they aren't fin dommes then ask for tribute. Any advice?

There are roughly two reasons why Dommes ask for tribute, as I understand it.
First is to discourage do-me subs who are making pests of themselves.
The more common is because there are so many fetishists, masochists, and the ubiquitous do-me sub who is a bottom seeking casual BDSM play and not serious about entering into a D/s dynamic with a Domme, that these men are not dateable, much less relationship or partnership material.

It isn't unusual for a Domme to have a vanilla boyfriend or another primary partner/SO who is her main squeeze, then take on a couple tribute-bearing subs who aren't fit to play the real-life part of a boyfriend, companion or life partner.
What's revealing is how these same subs will consider themselves cuckolds, as if they were their Mistress's primary partner. Revealing as to what fantasists they really are, and that these arrangements are merely role-playing ones, not authentically D/s. Just my 2-cents' worth.

There are many lifestyle Dommes who aren't for hire, amigo. If you don't have any relationship currency to invest in forming an intimate relationship with a Dominant woman as you would any other woman, then that's your bad.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to zissou)

RE: Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/24/2014 5:55:45 AM

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Joined: 10/27/2007
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Because it's so easy.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

RE: Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/24/2014 1:29:28 PM

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Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: zissou

Hey guys,

I'm pretty new to submission (last six months or so), and I've been having a tough time finding dominant women to play with that don't want me to make their car payment. Why is this? I was a dom myself for about 12 years and never had trouble finding play partners, but now that I want to experiment with the other side there don't seem to be many women interested without some sort of financial incentive. Even the women that say they aren't fin dommes then ask for tribute. Any advice?

If you want sex without a relationship from a woman you don't know, then chances are you're going to have to pay.

For most women, sex is part of the relationship, not its entirety. So same thing applies to kink. If you want kink without a relationship, you're going to probably have to pay for it. For dommes like myself, kink is only one aspect of the relationship.

I don't do pay for play, but there are many who do.

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to zissou)

RE: Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/24/2014 3:33:19 PM

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
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Because most women who are very pretty and and under 40 expect men to pay for their so called valued time.
Put your search limits on people who are slightly over weight for the height your looking for and you will find more women who are not expecting money to just send them a message.

I know my post will have some women up in flames but in not the skinniest person out there either(don't bother looking at my profile, I've been here nearly ten years so I changed it a lot due to boredom) but my comments stand tall.

Look for girls under 25 who are skinny, majority of them are wanting tributes. Now look same age group at girls slightly to massively overweight and and you will be few and far between.

(in reply to evesgrden)

RE: Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/24/2014 3:41:45 PM

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pleasemsbliss

I'm a "lifestyle" Domme here and the basic issue is that there are so few of us, in comparison to submissive men that we can be very selective. So you cannot just assume that you are going to show up and find some woman who wants to"play" with you. Personally I don't "play" with anyone , I seek a relationship first, and I am SUPER selective meaning I am looking for the vanilla aspects much more than any kinky stuff. I am also not in the "scene" as a I have a full vanilla life and have zero interest in anything dungeony.

From the tone of your note and the revelation that you were a dominant man, I would not be interested in further conversation. That's just me. Most Dominant women are very attracted to true submission, NOT men who "wants things to be done to him" aka do-me sub. That means men who can't be any other way. It might be a better idea to describe yourself as a switch. I am really turned off by dominant men, so the area in your profile that says you are seeking dominant AND submissive women is a giveaway. Deal breaker for me. I don't reply to people that have that on their profiles.

CM is riddled with women who have their profiles up for money. If you are looking for a lifestyle woman who is not into getting paid for it, you have to be a great prospect, someone who would easily attract vanilla women. Each woman may have specific requirement/interest that is listed on her profile.

This isn't probably obvious to people but a good percentage of men who are submissive are also unusually successful, powerful and attractive in the world at large, so you are going to be competing with desirable men for the Domme's attention. Something to keep in mind. Even if you are attractive in the world at large, in CM you are not THAT special:)

I wish CM had a filter for women who require "tribute" this way it would be easier to separate, but it doesn't. So you have to put in the work and write thoughtful messages to women whose requirements you fit.

_____________________________

"Then I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned down... and kissed him. And the world cracked open." - Agnes de Mille

(in reply to pleasemsbliss)

RE: Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/24/2014 3:44:37 PM

Posts: 18
Joined: 8/23/2013
Status: offline

One thing though: please realize that many of the women posing online demanding "tribute" are NOT dominant sexually speaking, it's just a way for them to pay the rent, it's a job. That is why it costs money. Please don't confuse women who are looking for a D/s or FLR partner to women who are looking for clients. That is not the same thing. Very different goals. I agree with the other poster who said that if you want kink without a relationship, the only women who will be into it and easy to find will be the ones doing this as a job. Otherwise it's hardwork and patience.

(in reply to imtempting)

RE: Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/24/2014 6:06:17 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

Because most women who are very pretty and and under 40 expect men to pay for their so called valued time.

You certainly haven't gotten any less bitter in your absence. People who act like this shouldn't be surprised that most women don't want anything to do with them unless money changes hands. Such behavior is hardly tempting and it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to imtempting)

RE: Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/24/2014 6:53:14 PM

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/1/2009
Status: offline

These answers have been really helpful guys! Thanks. I'm going to change my profile to Switch for now, and try to meet more dommes in real life.

Also if any of you just want to be friends and wouldn't mind giving me more advice, I am an empty cup ready to be filled right now!

(in reply to stef)

RE: Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/24/2014 7:03:44 PM

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Welcome to CM, to the forums and to the big weird world of D/s, zissou. And may the Force be with you!

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to zissou)

RE: Are most dommes fin dommes? - 4/25/2014 12:52:08 AM

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Joined: 2/11/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

Because most women who are very pretty and and under 40 expect men to pay for their so called valued time.

You certainly haven't gotten any less bitter in your absence. People who act like this shouldn't be surprised that most women don't want anything to do with them unless money changes hands. Such behavior is hardly tempting and it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Did the overweight part upset you or are you a findomme and upset by my truthful comments??

Did you read my entire post? Did you actually do what I said to try? If you did you would see I'm correct. The truth hurts....

Oh, where did I say I'm looking? I'm here for the forums which means I don't care if I upset dom/dommes unlike a lot of other sheep who need to keep ppl happy as people venture between this and other sites. If reading the truth offends you then I say poor you...

(in reply to stef)

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