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A Few Questions, If i May? - 5/17/2014 12:35:13 AM

Posts: 13
Joined: 5/16/2014
Status: offline

Hello and thanks in advance for Your time.

And that is the first question. The greeting? If not stated in Your profile what title is acceptable? Ma'ma, Miss, Mrs, and i can go on.
It is my understanding that i do not get to call Dommes any title until i have "earned" it? And from what i am reading Ma'ma means you are old? This is news to me, has always been a respect thing.

The main picture. i have chose not to put my face on there. Good/bad/indifferent? i was hoping someone may have advice on that. When i contact someone they get a face picture, most of the time at the front of the message. No, not sir hotness but looks is a smaller reason why i am looking on this site and has more to do with You than me.

What could i put that would make You want to read my profile or contact me? That is open ended question if ever there was one. Filled out most of the check marks, have a few items about me. Did not fill up the space with what i want, not so much about that either.

i have many, many more questions however i do not think anyone has time to answer them all. Thanks again for Your time.
Willing82

RE: A Few Questions, If i May? - 5/17/2014 2:57:14 AM

Posts: 17
Joined: 4/17/2014
Status: offline

In my opinion, you shouldn't focus as much in your kink when writing a profile description and present yourself as a person. Now, I'm not a dom, but many people here who are way more expert than me will tell you that should come across as a nice person rather than a nice sub. Writing a couple of things about you will probably make you more interesting than stating how you desperately crave to serve your mistress.

Regarding the picture, it's something new and refreshing, and it's nice to see you do have a sense of humour. However, personally, I don't like that kind of humour (I'm not that much into memes), but I can only give you points for trying. Perhaps those who write after me will have a different view, though?

Oh, and welcome to CM! I hope you'll have a great time in here. :)

(in reply to Willing82)

RE: A Few Questions, If i May? - 5/17/2014 3:05:14 AM

Posts: 13
Joined: 5/16/2014
Status: offline

Thanks for Your reply.

i will look back on my profile and see if i might be able to improve with your suggestions. As for the picture it made me laugh and hope for the same reaction with everyone.

Hard to figure out what would be interesting about me to anyone else, i will see if i can get something better than two lines though.

Again thanks for Your time and suggestion.

Willing82

(in reply to piopio1949)

RE: A Few Questions, If i May? - 5/17/2014 5:02:07 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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Call them by their username if they haven't expressed a preference. They chose that name so it is not going to offend, whereas picking your own title like 'Ma'am' or 'Mistress' might.

As for your profile:
I would lose the bit about 'it doesn't matter what I want'. We all understand that submission means putting the desires of the dominant first, but in real life it DOES matter what you want. Subs are not interchangeable like lego men. Any serious dominant wants to know that a) you have standards and aren't settling for any warm body and b) you're enjoying yourself too. In a relationship, even a D/s one, both people should be getting most of their needs met most of the time. Pretending you have no thoughts or preferences of your own sets you both up to fail, plus it makes you look like you have unrealistic ideas.

The picture - well, it's not awful but it doesn't grab me either. I'd rather have one that shows me something about you. You dressed up to go for a night out/to play football/whatever, even without your head. A holiday snap of somewhere interesting you've traveled, a picture of your prized '76 telecaster or the car you are restoring. Also, I'm not certain about this, but I think it's technically against the rules to post photos you didn't take yourself or that aren't of you, so you might want to double check.

Unfortunately not many women want to do online, even to start off with, so if you are set on an online relationship to begin with, you will have a longer wait.

And remember, the subs outnumber the dommes. You can't just wait for your profile to attract people, you need to send out really good first messages to people who interest you if you want to be noticed.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Willing82)

RE: A Few Questions, If i May? - 5/17/2014 5:18:17 AM

Posts: 13
Joined: 5/16/2014
Status: offline

Thank You for Your reply.

i will check on the rules about posting pictures that i did not take myself. Will have to see if i have any interesting photos.

i will look into shorting the paragraph in question as well. i know better than to try to tell a Domme what i want. Yes i have a certain amount of say it what goes on but, every Domme is a person and so much different from anyone else. A list of my interests will not be listed as it were.

As far as the online first i can see where that would be an issue. People tend to be closed when speaking of this subject in public places. Not all are like that but many are. And it is not a have to thing, just a would like to. i "may" have trust issues.

i am seeing that You are correct about the D/s population. Even though this is so i will work to improve the profile.

Thanks for Your time and advice,
Willing82

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

RE: A Few Questions, If i May? - 5/17/2014 5:55:27 AM

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Willing82

A list of my interests will not be listed as it were.

As far as the online first i can see where that would be an issue.

1. Other Dommes may have differing preferences, but I want to see what's on the Interests list. It assists me in making a quick determination whether there is any likelihood whatsoever that this sub could possibly be a compatible match. It saves me a couple steps later on in my screening process, and then I can learn more about you as an individual without overly focusing on general kinks, fetishes & lifestyle choices right off the bat (other than what your user name, stats & message content reveal about you).

- Just don't make it all about BDSM, and don't bother with the skill level rankings *yawn* -- If it's a short list (dozen or less items), make about a third of it vanilla; longer list, keep the vanilla around 20%. (These are arbitrary ratios, btw.)

2. Don't make these very common mistakes people, especially men, make by overlooking (in their haste) the following steps:

- DO read each profile thoroughly before making contact, including journal entries, and PERSONALIZE your message as much as possible. Try to come across like a gentleman, if you have it in you.
- If there are key word(s) specified that need to be contained in your intro message, be sure to include those or your message may get automatically deleted.
- If you do not fit any important criteria, don't expect a response. Pay attention to age ranges, location or distance indicated, etc. IRT=In Real Time, NOT CYBER.

3. On line is a BIG issue. I won't do it and have no interest in anybody who seeks to engage in cyber interactions beyond exchanging preliminary messages.
If a Domme is as interested in conducting an on-line relationship with you, chances are it will cost you. That part's up to you, and you're not guaranteed an "in" either. No Dominant I know of wants a high-maintenance, demanding do-me sub.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Willing82)

RE: A Few Questions, If i May? - 5/17/2014 6:13:43 AM

Posts: 13
Joined: 5/16/2014
Status: offline

Thank You for Your reply,

After reading all of the replies and the intro to the message boards i am thinking that the site should make you read them before making a profile.

i went right to the list and filled out as many as i could. Thank You for correcting that mistake, i will fix that. i now have to add some/much more to the profile. Trying to keep it shorter.

i do read the profiles, some are quite interesting and funny. Some of the key words are difficult to place in normal conversation but i take it that is what they are for. As for being a gentleman, i would not insult a true gentleman by calling my self one. i do try to be respectful and realized that Dommes have much more to deal with than i do. And have to deal with so many things like me.

i wish i had though up the right phrase as "exchanging preliminary messages". That is a much better way to state that. And it is my understanding that subs/slaves are not supposed to be "high-maintenance, demanding do-me" at all. Seeing as they are they for the D.

i must say i am taken back at the amount of help Yall have been. i can only offer thanks and try not to repeat or do the mistakes Yall corrected or warned about.

Thanks for Your time,
Willing82

(in reply to FieryOpal)

RE: A Few Questions, If i May? - 5/17/2014 7:00:14 AM

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

Believe me, you come across as more of a gentleman than approx. 95% of those who contact me, and that's with a directive in my profile not to bother contacting me unless you can conduct yourself like one. (Oh yeah, I found it necessary to emphasize.)

I didn't comment upon your profile pic because it doesn't really bother me. It's still a vast improvement over most other indecent main profile pics. As Athena noted, a vanilla-ish photo of you would be much better. You can still use this as your forum avatar.

Your Interests list isn't showing yet under your profile, so I can't comment upon that. Keeping to a 20-30% vanilla listing should be fine. You refer to some limits in your profile, but list a few of your Hard Limits, think of Hates as your Soft Limits (which could be as mundane as Country Music). Dislikes and/or Likes aren't as important. If you have to list what you're Curious about, try to limit that to one thing you would be willing to try and contemplate doing, NOT some cerebral musing or something you ASSUME a Domme would want you to be open to. (NO, we are all not Cuckoldresses seeking to sissify and/or emasculate our subs, nor do we want to keep our subs in chastity devices, contrary to newbie male sub popular belief.) Your main focus should be on what you Love. Be careful what you list that you Live For, unless this is something you absolutely cannot live without. There's nothing wrong with leaving that category out.

P.S. I'd only glanced at your profile earlier, but I see you updated your text to clearly say you aren't looking for cam sessions, which was the impression of "on line" before, so you did good (since that wasn't what you were going after).

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Willing82)

RE: A Few Questions, If i May? - 5/17/2014 7:13:14 AM

Posts: 13
Joined: 5/16/2014
Status: offline

Thanks for the relook, trying to improve the profile while i continue to learn and read. i laughed a bit at the emphasize part though.

As of now i am still unsure of what picture to add for the profile, that will just take some time.

i will have to redo the list as well as type out what might need more explaining. i do not put what i think a Domme would like seeing as She will tell me what She likes. i have always though chastity was more for a show/punishment thing. Has been used like that. So i will rewrite that part.

i have much to learn about what other people think of lingo. i think online is chatting/email type thing. Thought cam2cam was what You say online means. Will have to be much more careful when writing.

Thanks, again, for the advice and Your time,
Willing82

(in reply to FieryOpal)

RE: A Few Questions, If i May? - 5/17/2014 5:50:54 PM

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Willing82

Hello and thanks in advance for Your time.

And that is the first question. The greeting? If not stated in Your profile what title is acceptable? Ma'ma, Miss, Mrs, and i can go on.
It is my understanding that i do not get to call Dommes any title until i have "earned" it? And from what i am reading Ma'ma means you are old? This is news to me, has always been a respect thing.

The main picture. i have chose not to put my face on there. Good/bad/indifferent? i was hoping someone may have advice on that. When i contact someone they get a face picture, most of the time at the front of the message. No, not sir hotness but looks is a smaller reason why i am looking on this site and has more to do with You than me.

What could i put that would make You want to read my profile or contact me? That is open ended question if ever there was one. Filled out most of the check marks, have a few items about me. Did not fill up the space with what i want, not so much about that either.

i have many, many more questions however i do not think anyone has time to answer them all. Thanks again for Your time.
Willing82

I'd steer away from Ma'ma if I were you (unless you're into the diaper thing).

(in reply to Willing82)

RE: A Few Questions, If i May? - 5/17/2014 7:30:33 PM

Posts: 7
Joined: 3/31/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

I'd steer away from Ma'ma if I were you (unless you're into the diaper thing).

I think he meant "ma'am" not "ma ma".

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

RE: A Few Questions, If i May? - 5/17/2014 7:32:49 PM

Posts: 7
Joined: 3/31/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie
I'd steer away from Ma'ma if I were you (unless you're into the diaper thing).

I think he meant "ma'am" not "ma'ma".

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

RE: A Few Questions, If i May? - 5/18/2014 12:58:53 AM

Posts: 13
Joined: 5/16/2014
Status: offline

Thank You for the advice.

i did in fact mean Ma'ma not in the mother fashion but in the respect. i see now where that is an issue as well and will figure a way to clear that up.

Thanks again,
Willing82

(in reply to VndictivBish)

RE: A Few Questions, If i May? - 5/20/2014 8:39:37 AM

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Call them by their username if they haven't expressed a preference. They chose that name so it is not going to offend, whereas picking your own title like 'Ma'am' or 'Mistress' might.
<snip>

It would be helpful to men if women could be consistent about how they want to be addressed.
I have a feeling this isn't going to happen...ever.
Some women allow a wide berth in this area, but others don't.

You guys do better with concrete examples of what Athena recommended:
(a) FieryOpal (self) - Address me by my full user name. Until I have signed my name as "Fiery," you don't have the right to address me as such. Don't leave out the prefacing "Dear"; it's proper form and shouldn't cause offense.
(b) Goddess/Mistress/Lady/Princess/Madame/Maitresse_____ - Go by her full user name, although you can drop the second (name) part within your message text, if applicable.
(c) With an obvious feminine surname, instead of going with "Ma'am" (30+) or "Miss" (30 or under), it's always safer to go by "Ms." Again, this is proper form and shouldn't cause offense, just as you would address a man as "Mr." So-and-so.
(d) If the profile contains key word(s), use those in your salutation.

Btw, "Ma'am" is short for "Madame," which in French means "My Lady." We aren't in France, Quebec, or in a French-speaking country, nor are you speaking to a woman in person, where this might be perfunctory while saying "Please" or "Thank you." Be mindful of the woman's age because it may be more appropriate to say "Miss" instead (which in French would be "Mademoiselle"). The male counterpart is "Sir" (except that in French it's "Monsieur"=My Sir).

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

RE: A Few Questions, If i May? - 5/20/2014 8:44:11 AM

Posts: 13
Joined: 5/16/2014
Status: offline

Thanks again for the sound advice.

i do have an issue with not calling people Ma'ma and Sir, just the way i was raised. The information You provided will help me with that, as well as being interesting.

Seems i still have work to do. Thanks for your time.
Willing82

(in reply to FieryOpal)

RE: A Few Questions, If i May? - 6/4/2014 5:49:48 AM

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Joined: 12/8/2013
Status: offline

Greet as best as you can surmise from profile nic.

Yes I agree, titles are earned and you must at least know how to send an intelligent email before being so presumptuous as to guessing at imagined title.

Face pictures mean naught without an intelligent mind behind the message.

If you want an intelligent Mistress be intelligent. If you want a dumb-ass mistress be a dumb-ass.

You attract what you put out there.

Best of luck!

(in reply to Willing82)

RE: A Few Questions, If i May? - 6/4/2014 6:38:26 AM

Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Willing82

Hello and thanks in advance for Your time.

And that is the first question. The greeting? If not stated in Your profile what title is acceptable? Ma'ma, Miss, Mrs, and i can go on.
It is my understanding that i do not get to call Dommes any title until i have "earned" it? And from what i am reading Ma'ma means you are old? This is news to me, has always been a respect thing.

I'm only going to reply to the question of how to address them initially, and I will only say what worked well for me back when I was actively seeking. If they didn't state how they wanted to be addressed in their profile then I would simply use the same exact name that they have their profile listed under. For example, "Hello Willing82." From there I would ask at some point in my first message to them how they would prefer that I address them. I never had any complaints, but that doesn't mean there won't be someone that sees it differently. That's just part of life. You can't please all the people all the time.

_____________________________

If the women don't find you handsome they should at least find you handy. - Red Green

At my age erections are like cops...there's never one around when you need it!

Never miss a good chance to shut up. - Will Rogers

(in reply to Willing82)

RE: A Few Questions, If i May? - 6/4/2014 7:14:38 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

To the OP ... from an experienced writer to the Lady ...

My own approach is to first read Her profile .. and if available ... journals.

Some tell you their preferred title(s) right there ... so if you screw that up, they know you have not read them; and don't care about them. Then you (we) get the blow off ..

If there are no obvious instructions on title to address Her, there ... then do this ...

Dear Lady (Insert Profile Name Here)

Write a sincere letter as to why you are writing, relating back to something She has written.

sign it with your first name, (first initial, small capitals) also attach a clothed pic

That will work quite often, and BTW, except for the protocol of D/s, its exactly what we were taught in grade school (well, before email and cell phones) LOL

_____________________________

Got my second paddle! Finally! :-)

Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

(in reply to Willing82)

RE: A Few Questions, If i May? - 6/4/2014 7:18:43 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

And BTW ... my advice works ... when the Lady is available and you say or LOOK interesting to Her.

_____________________________

Got my second paddle! Finally! :-)

Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

RE: A Few Questions, If i May? - 6/4/2014 7:50:19 PM

Posts: 13
Joined: 5/16/2014
Status: offline

Thanks for the advice, I will try to use it. I read the profile and all else before addressing to see if there is any sort of fit.

Before email and cellphones. You mean manners? Form the south so it, or I thought it was, a given that Sir and Ma'ma had to be used.

I try to send a picture with the first mail. Sometimes it works and gets there sometimes not.

As far as not adding the key word, well most of them are funny but I try to use what the profile said so that it means I really did read it and not skim for the watch word in there.

Thanks for your time and advice,
Willing82

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

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