RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus?

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[Poll]

Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus?

I'm a Domme and I desire cunnilingus.

20% (9)

I'm a Domme and I do not desire cunnilingus.

13% (6)

I'm a submissive and I desire cunnilingus.

17% (8)

I'm a submissive and I do not desire cunnilingus.

37% (17)

I'm a Switch and I desire cunnilingus.

8% (4)

I'm a Switch and I do not desire cunnilingus.

2% (1)

Total Votes : 45

(last vote on : 5/27/2014 7:38:45 AM)
(Poll ended: 5/28/2014 11:59:00 AM)

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/24/2014 9:20:37 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV

A thread inspired a debate about women on CM desiring cunnilingus, so let's see what the poll says.

umm... I cant answer that.. it depends on who is doing it!

Lets face it.. some dudes are a disaster in that department.. not to mention, are we talking about a guy that is clean shaven or does he have one of those (dangerous-to-pussy) 5 o'clock shadows?

Now, now, now......we try.

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/25/2014 12:11:03 AM

foreverj

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I'd much rather give than receive. The truth is, at the end of the day, Master gets whatever Master wants. I can live without it.
As for giving... I've only ever received high praise, but I've been told some horror stories by male friends over the years.

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/25/2014 1:35:15 PM

BecomingV

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Two virgins can "train" each other to have intercourse, so if similarly motivated, a woman who has yet to enjoy cunnilingus can train a guy who is inept at it. Or, you know, maybe it's just not for them.

About ending a relationship over a sex act... the stereotypical answer used to be that guys sought blowjobs from hookers and mistresses - bad girls. They stayed married but didn't approach their wives for oral pleasure. Now, we know these guys suffer a pathology called, "Madonna/whore" complex. (shudders - scary stuff)

How many would question a guy who leaves a relationship with a woman who can't, won't or doesn't enjoy- intercourse? Most would not even date her - she'd be in the friend zone.

For women whose primary sexual pleasure is derived from receiving oral (and ladies, I've been reading your posts, so I'll qualify this) from a man who is passionately into giving it, why would we even consider questioning her choice to leave a relationship over it? She can still love him as a friend.

< Message edited by BecomingV -- 5/25/2014 1:49:33 PM >

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/25/2014 2:29:09 PM

joybaby

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according to my doctor, a fishy smell is the result of having semen in the vagina. The mixture of yours and his makes the smell

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/25/2014 2:39:39 PM

BecomingV

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DEFINITELY time for a second opinion or a new doctor altogether. Semen can also have a "wrong" smell, but again, send him to a doctor for that.

Sex smells aren't like candy. Most of us are impressed with the importance of "extra" hygiene when we hit puberty and arm pits start to smell. And sadly, some people are never taught that their natural scent is an aphrodisiac, to the right partner.

I can't prove it. Just personal experience here, and I'm often an outlier in statistics, so it is what it is... but I find chemistry with a guy through his scent. (Which is another reason why I won't get romantic online.) I think the people we are meant to be sexual with smell good to us. Just like we differ in physical "looks" that makes us a Goddess to some and a dog to others.

But when someone smells bad - without reason, I'd pay attention to that.

As I said previously, guys who use the pussy/fish thing... they're gay. Or, they are discussing an illness. Hetero men respond to an aroused cunt.

Did anyone else ever see that study (I think it was Shere Hite's), that discovered that men experience increased arousal towards women who have just had intercourse that filled them with semen?

quote:

ORIGINAL: joybaby

according to my doctor, a fishy smell is the result of having semen in the vagina. The mixture of yours and his makes the smell

< Message edited by BecomingV -- 5/25/2014 2:44:10 PM >

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/25/2014 3:14:59 PM

BecomingV

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Switch with Domme leanings
I voted, "Yes"!

First time, I hadn't heard of it yet and I freaked because I wasn't prepared. Next time, he insisted and I got off, then married him. After it went bad, I went from multi-orgasmic to frigid (when he was around). Divorced him.
Next lover, also insisted. I had not been orgasmic in response to cunnilingus for a few years because of the last husband. I thought I'd lost my capacity. I tried. Nothing. I told him, "Thanks, but no hope here." He held me down and said, "We aren't stopping until you come for me." That didn't work until he proved he meant it. LOL

Some posters emphasized the importance of his desire in terms of cunnilingus being fun, or not. My story is not so different from other women I've listened to over the years, in vanilla life.

I had never met a man who wasn't passionate about cunnilingus until I entered the BDSM community and met a Dom who told me it was a submissive act. He was an online Protector Dom, (who I met a few times) but he was an aging guy so I questioned if age might have been a factor in terms of ignorance and the changing definitions of what makes a guy a good lover. He's from the time when "good" meant "many" and had nothing to do with women's sexual satisfaction. So, I asked here. Masters and Doms on these threads debunked the assertion that cunnilingus was a submissive act and they did so with gusto!

This makes me wonder about the female submissives who said they do not desire cunnilingus. Wonder... not judge. Is that because you are with a Dominant who thinks giving oral is submissive? Is that because he doesn't want to give you that kind of sexual pleasure because it makes sexuality less intercourse-centric? Do you think age or cultural expectations matter?

I'm just throwing questions out there. I may be completely off base here. Does anyone feel like telling us more? By anyone, I mean submissives who are sexual with their Dominants - giving him oral or having intercourse.

< Message edited by BecomingV -- 5/25/2014 3:15:24 PM >

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/25/2014 3:45:03 PM

FieryOpal

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At some point in the not so distant future, which could be 10-15 years, or could be within the next 2-5 years, your man's tongue is going to become his primary sexual organ. That's just a fact of life, sooner or later. Many men with health conditions as they age, or depending on what medications they're on, won't be able to take Viagra to satisfy their woman any longer.

Unless he wants to be, or agrees to be cuckolded (highly unlikely with a monogamous and/or possessive and/or non-submissive male partner), or you both rely on using sex toys, there aren't very many other options.
If you think you can get by with being celibate the rest of your life, think again. It's an unnecessary sacrifice to make, sexual martyrdom is.

What happened to one of my female relatives before she turned 40 is that over the course of years with her partner, he became so psychologically messed up by having ED, that he started to avoid intimacy altogether.
Not only did he pull away from her, he also started to become verbally abusive, bad-tempered, and impossible to live with. How much of this was due to his debilitating medical conditions and the chronic pain he was in, who knows?
It's still not an acceptable excuse to pull away from your SO and destroy the fabric of what used to be a loving (and kinky) relationship.

Besides whatever other physical intimacy you share with BDSM, this could be the glue that holds your LTR together with your life partner and keeps his self-esteem from eroding.

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/25/2014 9:34:10 PM

slavekate80

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BecomingV, I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't like it and never have because if my partner isn't satisfied, then I won't be either. And while I don't mind physical pleasure as a side effect of him getting his - it's neutral for me, if it happens it's fine and if it doesn't happen that's fine too - if he's focusing on making that happen for me instead of it just being an accidental byproduct, all the mental satisfaction disappears and turns into aversion.

Maybe cultural expectations do matter. Women are "supposed" to like it when guys go down on them, and I naturally resist that because the way sex functions in my relationships is very alien to cultural norms. If it was something most people felt "meh" about, I might not have such a strong negative reaction because it wouldn't feel like a threat to my role as a sub. I'd still dislike it because of the one-sided pleasure factor, but possibly I'd care less.

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/26/2014 12:59:00 PM

metamorfosis

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Something I tolerate rather than enjoy. It puts me on the receiving end of something that I would prefer to give.

< Message edited by metamorfosis -- 5/26/2014 1:13:13 PM >

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/26/2014 9:27:10 PM

BecomingV

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekate80

[...if he's focusing on making that happen for me instead of it just being an accidental byproduct, all the mental satisfaction disappears and turns into aversion.

If it was something most people felt "meh" about, I might not have such a strong negative reaction because it wouldn't feel like a threat to my role as a sub. I'd still dislike it because of the one-sided pleasure factor, but possibly I'd care less.

I think your post may speak for other women on CM, too.

Are you saying that receiving cunnilingus is a threat to your role as a submissive? In what way?

More than a few posters said that cunnilingus is only fun if he is passionately into it. I think that points to the energy exchange inherent in the act. I don't think those women are experiencing a one-sided pleasure. Some have said they don't desire it, but he does, so it's an act of submission to join in his pleasure in this activity. (You know, because it limits his fun if she's not into it, or responsive to him in this way.)

Again, I have no "shoulds" in my head about this. I can climax from nipple stimulation alone. Or, with the right person... can climax without being touched at all, in response to a verbal command. Or, with the wrong person... I can go numb. Really, if I were to create a new poll for the women, I'd put "it depends on..." with a series of dependent choices, for this topic. We are a varied group, we women. :)

< Message edited by BecomingV -- 5/26/2014 9:32:30 PM >

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/26/2014 10:28:35 PM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV

I think your post may speak for other women on CM, too.

Are you saying that receiving cunnilingus is a threat to your role as a submissive? In what way?
<snip>

slavekate, it is not my intention to single you out in any way, but I should mention to the OP that your post(s) are not necessarily typical for female submissives on the forums.
Kate, this year alone you have posted that you prefer D/s as a non-sexual service sub. The impression I received is that you're not much into sex and can go without it, that you aren't looking for a Master who will make sexual demands on you.
This is not at all typical. What I hear being expressed by submissive women by and large is that they want and expect a passionately sexual dynamic with their Masters, more often monogamously than in sharing him with others.

What I also hear from submissive women who don't like receiving oral is that they perceive this to be a submissive act on the part of their Master, and this makes them feel uncomfortable seeing him in any light other than acting dominant.

I'd like to add that I have the same problem with submissive males who perceive having vanilla sex with their Mistress as a submissive act on HER part. Oh yeah, they're all eager to perform oral on a Domme, like that's any big deal for us to get.
The underlying problem I've detected in most of these men is that they aren't much good at fucking to begin with, or else have under-sized penises, which are not mutually exclusive conditions.
There's nothing worse than taking a car out for a test drive only to discover it's a lemon.

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/26/2014 10:56:59 PM

BecomingV

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FieryOpal,

The post you focused on reflects some vulnerability to the judgments of others. It expresses concerns over "shoulds" and societal pressures on women's sexuality. I think other women who are reading and not posting, may share this woman's feelings.

Since I thought it was generous and courageous to present such personal thoughts, I wanted to encourage more of that. My comment was also based on poll results so far. There are a lot of submissives saying no to cunnilingus.

Especially in our community, I'd like to think that the freedom to be unusual or atypical is celebrated.

The poll will be open for a week and that will show, at least among voters here, what is typical or usual, on this topic.

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/26/2014 11:00:55 PM

RemoteUser

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

<snip> there's no such thing as a bad blow job. </snip>

Yes. Oh, yes. Yes, there is.

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/27/2014 8:55:30 AM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

Sub, no desire.

I hate having my pussy licked. I don't know what to do with my hands, its soft and sensual and I pretty much hate that. It might get me wet but there is no way I'm getting off on it.
I hate feeling like they are getting a view at something I haven't seen really well my whole life, and I don't really know what it looks like down there. I hate that on MANY occasions I've heard men talk about giving oral as a disgusting chore because of odor or taste, I have no idea what "good" is and due to my sensitive skin, I have to use unprefumed things and can't douche, I'm further self conscious about it.

Its embarrassing and I hate it.

We aren't supposed to douche or use perfumed things.

As for what to do with my hands, [my] Master usually reaches under my bent legs and then grabs my wrists.
Voila!... problem solved.

As for odor: fishiness is often (but not always) a sign of BV or bacterial vaginosis and there is medication for that.
Temporary fishiness that goes away if he ejaculates inside you is usually an issue with semen causing a change in one's PH.
A discharge that looks like cottage cheese (or white dental plaque) can be a yeast over-growth sometimes called a yeast infection.

Eating yogurt can help keep things in balance.

But, yes, get a hand mirror.
Don't worry when you don't look like a porn star; most women don't.

Oh and slave here: it is [my] Master's to do with as He wishes.

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/27/2014 9:41:08 AM

GreedyTop

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Since "most women on CM" probably never come to the forums, I'm guessing you'll never get an accurate read on this.

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/27/2014 8:54:15 PM

slavekate80

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There's a difference between not actively wanting something and actually wanting to avoid it. I'm fine without sex for long periods of time, and also fine with it, in fact I prefer it when a Dom does make sexual demands of me because I feel like I'm fulfilling more of his desires that way. But for me to be comfortable with it, it has to be for him, and him only. They have to be demands, not offers. Intellectually I know that he might want to please me and get some satisfaction from that; his motivation very well might be selfish and have nothing to do with "making me happy." But it (illogically) doesn't feel right to me, and it makes it more difficult for me to view him as a taker. As soon as it starts being reciprocal, or with me instead of him as the pleasure target, especially if there's no pain involved to balance it out, it feels like the dynamic is ruined. I can tell myself all day that it isn't, and know it in my head, but that doesn't make the feeling go away.

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/28/2014 6:06:09 AM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekate80

There's a difference between not actively wanting something and actually wanting to avoid it. I'm fine without sex for long periods of time, and also fine with it, in fact I prefer it when a Dom does make sexual demands of me because I feel like I'm fulfilling more of his desires that way. But for me to be comfortable with it, it has to be for him, and him only. They have to be demands, not offers. Intellectually I know that he might want to please me and get some satisfaction from that; his motivation very well might be selfish and have nothing to do with "making me happy." But it (illogically) doesn't feel right to me, and it makes it more difficult for me to view him as a taker. As soon as it starts being reciprocal, or with me instead of him as the pleasure target, especially if there's no pain involved to balance it out, it feels like the dynamic is ruined. I can tell myself all day that it isn't, and know it in my head, but that doesn't make the feeling go away.

Given a choice between lousy or unacceptable sex and no sex, I would also opt for no sex and have had my long periods of celibacy here and there. You know how it is when you see an awful movie and you don't just want your money back, but you want your wasted time back? It's kind of like that. I do see what you're saying about what sexual dynamics work for you, which I couldn't quite understand back on that Love & D/s Relationship thread not so long ago, where posters were split into two camps about the necessity for love to enter the picture within their D/s-M/s dynamics in order to feel fulfilled.

I realize this topic is on cunnilingus, not coital sex or love, but that was where I'd gotten the impression you were more comfortable being a (non-sexual) service slave rather than have a Master who expected his feelings of developing love to be reciprocated. That's what is relatively atypical, since I believe most female s-types DO want to be in love and to be loved by their Masters. So thanks for your candor then and now, kate, and may you find what you are seeking.

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/29/2014 5:51:43 AM

BecomingV

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Greedy Top - Yeah, I'm fairly certain that's general knowledge. It's the "Polls and Random Stupidity" section of an online site... not the authoritative source for statistics. LOL It's meant to be taken in context - light-hearted and informal. Heck, anyone can skew the votes using sock accounts. It is what it is.

Almost all of the posters on the thread are not new to posting and they aren't socks. I've found the discussion to be interesting, informative and diverse.

As the Poll creator, the clearest message I got was to add, "It depends" to the voting options.

The Poll ended last night at midnight. While this may disappoint the statistics lovers among us, my conclusion from the Poll is not a mathematical one. It's this...

Women may, or may not, desire cunnilingus. It depends. :)

Thank you, Everyone!

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Since "most women on CM" probably never come to the forums, I'm guessing you'll never get an accurate read on this.

< Message edited by BecomingV -- 5/29/2014 5:54:30 AM >

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/29/2014 7:31:14 AM

BecomingV

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slavekate80

I meant to reply to your post before announcing the end of the Poll. A few thoughts from an older woman.

If it's not broken, don't fix it. If you and your Dom are happy with how you relate to each other, let the rest of the world be damned!

Sexuality changes. Over time. With each new lover. If other factors change, like illness, poverty or a shift in religious views. Kids and elder care can affect time, energy and stress levels. The sexual person you are today is not who you will be in the future.

You have a right to be "wired" in exactly the ways that you are. In this poll, YOU are among the majority - submissives who don't desire cunnilingus. If you are feeling pressure to enjoy something that you don't, maybe it's time to engage in some self-acceptance.

If there's no harm to self, or to others, do whatever works for you. Period!

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RE: Do Most CM Women Desire Cunnilingus? - 5/29/2014 10:57:51 AM

cloudboy

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quote:

The poll needs "it depends" and most of us will choose that. When the man is good at it, yes. When not, definitely no.

Is that a George Constanza reference?

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 5/29/2014 10:58:30 AM >

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