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A morally questionable method of selection? - 11/22/2004 9:41:47 PM

Amazingsub

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/23/2004
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In my seemingly endless search for a Mistress, I recently received this reply:

"I would like to "interview" you to help me decide if you are what I'm looking for. Seems fairly simple, but it is not as It takes hard work to please me. I will tell you right off that I ask a 300 tribute for this time. (~I am NOT a pro-Domme~~I will never require anything like that again, I just have to weed out the people who are just looking to mess around, and the people who make dates with me and stand me up.). The interview will last from 3-5 hours, and I will use you with moderate to severe intensity (this doesn't mean I'm going to cut you up or anything, just intense Domination). Something like a Victorias Secret gift certificate would be great..I will also need a few pics of you (nude, of course)."

This struck me as morally shady and a really questionable way to begin a power exchange relationship. Does it strike anyone else this way, or am I way off base? Any thoughts?

Post #: 1

RE: A morally questionable method of selection? - 11/22/2004 9:56:47 PM

SentForu

Posts: 303
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Middle Tennessee
Status: offline

I'm no Mistress, but my initial responce would be to run while you have the chance...lol. Seems like a tall order to me. Just my opinion though.

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Myra

(in reply to Amazingsub)

Post #: 2

RE: A morally questionable method of selection? - 11/22/2004 10:32:46 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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While I feel it is a bit of a stretch to require money for time ever in a lifestyle relationship, I do require a gift from my wishlist the first time I PLAY with a sub. I've started this because a lot of subs are looking for a "one off" and I'm tired of being used. I tell the sub before meeting that this is a one time requirement. After that, gifts are at his discretion, altho I strongly recommend he remember my birthday with something *sweet smile* My wishlist contains items from $23 to $369. They are free to choose which one. I do suggest it be one they'd enjoy having used on them, as it probably will be

I was sad that I finally had to go this route, but it has cut down on the number of men who are just looking for a session instead of a relationship.

< Message edited by BeachMystress -- 11/22/2004 10:40:31 PM >

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Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
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(in reply to Amazingsub)

Post #: 3

RE: A morally questionable method of selection? - 11/23/2004 4:05:56 AM

MissP

Posts: 103
Joined: 10/1/2004
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LOL - I've never asked for money or gifts. I usually tell subs to meet me at a Munch or similar, you can tell in a few minutes if you're going to hit it off or not. If they WANT to buy gifts etc as a thank you, that's a whole different matter.

The problem with giving gifts or money is that you never know what, if anything, you'll get in return.

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http://www.mistress-p.co.uk/

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 4

RE: A morally questionable method of selection? - 11/23/2004 7:57:09 AM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

The two things that wave red flags to me about this person is:

1) Not so much that she asked for a Tribute but that she asked for such a large one. $300 is a lot of money to many people. There seems to be a hidden reason behind that. Does she only play with rich people or those from whom she can illicit expensive gifts? Is she hoping not only to receive gifts, but looking for those who can afford EXPENSIVE gifts.

2) More than that, the "interview" is apparently one-on-one in a setting where you will be alone and you will be submitting. This is the FIRST step she is taking, apparently. Bad...bad, bad, bad idea. AND, she's wanting to play on the first date. Also a bad idea. Where’s the safety? Where’s the one-on-one meeting in a vanilla place, or even a phone call? One can only hope the next step is to at least ask you your limits for play.

Given that she's asking for such a large tribute AND planning on playing right away indicates that she IS a Pro, to me. There's nothing wrong with being a Pro, as long as she's willing to admit it to herself and you. It sounds like she’s either trying to not admit she’s something that she finds unpleasant or that she’s trying to skirt the law in her town or she’s trying to lure in those who wouldn’t otherwise seek a Pro.

Fire

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Post #: 5

RE: A morally questionable method of selection? - 11/23/2004 9:06:44 AM

Amazingsub

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Joined: 5/23/2004
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*Whew*... I thought I was being unreasonable by telling her to get bent. Finding a compatible Domme is turning into a long, tedious search. This reply is kind of the icing on the cake. Thanks for the support!

BeachMystress, your method is perfectly sensible, and is something that I've done in the past. And toy shopping for something that will ultimately get used on yourself is quite fun.

(in reply to Amazingsub)

Post #: 6

RE: A morally questionable method of selection? - 11/23/2004 9:12:35 AM

GoddessJules

Posts: 549
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Since you asked, I don't think that it is offbase unless she is the one that initiated the contact. If you emailed her and asked what her requirements/expectations are and got this as a response. . .VOILA!!!! There you have the answer. It might not be the answer you expected or wanted to hear. . .but it is what it is. If you don't think that she is compatible. . .then move on. Simple, eh? I'm sure you will run across many, many other Dominas that aren't to your liking for whatever reason.

Jules

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(in reply to Amazingsub)

Post #: 7

RE: A morally questionable method of selection? - 11/23/2004 2:45:18 PM

MaitresseEden

Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline

I agree with Ms. Fire.. and it sound to me like she is trying to find a way to ligitimize her accepting of money without having the ovaries to call herself a pro. It also appears as if she is looking for a Cash cow to support her. I still hold out that no intital meetings should be charged for. Of course, a gentleman should always pay for drinks or dinner, but that is it, unless he feels otherwise inclined.

Stating outright that she is going to play you, says to me she is a closet-pro. I understand Beach Mystress dilema with weeding out the serious, from the not, but I disagree with requiring a tribute or gift of any kind. Yes, they are nice, but I firmly believe that they should be freely given and never demanded, unless the sub is under collar or contract. But alas, that is my opinion.

I tell subs all the time, that if they would just remember to act like a gentleman and never come empty handed to a date they would get farther. It is amazing what a simple gesture such as flowers, candy, wine, etc,.. can do to soften the heart of someone. For me it is an unspoken test, I look to see how fast they reach for the check, or if they pick me up on time, bring me surprizes, etc. but I never ask for them.

No offense is meant to those who do, it just isn't appropriate to me in any situation nilla or kinky to ask for a gift. It is ok, to let your needs wants and desires to be known, but not to be requested.. hope I'm making sense.

Ms. Eden

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to GoddessJules)

Post #: 8

RE: A morally questionable method of selection? - 11/23/2004 2:53:46 PM

GoddessJules

Posts: 549
Status: offline

quote:

No offense is meant to those who do, it just isn't appropriate to me in any situation nilla or kinky to ask for a gift. It is ok, to let your needs wants and desires to be known, but not to be requested.. hope I'm making sense

Yes, it totally makes sense and I'm glad that this "system" works for you. I also see how Beach Mystress' system works for her. It isn't "right or wrong". . .it is the method she has chosen for herself to deal with prospectives and I can't see anything wrong with it. Even in the case of the dominant in question (the one the thread is about) I see nothing wrong with that as well. If the guy didn't like it. . .he can just turn the other way. No harm done.

There is no one-size-fits-all approach that works for everyone. Some people will choose to play on the first meet. . some will not. SOme dominants will require a gift upfront. . .some will not. Kudos to those that don't succumb to the "hype" that "real" dominants won't EVER demand a gift or that "true" BDSM is all about this or that. . .and do it how THEY want to do it. IF a woman has a profile that says "GIMME GIMME GIMME. . .then GIMME some more!" I just chuckle and think. . ."YOU GO GIRL!" because I'm sure throngs of "puritan" BDSMers are gonna tell her what a piece of shit she is. . .but she puts herself out there like that anyways.

Jules

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A pig's pussy is still pork, just like a bull's balls are still beef.
Click here to visit my site

(in reply to MaitresseEden)

Post #: 9

RE: A morally questionable method of selection? - 11/23/2004 4:21:32 PM

GoddessKhatzei

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

This struck me as morally shady and a really questionable way to begin a power exchange relationship. Does it strike anyone else this way, or am I way off base? Any thoughts?

OMG.
you're not way off base... you're right on target. Jeesh... right off the bat she wants $300? That's a bit much... and a 5 hr interview?? Does that include dinner? Fragg....
I do have to say I agree w/ BeachMystress... I use a method Myself to chase away the time-wasters. it's interesting to see who sticks around.
Keep looking, amazing. you'll find Her. you'll know when you speak to Her, as cheesy as that sounds. Use your intuition...

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Her Excellency Goddess Khatzei

(in reply to Amazingsub)

Post #: 10

RE: A morally questionable method of selection? - 11/23/2004 4:34:24 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessJules
. Kudos to those that don't succumb to the "hype" that "real" dominants won't EVER demand a gift or that "true" BDSM is all about this or that. . .and do it how THEY want to do it.

This ought to give you a laugh. For Valentines day the year before last, I chose to give a very special sub a blow job to both of our pleasure. I had an online domme tell me that I was NOT a Domme because Domme did NOT do such things. I about laughed myself silly and asked her how doing what **I** wanted made me not a Domme. When I was done laughing and to the point I could converse without going into fits of giggles, I pointed out to her that other than the rules of safe, sane and consensual, we all make our OWN rules. That's the beauty of this lifestyle.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to GoddessJules)

Post #: 11

RE: A morally questionable method of selection? - 11/23/2004 4:45:16 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessKhatzei
I do have to say I agree w/ BeachMystress... I use a method Myself to chase away the time-wasters. it's interesting to see who sticks around.

Isn't it incredible how many of them just want to waste your time? It makes it hard to find the quality subs I know are out there. I've finally called a halt to looking for a sub. I've hit way too many of the time wasters/ game players recently. For the past month or so I've been doing pick up play at play parties to deal with the fact I have a physical NEED to play. I never thought I'd enjoy the experience, since I believe very strongly for myself that BDSM is best within the parameters of a relationship. I've played with three random subs now and each time has been better than the last. The most recent one was the best session I've ever had. Perhaps something will develop with him or not. I know that whatever does happen, due to where I met him, he is not just wasting my time.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to GoddessKhatzei)

Post #: 12

RE: A morally questionable method of selection? - 11/26/2004 1:43:39 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
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I am wondering why I didn't see this thread a few days ago.
I have different expectations depending on the applicant.
I am a Pro Domme, so if one wishes a Pro session, that is one thing. I still like a F2F prior to the session, but maybe I am more fussy than most.
If one is applying to Me for live-in, then I also interview. This is for the benefit of both parties. I think the slave applicant has as much right to meet and speak with Me as I do with him. There is no session involved. It is conversation. If you live out of the area and you are seeking to
re-locate, you will stand the expenses of coming to see Me. If you are local, it is a bit easier for you. I expect lunch or dinner, lots of conversation, and you will pick up the tab. Other than that, unless someone (and there too are many!) wants to constantly chat online or talk on the phone and expects excessive amounts of My time, I won't ask for $$$$$. But I do if I feel like I am being taken advantage of. It happens too often, and a request for recompense for My valuable time is usually enough to get the boy to move on.
If this is this particular Mistress's rules, be glad that she told you right up front. Now you are free to make your decision. If you want to pay for the time, do so. If you don't, continue with your search.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to Amazingsub)

Post #: 13

RE: A morally questionable method of selection? - 11/26/2004 4:54:22 PM

LadySonelle

Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline

She wants $300.00 but she's not a pro. Mmmm-hmmmm.

Were I a professional ( and I do have professional-level skills, medically speaking) I could reasonably charge a couple hundred an hour for My time.... *but* I don't want the hassle, the image-thing... et cetera.

For a first session, if the sub is local, I just ask him to meet Me at the nearby hotel and we talk. No play on a first meeting. If he is out of town, I ask that he book one night at the same hotel, we meet the first time, talk, I run a brief medical questionnaire, some light play and see if it jells. I then send him back to the hotel to stay chaste for a night whilst I set up a scene that fits his interests. I set up the medicla area or do the house in a way that a sissy maid might enjoy, etc. I take the evening to prepare and we play the next day.

I ask no money for a scene (although it may end up costing Me for things like a grocery run or renewing supplies etc, estimate around $30 - $50 My expense) but I do ask the sub for an inexpensive item or toy. Something he might like to have used on him or would like to see Me wearing. If he brings it, hey I'm delighted! If he does not... *shrug* well at least I know what I'm dealing with!

Currently, I'm attempting to find an experienced money slave to learn from. I am always drawn to new things and the best way to learn is to do. Were I to find a financial slave who wanted to train a Mistress, and to learn "old guard" style BDSM, we would agree on an amount (not exorbitant, for I'm paying him as much as he, Me) and we would commence.

So far it has not happened. I have the old line distaste for frankly commercial stuff. I suppose My eelemosynery side never developed! :)

(in reply to Amazingsub)

Post #: 14

RE: A morally questionable method of selection? - 11/28/2004 4:54:50 PM

ShadeDiva

Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress
This ought to give you a laugh. For Valentines day the year before last, I chose to give a very special sub a blow job to both of our pleasure. I had an online domme tell me that I was NOT a Domme because Domme did NOT do such things. I about laughed myself silly and asked her how doing what **I** wanted made me not a Domme. When I was done laughing and to the point I could converse without going into fits of giggles, I pointed out to her that other than the rules of safe, sane and consensual, we all make our OWN rules. That's the beauty of this lifestyle.

That's interesting. I just had a submissive contact me saying his last mistress only wished to dominate him by giving him head and got a bit pissy when I said that's nice, I'm not interested, you'd be better off finding someone that views BDSM to be a sexual interaction.

He got quite put out that I found that not to be what I considered domination, which is true, for me, that is not what domination would entail. At all. And I urged him to go find someone that would view that as being a part and parcel of their domination, since it was ovbious we wouldn't be compatible.

Wonder if it was your fellow, kinda weird that he contacted me around last week and we had sorta the same conversation hehe.

Although I just said it wasn't my style - I didn't say it couldn't happen. lol

~ShadeDiva

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(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 15

RE: A morally questionable method of selection? - 11/28/2004 10:22:29 PM

LadyShoshin

Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Amazingsub

*Whew*... I thought I was being unreasonable by telling her to get bent. Finding a compatible Domme is turning into a long, tedious search. This reply is kind of the icing on the cake. Thanks for the support!

BeachMystress, your method is perfectly sensible, and is something that I've done in the past. And toy shopping for something that will ultimately get used on yourself is quite fun.

I have seperate catagories, submissives and clients. Clients are the ones who give me a recipe for their session, they want their (no sex) fantasies fulfilled. No problem, but they pay for the time & effort I put into fulfilling their wishes.
Submissives are the ones who outline their soft & hard limits, are not looking for a one of session or hand me a script. We work within their limits, but I say the what, when, how & possibly why. I don't ask for money for an interview from either clients or subs and there is no play on the first meeting and very little on the second. The sub meets me, we talk at length, then there is a 3 day cooling off period during which we both consider if we want to proceed. It isn't law or written in the BDSM owner's manual, but it works for me.

_____________________________

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Post #: 16

RE: A morally questionable method of selection? - 12/3/2004 6:17:25 AM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

Adore your post...and agree wholeheartedly.

On the surface amazing, it could read as morally offensive...but morality is subjective. yes?

She has given you a complete overview of her expectations *and why*, what would be required of you, and stated the money was a one off requirement...no one here has any valid reason to doubt her sincerity over it. Why find honesty 'questionable'? It doesnt appeal to you...move along.

Jasmyn

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Post #: 17

RE: A morally questionable method of selection? - 12/4/2004 1:26:19 PM

MsHoney2you

Posts: 42
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

My guess is how you define 'pro' and what the exchange of money/gifts with a price means to you? Is this the type of relationship you want? Do you want to, or are you able to support YOUR curiosity by paying that price? If not, click delete and move on.

I do not think of myself as a 'pro' yet have received 'gifts' and am thankful of them. I believe my time is just as valuable as the next persons. If you want me to focus entirely on you, then why wouldn't you be willing to do something in exchange for me? To focus your time doing something I need done, or to supply me with a toy/tool I wish to have in exchange for my efforts to you?

Now, I do not know if you see that as payment, but, in ANY RELATIONSHIP there is exchange, whether that be in dollars, time or effort. Not bad, just if not what you are seeking, no problem, good luck in your search.
Ms Honey

(in reply to Amazingsub)

Post #: 18

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