I know labels aren't everything...

I know labels aren't everything... (Full Version)

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dcis18 -> I know labels aren't everything... (6/8/2014 5:17:44 PM)
But I can't decide if I'm actually switch or not. I've been reading other answers on here and I can't decide on my own personal situation. I feel most natural when I'm a Dom. However, I enjoy forced fem/forced bi/being pegged and feel like it's a big part of me. I don't like being controlled, receiving pain, being tied up, having no say...MOST things that correlate with being submissive, I don't like to do/doesn't feel right to me. I feel like if I labeled myself as a switch it would be kind of lying and I wouldn't be able to provide the service Dommes expect out of a sub.

BossyKitten -> RE: I know labels aren't everything... (6/8/2014 5:23:50 PM)
Switches are not always Dom(me)/sub switches. Some are Dom(me)/bottom, Top/Bottom, Top/submissive, Sadist/Masochist, Owner/toy...and on and on and on. To be honest though, most Dommes are not looking for switches unless you're ok with being one of multiple subs. Since you have a dominant side that they can not fulfill for you, chances are that you're not going to find a Domme for a monogamous LTR. I'd suggest looking at switch women who'd be more open to swapping roles depending on mood. Good luck!

preytolife -> RE: I know labels aren't everything... (6/8/2014 6:24:31 PM)
BossyKitten gives a good description. There are no rules for how you have to be switches. IMO most people actually are switches in practice, they just find that other roles better fit the image they want to present publicly. I've seen a few well established and respected Dom(mes) get up on a cross. I know a LOT of subs/slaves/whathaveyous that are amazing tops, I have one friend in particular who's fucking amazing with using pressure points. Maybe focus on the image you want to present instead of trying to fit into somebody elses. The labels are there for you to define them. And just because you're a switch doesn't mean you HAVE to have a dom or a sub either.

DarkSteven -> RE: I know labels aren't everything... (6/9/2014 9:02:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dcis18 But I can't decide if I'm actually switch or not. I've been reading other answers on here and I can't decide on my own personal situation. I feel most natural when I'm a Dom. However, I enjoy forced fem/forced bi/being pegged and feel like it's a big part of me. I don't like being controlled, receiving pain, being tied up, having no say...MOST things that correlate with being submissive, I don't like to do/doesn't feel right to me. I feel like if I labeled myself as a switch it would be kind of lying and I wouldn't be able to provide the service Dommes expect out of a sub. The stuff that you enjoy is not inherently sub or Dom - it's bottoming. That said, you're learning and seeing what works and what doesn't. Keep it up. When you have a good idea, THEN look for a label. Don't try to fit yourself into one.

BecomingV -> RE: I know labels aren't everything... (6/10/2014 12:13:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dcis18 But I can't decide if I'm actually switch or not. I've been reading other answers on here and I can't decide on my own personal situation. I feel most natural when I'm a Dom. However, I enjoy forced fem/forced bi/being pegged and feel like it's a big part of me. I don't like being controlled, receiving pain, being tied up, having no say...MOST things that correlate with being submissive, I don't like to do/doesn't feel right to me. I feel like if I labeled myself as a switch it would be kind of lying and I wouldn't be able to provide the service Dommes expect out of a sub. First, DarkSteven's advice to give yourself time to explore and not to try to fit yourself into a label, is both sound and wise. I'm a Switch. My profile goes into specific detail about what I mean when I say it, and it also states that which I am curious about, open to learning or haven't gained much experience with yet. I say this not to invite traffic or because my profile would work for you. However, the "Switch" label does require some elaboration and clarification, as best you can provide it. I think that once I accepted my complexity, I was better able to set aside thoughts of "how many people could possibly fit with me?" and instead, focus on the belief that if I'm complex, someone else will be too. Any label needs specification, so don't let the "Switch" label put you off. Some people use the term "switch" to describe topping and bottoming only, and they don't participate in a power exchange dynamic, such as D/s. For kinksters, for instance, it's about fetishes, or S/m... it's sensation play. This causes some confusion with the term because many claim that the term, "switch" is about the power exchange in D/s, and not about actions such as "topping" or "bottoming." (IMO, "Switch" is a D/s term.) However, those who engage in Sadomasochism blur the line between Topping/bottoming and Dominance/submission. That depends... Others use the term "switch" to describe their ability to fully inhabit both the Dominant and submissive roles. That means they can give over control or take control. It's about power. If I were labeling the qualities as listed in your OP, I'd say, Switch with Dominant leanings. Sexual submissive only (and I say submissive, not bottom, because of the "forced" parts.) Although, you could also identify as a Dom, who is also a sexual bottom. I'm thinking that matches a submissive who is a sexual Top. As you learn more about yourself, and keep reading, you'll find words which serve you best.

FightingChains -> RE: I know labels aren't everything... (6/10/2014 6:28:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven quote: ORIGINAL: dcis18 But I can't decide if I'm actually switch or not. I've been reading other answers on here and I can't decide on my own personal situation. I feel most natural when I'm a Dom. However, I enjoy forced fem/forced bi/being pegged and feel like it's a big part of me. I don't like being controlled, receiving pain, being tied up, having no say...MOST things that correlate with being submissive, I don't like to do/doesn't feel right to me. I feel like if I labeled myself as a switch it would be kind of lying and I wouldn't be able to provide the service Dommes expect out of a sub. The stuff that you enjoy is not inherently sub or Dom - it's bottoming. That said, you're learning and seeing what works and what doesn't. Keep it up. When you have a good idea, THEN look for a label. Don't try to fit yourself into one. Going to back up DarkSteven here. I'd also add... a lot of the definitions in BDSM seem to be very specific, but you should just treat them as ball park. Seriously, don't get worried about the labels. It's very comforting at the start to want to know what "group" to put yourself in with. You may want to feel like you know yourself, you've pinned down what it was that's been eating at the back of your mind. You might want to find a label to make it easier to find someone you work well with. We each spend some time working out who we are, what works for us, what we like and don't like, and realistically, you'll probably not fit in perfectly with any group. You're you. You're unique. Be that guy: you. For the record, as BecomingV says, 'switch' is a very hazy term. Everyone has a very vague definition of it. For me, I'm a switch because I like power to switch between my partner and myself, depending on the occasion. Some would call me a top/bottom switch as it only happens in the bedroom and I'm not 'submissive' (read: forced and overpowered) and some would call me a D/s switch as I do actually engage in power shifts and want it that way. See? Everyone's definitions are really mucked up. Just be yourself and find what works for you. Maybe find a label that most suits you, but it's not a big deal.

RockaRolla -> RE: I know labels aren't everything... (6/15/2014 6:13:23 PM)
Stop getting hung up on labels. And by that I mean, stop treating labels as if they're evil things meant to force you to act in ways you don't want. Labels are how we organize people, places, things, whatever in our heads. people don't get points for pretending that these don't exist. From what you've described, switch seems accurate. Anything further (your likes/dislikes, limits, etc) can be elaborated upon in your profile or a conversation with a domme. Yes, there are dom/mes who don't like playing with switches. But that's no reason to scrap the label entirely. Just don't play with them and don't lie to get in their pants.

piggylez -> RE: I know labels aren't everything... (6/20/2014 4:22:51 AM)
As being a Switch Female just going about my ways, yes.. Some Dommes do not wish to play with Switches, but you shouldn't take it personal... unless you've made a very personal statement about yourself and what you represent... On the other hand, I have had "labeled" Doms/Dommes approach me in a submissive manner. And most of them have stated their reasons being that, a Switch still knows what it is like to be Submissive and Dominant. Maybe like a 60/40 split, or however you want to look at it. I enjoy being Submissive to those that have qualities to Dominate me, and to them, Vise Versa. All in all, I think that it's all about self perception. I am mainly bringing this perspective up to give light that "labeled" Switches are not the only ones that experience their own personal "shift in roles". It's about how you identify and know yourself, along with how you go about your business. Just do what you do, but mainly do what is You and whatever feels right will come to you.

ansger -> RE: I know labels aren't everything... (7/3/2014 1:58:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: preytolife BossyKitten gives a good description. There are no rules for how you have to be switches. IMO most people actually are switches in practice, they just find that other roles better fit the image they want to present publicly. I've seen a few well established and respected Dom(mes) get up on a cross. I know a LOT of subs/slaves/whathaveyous that are amazing tops, I have one friend in particular who's fucking amazing with using pressure points. Maybe focus on the image you want to present instead of trying to fit into somebody elses. The labels are there for you to define them. And just because you're a switch doesn't mean you HAVE to have a dom or a sub either. You are right, some Subs are great as Dom(me)s and vice versa. I'm very interested in pressure points. What does your friend know and practice exactely?

Marlenalove -> RE: I know labels aren't everything... (7/13/2014 10:42:38 AM)
Why do you need to "decide" anything? Just be...you. After all, we are, every last one of us, unique. Trying to squinch everyone into a few definitions is soooo limiting. Find out what you love. Find out what you need. Find someone whose wants and needs match yours. Simple, but incredibly difficult. Take the long road, not the easy path.

FieryOpal -> RE: I know labels aren't everything... (8/30/2014 12:43:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BossyKitten To be honest though, most Dommes are not looking for switches unless you're ok with being one of multiple subs. Isn't that the truth, not unless a Domme only wants a play partner bottom and not a sub. I tried to keep an open mind since last year about considering a switch with a very low Top ratio. Even then, I knew that 20% couldn't be in certain categories of Topping that I happen to find personally offensive. What I've run into only as far as exchanging messages, though, are men who cop laissez-faire attitudes toward D/s (since their interest doesn't extend beyond BDSM kinks & fetishes) and have bratty dispositions. Other Dommes' mileage may vary, but with the sole exception of my Domme cousin, none of my Domme friends will touch a male switch with a ten-foot pole (and they all say "I told you so"). OP, IMHO calling yourself a Switch would be the most accurate category for you, because you aren't exclusively a Top or a bottom. What you attribute to Dominance is probably your primary desire to Top, with secondary desires to bottom. Although you don't want to assign yourself a rigid label, oftentimes it's helpful to come up with a ballpark ratio of T/b. I consider 90/10 the same as being Top-Dominant and 10/90 the same as being bottom-submissive (whichever the case may be). You can play around with these options for starters: 80/20, 75/25, 70/30, 60/40, 50/50, 40/60, 30/70, 25/75 or 20/80. Good luck in your journey of self-discovery. [:)]

Bhruic -> RE: I know labels aren't everything... (10/3/2014 3:35:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dcis18 I feel like if I labeled myself as a switch it would be kind of lying and I wouldn't be able to provide the service Dommes expect out of a sub. Labels aren't anything, so don't worry about it. All kink play is a unique, negotiated experience between two unique individuals. No label is ever going to inform anyone of exactly what to expect.

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