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Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 12:35:29 AM

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Do they know? Do they care?
Do they know. Do they care that when they raped her they changed her forever?
She was 18 hardly beyond childhood. Her innocence and security was stolen, just three days before that Christmas day.
Do they know, Do they care that Chistmas will never again be a cause for celibration? Are they haunted every year by what they did as she is?
Do they know? Do they care that for ten years she relieved that night while trying to sleep? That 24 years after the fact she still goes into deep depression as the holidays approach?
When they think back to that night and the days that followed are they proud of the shattered, broken girl they created? Or does the guilt eat them alive?
Do they know? Do they care that she became a submissive with limits caused by them that made her undesirable to most?
Do they know? Do they care that inspite of what they did she is stronger. She has faced and conquered many of the limits that she had imposed on her. Thanks totally to the love and patience of a Wonderful Master.
Do they know? Do they care that someday soon Chistmas will again be a cause for celibration?
Do they know? Do they care that someday soon the near suicidal depression will be a thing of the past?[/color]

RE: Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 12:47:04 AM

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Wow, not sure what to say. That "poem" was full of powerful emotions. I am wishing that it was a literary creation and not based on a true experience.

(in reply to liljoy)

RE: Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 2:43:09 AM

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If this is inspired by a true event I am sad for you and hope you will be able to move beyond it. Hope it all gets better for you really fast...Mike

(in reply to liljoy)

RE: Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 2:55:45 AM

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Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
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Whoever "they" are, I am sure the answer is no, they will have long forgotten. But, even if they were not brought to justice in a court of law as they deserved, there is a higher law they will have to answer to.

You are not a victim, you are a survivor. Let the holidays be a celebration of your survival and your strength. Although another human being can be the catalyst to healing, that healing is yours, something you are doing for you and you deserve a lot of credit for it.

*hugs* from another survivor.

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to liljoy)

RE: Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 5:38:46 AM

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quote:

Do they know? Do they care?

GREAT writing.. should be put in Creative Writing.
Im going to however take the writing as a bit more
and make comments that I feel need be said.

Do they know. Yes of course they do and always will
Do they care. No of course they dont for if they did
you would not be where you are today, A stronger
human being then THEY.

Dont dwell on such because THEY dont matter now.

What matters is the strenth I read in the words I see.

What matters is the will which endures and rejoices in such.

What matters is what ever holiday you celebrate, you do so
with the thought that you are alive today and here to celebrate
such and with another that cares and THATS what matters.

When I am around those whom have experianced trama I remind
them that for them to continually relive such from the past its not
only them that experiances the pain of such but all those around
them that also must endure and then live thru what they have and Im sure
that you would not like to continue such a cycle of pain by exposing those we love to the pains and feelings that those of trama must endure and live thru.
Your a survivor. Educate those around you so that they will not have
to endure what you do but also take the pain and direct it to a positive
end not a negitive one so that you can see your value once again and
enjoy the Love that is obviously around you now. Be thankful for your Life
this Thanksgiving season and if you have food to eat, be thankful for that
because there will be 70% of the world that will go with out food over the holiday weekend. If you woke today to write this wonderful peice you are
more blessed then the over million people whom never woke up to live life again. [[[[[runs over an gives the lil joy a great big internet ***hug***
from one living and livly soul to another... ]]]]]
On a lighter note"
Here are 30 reasons to give thanks - one for each day:
1. Hairdressers don't go on strike.
2. Halloween candy doesn't get really stale until Easter.
3.Dogs can't talk. I don't need another family member tying
up the phone or yelling out a pizza preference.
4. No one really knows if you don't forward the schmaltzy e-message
to "five people you love."
5. Goodwill employees keep a poker face when I deposit my goods, such
as the fringed lavender blouse that made me look like an
lampshade.
6. If I procrastinate cleaning my closet long enough, those dreary
ankle- swaddling skirts will cycle back into style.
7. People grow desensitized to house flaws, such as missing drawer
pulls and woodwork that needs painting. I know from experience that
if you live long enough in a Victorian hovel with skimpy kitchen
counter space, it eventually seems normal to set the brownie pan on
the floor.
8. Humans have only one stomach, not four, like cows.
9. Buyer's remorse is easily cured ... by buying something else.
10. Free counseling is available simply by driving down the road.
Magnetic signs in front of churches dole out such wisdom as: "Try to
be the person your dog thinks you are."
11. No sin tax yet on ice cream.
12. Mothers automatically grow eyes in the back of their heads and
don't even need to turn around to know when a kid is mouthing a nasty
word or siphoning a cupcake five minutes before dinner.
13. Catsup covers a variety of culinary disasters when the diner is
under age 10.
14. The human gestation period is only nine months, not 20 like the
elephant's.
15. Silly purchases, such as the flowing white blouse that made me
look like a clipper ship, are someone else's treasures at my rummage.
16. Triple Coupon Day at the supermarket lets me add another can of
tomato paste for mere pennies to the towers of tomato paste cans
rusting in the cabinet.
17. Mothers automatically develop voices that could win a hog-calling
contest.
18. Growing older means that I can wear ski pants in July and be
considered eccentric, not wacko.
19. Multitasking makes it possible to talk on the phone, punch the
microwave with my toes, watch "The Price is Right," and peel hard-
boiled eggs all at once.
20. Unattended philodendrons will hang on for months.
21. Several hundred calories can be burned by shoving an unused
treadmill from bedroom to garage and back again as willpower waxes
and wanes.
22. Dressing rooms have curtains or doors.
23. Drive-up windows let me do my banking, dining, library, and movie
returns without troubling with makeup.
24. No sin tax yet on chocolate.
25. Motherhood is the perfect excuse for everything - fatigue,
crotchety personality, droopy eyes, debt, losing miserably at
Monopoly. (You have to let the little one win, of course, to build
his self-esteem.)
26. Being disorganized and not keeping a baby book has its advantages.
You have to rely on your own memory. Of course, my daughter knew her
ABC's at 6 months and was potty-trained by 9 months.
27. Truck stops are open Christmas Day for those really last-minute
shoppers.
28. Knowing how to cook is not a prerequisite for entering a recipe
contest.
29. Most employers don't require their employees to walk on hot coals
to bond.
30. As bad as it seems, it can be worse. Pilgrims didn't have
microwave ovens.

(in reply to LadyShoshin)

RE: Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 5:53:50 AM

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Thanks Ya'll. i honestly can't say why i felt so compelled to write and post this. Any attempt at poetry is so not my style.
Perhaps it was to let others know that they are not alone. i deal very well until Nov and Dec. those months depression sets in and refuses to be shaken. i learned long ago that the best way to help myself during this depression is to reach out to others and try to help them.
i appoligize to LadyShoshin and any other survivors out there if what i posted brought up bad memories. That was certainly not my intention!! hugs to all the other surviviors out there.
LadyShoshin,
Any tips on how to turn this around and make it a celibration?
thanks
lil_joy

(in reply to LadyShoshin)

RE: Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 6:10:31 AM

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Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
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Hugs to you liljoy. Does it snow where you are at? Do you have long dark days? I don't know if this will help but my mother has the same depression you have due to being a rape/abuse survivor. Her depression is made worse, however, due to the dark days of late fall and winter. It helps to bring in natural light. You can buy special light bulbs, I think they are called optilights. Pretty expensive but studies have shown they help in cases of cabin fever in Alaska. Again, I don't know if this will work but it doesn't hurt to try. Take care.

_____________________________

~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

(in reply to liljoy)

RE: Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 6:13:25 AM

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Access Denied

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 11:31:34 PM >

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

RE: Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 6:19:32 AM

stormiKnightBEAR

Posts: 306
Joined: 3/14/2004
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lil_joy,

Wow...... all this girl can offer you is thoughts of hugs and friendship.

We've all had something from our past this girl believes that haunts us.
It just varies on the serverity. stormi hopes that you will find a way to
turn this all around.

stormi understands what power a good Master holds. stormi is thankful
everyday for the powers that be that brought her to Master.

Love, HOPE, FAITH.... to you and know you are a great person who will
only get better, stormi is sure.

stormi
property of Master Bear

_____________________________

owned white silk slave of TEMJI aka Master Bear

PROUD TO BE TEXAN AND AMERICAN BY BIRTH~
GOD BLESS TEXAS AND THE U.S.A !!!!

(in reply to liljoy)

RE: Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 6:21:29 AM

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Joined: 3/25/2004
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MistressDREAD,
OMG what a wonderful post!! You had Master and i oth emotionally touched enough to have to dry our eyes. THEN we were laughing out loud
thanks we needed that
lil_joy

(in reply to liljoy)

RE: Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 6:29:41 AM

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Joined: 10/17/2004
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Never apologize. It's not your fault, and while things you may say might bring up bad memories in the abused, they need to face them. It really does get easier. I promise. It doesn't go away, it never will, but it faids. You no longer look around wondering who will rape you, you no longer think about it all the time. I talk about it when ever I can, not only does it push the pain away but hopefully someone who needs it can see that I am okay. You can't let them win. Be strong and be well. My best advice to you is to find joy in those wonderful things about the season. Nothing will change when it happened but don't let it ruin anything. You are a strong wonderful person and they can't hurt you anymore. Don't let them take joy from you. Start a new tradition. Turn on all the lights and candles on your house and a special day. Or do something for yourself that you never do.
It will get better and if you have a wonderful person to help you, you will be well.
a former molested child s

(in reply to sweetpleaser)

RE: Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 7:25:23 AM

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Joined: 11/9/2004
From: Yukon, Oklahoma
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liljoy,

This is a very powerful poem, and very touching... I feel like most others that it is more than a work of literature. People that do these types of things to others are the ones who give all of humankind a bad name. Though I do not believe in a higher power to punish them, I do believe that they will receive their punishment in due time. I have know one too many people in my past that have bragged to the wrong person about acts they had committed, and people they had victimized. I strongly believe in fate, and I believe that you may rest assured knowing that if it hasn't happened yet, it will. Bad karma and fate are two things that will get the best of us all... Crimes and injustices may go unpunished for a time, but will eventually comeback threefold..

It is good you have been able to move on. Depression is a very serious thing and not easy to overcome. Many never do. It seems that you have learned the one thing that is hidden in the minds of many in this situation and that is that you are in no way to blame for what others did to you. There is no reason for shame at having been victimized in any way, it is the one who victimizes another that should feel shame. I had a very good friend commit suicide many years after a similar situation, and believe me I am very glad to hear of any who have been able to steer free from that road. Thank you for sharing this with all.

(in reply to liljoy)

RE: Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 8:15:21 AM

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liljoy,
It takes a lot of courage to post something this personal, I know I never could. I wish you the best in your healing.
Hugs and Kisses,
di

(in reply to liljoy)

RE: Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 9:32:19 AM

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Joined: 3/25/2004
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can't tell you how good this has been for me. The kind words and wonderful advice has helped me very much. Hopefully it has also helped other survivors. This is an awesome group!!! When all the posts are done i am going to save this page to read again when i am down.
Master pointed out that the rape is not the only thing that i am dealing with during this time of year. For some strange reason almost all of my very worse experiences have happed around the holiday. A thought that never occured to me until today is not only am i dealing with painful memories but also dealing with the fear of what terrible thing might happen this year. i realize that it is a total waiste of time and energy but not sure how to stop it.
i will look into one of those lights. It may very well help. i work nights so even during the summer months i don't see much daylight but certainly more than i do this time of year.
i do believe in a higher power and also in karma so i shall hold onto the fact that they will get what is due to them in the end

(in reply to siamsa24)

RE: Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 10:32:26 AM

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liljoy-

You are very brave and strong to talk about this.

I wish you happiness and peace.

J.

(in reply to liljoy)

RE: Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 11:15:49 AM

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It may not so much be the fact that so much bad stuff happens around the holidays as it's easier to notice. It's suppose to be a time of joy and here is something to snuff that. Plus, it's a date you can tie to it. Most of the time when something awful happens it doesn't happen on a date you could remember, so when that date comes back around you may not notice.
Be well, and keep fighting.
s

(in reply to velvetvixen)

RE: Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 1:03:31 PM

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From: North Carolina
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Hon, you're giving away too much power letting them have this kind of influence over you. Sadly, the bastards will probably never give an apology or even get justice. The only thing you can do is have some control over how you react to their sins. Breaking you is exactly what they wanted. Don't let them win.

Lean on the people who DO care. Write beautiful poetry such as you shared with us. Find a good therapist (most decent health plans cover this, check into it). Consider joining a therapy group. There are many tools at your disposal to take your power back! Then, you can choose who should receive that power and give it willingly.

You can do this for yourself. You know you can and you know you're worth it. Then, this time of year becomes a celebration about how YOU won.

*caring, warm hug*

Fire
A sexual abuse, psychological abuse and emotional abuse defeater.

_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to liljoy)

RE: Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 4:50:38 PM

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Dear liljoy,
i too am a firm believer of what goes around...comes around.
i am glad you have found a wonderful Master with whom you feel loved and safe with, and i dont doubt it would have taken a lot for you to open up to Him. By talking with Him, and posting your post, you are on the road to living life to the fullest.
i know by keeping busy and helping others around this time is good for you, but i realise that in the quiet times when you are alone, things maybe quite different. In those times i write, whether it be poetry, short stories, whatever, i put all my emotions on paper as it is hard to express them at times to others. Quite often if i am down and i read what i have written it allows me to have a good cry, sometimes that is enough to strengthen my resolve that i wont be beaten by my past.
i along with everyone else, applaud your bravery (and others that have suffered).
i wish you are Yours all the best,

*lots and lots of hugs*

n

(in reply to MistressFire70)

RE: Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 7:46:39 PM

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From: Portland oregon
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Because they do NOT care....

which is most unfortunate..

the world do have its share of scum and bottom dwellers..

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to liljoy)

RE: Do they know? Do they care? - 11/23/2004 10:59:16 PM

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what a difference a day makes. Last night i was pretty down. Tonight though i've hardly been able to sleep and am bone tired. i feel more like myself than i have in a few weeks. It's amazing the difference a good purging and good avice can make. i do write sometimes when i am feeling overwhelmed. Not stories or poems because i lack that talent, but i write in my diary the feelings i'm having trouble expressing. Master reads it and we deal with those issues.
For those of you that think i'm brave for posting. i thank you for the bottom of my heart but please keep in mind two things
1)chances are nobody reading that post will ever see me in r/l. Or remember this post if you do. Even if you do i know what happened is nothing for me to feel shame.
2) i've had 24 years of practise talking about this. Talking does help.
i say this not to belittle myself or to down play my courage in anyway. What took the most courage was the time after the rape. In my memory for some reason i could recall the events but not the faces. i was in the army and living in guarded barracks. So i knew they were people in my building but had no way of knowing who. Each day i awoke knowing that they were there and watching but i didn't know who they were. Each day i tried very very hard to put on a strong face and behave as if it didn't happen. Partly because denile is on way i deal with things and partly because i refused to give them the satisfaction of seeing how broken i was. in hindsight i see that i did a very poor job of hiding the broken girl but at the time i thought i had them well fooled.
Anyway in my mind those days were my bravest, strongest days. well that and finally overcomming the limits imposed on me
lil_joy

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

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