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CloakedProtector -> RE: Yeah, I'm into that too -or not, "not" is good too (7/8/2014 5:14:47 AM)
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Yes, what you describe is 100% reality.
Actually it is the case in the MAJORITY of the negotiations, sad to say but that is what it is.
The Internet kind of reshaped the BDSM community and pulled it out of a quite anonymous, hidden almost secret existence with private evenings and limited access into today's public scene whereby fetish and S/M has captured Hollywoods imagination and dungeons are for rent in many cities :)
With more then 100 BDSM disciplines and a large offer of sexual-submissives (those that extend their sexuality into play-submissive and as such enhance their vanilla sex-life without any need for permanent submissiveness) and a lack of sufficient trained Dominants a new market came into existence. This resulted in a new type of pseudo-role-play-(d)ominants that were needed to match the demand with the offer which then resulted in more new subs arising due to the visibility of the lifestyle, etc.
Personally I have also indeed adapted negotiations in a number of cases but I just tell them. It is not hard to say, I am not into, say, candle-wax but I have the skills and I'll do it, but I'll also do other things and you'll do them too.
It mostly works and honesty is appreciated. And yes, I do it when I find a candidate attractive or if she wakes some other aspects in me that I like. So it is win-win. In the end this is mostly, if not always, in T/b or D/s, never in M/s relationships.
Another variation of this are men/women in a Dominant role-play or vanilla extension that want their partners trained or request themselves for training to surprise their partner (because he talked about it for instance). Mostly this is in the light BDSM area's such as having her behave a certain way, dress a certain way and follow rules, accept extended vanilla sexual activity (be sexually available in swinging or group activities were only the Dominant role partner makes the choices, etc), or initiation in same-sex which is perceived facilitated when you are ordered by someone, etc, etc, etc . In general the people you get to train are quite attractive, which kind of is in line with the activities they request trained for and the sex-life activities they aspire.
So for all those more sexual oriented things I don't really need my Dominant demeanor very much the more that all those parties are very eager and willing.
And although in those cases you mostly cannot extend the play to your own interest field I do accept them for the sexual attractiveness they hold and I will in my case not say 'although it is a long time ago' because I am not sure I would be able to resist.
So, I plead guilty up to a certain extend, which I am fine with myself and which is my main criteria to do it.
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