It doesn't necessarily surprise me.
But working this out personally has been confusing.
I've always said I was a bottom, over and over, and now I'm realizing that has shifted in me, and I'm not sure I really know what to do with it. Even in my life outside of the bedroom I am not really that dominant.
I also have fought against traditional gender roles for so long, to feel traditionally towards both sexes (I don't like submissive men, and I am less and less open to dominant women) is conflicting to me.
Don't overthink it, and as DS points out males & females have different energies.
Equality doesn't mean sameness. Further, there's nothing wrong with traditional gender roles, which vary from cultural upbringing to cultural upbringing.
Feminism itself isn't about independence FROM men or from relationships - it was supposed to be about (and should still be about) having the freedom TO decide one's own destiny - aside from socio-economic considerations.
A homemaker has every right to decide on having a conventional marriage, raising a family the old-fashioned way in how s/he chooses a like-minded spouse and support system, and having her choices respected by society and others, not denigrated by misguided so-called contemporary (radical) feminists and/or (lazy male) egalitarians.
I can relate to your inner conflict somewhat about resisting gender and/or other kinds of stereotypes. But doesn't it boil down to freedom of choice? Equality of opportunity for the pursuit of happiness in expressing one's personal preferences, whether one is female or male or any variations thereof?
(Even with the stereotypical "submissive Asian female" crapola, many Asian wives rule the roost or take on a Dragon Lady persona; and once a matron reaches 50 btw, she is considered a Wise Woman who can take all kinds of liberties such as pipe-smoking and crossing gender lines that the younger women are forced to socially observe.)
To deny or suppress your *true* nature because you feel obligated to stand by your "bottom to male Top" label is not a sexually liberating stance, is it? So don't work against yourself.
Furthermore, you're still focused on BDSM-bedroom Topping/bottoming with your steady partner and not D/s relationship dynamics -- No cognitive dissonance between these separate (albeit often intersecting) dimensional realities.
< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 8/11/2014 4:29:08 PM >
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau