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Kneel Vs. Gender? - 7/30/2014 10:01:08 AM   
shiftyw


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I'm a bisexual.

With men- I bottom- period.

With ladies- I switch- but I feel very top leaning, and find myself looking at submissive women instead of dominant ones on occasion.

In a MFF poly situation- or even a threesome situation- I always want to be the "top submissive" in the hierarchy in my head.

Does anyone else feel only switchy with one gender? Or even just fall to the other side of the kneel for one gender but not the other?

I find myself a bit confused by it, and it sends me for a loop sometimes. Just wondering if there are any others out there with these feelings.

(I realize this may not even be a switch thing, and the bisexuals on this board seem to be few...but any input is appreciated , as always, if this is miscategorized mods, feel free to move it)
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RE: Kneel Vs. Gender? - 7/30/2014 10:14:04 AM   
FieryOpal


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Not bisexual nor a S/switch, but it isn't uncommon for bisexuals to *switch* like this: submissive with one gender (usually the opposite), Dominant with the other (often the same gender).
Other's experiences may vary.

I've seen a different type of switching and/or expression of bisexuality, which is kinky with one gender, vanilla with the other.
The trend would appear to be that marital/LTR commitments tend to be made with the vanilla partner in those instances, from what I hear, which means the kinky partner never became more than a casual *FWB* play partner or a piece on the side.

As for me, I prefer to Top and very rarely bottom, insofar as S/switching is concerned. (I don't count non-BDSM sexual practices to apply to any T/b or D/s schematic.)

[Edited paragraph break]

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 7/30/2014 10:23:32 AM >


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RE: Kneel Vs. Gender? - 7/30/2014 12:25:01 PM   
SeekingTrinity


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Bisexual and switch here. We are seeking out a third or possibly a couple. Though I'm very intrigued by MFM. In our relationship, he is ultimately in charge of any dominance over me and I am ultimately in charge of any dominance over him. The third could co-top or co-bottom. We have not expanded yet, so this is more speculative on my part rather than based on actual experience. When I read what you wrote, I easily identified with what you had to say.

I tend to feel more dominant when it comes to another woman too. With men, I can go either way...though I only sub to my guy. Not sure if it's territorial on my part in general...as in there is only room for one alpha female in the place and you're looking at her...or if I'm territorial when it comes to him. It's possibly a bit of both. I do know he is pretty protective and territorial of me as well. We both tend to be very alpha in general and surrender that alphaness when we bottom for the other.

This might not be a bisexual thing or even a switch thing. It might be evolution and biology.

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RE: Kneel Vs. Gender? - 7/30/2014 2:19:50 PM   
DarkSteven


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Why should this be a surprise?

Men and women have different energies, different stereotypical gender roles, etc. It's not a simple matter of us having different genitals. It's entirely reasonable that men and women evoke different things in you.

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RE: Kneel Vs. Gender? - 7/30/2014 2:36:38 PM   
RockaRolla


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I'm the same way. I do top my male partner sometimes, but he's GQ and much more feminine than the average guy. In some ways he's more feminine than I am.

I suppose social conditioning has a lot to do with it from both sides, from my subconscious attitude toward the different sexes to their ways of presenting themselves.

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RE: Kneel Vs. Gender? - 7/30/2014 2:42:11 PM   
shiftyw


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It doesn't necessarily surprise me.

But working this out personally has been confusing.
I've always said I was a bottom, over and over, and now I'm realizing that has shifted in me, and I'm not sure I really know what to do with it. Even in my life outside of the bedroom I am not really that dominant.

I also have fought against traditional gender roles for so long, to feel traditionally towards both sexes (I don't like submissive men, and I am less and less open to dominant women) is conflicting to me.

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RE: Kneel Vs. Gender? - 7/30/2014 2:45:34 PM   
RockaRolla


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Could it be that you're not into the personalities of men/women who tend to identify as submissive or dominant (respectively) rather than not liking those groups in general?

I've found that a lot of the sub men who approach me are of the "do-me sub" variety, and the dommes tend to be too entitled for my taste. Probably shouldn't consider them a sampling of their subcultures, but they've turned me off to them all the same.

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RE: Kneel Vs. Gender? - 7/30/2014 8:56:28 PM   
BecomingV


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Hey shiftyw :)

I'm a Switch and I've been with both men and women. However, the experiences with women we "okay" and nothing more. So, I think I was bi-curious and discovered my hetero core. And, that's all good. I'm glad I let myself follow my bliss. How else would I know?

Underneath the specifics of what you ask, it seems you are unsettled with new self-knowledge. You want things to be "in place" and "clearly defined." Well, you may be maturing, expanding and growing. There are gifts to be found during times of insecurity and change.

You've changed before and you'll change again. Keeping that in mind may help you re-focus from confusion, to curiosity. You could ask yourself, "Where will THESE thoughts and feelings take me now?" We never know what's a minute ahead. You could be on the brink of something awesome.

The notion of "divine discontent" is about just this. Basically, it means being upset for a reason... usually, because the changes that are happening within, are bringing you closer to your destiny.

Yes, other people experience what you describe, too. There's a place to be you and to be loved.

Remember, complexity contains magnificence. Own it.


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RE: Kneel Vs. Gender? - 8/7/2014 12:16:53 PM   
Lucylastic


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Heh I only switch with one person, which is my submissive, and thats usually play scenes only, I really am not a good submissive, so its more of a bottom only. I know this from being with him LDR over a decade now.
Im not bisexual, but will play with either sex as a top, As a bottom, I bottom for a scene with anyone that I know well enough to trust in a public play atmosphere. Right now thats been limited to floggings, wax, violet wands.
I do not play with anyone else s pussy, cept my own..... (its my own personal hard limit)
But this is just me, and why I identify as Domme who will top/bottom switch if I like the idea:)
I conform to my own needs:) not others expectations.


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RE: Kneel Vs. Gender? - 8/11/2014 4:09:46 PM   
FieryOpal


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quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

It doesn't necessarily surprise me.

But working this out personally has been confusing.
I've always said I was a bottom, over and over, and now I'm realizing that has shifted in me, and I'm not sure I really know what to do with it. Even in my life outside of the bedroom I am not really that dominant.

I also have fought against traditional gender roles for so long, to feel traditionally towards both sexes (I don't like submissive men, and I am less and less open to dominant women) is conflicting to me.

Don't overthink it, and as DS points out males & females have different energies.

Equality doesn't mean sameness. Further, there's nothing wrong with traditional gender roles, which vary from cultural upbringing to cultural upbringing.
Feminism itself isn't about independence FROM men or from relationships - it was supposed to be about (and should still be about) having the freedom TO decide one's own destiny - aside from socio-economic considerations.
A homemaker has every right to decide on having a conventional marriage, raising a family the old-fashioned way in how s/he chooses a like-minded spouse and support system, and having her choices respected by society and others, not denigrated by misguided so-called contemporary (radical) feminists and/or (lazy male) egalitarians.

I can relate to your inner conflict somewhat about resisting gender and/or other kinds of stereotypes. But doesn't it boil down to freedom of choice? Equality of opportunity for the pursuit of happiness in expressing one's personal preferences, whether one is female or male or any variations thereof?
(Even with the stereotypical "submissive Asian female" crapola, many Asian wives rule the roost or take on a Dragon Lady persona; and once a matron reaches 50 btw, she is considered a Wise Woman who can take all kinds of liberties such as pipe-smoking and crossing gender lines that the younger women are forced to socially observe.)

To deny or suppress your *true* nature because you feel obligated to stand by your "bottom to male Top" label is not a sexually liberating stance, is it? So don't work against yourself.
Furthermore, you're still focused on BDSM-bedroom Topping/bottoming with your steady partner and not D/s relationship dynamics -- No cognitive dissonance between these separate (albeit often intersecting) dimensional realities.

[Edited typo+clarity]

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 8/11/2014 4:29:08 PM >


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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
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RE: Kneel Vs. Gender? - 8/11/2014 8:22:44 PM   
shiftyw


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I feel a bit better about it.

I have long believed in feminism focusing on choosing your role and after focusing a bit on that I felt a bit less conflicted. Although I'm still a bit surprised by my desire to Top anyone... I'm in no position for that to happen anytime soon, so I have time to work it out.

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RE: Kneel Vs. Gender? - 8/15/2014 6:08:50 AM   
SwitchyMaid


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it really is all about energy, i used to say that i would never sub to a woman but then i met an amazing woman with a great energy and i was very sub to her - she was the exception for me not the rule - but with that said now i know that i am not just straight i am heteroflexible best describes me - as far and who i will kneel for it is all about energy - i can be sadistic as a top or take it as a bottom - most important thing for any of us is to have fun - if its not fun move on

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RE: Kneel Vs. Gender? - 8/16/2014 11:32:51 AM   
DesFIP


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Shifty, you're confusing the political and the personal. Not uncommon but wrong. Believing that women should be considered for top CEO posts does not mean that you believe all women must try for advancement.
There's room, and need, in this world for soldiers as well as generals, nurses as well as doctors. And for women who wish to have the choice not to strive to be a CEO.

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RE: Kneel Vs. Gender? - 9/25/2014 1:19:32 PM   
ExiledTyrant


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Are you sure it is a Dom/sub, Top/bottom thing and not a sexually aggressive with women thing?

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RE: Kneel Vs. Gender? - 9/25/2014 9:02:45 PM   
shiftyw


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I mean...I don't know.

I need a girl to come play with me, you know, for science...

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RE: Kneel Vs. Gender? - 9/26/2014 11:52:12 PM   
ResidentSadist


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Well, if it's for science, I could volunteer my slave . . . strictly for scientific reasons of course. If it's for science, does that mean there will be medical gear involved? Will there be probing with needles and electrical stimulation testing?

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RE: Kneel Vs. Gender? - 9/27/2014 4:35:45 AM   
ExiledTyrant


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Since it's for science, it should be conducted in an operating theater. I'll bring the mood lighting... Tesla coils ;)

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RE: Kneel Vs. Gender? - 9/27/2014 4:48:22 AM   
Lucylastic


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perks

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\(•_•)
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(•_•)
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RE: Kneel Vs. Gender? - 9/27/2014 12:08:05 PM   
RockaRolla


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I'm a big fan of science.

Just saying.

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RE: Kneel Vs. Gender? - 9/27/2014 1:57:06 PM   
ExiledTyrant


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

I'm a big fan of science.

Just saying.


There's a dress code.



Jus sayin

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Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

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