What does "being a Master" / "being a Dom" mean for you?

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What does "being a Master" / "being a Do... - 8/2/2014 2:21:17 PM

kinksterparty

Posts: 89
Joined: 4/4/2011
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This is a very generalized question, with many potential responses... but I'm not looking for anything specific, more of a "feel" of how other Dominants perceive themselves, and the impact of their alignment on life aspects other than sex.

How did you become a Dominant/Master, and how does being a Dominant/Master affect the rest of your life, outside the bedroom?

Very curious about points like:

"I am a Dominant/Master, because ________"

"I find that being a Dom/Master allows me to _________ "

"Outside the bedroom, my Dominant personality translates into qualities such as ________"

"Occasionally, problems arise due to ______________ conflicting with a dominant personality"

...Not asking people to fill in specific blanks, just looking for a general idea... free-form responses.

Thank You all in advance for your feedback!

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RE: What does "being a Master" / "being ... - 8/4/2014 6:03:02 PM

Domnotlooking

Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline

It means I'm finally getting the sex I want. And that has really, really cooled me out. Her too.

It also means, that being so cooled out, a lot of relationship conflict just gets shitcanned.

Your own milage may vary.

(in reply to kinksterparty)

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RE: What does "being a Master" / "being ... - 8/5/2014 12:29:25 PM

kinksterparty

Posts: 89
Joined: 4/4/2011
Status: offline

Thanks for answering.

YMMV, of course, but that makes a lot of sense.

(in reply to Domnotlooking)

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RE: What does "being a Master" / "being ... - 8/5/2014 2:03:17 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinksterparty

Very curious about points like:

"I am a Dominant/Master, because ________"

I have always been dominant, I was always able to get people to rally around me in group situations. I just have that type of personality where people can see confidence and control and that is reassuring to them. Hell, the last band I was in, they all voted me to be the leader... a position that I didn't want.

quote:

I find that being a Dom/Master allows me to _________

Tie up sluts.

quote:

Outside the bedroom, my Dominant personality translates into qualities such as ________

An overall sense of calm and level headed thinking in some of the most bizarre and stressful situations. I am normally the voice of reason, logic and reality. People come to me for advice all the time because of that.

quote:

Occasionally, problems arise due to ______________ conflicting with a dominant personality

Stupidity. I hate stupidity.

I know you weren't looking for direct answers to your questions, but it is a starting point. I grew up around very strong dominant types, my Father and Mother, my Sister, my Grandparents all were very strong willed individuals. I had a tough time as a kid because I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere. I didn't realize that I had dominant characteristics until much later in life after my divorce. Someone I knew was into BDSM and we began talking about it and as we talked I realized that I was dominant and that the BDSM lifestyle was definitely right up my alley. The rest, as they say, is history.

Being dominant is not something that I do, it is who I am. I am not arrogant and lord my dominance over people, I just let myself be who I am and a lot of the time, it happens naturally.

Not sure if it helps, but there it is anyway.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to kinksterparty)

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RE: What does "being a Master" / "being ... - 8/5/2014 5:44:59 PM

kinksterparty

Posts: 89
Joined: 4/4/2011
Status: offline

Gauge, thank you for taking the time and effort to write a response.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
I have always been dominant, I was always able to get people to rally around me in group situations. I just have that type of personality where people can see confidence and control and that is reassuring to them. Hell, the last band I was in, they all voted me to be the leader... a position that I didn't want.

quote:

quote:

I find that being a Dom/Master allows me to _________

Tie up sluts.

LOL!

quote:

quote:

Outside the bedroom, my Dominant personality translates into qualities such as ________

An overall sense of calm and level headed thinking in some of the most bizarre and stressful situations. I am normally the voice of reason, logic and reality. People come to me for advice all the time because of that.

So, not only can a confident personality result in Dominance, but Dominance can reinforce the confidence as an effect. Cool.

quote:

quote:

Occasionally, problems arise due to ______________ conflicting with a dominant personality

Stupidity. I hate stupidity.

LOL x2

quote:

I know you weren't looking for direct answers to your questions, but it is a starting point. I grew up around very strong dominant types, my Father and Mother, my Sister, my Grandparents all were very strong willed individuals. I had a tough time as a kid because I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere. I didn't realize that I had dominant characteristics until much later in life after my divorce. Someone I knew was into BDSM and we began talking about it and as we talked I realized that I was dominant and that the BDSM lifestyle was definitely right up my alley. The rest, as they say, is history.

Being dominant is not something that I do, it is who I am. I am not arrogant and lord my dominance over people, I just let myself be who I am and a lot of the time, it happens naturally.

Not sure if it helps, but there it is anyway.

Yes, it definitely helps! My personal opinions are more or less along the same lines, but it's good to have confirmation. Thank you again.

(in reply to Gauge)

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RE: What does "being a Master"/"being a ... - 8/23/2014 10:05:51 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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If you don't mind the slight variation from M/f(m) to F/m, I'll weigh in on this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinksterparty

How did you become a Dominant/Master, and how does being a Dominant/Master affect the rest of your life, outside the bedroom?

There isn't just one pivotal moment when I realized I had Dominant tendencies. It was a combination of things growing up.
-- Wanting to take the lead with my (mostly male) playmates either innovatively by coming up with ideas or by directing the activities at hand (when in an extroverted mode)
-- Taking charge of playtime activities, but more in a cooperative manner than by acting bossy (how declassé); after all, we were here to have fun, the more (fun) the merrier
-- Either ignoring or cleverly subverting those kids who did go around acting bossy or who threw their weight around as if they thought they were bigshots (often by verbally putting them in their place)
-- Being aware that I didn't need others to keep myself occupied or engrossed in pursuits which interested me, having an independent spirit (finding expression for the introverted part of my nature)
-- Basically enjoying being an independent thinker who had no need or desire to seek out the leadership of others; deriving satisfaction from being the one in control, which starts and ends with developing self-control and self-discipline.
-- Finding myself taking others under my wing as their protector, teacher and guide

You emphasize Dominance outside of the bedroom, but when a Dominant comes of age, the desire to dominate extends into the bedroom...

quote:

"Outside the bedroom, my Dominant personality translates into qualities such as ________"

... to find a willing sexual partner with whom to experiment and to explore one's erotic fantasy landscape.

quote:

"Occasionally, problems arise due to ______________ conflicting with a dominant personality"

Being surrounded by social conformists can definitely be a buzzkill on so many levels.

But I tend to be tolerant of diversity in others and don't expect others to understand my eccentricities. I always knew I was different, accepted and celebrated those qualities in myself.

I was very fortunate to have parents and teachers who encouraged my individuality while growing up, along with a fairly stable support system throughout my life.

I wouldn't say that having a Dominant personality has been a problem of insurmountable proportions. It's been part and parcel of finding suitable avenues of self-expression in all areas of life.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to kinksterparty)

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RE: What does "being a Master" / "being ... - 8/23/2014 11:12:15 AM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinksterparty

This is a very generalized question, with many potential responses... but I'm not looking for anything specific, more of a "feel" of how other Dominants perceive themselves, and the impact of their alignment on life aspects other than sex.

How did you become a Dominant/Master, and how does being a Dominant/Master affect the rest of your life, outside the bedroom?

Very curious about points like:

"I am a Dominant/Master, because ________"

"I find that being a Dom/Master allows me to _________ "

"Outside the bedroom, my Dominant personality translates into qualities such as ________"

"Occasionally, problems arise due to ______________ conflicting with a dominant personality"

...Not asking people to fill in specific blanks, just looking for a general idea... free-form responses.

Thank You all in advance for your feedback!

It's not something I decided; it's something I realized was my essential nature.

(in reply to kinksterparty)

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RE: What does "being a Master" / "being ... - 8/23/2014 7:56:43 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

It's not something I decided; it's something I realized was my essential nature.

Another aspect or dimension of Dominance is in feeling comfortable with taking on positions of authority and responsibility. For some, this may be tied in with stroking their egos or having their egos stroked. I view this as a character weakness (deficit, vulnerability), not a strength. People whose insecure egos can be manipulated are not exhibiting *true* Dominance. They may still have a Dominant personality, but it is immature or underdeveloped.

What I've observed with others in leadership is how well they wear their authority. They are not afraid to be decisive, but neither are they hasty in their decision-making. They may have to agonize over making difficult or weighty decisions but are accountable for their actions and do not shirk from assuming responsibility once they have assessed the situation and can see that they are the best man/woman for undertaking the job at hand.

They are also adept at recognizing strengths in others, effective at delegating their authority and building up their subordinates'/others' self-esteem (yet swift to hand out correction as needed), give credit where credit is due, and are willing to share in the glory instead of hogging the limelight for themselves. I believe these are some of the hallmarks of genuine Dominance, leadership and authority.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Musicmystery)

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RE: What does "being a Master" / "being ... - 8/23/2014 8:06:00 PM

subrosaDom

Posts: 724
Joined: 2/16/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinksterparty

This is a very generalized question, with many potential responses... but I'm not looking for anything specific, more of a "feel" of how other Dominants perceive themselves, and the impact of their alignment on life aspects other than sex.

How did you become a Dominant/Master, and how does being a Dominant/Master affect the rest of your life, outside the bedroom?

Very curious about points like:

"I am a Dominant/Master, because ________"

"I find that being a Dom/Master allows me to _________ "

"Outside the bedroom, my Dominant personality translates into qualities such as ________"

"Occasionally, problems arise due to ______________ conflicting with a dominant personality"

...Not asking people to fill in specific blanks, just looking for a general idea... free-form responses.

Thank You all in advance for your feedback!

It's not something I decided; it's something I realized was my essential nature.

Yes. Part of the question (not claiming it was the intent of the questioner) makes me think of: I am gay, because ______. Well, I didn't choose to be straight. I am straight. Gays don't choose to be gay either. Similarly, I don't think dominants or submissives choose that: they simple are.

_____________________________

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.

- Nietzsche

(in reply to Musicmystery)

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RE: What does "being a Master" / "being ... - 8/23/2014 8:12:16 PM

subrosaDom

Posts: 724
Joined: 2/16/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinksterparty

This is a very generalized question, with many potential responses... but I'm not looking for anything specific, more of a "feel" of how other Dominants perceive themselves, and the impact of their alignment on life aspects other than sex.

How did you become a Dominant/Master, and how does being a Dominant/Master affect the rest of your life, outside the bedroom?

Very curious about points like:

"I am a Dominant/Master, because ________"

To paraphrase Richard Feynmann, because I don't care what other people think. In other words, I am independent. I don't join the consensus to conform or oppose it to be difficult. Hence, I stand for what I believe. If it were appropriate because of the facts, I'd be the holdout on the jury. I don't cave, although for minor matters, I can be diplomatic, of course.

"I find that being a Dom/Master allows me to _________ "

Be myself.

"Outside the bedroom, my Dominant personality translates into qualities such as ________"

Being objective. Not being browbeaten. Standing up for what's right. Speaking up when others won't.

"Occasionally, problems arise due to ______________ conflicting with a dominant personality"

I'd have to agree with Gauge: stupidity. The other problem would be spineless people who won't do what's right unless they know a priori they have a majority to coddle themselves.

...Not asking people to fill in specific blanks, just looking for a general idea... free-form responses.

Thank You all in advance for your feedback!

_____________________________

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.

- Nietzsche

(in reply to kinksterparty)

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RE: What does "being a Master" / "being ... - 8/24/2014 5:29:35 AM

MasterGreg43

Posts: 79
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Fla, Ga, NY, NJ, MD, VA, now PA
Status: offline

I am whom I am because of the attitude I've grown up with and didnt know it had a name, and to finally find out that the BDSM lifestyle was more then just wearing a leather out fit head to toe and hurt a person as much as possible, which is what keep Me from embracing this lifestyle earlier then later and this was before the internet so much harder to get information other then books and hands on.

embracing the Dom in Me granted Me a happiness above and beyond anything I expected

the only conflict I have received was dealing with a person that are not into the lifestyle or refuse to understand each person that choose to live alternative lifestyle is by self choice, not by force, and what could be a normal society to one is abnormal to another, and the one step further was too embrace the Polyamory side of lifestyle which I was inspired more after learning just how much poly was even in the bible so the pursuit of happiness is living as a Dominant King and enjoy owning slaves that enjoy being owned and living polyamory as well.

_____________________________

Master Greg
PA Dominant King
Dominant King of Sweet Palace of Pain
Master of Sweet House of Pleasure & Pain

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RE: What does "being a Master" / "being ... - 8/26/2014 10:36:18 AM

CountDrackula

Posts: 36
Joined: 8/19/2014
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Normally it depends on how much bad porn the Sayer has watched...moreso if his partner slumbers and he is trying to eek a few tadpoles into a sock...bless that lot they number most(imo)

To me there is no difference...sometimes there is too olde, or new, clueless, or impressionable minds, who do not know the difference; so the word with most oomph has the most impact, on these curious minds.

the term lord (fk your giving your real age away on that one whatevermynameis these days) is now defunct....not that that one should ever have existed..but i always peed my pantaloons at it (when not used in a ironic manner)

< Message edited by CountDrackula -- 8/26/2014 10:38:22 AM >

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RE: What does "being a Master" / "being ... - 8/30/2014 1:10:22 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kinksterparty

This is a very generalized question, with many potential responses... but I'm not looking for anything specific, more of a "feel" of how other Dominants perceive themselves, and the impact of their alignment on life aspects other than sex.

How did you become a Dominant/Master, and how does being a Dominant/Master affect the rest of your life, outside the bedroom?

It is tempting to say that you don't 'become' a dominant but rather it is the qualities you hold that makes being a dominant natural. On thinking of this, however, most of the qualities and characteristics that I believe I hold and cherish: reasonable, fair, principled, generous, objective, curious; are not necessarily any different to that which a submissive may hold.

But, I think you do need these things as part of your make-up. Anyone can start 'calling the shots', but you need to have a vision for life, principles and focus for it to be believable and actually mean something.

My life is exactly the same in all facets, except I respect house rules. So, when I'm at work I respect my contract and the authority tacitly or explicitly laid out within it, but in my home I hold court.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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