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slaves and weight/fitness - 8/6/2014 8:47:13 AM

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A question for the Masters, how high of a priority is your slave's weight and fitness level? How would you feel and react if your slave started to gain weight? Is making your slaves exercise and lose weight part of your relationship? Is a slim slave a requirement for most Masters?

RE: slaves and weight/fitness - 8/6/2014 9:25:59 AM

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It isn't a matter of being skinny but of...being healthy. It is a physiological fact that the less body fat a person carries around, the longer and healthier they live.

The master's role is one of being the example and thus the slave wouldn't or shouldn't put on weight.

(in reply to EmberRose93)

RE: slaves and weight/fitness - 8/6/2014 9:58:14 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

It isn't a matter of being skinny but of...being healthy. It is a physiological fact that the less body fat a person carries around, the longer and healthier they live.

The master's role is one of being the example and thus the slave wouldn't or shouldn't put on weight.

Which is why I personally aim for 0% body fat with my slaves :)

More seriously, yes, health is the criterion. There are a number of factors to consider. First, there is personal aesthetic. I have known some men who are sexually attracted to overweight women -- and in some cases, there may be pressure to maintain that weight or even add more. While no one can prescribe another's sexual attractions, it is clear that encouraging significant obesity poses a real danger to the woman and in this case it strikes me as unethical. A reasonable compromise would be a healthier approach with more of a zaftig figure -- all without morbid obesity.

MrRodgers is also right about the Master's being an example. After all, if I pig out on any food I want and look like a bad version of Buddy Hackett, what authority do I have to demand that my submissive be svelte. Hypocrisy is not a tool of Mastery.

None of this applies of course to metabolic or other disorders that can cause weight gain. There are controllable reasons for being at an unhealthy weight and there are uncontrollable ones that are consequences of legitimate endocrine problems. You can't hold someone accountable for what they can't control, but you can hold them accountable to be as healthy as they can given the conditions they have. A Master who would hold otherwise (and I'm not saying this is true for you) is an asshole.

_____________________________

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.

- Nietzsche

(in reply to MrRodgers)

RE: slaves and weight/fitness - 8/6/2014 11:03:00 AM

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I'm working on several things with my sub, but not her weight. Her weight is better than mine, so if I do work on someone's weight issues, it won't be hers.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to subrosaDom)

RE: slaves and weight/fitness - 8/6/2014 12:37:42 PM

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My former sub was a BBW - Weight was not my concern. About a year into the relationship, she started to worry about weight loss affecting her breast size and how that would affect my desire for her. I always responded that was part of the package and I wanted her either way. It was not enough for her self image. She could not get past her worrying about it.

Personally, I like a great personality and nice sized breasts.

< Message edited by DOM68005 -- 8/6/2014 12:39:00 PM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: slaves and weight/fitness - 8/6/2014 1:01:45 PM

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Our health and fitness is high priority for both of us. We're both physically active, walk/run 5 miles a day, work out 4 days a week, mountain hike, swim, eat healthy. It's how I've always been, it's how he's always been and was just one of the areas we found we were compatible in.

Some weight gain in itself wouldn't be an issue for him unless it was a significant amount leading to obesity or health issues. If I started to gain weight due to no longer eating healthy, no longer having the desire to stay active, he would worry and question what was going on with me and I would do the same if it were him. It would be very unlike either of us to stop doing those things and would most likely point to a deeper issue going on.

_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.

(in reply to EmberRose93)

RE: slaves and weight/fitness - 8/6/2014 1:09:45 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DOM68005

My former sub was a BBW - Weight was not my concern. About a year into the relationship, she started to worry about weight loss affecting her breast size and how it had affect my desire for her. I always responded that was part of the package and I wanted her either way. It was not enough for her self image. She could not get past her worrying about it.

This is pretty much why I uncollared my sub. As he got older, he started getting incredibly insecure about our size and age difference. I liked the gym, he liked to golf. Our dynamic worked for me but as he got more insecure, he became more needy. Needy to be in my presence, to somehow let the world know we belonged to each other. Just incredibly desperate to validate what we had. A relationship can deteriorate one of two ways. External or internal issues. In his case it was all inside his head and he was honest and acknowledged it. We simply outgrew each other.
Now I want a sub on at least a similar level of fitness and interests as myself. Compatibility in vanilla interests outweigh most other things as far as longevity goes. I go hiking, biking, water skiing, rock climbing, watch movies at home, tubing down the river, swimming, jet skis, the beach, motorcycles, obstacle races, i weightlift pretty heavy. Im categorically a power lifter, i need someone on my level of fitness and i do this with a local shy vanilla guy. Who knows if the lifestyle will be part of my life or not. I'm not needy nor am I rushing into anything. I'm still young. But fitness is literally something I cannot live without and I need someone who can keep up with me, sub or not.

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 8/6/2014 1:16:33 PM >

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to DOM68005)

RE: slaves and weight/fitness - 8/6/2014 1:28:38 PM

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From: The Shire
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My man and I are both overweight.
We both love love love cooking and baking.

He loves me how I am based on personality.
I honestly wouldn't be with him if he tried to give me shit about my weight all the time.

Beauty is just fashion and trendy- in a decade whats pretty now will be out- its not worth worrying about over here because we're happy and healthy enough.

(in reply to GoddessManko)

RE: slaves and weight/fitness - 8/6/2014 2:03:46 PM

CloakedProtector

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OP, honestly...you probably know for yourself that there are as many tastes/opinions as there are people.

Why would that be different for Dominants? Some will like thin, others medium and still others large.

That doesn't mean some will not search in a targeted way for what they expect while others may not be into the physical appearances at all but look for low limits.

However, if it would be part of the possibilities I don't see why a Dominant couldn't have his sub do some physical training or make her join such training with him.
But that goes for many things. The topic of public shaving has been raised, or the one of how to (with what name) call the Dominant etc.
And just as for your question there isn't an exact answer as it largely depends on type of relationship and agreements (boundaries/limits) and extend of control.

< Message edited by CloakedProtector -- 8/6/2014 2:05:25 PM >

(in reply to shiftyw)

RE: slaves and weight/fitness - 8/6/2014 6:23:40 PM

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We're in our 60's. Like most people our age, our metabolism has slowed down. We've developed chronic illnesses that prevent heavy exercising.

But I'm more to him than just a body to use. As is he to me.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to CloakedProtector)

RE: slaves and weight/fitness - 8/6/2014 9:01:33 PM

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If somethings makes me hard by controlling it, then I will.

But that long and interesting list does not include her weight (which is perfectly fine/medium/whatever).

Weight is often something that a person can't control due to genetics or health issues. Or it's an emotional issue that needs professional help and will certainly not be helped by shaming.

If you like a person enough to fuck them, then that's the only decision you get to make on the issue. If you can't accept them as they are, then don't fuck them.

Fuck them and then harass them? How is that ever going to end well?

To share a bit about ourselves, I'm an old guy with a thyroid problem, she's having a fairly brutal transition through menopause. We are committed to losing 35 pounds each (half way there) and find it slow going via sustainable life style change.

Once a week, we eat as we like (me: a couple of glasses of malbec, her: a big dessert). Then it's back on the 1,200-1,600 treadmill. We have a mini-break coming up in a real foodie paradise. We've already scoped out all the menus to decide on how to really enjoy ourselves without getting too far off track (Pina Colada? Just not worth the 800 calories).

Weight issues can be a source of conflict or co-operation. If a couple is fighting over this, it's about more than a bowl of Hagan Daz.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: slaves and weight/fitness - 8/6/2014 11:15:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domnotlooking

If you like a person enough to fuck them, then that's the only decision you get to make on the issue. If you can't accept them as they are, then don't fuck them.

Fuck them and then harass them? How is that ever going to end well?

Truer words could not be spoken.

(I needed a chuckle right about now, so thanks.)

I am less concerned with muscular physique, gym fitness or outward appearances than I am about staying healthy and managing one's overall health.

Criminy, I once fell head over heels in love with an overweight man (probably weighing 100 lbs more than his HWP should have been) for 3 years because he was so brilliant, I couldn't resist his mind. Plus he had a good heart, figuratively speaking.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Domnotlooking)

RE: slaves and weight/fitness - 8/7/2014 6:42:15 AM

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From: The Shire
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Domnotlooking- that just melted my heart to pieces!

As someone who has had several partners try to control her weight- I can't tell you how miserable it is. I would rebel immediately. I had one who wanted me bigger- I lost 30 lbs in no time flat. I had one who wanted me smaller- I lost weight- but I did it in such an unhealthy way that I was basically too sick all the time to be any fun in the relationship for him (i.e.- we went hiking- I was so dizzy and nauseous the whole time it took us basically double what it should have). BOTH relationships ended over the issue- which is stupid, but how it is.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

RE: slaves and weight/fitness - 8/7/2014 7:18:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domnotlooking

If you like a person enough to fuck them, then that's the only decision you get to make on the issue. If you can't accept them as they are, then don't fuck them.

Fuck them and then harass them? How is that ever going to end well?

It doesn't have to be fuck them and then harass them, it can be done by encouragement and motivation.

Providing there's no medical condition preventing me from working out, if I stopped being as active as I am and stopped eating healthy, Master would make the decision to get my ass back in gear by encouraging me or by making me do it if encouragement didn't work, not by harassing or shaming me into it. There's no reason to harass or shame someone into doing something and I agree, it won't end well.

I recently fell into a funk where I didn't feel like walking or working out, my motivation bit the dust for some unknown reason. He let me slide for a few days then one morning after breakfast told me to get dressed we were taking the dogs out hiking. I said I didn't feel like going and his reply was, I didn't ask if you want to go, I told you you're going. I was annoyed he was making me go but it was the push I needed to get me back in my daily routine and out of the funk I was in.

My work outs are just as much for my mental health as they are for my physical health. I have PTDS and working out is a great tool in helping to keep my anxiety, nightmares, flashbacks and all the other mind fucks that come with PTSD at bay without having to take meds to keep it under control. At times I've gone without due to illness or injury, within a matter of a few days, the PTSD symptoms would start rearing their ugly heads. I'm also pre-diabetic so eating healthy, exercise and keeping my weight under control is essential for me. If I started eating things I shouldn't be eating, he would no doubt take it off me and I'd get a serious talking to.

Putting medical issues aside, we both want a partner who is on the same page with activity level, eating habits and wanting to be in the best shape possible, it's something we enjoy doing together. I don't see it any different than wanting compatibility in other areas of a relationship.

_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.

(in reply to Domnotlooking)

RE: slaves and weight/fitness - 8/7/2014 9:46:41 AM

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~FRing it~

For my guy and I, our weight is not an issue for either one of us. I'm overweight and he is more so than me. But I love and accept him for exactly who he is. Any change in his appearance is purely his decision because I love him no matter what. He accepted me when I was 160lbs heavier at the start of our relationship 2.5 years ago and continues to accept me as I am today. He loves me no matter what.

In fact, one of the sweetest things he ever said to me came during a time when he was watching me look at myself in a full-length mirror. I had lost a big amount of weight and was commenting on how different I was. He told me I wasn't different at all. The outside might be smaller, but he still saw the same person in me at 380lbs that he was seeing at 250lbs (at the time). It was then that I realized the man saw me as me, not as my outward appearance. For the first time in my life, someone looked past what I felt was my biggest flaw like he didn't even see it.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 8/7/2014 9:48:24 AM >

(in reply to InHisHeart)

RE: slaves and weight/fitness - 8/7/2014 9:58:33 AM

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InHisHeart- while it doesn't have be shaming...even encouragement from my partner makes me defensive and hurt.

See for me- my weight is tied way too much to my self esteem.

The whole act of dieting and excercise is likely to trigger my PTSD. I get (actually, like diagnosed with) OCD. I start to track my food in every way possible. I feel immense guilt and self hatred if I slip up. I work out to the point where I injure myself. I spend too long in front of the mirror criticizing myself over and over. I start wishing for the self control to not eat at all.

If my partner were to tell me to go on a hike, when I didn't feel like it, I would take offense, I would assume he didn't want me to get fat (even if he reassured me he didn't mean that), then I would spiral into a self shaming cycle.

I think BASICALLY OP- like with everything else- there is no "one size fits all" here (pun intended?)

(in reply to InHisHeart)

RE: slaves and weight/fitness - 8/7/2014 12:56:20 PM

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I like to work on and polish myself to be more dominant and I obviously like the part of us that gently shapes her to my will. Our love is this ongoing process of refinement.

We're all about collaboration towards that end. I expect her to defer to my alpha nature. She expects and revels in my forceful keeping her humble and obedient.

And that plays out in dietary terms. She gets wet from cooking me (us) a healthy meal. I enjoy deciding what does and doesn't get put in the shopping cart.

For us, it needs to feel non-punitive and mutually supportive. I set the broad program, she signs on and implements it. If a dom is making sure you take care of PTSD, that's supportive and non-punitive. If a dom is yelling "you're fat -change!", well, probably not.

There's some horse trading and slack in the process, of course. On our mini-break, I know we'll be ordering 2 desserts apiece at a 5* place that she has the cookbook from. But the next day will be more about sushi and raw bar.

Yeah, it sounds like torture, I know.

(in reply to shiftyw)

RE: slaves and weight/fitness - 8/7/2014 1:01:00 PM

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My current (whatever) said to me early on that he wants me to exercise, and "keep the property in shape". To which I responded, "as long as it's a two way street".

Then, my "better", sarcastic self came in, and said "well, shit, you're a big guy, are you just THAT fabulous that you can have a big gut, etc, and have me fawning over you?".

If a "slim slave" is a requirement for most "Masters", I will unequivocally turn in my sub/slave card. I'm never going to be "slim". Shit, even when I gave up eating for a couple of months after my Dom passed away, I didn't even remotely approach "slim" status. I am just who I am.

Fact of the matter is, as I see it, if people want to do this TOGETHER...that's absolutely terrific. I have no issues with that. I absolutely enjoy getting out with him. But when it becomes an issue of "you need to do this for me"....*gah* hackles come up. Every man in my life has been one to equate "beauty" with "thin"....and yeah, that is simply stupid, IMO.

It came to the point when where I was with my (whatever), he was eating pretzels. He didn't offer me one, nor did I ask. THAT'S just a line that I have learned not to cross. Pretty fucking sad. Ever throw out a piece of food because of what someone SAID to you? The last piece of chocolate I ever had in my hand was thrown in the garbage because of what my father said to me. "You don't need that".

I GET the idea of wanting your partner to be healthy. I lost my Dom to a massive heart attack. I GET IT. But, get REAL. "Slim" status is just a small part of what should be a meaningful relationship.

(in reply to shiftyw)

RE: slaves and weight/fitness - 8/7/2014 1:16:01 PM

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Oh, and when we do have desserts, I do like to dessert-dom her a tiny bit.

I'm one of those people who'd be fine if I never ate a piece of chocolate again (salt and good wine are my sins).

She can have whatever she wants, but since I'm ordering the second one mostly for her, I'll order something slightly outside her comfort zone; either something she hasn't tried or a specialty of the house, or berries if it's the season and a place where they'd do it up right. Not all "mixed berries" are created equal, you know.

She actually prefers that to simply having 2 dessert options, particularly since I'm going to take at most one bite of hers and two of mine.

Me manfully imposing panna cotta on her makes her a little weak in the knees -assuming the chocolate box has already been checked.

Know you girl, get inside her sweet head.

(in reply to Domnotlooking)

RE: slaves and weight/fitness - 8/7/2014 1:42:00 PM

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I haven't had a master serious enough about my health to make me do it. I was 145 when i met my ex and got down to 119 by MY SELF. After one day of me not working out i was given up on lol. So finding a Master who was into my fitness would help. He did workout with me once and i really appreciated that. I am usually the one pushing my D type health wise. Sometimes they listen sometimes they don't.

_____________________________

If you ask someone for something... You're admitting that they have it.

(in reply to Domnotlooking)

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