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What should a parent do about access to fetish porn for... - 9/5/2014 3:55:30 PM

Panarea

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Are the children of today, who are the adults of tomorrow, going to be kinkier adults than we are, due to the easy availability of fetish porn?

When we were kids, we had zero access to fetish information.
At best, I, as a elementary school kid, had the ubiquitous Playboys and, later, Hustler magazine, as our wank fodder.
But, it wasn't until college that I was exposed to fetish activities.

Yet, a recent scandal at the local school, where parents were advised that the children were showing other kids fetish porn on their cellphones, where one kid complained to the school and a notice went out to all the parents, got me thinking.

Is the readily available access to kids of fetish porn going to make them grow up to be kinkier adults?
If so, what should a parent do about it?

Post #: 1

RE: What should a parent do about access to fetish porn... - 9/5/2014 4:04:55 PM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
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Who taught the first fetishist? Who taught François Viète? It goes on and on. With all things there is always a first.

I was born a freak, and coming into the lifestyle just gave me the vocabulary and nomenclatures for the things that were instinctual to me. So you can burn the porn, eradicate any references to kink, but people will still be turned on by what turns them on, they just won't have the language we have for it.

Jus sayin

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To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

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(in reply to Panarea)

Post #: 2

RE: What should a parent do about access to fetish porn... - 9/5/2014 4:13:15 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Panarea

Are the children of today, who are the adults of tomorrow, going to be kinkier adults than we are, due to the easy availability of fetish porn?

When we were kids, we had zero access to fetish information.
At best, I, as a elementary school kid, had the ubiquitous Playboys and, later, Hustler magazine, as our wank fodder.
But, it wasn't until college that I was exposed to fetish activities.

Yet, a recent scandal at the local school, where parents were advised that the children were showing other kids fetish porn on their cellphones, where one kid complained to the school and a notice went out to all the parents, got me thinking.

Is the readily available access to kids of fetish porn going to make them grow up to be kinkier adults?
If so, what should a parent do about it?

Socrates once wrote: "Kids today, it astounds me that someday they'll take over the world...they talk funny, wear such odd clothing, don't respect their elders...."

(Relax).

(in reply to Panarea)

Post #: 3

RE: What should a parent do about access to fetish porn... - 9/5/2014 4:16:49 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Panarea
.....If so, what should a parent do about it?

Well, I don't think you should spank them.

Just sayin'

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Post #: 4

RE: What should a parent do about access to fetish porn... - 9/5/2014 4:28:12 PM

ExiledTyrant

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Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Panarea
.....If so, what should a parent do about it?

Well, I don't think you should spank them.

Just sayin'

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 5

RE: What should a parent do about access to fetish porn... - 9/5/2014 6:07:06 PM

AliaxDoormat

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You don't let kids watch porn. You watch them until they are old enough to start talking about it.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Post #: 6

RE: What should a parent do about access to fetish porn... - 9/5/2014 6:39:30 PM

InHisHeart

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Joined: 3/22/2014
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I've been into it for 30 years and had the fantasies/desires for it from the time I started learning about my sexuality, my pre-teen years long before I was even sexually active with partner sex . At that time I never saw a fetish porn or fetish magazine, I had no knowledge of bdsm, didn't know there was a name for it, didn't know anyone else was into it but I knew it's what I wanted. When I met my former Dom/husband, that's when I started engaging in bdsm and after a while of bedroom only D/s, we took our relationship to a 24/7 D/s level. I was in my mid 20s, he was in his late 20s.

I don't think seeing fetish porn is going to make them grow up to be kinksters, they might try it and decide it's not for them or try it and decide it is for them. If they decide kink is for them, it was probably there all along but just hidden away. Is a girl watching lesbian porn going to turn a girl into a lesbian? No! She might decide to explore sex with another girl but if she's not a lesbian or bi, she's not going to turn into one just because she watched lesbian porn.

Teens and sex of any kind, I feel it's very important being able to talk to kids about sex and having a relationship with your kids that they will come to you with questions about sex, kinks, whatever they see or hear. My former Dom/husband and I had 2 sons, they're now 29 and 31 years old but when they were younger, we kept the lines of communication open with them and made sure they were never afraid to come to us with any kind of sexual questions or relationship questions. We had some very lively conversations around the dinner table and some of those questions involved different kinks.

What's a parent to do? IMO, keep the lines of communication open with your kids, let them know they can come to you with any questions they have and answer those questions honestly and age appropriately. The worse thing a parent can do IMO is shame a kid if they find they've been looking at porn. Instead, talk to the kid about it, explain that porn is porn, it's fantasy, it's not reality.

Just my

.

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Post #: 7

RE: What should a parent do about access to fetish porn... - 9/5/2014 6:43:29 PM

InHisHeart

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Joined: 3/22/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AliaxDoormat

You don't let kids watch porn. You watch them until they are old enough to start talking about it.

That's easy to say, much harder to do unless they're never allowed to leave the house. You're not with teens 24 hours a day where you can constantly supervise what they're doing.

_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.

(in reply to AliaxDoormat)

Post #: 8

RE: What should a parent do about access to fetish porn... - 9/5/2014 6:52:12 PM

FelineRanger

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There's an entire industry built on keeping adult material from children. Net Nanny is probably the best known of these programs, but there are many others. Any parent not making use of those is, bluntly, an idiot.

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(in reply to AliaxDoormat)

Post #: 9

RE: What should a parent do about access to fetish porn... - 9/5/2014 8:39:40 PM

subinsilicon

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Joined: 1/7/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineRanger

There's an entire industry built on keeping adult material from children. Net Nanny is probably the best known of these programs, but there are many others. Any parent not making use of those is, bluntly, an idiot.

Does that work on their cellphones?

(in reply to FelineRanger)

Post #: 10

RE: What should a parent do about access to fetish porn... - 9/5/2014 10:22:28 PM

SeekingTrinity

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Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
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~FRing it~

I honestly didn't need access to fetish porn growing up to know I didn't exactly march to the beat of a vanilla drummer. I didn't know until I hit 20 that there was a name for what I had been interested in before. But once I knew about BDSM, it was like the lights came on and I no longer was stumbling around in the dark. I never looked back.

As for what to do about kids...there isn't a whole lot that can be done. Technology puts everything right there at our fingertips. Even 'tweens have smartphones now and with BDSM going mainstream due to books like 50 Shades, what used to be accessible only in adult book stores is now readily available. I'm a parent myself and I agree with IHH. All I can do is be open to honest discussions. I listen to all the trivial (in my opinion) stuff because to my kid, it's important stuff. If I listen when it's important to my child, I hope to have them listen when it's something important to me. I do not believe in shaming when it comes to issues like sexuality. The discussion has to be tailored to both age and maturity. Mainstream media and real life already brought about a watered down talk about LGBTQ and what that meant. I survived that, so I feel I can handle anything else that might come my way. And trust me, you cannot eagle eye your children every second of the day.

(in reply to subinsilicon)

Post #: 11

RE: What should a parent do about access to fetish porn... - 9/6/2014 3:58:25 AM

FelineRanger

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Joined: 9/4/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subinsilicon

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineRanger

There's an entire industry built on keeping adult material from children. Net Nanny is probably the best known of these programs, but there are many others. Any parent not making use of those is, bluntly, an idiot.

Does that work on their cellphones?

Cell phones are everywhere, so of course there's a mobile version!

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Bill

(in reply to subinsilicon)

Post #: 12

RE: What should a parent do about access to fetish porn... - 9/6/2014 4:22:23 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

~FRing it~

<snip>

The discussion has to be tailored to both age and maturity.

This cannot be stressed, enough! I need to relate two stories:

My youngest, Michael, was about 5 and his friend was already reading (at a pretty high level). His friend went home to his dad (apparently after a discussion that he and Michael had) and asked: "Dad, where do I come from?"

So, his dad opened up the encyclopedias (For you younger folks; when we were younger, that's what we called the interwebz). He helped the child read up on fallopian tubes and testes and ovaries, etc.

When they were done, his son said: "Michael's family came from New York. Where did I come from?"

When Michael was about 15, I was in a relationship with a lady that lived quite a distance away. I used to do karaoke in a bowling alley lounge (Don't laugh. The place was big and it was hopping).

Michael was bowling and I was out with a young lady that wasn't Sara. Obviously, at 15, teens are just coming into coming to grips with structuring their "romantic"/sexual relationships. They know they are attracted to each other. Now, they need to figure out how to go about things.

I was very mindful of this (and his youth) when Michael said: "Dad, what are you doing here?"

Me: "You know I do karaoke here on Friday nights"

Him: "Yeah but where's Sara?"

Me: "She's home. You know that too"

Him: "Who's the redhead?"

Me: "A friend of mine"

Him: "Won't Sara be pissed, if she finds out?"

Me: "She knows. I don't keep secrets from her"

Him: "She's not pissed?"

I had to tread lightly through a minefield of his youth/maturity and not wanting to exposing him to what I felt was an outdated idea about monogamy without forcing my beliefs about polyamory down his throat.

As you might imagine, it was a rather comfortable conversation.

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

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Post #: 13

RE: What should a parent do about access to fetish porn... - 9/6/2014 5:15:53 AM

RedMajestic

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Joined: 9/3/2014
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I do not think it is one hundred percent possible to keep any child from any kind of porn period.
Such is the world we have created for our selves and the consequences we pay forward when we in a age of good intentions are forced to not be able to protect our own.

Welcome to the new age I say to this one.

No matter how limited porn maybe it is unable to be avoided.
It is what we decide how we handle it , that is what makes the difference.
If we as adults expect our own not to look at porn, then perhaps maybe we should not as well.
More the reason I am grateful I do not have children.

Shy of not having children I can't suggest any other way to prevent this issue to start with.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 14

RE: What should a parent do about access to fetish porn... - 9/6/2014 12:21:58 PM

Gauge

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Joined: 6/17/2005
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This is a fast reply.

The best thing that a parent can do for their children is to not demonize sex or make it a dirty thing to be hidden in the closet and vilified. Talk to them openly and honestly, answer any and all questions they might have. As far as the porn goes, it is like drugs or underage drinking, if they want to find it, they will. If it isn't at your house, it will be at a neighbors house or friend from school.

I think that if there is any benefit to the whole 50 Shades shitfest it will at least get BDSM into a bit of the mainstream and make it easier to find out about if people care to do so on their own.

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Post #: 15

RE: What should a parent do about access to fetish porn... - 9/7/2014 10:22:41 PM

LittleGirlHeart

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Joined: 4/4/2013
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That's so true, my friend and I would watch porn at her house on the cable box while her dad wasn't home. And my mom had romance books that I would sneak them some place to read. At my young age the romance sex scenes were super racy. Now, they're ho hum lol

coyrse that was their lack of planning to stop us more than anything.

quote:

ORIGINAL: InHisHeart

quote:

ORIGINAL: AliaxDoormat

You don't let kids watch porn. You watch them until they are old enough to start talking about it.

That's easy to say, much harder to do unless they're never allowed to leave the house. You're not with teens 24 hours a day where you can constantly supervise what they're doing.

< Message edited by LittleGirlHeart -- 9/7/2014 10:44:44 PM >

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There ours shall go singing

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RE: What should a parent do about access to fetish porn... - 9/8/2014 3:22:18 AM

kkaliforniaa

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Joined: 3/10/2007
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To answer the original question,

quote:

Is the readily available access to kids of fetish porn going to make them grow up to be kinkier adults?
If so, what should a parent do about it?

My response is chastity belts.. If you've looked at profiles, watched the news, etc. It seems to be getting to be a scarier world, at least that's my opinion. Then again I think kids should remain kids for as long as possible, where the most they do is head up to "Makeout Point" for a few hours.. .. One person I talked with in the chats [no more than 20 years old] said that he already had a slave by the time he was 17 years old!! I'm sorry, but what does a 17 year old know about sexual slavery, at least in the context of D/s?!.. Then there are those gel bracelets that identify what things a person will do, from flashing, anal, bondage, etc! And this is [or was] a trend among teens!! Has it always been like this? Where girls were being spanked by guys, even in high school? I remember stuff happened [I mean that is where babies come from *hahaha*], but I didn't think it went beyond "what position tonight? Cowgirl or missionary?".. .. While I may be old fashioned, I'm not opposed to open conversations, but like with life, there is a time and a place for everything.. If a person is doing this at "20", what will they need when they're "40"? Etc? It's one thing to experiment, but I don't get the impression that this is experimentation. It sounds more like drunken shenanigans.. For example, there are bars where you can get a free drink if you are able to give ## blowjobs in ## minutes!!

Other helpful advice that I liked:

quote:

Well, I don't think you should spank them. [ResidentSadist]

You don't let kids watch porn. You watch them until they are old enough to start talking about it. [AliaxDoormat]

What's a parent to do? IMO, keep the lines of communication open with your kids, let them know they can come to you with any questions they have and answer those questions honestly and age appropriately. The worse thing a parent can do IMO is shame a kid if they find they've been looking at porn. Instead, talk to the kid about it, explain that porn is porn, it's fantasy, it's not reality. [InHisHeart]

< Message edited by kkaliforniaa -- 9/8/2014 3:28:15 AM >

(in reply to LittleGirlHeart)

Post #: 17

RE: What should a parent do about access to fetish porn... - 9/8/2014 4:29:37 AM

eulero83

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this is half a fast reply half reply to kkaliforniaa

I don't think you watch fetish porn and than you become kinky, but you are kinky and so you watch fetish porn. I've been watching fetish porn for 17 years now (the number in my username is my year of birth so do your math), a friend of mine is a submissive since her late teen years and started watching bdsm porn a long time before, I suspect one fo my best friends has a strong foot fetish since we were in high school (that's when I started to suspect) but we never talked about it. With the internet we came to realize this sides of our earlier but that's were we would end up. I can't swear it but I'm pretty sure bdsm and fetish had been discussed during sex ed classes in our high school, or that at least the "perversions" topic was brought up in the Q&A part.
At 17 I think it's pretty normal being bdsm aware (at least for mine and younger generations) I do not think you are mature enough to manage the thing, so it's kind of a feelings lottery. One of my regrets was to react harshly to my high school sweethart when she tried to give me a dream domination session, I was in a bad mood, she just caught me out of the blu and her order was a little bit over the top, let say there is no way she acted like that without reading at least one or two bdsm short novels. I really feel bad for reacting badly when she obviously put so much effort in pleasing me.

P.S. who the fuck does snitch such a thing to the principal?

(in reply to kkaliforniaa)

Post #: 18

RE: What should a parent do about access to fetish porn... - 9/8/2014 8:48:23 AM

Redhusky

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Joined: 7/2/2014
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Any parental software like Net Nanny is useless if the kids are smart. For me it would be so useless, I would do all the tricks to bypass it (from creating a service, to loading junk modules in the process to cause it to stop or to running virtual computer , and that’s just few). If you know how to search on the net, you will find information how to bypass parenting software, even if you don’t find information directly, you can find stuff and modify it to bypass parenting protection. The information on the net was useful to bypass the school computers and allow any students to install games, do what they want. I wont gave details how it was done, and how easy it was and that the IT guys left a lot of security holes. They really should turn off admin share :P . The information on the net is so easy that even a 14 year old can do it. So any Net Nanny, or parenting software is useless if the kid thinks hard.

Even if they are denied personally from there own computers/mobile, there is always possible a friend of her/his might have easy access. I saw my first porn at a friends place, wont go on details, but we where like class 3 or 4. You could try to prevent him/her to talk to strange kids but how do you know that the nicest and best kid doesn’t have fetish porn with him/her. I always acted like I don’t know nothing , and when my friend’s asked silly question “Are you virgin?” or who know what, I always acted like idk what they were asking. Actually for my classmate was a shock when I shown my kink side after few years. They never taught that somebody who didn’t know nothing could actually have a fetish.

The only way to be sure parents that grade school kids don’t have access to fetish porn is to watch them closely and limit their freedom. At any time when they are free to do what they want, play on computer, play with a friend, walk to the park and not be supervised by a parent , there is a possibility of them to access porn. Thats how my friends & I did it (school, bus, home, school trips). But don’t worry, the chance of this happening is small.

(in reply to eulero83)

Post #: 19

RE: What should a parent do about access to fetish porn... - 9/9/2014 8:30:47 PM

CaptR

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Joined: 4/25/2012
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If you discover your child is accessing porn try and open a dialog with them. Uncomfortable, yes but it works. Keeping suggestive or pornographic material of any nature from kids is far more difficult now than stashing the magazine collection on a top shelf like my father did. Be honest, factual, clinical even and explain the responsibilities of sexual activity. They do listen and think about the knowledge you gave them. Like as not they'll succumb to raging hormones just like some of us did but they'll do so enlightened about the consequences. I have two teens who thank god this method has worked well with. I don't know everything nor do I want to about their lives but i know enough that I'm comfortable they'll make informed decisions regarding sexual activity.

(in reply to Redhusky)

Post #: 20

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