quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

~FRing it~

Thought of something that used to be a Fuck No Hard Limit, but is now something that I'm curious about. And no, no guy told me to do it for him or to do it because he's my Dom (nudge nudge wink wink [:)]). It changed because I changed...I grew...I got brave. As previously stated, I feared and loathed vulnerability or a loss of control. But I'm curious now about rape play. God, hate that phrase...but don't know how else to refer to it that people would understand what I'm saying. But with the right person (my guy), Im curious to try...to experience what I imagine is the ultimate in vulnerability and lost control.

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

~FRing it~

Thought of something that used to be a Fuck No Hard Limit, but is now something that I'm curious about. And no, no guy told me to do it for him or to do it because he's my Dom (nudge nudge wink wink [:)]). It changed because I changed...I grew...I got brave. As previously stated, I feared and loathed vulnerability or a loss of control. But I'm curious now about rape play. God, hate that phrase...but don't know how else to refer to it that people would understand what I'm saying. But with the right person (my guy), Im curious to try...to experience what I imagine is the ultimate in vulnerability and lost control.

Primal, rough, unadulterated *"this is soooo not about you except to see if I can make you act like the typical slut that all you counts are", scary, "should I call the police?" sex.

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Shhhh...but the only control you have during rape is ...none. Maybe the control needed for you here is having a guy who, no matter how intense the scene, stops fairly quick if YOU say the word to bail?

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ORIGINAL: littleladybug
Fact of the matter is, I'm giving you shit.

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ORIGINAL: shiftyw

At first I was like "I'M A MASO BITCH. I'VE GOT NERVES OF STEEL BRING IT ASSHOLE!" and then I realized I was a big stupid idiot, and soft limited it, and avoid it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

~FRing it~

Thought of something that used to be a Fuck No Hard Limit, but is now something that I'm curious about. And no, no guy told me to do it for him or to do it because he's my Dom (nudge nudge wink wink [:)]). It changed because I changed...I grew...I got brave. As previously stated, I feared and loathed vulnerability or a loss of control. But I'm curious now about rape play. God, hate that phrase...but don't know how else to refer to it that people would understand what I'm saying. But with the right person (my guy), Im curious to try...to experience what I imagine is the ultimate in vulnerability and lost control.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha



I've been watching that other thread with some interest - and as a femdom who has done my fair share of limit-pushing (and seductive coercing) I wanted to make an observation.

For those that got all over SimplyMichael for his approach to 'limits,' I don't know that you can fairly judge a situation without being in the actual relationship. In a sensual, romantic, intimate, soulful relationship that involves seduction and lust along with power exchange, "limits" are often fluid. A sadistic partner doesn't go into it wringing his/her hands with an evil laugh saying, "What limits can I blow through to get my rocks off? Hmm????"

As a sadist and a woman aroused by power exchange, the hottest areas to work around are those areas that present an emotional, physical challenge to my partner. But it is in the context of my affection and respect for him, and there's no pressure or rush - the joy is in the process and the road of discovery about these limits.

What boggles my mind is that some people think that a perceptive dominant person can't tell the difference between a "hard limit" and a "soft limit" and they presume we go into it blind, just prepared to blow through stop signs on the way to sadistic glee. No, it's not like that. It's a sensual, emotional discussion and ongoing conversation about limits. Sometimes we help a sub figure out which limits are hard and soft. It's not so clinical though - it's just part of bonding. But a lot of kinksters online see everything as black and white. "Here is my checklist!" "here are my limits!" "here are my safewords!" I mean, can you get more dry and boring?

Does it come from a different "kinky evolution" -- where in high school, I (and perhaps Simply Michael) learned about power exchange NOT through clinical discussions of limits (who the f knew their limits as a novice? It was flying-by-the-seat-of-our pants - but nothing hardcore). It was about body language, breathing, the words chosen. It was about a LOT of communication. It was about patience -- and again, I think so many kinksters want their loot here and now and let's put it all on the table -- when I see a new man and I am intimate with him, the dabbling around his limits has no time frame - it is months or years. It's a process, guided closely by HIS reaction to my conversations, possible roleplaying, but ultimately demonstrating to him how much his surrender impacts me. That's what they want, after all - THAT intense level of surrender.

I am the the one to decide if it's time to push a little, but I am always open to backing off. The "eye on the prize" is not the act itself, it's the readiness in the surrender. We may never get there. But dabbling around those edges is where the sweetest, most intense BDSM lay in wait - I have no interest in just being a fetish provider with a safe list of acts. The emotional side of power exchange is a willingness to have frank discussions about areas that are a little challenging.

What I see as a big disconnect in that debate is the presumption that the dominant partner just takes a list of "limits" and arbitrarily pushes past them in a sheer act of self indulgence with little or no care about the submissive. When in reality, the emotional process of exploring these areas of fear is one of the most bonding elements of bdsm interplay -- so long as the dominant does not have a one-track mind about the ACT, but is more interested in dabbling around the areas that present a challenge.

I think seasoned dominants are among the most patient people on the planet. I have had men present to me some limits that they eventually re-thought 2 years later. And it was amazing for both parties. I have also had subs surrender their roadblock, only to have me say "no, let's not go there," because my gut feeling was that they were honestly not ok with it. It takes a ton of empathy and patience and strongly considering their motivation.

For those that put their foot down and say "my limits are in stone! to think that you would even attempt to open a discussion about it makes you an asshole" are not seeing or understanding the dynamic here. Of course, when a sub says - "I had a traumatic experience associated with this, I can't go there" - case closed. Of course. But for those that just have a list they put together -- part of the joy of the intimacy with a sub is exploring that list, through conversation and baby steps. And at any time, I am prepared to drop it. But to just ignore it is a disservice to both, unless the sub in question just wants a service top.

I'm intensely into power exchange. This means some level of sacrifice. If a sub is rigid -- too rigid - I sense it early and we are not a good match. But most subs I find are pretty fluid in a lot of their limits so long as you don't say, "hey guess what, tonight we're going to do this thing on your hard limit list - I'm the dom, suck it up bitch! doesn't that make you hot?" -- uh, no. it's not how it works. And the fact that some subs think that this is the way an experienced dominant approaches limits is disappointing.

Akasha

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ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

~FRing it~

Thought of something that used to be a Fuck No Hard Limit, but is now something that I'm curious about. And no, no guy told me to do it for him or to do it because he's my Dom (nudge nudge wink wink [:)]). It changed because I changed...I grew...I got brave. As previously stated, I feared and loathed vulnerability or a loss of control. But I'm curious now about rape play. God, hate that phrase...but don't know how else to refer to it that people would understand what I'm saying. But with the right person (my guy), Im curious to try...to experience what I imagine is the ultimate in vulnerability and lost control.

Look at this way:

Your kneeling in the garden, weeding, cultivating, nurturing the flower bed. The warm afternoon sun beats down on you speckling your body in fine beads of sweat. Bob Seager's "Accompany me" is running through your head for some odd reason, but still, on hands and knees, ass swaying in the air in time with the music, summer dress blowing listless in the slight breeze, you garden. An odd shadow crosses the brim of your floppy summer hat, suddenly a hand winds into your hair, pressing your face into the fine turned soil. The rich sweet smell of soil fills your nose, a hand glides down your body, finds purchase on the back of your dress, a sharp yank, and you hear the buttons of your dress "ding" as they bounce across the paving stones. Like a sharp jolt of electricity, your body alive against red welts on your shoulders where the dress tore free, from the corner of your eye you see the floral fabric billow to the ground.

Knees forcing your knees apart, your back bows against the rigid tug against your panties... Electric again, the sharp burn of cloth ripped away from your skin. As your mind grapples with the scene, your hands flail, press against the earth, he bears down, head firm against the ground, knees shoved sharply apart, you feel his cock fill you from behind. Your flailing wrist captured, pinned against the small of your back, the rich soil scent fills your nose, the sun showers it's warmth across your back as he drives harder into you. Overwhelming sensations... Hair wound tight into an iron grip, wrist caught firm in grasp... Sweaty, but not sweaty enough to escape. Ever present the scent of the rich soil, the rasping itch of your nipples dancing back and forth across the stone edging... Him plowing into you, reckless, unbridled, relentless... You feel him swelling, feel him explode inside you... Your ass on fire now as his hand explodes a fresh hell of pain with it's hard slap... You're free, released, collapse into the rich sweet soil...

He says, "About time for lunch, isn't it?"