FieryOpal
Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
What things were hard limits for you that are now kinks?
What things were hot for you when you started going this that are now less so?
If you'll excuse my listing these, which might be more than what you wanted to know, let me first explain that much of what is considered kinky or BDSMy isn't and wasn't to my husband and me. I should mention that even when we were vanilla, he was a (vanilla) kinky bastard. 
The vanilla-kinky stuff was mostly sexual, and we didn't think that our being erotic with one another was all that unconventional between spouses. I don't see LGBT-related sex as being kinky either--it's part & parcel of those gender-specific orientations.
So, in this sense, my views on sexuality are rather liberal.
-- Anal I don't count as crossing over into the BDSM realm until it becomes male-receiving, other than digital penetration (which is not uncommon with vanilla couples); my vanilla friends are fully aware of what pegging is, btw.
-- Even rimming, when performed on a female, has been commonly referred to as a "Dirty Sanchez," and is often done as foreplay to prepare the female before having anal sex.
-- With the introduction of butt plugs and anal beads, dildo used on male, that to me crosses over into BDSM.
-- There are still males who think that face-sitting is kinky--Pff-ft. My then boyfriend was doing cream pies after we had intercourse before I knew it had a name.
-- More vanilla-kinky bedroom sex: Use of bed restraints, blindfolding, T&D-Tease&Denial/Edging, light spanking, rough sex that's not too rough (not as edgy as primal play or rape play) or more like a wrestling fetish.
Former Hard Limits:
-- Face-slapping. I still prefer to do this as a quick correction or reset, after verbal warning(s) go unheeded, and not in public.* Not much into doing a bunch of bitch-slapping or "forced" activities, which I find to be rather lame. 
-- Golden Showers. I had a sub (turned out to be more of a bottom) who wanted to be *humiliated* in this manner. I felt neutral about doing it in the bathtub, but drinking my piss is a Hard Limit. I don't find anything remotely a turn-on with this; others may view it as a D/s relationship bonding practice but I don't.
-- A very limited amount of Cross-dressing has become a Soft Limit, wearing undergarments. I don't like having this taken out of my toolbox, though. The more Soft(er) Limits my sub has, the more I potentially have at my disposal to work with for Discipline and correction. If he enjoys doing it, then I can't use it.
Intransigent Hard Limits:
-- Non-monogamy
-- Hetero-flexibility, including being bicurious. I can't do anything with this, nor do I want to.
-- No fetishists and/or subs who are only 1-2 trick ponies and can't perform *ordinary* vanilla sex.
-- MommyDomming. I had a vanilla fetishist fiancé who liked to be babied quite often. I absolutely HATED doing this. So-o-o NOT sexy. 
-- No leaving marks, not a sadist so I don't do beating (light OTK spanking is different). A light flogging is one thing, but caning and/or whipping is out of the question.
-- Mind fucks
-- Basically any hardcore S&M, heavy bondage, sensory deprivation, the T in CBT. (No blood or nasty, disgusting stuff that isn't erotic to me)
-- Breath Play. My last sub had done this with his previous Mistress while ejaculating, but was fine going without it.
-- * No Public Humiliation
_____________________________
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau
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Evolving Limits - 
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). It changed because I changed...I grew...I got brave. As previously stated, I feared and loathed vulnerability or a loss of control. But I'm curious now about rape play. God, hate that phrase...but don't know how else to refer to it that people would understand what I'm saying. But with the right person (my guy), Im curious to try...to experience what I imagine is the ultimate in vulnerability and lost control.
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