I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person?

I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (Full Version)

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Aihal -> I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 2:39:51 PM)
I've been browsing this site and the message boards the past few days, and it seems most of these "Master/Slave" relationships are just online fantasies. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you. But I'm curious how many of you Masters actually have a Slave, in real life, that isn't just your submissive spouse? Are they live in Slaves? Is it a 'weekend warrior' thing, where you get to together occasionally, but otherwise lead your normal lives? etc

MariaB -> RE: I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 2:42:42 PM)
Can a spouse not be a slave? and does you question include dominant women and slaves?

Aihal -> RE: I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 2:44:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MariaB Can a spouse not be a slave? and does you question include dominant women and slaves? A spouse is something of an equal in a relationship yes? A Slave can't exactly be an equal, to my understanding. I'm not here to bash on how people live their lives, but I am trying to understand what people actually mean when they use terms like "Master" and "Slave" in these communities. And yes, I tried to avoid gender/sex specificity in my post.

DesFIP -> RE: I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 3:04:59 PM)
No, a spouse is not necessarily equal in authority. We've lived together for the past ten years. I'm equal in value, I am not equal in authority. I can tell him that if he wants tea in the morning, he must let me get to the grocery store, but if he wants to do something else then we don't go. He's aware of the consequence and decides for himself whether it's worth acceding to my request. The problem here is how you are defining slave, which you obviously have a narrow definition of, but you aren't sharing it with the rest of us. So you could define broccoli as a creamy white vegetable and then declare that none of the rest of us eat real broccoli.

PandoraFoxxx -> RE: I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 3:22:15 PM)
We mean that the M/s roles are a primary focus in our relationships. We mean that 99% of the time, the Dominant party in the partnership of M/s (yes, it is a partnership, like all functioning, healthy relationships) has the responsibility of making the decisions for themselves and their partner. The Dominant party can, and often does, choose to give the submissive partner specific responsibilites that pertain to their area of expertise. As with any successful relationship - there are things that the traditional gender role of Head of Household is less equipped to control, and, as the Dominant party, the HoH thus makes the decision to allow the submissive to have responsibility over those duties, not because they are "submissive" to that partner, but because as a leader, they recognize that their partner excels at such responsibilities. The Dominant party trusts their partner and will offer support and guidance should the submissive partner need it. I can not stress enough the importance of partnerships within the M/s dynamic. Yes, one of us is subservient to the other, but, as DesFIP so very eloquently put it, both M and s are equal to each other in VALUE. That valuing of one's partner, subservient or not, is what makes or breaks a relationship. With value comes respect, and one can not have a healthy, functioning relationship without at least a modicum of respect for one's partner.

Aihal -> RE: I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 3:37:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP No, a spouse is not necessarily equal in authority. We've lived together for the past ten years. I'm equal in value, I am not equal in authority. I can tell him that if he wants tea in the morning, he must let me get to the grocery store, but if he wants to do something else then we don't go. He's aware of the consequence and decides for himself whether it's worth acceding to my request. The problem here is how you are defining slave, which you obviously have a narrow definition of, but you aren't sharing it with the rest of us. So you could define broccoli as a creamy white vegetable and then declare that none of the rest of us eat real broccoli. Not trying to be funny here but; http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/slave This is what I'm getting at. It isn't I who has the peculiar definition; the creamy white broccoli as you put it, it's communities like these. And as I said I'm not trying to bash on anyone, I completely respect everyone's choices, including how they choose to define words. I was simply trying to understand how many of these relationships are just fantasy; and how many of these relationships contain people who genuinely require someone else to wield utter dominion over them, or require that kind of person to wield dominion over. Because from browsing around, many people living in full fantasy (which is again, totally fine) talk and act as if they are not. And that makes it hard to assess these communities. It makes it hard to know when a post contains legitimate advice or information. And on the other subject, value is inherent in a relationship, regardless of what kind it is. Even someone you meet on the bus; if you find they have nothing interesting to say or perhaps they are rude, what's really happening is that they have little to no value to you. But I digress.

PandoraFoxxx -> RE: I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 3:49:02 PM)
We're doing our best trying to explain what this means to us, as a community, those of us who LIVE this type of relationship, in real life. The people who post here - for the most part - are not living in a fantasy world - so you're really getting the best answers that you possibly could hope to get. You asked what M/s means to US, you did not ask what M/s means to a dictionary, which is a generalization of a term broken down in simplest form based on roots. What it seems to me that you are doing is you are taking a word, and using it as a label, and projecting what that label means, then trying to legitimize, as you put it, our personal, individual experiences based on a generalization. If you want our opinions, we have given them, freely and happily. Your tone would suggest otherwise with regards to respect, sir. If you want to be a part of D/s, then be a part of it, if you do not, then don't. But do not seek to "legitimize" others' working relationships in order to justify your own obvious confusion.

DarkSteven -> RE: I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 3:59:16 PM)
Aihal, I'm not sure where you're getting your info from. I'm under the impression that very few if any regular posters have online relationships. The dictionary definition you gave, references the vanilla definition, not the kink definition. I do not wield utter dominion over my sub. I direct her occasionally when I feel she needs it. We're not 24/7 leather and chains. And we have lived together for three years.

Aihal -> RE: I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 4:00:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PandoraFoxxx We're doing our best trying to explain what this means to us, as a community, those of us who LIVE this type of relationship, in real life. The people who post here - for the most part - are not living in a fantasy world - so you're really getting the best answers that you possibly could hope to get. You asked what M/s means to US, you did not ask what M/s means to a dictionary, which is a generalization of a term broken down in simplest form based on roots. What it seems to me that you are doing is you are taking a word, and using it as a label, and projecting what that label means, then trying to legitimize, as you put it, our personal, individual experiences based on a generalization. If you want our opinions, we have given them, freely and happily. Your tone would suggest otherwise with regards to respect, sir. If you want to be a part of D/s, then be a part of it, if you do not, then don't. But do not seek to "legitimize" others' working relationships in order to justify your own obvious confusion. Well what actually happened is that a previous poster tried to spin things as if I was the one with the non-standard definitions. That's why this particular conversation is still happening at all. I asked very specific questions, none of which pertained exactly to definitions of words. And it isn't about trying to legitimize anyone. If someone is giving people advice on how to live this lifestyle, or what's safe and what it isn't; and this person has never actually lived the lifestyle, never actually had to care for someone as a Slave in-person/real life. While balancing real life, family, friends, work etc. That person's advice has significantly less value than they might try to portray. And it isn't to pick on this hypothetical person or people like this hypothetical person; this lifestyle is very delicate. There is a lot to consider when you're dealing with the amount of trust this lifestyle requires. And there is, absolutely, value in direct and raw experience. There is a substantial amount of advice, opinions, and anecdotes on this website and this board; and I'm trying to understand how much of it is fantasy, as originally stated.

Aihal -> RE: I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 4:05:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Aihal, I'm not sure where you're getting your info from. I'm under the impression that very few if any regular posters have online relationships. The dictionary definition you gave, references the vanilla definition, not the kink definition. I do not wield utter dominion over my sub. I direct her occasionally when I feel she needs it. We're not 24/7 leather and chains. And we have lived together for three years. Is it common here, to equate Submissives with Slaves?

IrishMist -> RE: I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 4:36:12 PM)
~FR~ I am not going to get into a discussion of what a slave is versus what a submissive is. That definition is totaly up to you and the person you decide to play around with. In regards to how many relationships are online, and how many are RL....well, 98% of the posters on these message boards are REAL LIFE. They are not online fantasy players. They live the discussions they participate in. The other 2% are wishers and wannabe's...people who want a real life relationship, and people who like to pretend that they want a real life relationship. On the other side...the profile side...I would say that 98% of those are online fantasy chasers. The other 2%, you will find posting here.

PandoraFoxxx -> RE: I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 4:46:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist ~FR~ I am not going to get into a discussion of what a slave is versus what a submissive is. That definition is totaly up to you and the person you decide to play around with. In regards to how many relationships are online, and how many are RL....well, 98% of the posters on these message boards are REAL LIFE. They are not online fantasy players. They live the discussions they participate in. The other 2% are wishers and wannabe's...people who want a real life relationship, and people who like to pretend that they want a real life relationship. On the other side...the profile side...I would say that 98% of those are online fantasy chasers. The other 2%, you will find posting here. Yes indeed!

Aihal -> RE: I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 5:16:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist ~FR~ I am not going to get into a discussion of what a slave is versus what a submissive is. That definition is totaly up to you and the person you decide to play around with. In regards to how many relationships are online, and how many are RL....well, 98% of the posters on these message boards are REAL LIFE. They are not online fantasy players. They live the discussions they participate in. The other 2% are wishers and wannabe's...people who want a real life relationship, and people who like to pretend that they want a real life relationship. On the other side...the profile side...I would say that 98% of those are online fantasy chasers. The other 2%, you will find posting here. Thank you, that is the information I was looking for. And when it comes to Slave VS Submissive and what definition you use and why in your private life, is exactly that; in your private life. On this we agree. However when it comes to those definitions outside of your private life, you(generally speaking, not directed at IrishMist) must make sure to understand that those terms are probably being used the way they're supposed to be, and that your personal definitions do not apply. And this thread, the first few responses I got to it, is a perfect example of why that is.

InHisHeart -> RE: I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 7:04:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aihal And when it comes to Slave VS Submissive and what definition you use and why in your private life, is exactly that; in your private life. On this we agree. However when it comes to those definitions outside of your private life, you(generally speaking, not directed at IrishMist) must make sure to understand that those terms are probably being used the way they're supposed to be, and that your personal definitions do not apply. And this thread, the first few responses I got to it, is a perfect example of why that is. Just as in your private life, outside of your private life it depends on who you talk to and what their definition of slave and submissive are. Ask 10 different people, get 10 different definitions. When looking for a relationship, just make sure both people are on the same page with what they want. The only definition that matters is that whatever they define themselves as, they both agree with. As for real life relationships, there are a lot of people on the message boards that are in real life relationships, not just on-line. I've been with Master for 7 years, our relationship is 24/7 D/s, we live together but are not married. My previous relationship was over 20 years, it was also a 24/7 D/s relationship and we were married. I don't understand why you feel people that are married can't also live the lifestyle 24/7.

Aihal -> RE: I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 8:51:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: InHisHeart quote: ORIGINAL: Aihal And when it comes to Slave VS Submissive and what definition you use and why in your private life, is exactly that; in your private life. On this we agree. However when it comes to those definitions outside of your private life, you(generally speaking, not directed at IrishMist) must make sure to understand that those terms are probably being used the way they're supposed to be, and that your personal definitions do not apply. And this thread, the first few responses I got to it, is a perfect example of why that is. Just as in your private life, outside of your private life it depends on who you talk to and what their definition of slave and submissive are. Ask 10 different people, get 10 different definitions. When looking for a relationship, just make sure both people are on the same page with what they want. The only definition that matters is that whatever they define themselves as, they both agree with. As for real life relationships, there are a lot of people on the message boards that are in real life relationships, not just on-line. I've been with Master for 7 years, our relationship is 24/7 D/s, we live together but are not married. My previous relationship was over 20 years, it was also a 24/7 D/s relationship and we were married. I don't understand why you feel people that are married can't also live the lifestyle 24/7. I didn't say that at all. I make a differentiation between Slave and Submissive. No one else here does, is my point. A Slave is submissive, but a Submissive is not a Slave. Submissives agree to soft and hard boundaries of their own design, while Slaves agree to their Master's boundaries. Because the axiom of the Slave is that they have no agency (or at least very, very little compared to Submissives), and they trust their Master to fulfill their needs. Which is why I didn't understand people referencing their spouses as Slaves, and what made me make this post to begin with. Because by every established definition of the term 'Slave', kink and non-kink, the position of a spouse and the position of a Slave (not a Submissive that you call a Slave because it sounds sexier to you), doesn't work logically or functionally. It's either not an actual Master/Slave relationship, or it's an extremely niche semblance of being in a relationship. As everyone described above, they are adamant that both parties are equal in these relationships; for non-kink relationships this should absolutely be true, and for most kink relationships as well. But in a Master/Slave relationship beyond moral semantics about innate Human equality there is a very specific agreement that one is lesser than the other, it is essentially the entire point. You can't have equality and an actual Master/Slave relationship simultaneously. You can call your D/s relationships Master/Slave ones if you find it titillating, or if it pushes your buttons in all the right places; but do not mistake your fantasy for reality, please.

GotSteel -> RE: I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 9:01:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aihal A spouse is something of an equal in a relationship yes? Not necessarily, I mean that's trendy these days but it's a very new concept. As recently as my grandparents generation M/f D/s was the accepted norm and if you go back it bit farther marriage was essentially a property transaction between two men.

DaddySatyr -> RE: I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 9:01:10 PM)
My lady and I have been living together for about 18 months, now. Neither of us has any desire to ever get married, again so, that will never be an issue; this is as "committed" as we'll get. The commitment is very real and she is submissive to me in all ways, at all times. I don't truck with the word "slave". I can't disagree entirely with your assertion that we aren't exactly "equal" but, as I stated in a recent post: you had better bet your bottom dollar that I take her needs, wants, goals, and dreams into account in almost every decision I make (even my decision to go back to school). What do I mean when I say that we aren't exactly equal? Well, our relationship is based upon the fact that if we just can't seem to agree on a particular issue, she has agreed - from the very beginning - to acquiesce to my judgment, wants, or desires. By that standard, I am more "important" (but please notice the quotation marks). Screen captures *still* RULE! Ya feel me?

Aihal -> RE: I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 9:04:51 PM)
We'll do a very simple analogy. Let's say I work for Microsoft. And in my personal life I like to pretend I am a CEO at Microsoft. Not hurting anyone by pretending, it makes me happier, it gives me confidence. But I cannot then go into the real world, to a job interview and say "I was a CEO at Microsoft". It would be a lie, blatantly and unarguably not true. No one outside of my personal life is obligated to play along with my nonsense. And I certainly can't say "Well I have the right to define CEO however I want." "By my definition I was in-fact a CEO and you're being rude by suggesting otherwise." That isn't how the real world works. And I am not suggesting that anyone isn't allowed to pretend they're CEOs, I am saying it's disingenuous to charade as one, when you're personal life isn't relevant to the topic at hand.

Aihal -> RE: I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 9:08:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GotSteel quote: ORIGINAL: Aihal A spouse is something of an equal in a relationship yes? Not necessarily, I mean that's trendy these days but it's a very new concept. As recently as my grandparents generation M/f D/s was the accepted norm and if you go back it bit farther marriage was essentially a property transaction between two men. And once upon a time Slave's were labor that you worked to death. So this is a board filled with Slave labor enthusiasts? I understand your point, but that old-fashion way to have a relationship is called abuse now.

DaddySatyr -> RE: I'm curious how many of the relationships on here are real; in person? (9/18/2014 9:13:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aihal We'll do a very simple analogy. Yes! Please explain it to me like I'm a five-year-old blonde? Condescension isn't exactly a page out of Carnegie. Ya feel me? Screen captures *still* RULE! Ya feel me?

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