RE: Should a person disclose... (Full Version)

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Oneechan -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/21/2014 9:50:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: starkem

I would consider STD status as medical information. You are not required to disclose medical information unless you consent to do so.

this is true, but isn';t it also a crime to infect someone with an STD, through negligence or deception


Imo, revalation depends upon the disease, as to whern and how, but revealing shuold always happen before intimacy.

Putting "i have herpes" at the top of your profile isn't a good idea, and imo serves no purpose. Exact details of the conditions involved shouldbe discussed once you establish an interest in each other.

If the disease is something serious and incurable, like HIV, that needs to be revealed as early as possible. Again putting it on your profile is kind ofa breach of privacy, but it seems reasonable to mention it in the first message.



GoddessManko -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/21/2014 9:58:46 PM)

Starkem, I agree with you completely. Part of why those who very rightly are open and honest right away about such conditions, especially when speaking in the context of a relationship, should be able to seek freely on a website geared for such individuals and somewhat of an online support group where they don't have to feel stigmatized. Someone said STDs are quite common. When you count HPV, yes, 1 in 4 teenagers (not even adults) have an STD.
I do not have any, I have been careful, and like Pandora, this is information I would hope to have right away, meaning we both go to the clinic together and get tested when we decide to become intimate.
I am honestly... not shy about these things, to say the least (It literally is the first thing I consider). I'm sorry if it's rude but I like the idea of keeping my body healthy, I'm a bit of a health nut (though I'm not obsessed about food). I dislike taking pills, I haven't had the flu since I was 10 years old (knock on wood) so yes, if engaging with someone sexually would derail this freight train I've got going, I'd love to be the first to know.



subrosaDom -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/21/2014 10:09:40 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

I think this is pretty important to know asap, and the honesty of someone willing to disclose should be appreciated and admired.
I have seen people display it on public profiles seeking someone who has the same condition in order to not put anyone at risk, and yet, personally I think there should be a dating site for people who are seeking specific so it lessens the guessing game of searching for a needle in a haystack.
A bit unrelated but relevant. One time a fellow was interested in a D/s relationship but had a condition where he had body temperature issues and as much as I liked him it made me pause. Another fellow had an issue with "bleeding" so I think disclosing this information is important asap to be sure no one is harmed in the process whether mentally, emotionally or physically.




Sub: I want to know more about you. I loved your profile.

Dom(-me): There's so much I want to tell you, and I like yours, too. But let me start by saying: I have Genital Herpes.

Sub: Nice meeting you.

---
So, yes, you should disclose early, but it isn't exactly an ice-breaker, either. It's not very different than this:

Sub: I want to know more about you. I loved your profile.

Dom(-me): There's so much I want to tell you, and I like yours, too. But let me start by saying: I have had 78 sexual encounters in my life, 65 of which have involved anal penetration.

Sub: Nice meeting you.



GoddessManko -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/21/2014 10:16:36 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: subrosaDom


Sub: I want to know more about you. I loved your profile.

Dom(-me): There's so much I want to tell you, and I like yours, too. But let me start by saying: I have Genital Herpes.

Sub: Nice meeting you.

---
So, yes, you should disclose early, but it isn't exactly an ice-breaker, either. It's not very different than this:

Sub: I want to know more about you. I loved your profile.

Dom(-me): There's so much I want to tell you, and I like yours, too. But let me start by saying: I have had 78 sexual encounters in my life, 65 of which have involved anal penetration.

Sub: Nice meeting you.



That was pretty hilarious, and yet disgusting. Still, completely not the context I was referring to. I mean where people actually discuss these things when deciding they will both actually get undressed and do the horizontal mambo. And yes, some do disclose on profiles to eliminate guess work. Not hard to imagine.



subrosaDom -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/21/2014 10:23:51 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko


quote:

ORIGINAL: subrosaDom


Sub: I want to know more about you. I loved your profile.

Dom(-me): There's so much I want to tell you, and I like yours, too. But let me start by saying: I have Genital Herpes.

Sub: Nice meeting you.

---
So, yes, you should disclose early, but it isn't exactly an ice-breaker, either. It's not very different than this:

Sub: I want to know more about you. I loved your profile.

Dom(-me): There's so much I want to tell you, and I like yours, too. But let me start by saying: I have had 78 sexual encounters in my life, 65 of which have involved anal penetration.

Sub: Nice meeting you.



That was pretty hilarious, and yet disgusting. Still, completely not the context I was referring to. I mean where people actually discuss these things when deciding they will both actually get undressed and do the horizontal mambo. And yes, some do disclose on profiles to eliminate guess work. Not hard to imagine.



Hilariously disgusting or disgustingly hilarious? [:D]

Yes, I agree, absolutely with the horizontal (well, or vertical or diagonal) mambo -- and well before that. Someone (not you) had earlier suggested immediate disclosure upon first talking and I wrote more of a reductio ad absurdum of that.



Oneechan -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/21/2014 11:17:50 PM)

haha, rosa got it right. STDs aren't an icebreaker.

I did once have an encounter with an HIV positive man. He did not initially disclosed the condition before meeting, but he informed me of it immediately when we met in person for the first date. I chose to continue.

We had a reponsible, protected sexual encounter, and i am still clean. Years later. i get tested regularly.



IrishMist -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/21/2014 11:25:45 PM)

I do no think it is necessary to put on your profile; I would however, if I was talking seriously with someone, disclose it fairly quickly in the discussions.



subrosaDom -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/21/2014 11:37:44 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Oneechan

haha, rosa got it right. STDs aren't an icebreaker.

I did once have an encounter with an HIV positive man. He did not initially disclosed the condition before meeting, but he informed me of it immediately when we met in person for the first date. I chose to continue.

We had a reponsible, protected sexual encounter, and i am still clean. Years later. i get tested regularly.


While it's good he disclosed it and even better than you're obviously clean and protected, that type of move (by him) strikes me as a power play. At a minimum, I would have expected: "Before we do anything, I have some STD issues. I'd rather discuss in person, but I am telling you now so you needn't proceed if this makes you uncomfortable." If he had the upper hand in the power dynamic, he wasn't being fair to you. If you had the upper hand, it's less of an issue, but I still don't approve. You shouldn't put someone on the spot like that.

Now, if I had a terminal illness (absolutely non contagious, say early stage ALS), and it were a short-term encounter, there's no obligation. On the other hand, if I am discussing a long-term relationship, and my life expectancy is anything substantively shorter than the norm, then I should be disclosing that too, before there's emotional involvement.



PandoraFoxxx -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/22/2014 1:05:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Oneechan


quote:

ORIGINAL: starkem

I would consider STD status as medical information. You are not required to disclose medical information unless you consent to do so.

this is true, but isn';t it also a crime to infect someone with an STD, through negligence or deception




Oh yes it absolutely IS a crime to knowingly infect a person with an STD. But that doesn't mean that everyone in the world has to tell everyone else in the world that they have X.



MariaB -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/22/2014 2:01:03 AM)

There are a few things that have been said in this thread that I want to pick up on.

If someone gives you paperwork to prove they don't have an STD, if its a month old, a week old or even a few days old, its meaningless. If you are about to embark on a sexual relationship with someone, then you both go hand in hand to the clinic and get tested together. You have to specifically ask for your blood to be screened for antibodies to HSV-2 because most STD clinics don't automatically test for it. Many people get clear results for STD's but haven't actually had the specific HSV-2 test.

Joining some sort of club where STD people can meet other STD people! Really? Sounds like we are categorizing them into leper camps.

What about HIV clubs? Most people don't realize that there are two main sub types of HIV and many different strains. When HIV clubs started up in America, they discovered that someone with one sub type 1 could still get infected with sub type 2 or a different strain of the virus. Some of those strains are unresponsive to antiretroviral therapy and so people who initially responded well were suddenly dying of AIDS. Putting HIV positive people with other HIV positive people carried life threatening risks.

I'm not sure how I would of reacted if Steve had, had an incurable STD. Because I'm past child baring age, HSV-2 would of just been a minor blip and not something that would of seen us parting ways. If it had been HIV or HBV then I really don't know. I like to think we would of stuck it out and just been careful.





ExiledTyrant -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/22/2014 4:28:40 AM)

~FR

I'd like to see some financial records, employment history, stock portfolio, and bank account statements as well. I mean, we deserve an informed opinion.

Jus sayin



thishereboi -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/22/2014 5:34:56 AM)

I wouldn't expect them to put it in their profile. No one needs to know that unless they are going to get into a relationship and have sex. When they start talking to someone then they should absolutely be honest about any diseases but I wouldn't expect it until then.



thishereboi -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/22/2014 5:40:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'm going to disagree with Athena that she did nothing wrong. She threw a tantrum and lashed out at the op when he decided that he didn't want to risk transmission.

However op, you might in future want to ask early on if there's any medical info you need. That way, she would have been obligated to tell you earlier.

You also need to learn how to reject someone without freaking out, if that's what happened. Something like "I appreciate you telling me this but that's not a risk I'm prepared to take. Good luck in your search".


I must have missed a post. Where did the op say she threw a tantrum and lashed out?



ExiledTyrant -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/22/2014 6:08:57 AM)

Post #4



MariaB -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/22/2014 6:18:40 AM)

Just realised that I never answered the question.

No, people should not disclose in their profile if they have an STD. Neither should they disclose anything when they just chat away to people. Once there's any hint that they may become intimate with that person, they should speak up and if the person they tell doesn't want to take it any further, they should pat themselves on the back for being upfront.

Edited because I just read post 4

The lady has to accept there's a high chance of rejection. I wouldn't like to be in her shoes though.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/22/2014 6:24:08 AM)

I don't know if you need to spell out all your health issues in detail for your public profile... but it only seems polite to mention that you do have some kind of health issues. You can explain the details in person if you both have mutual interest.

BTW, nowadays, herpes is curable. It's painful and expensive but curable. They used to do it at my dad's clinic. They use something to activate a break out so the virus isn't dormant. Then they use antivirals. They do this on a monthly cycle for up to six months until they kill all the virus. After that, you're clear. To bad they don't do it in the United States yet.



shiftyw -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/22/2014 6:37:00 AM)

How and why wouldn't the Internet have this information and gone apeshit over it?



ExiledTyrant -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/22/2014 6:41:19 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

How and why wouldn't the Internet have this information and gone apeshit over it?


I can give you three reasons real quick: Pfizer, Merck, GSK.



GoddessManko -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/22/2014 7:20:08 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB



Joining some sort of club where STD people can meet other STD people! Really? Sounds like we are categorizing them into leper camps.

I'm not sure how I would of reacted if Steve had, had an incurable STD. Because I'm past child baring age, HSV-2 would of just been a minor blip and not something that would of seen us parting ways. If it had been HIV or HBV then I really don't know. I like to think we would of stuck it out and just been careful.





It makes sense when I see people literally putting on their profile for all of the internet land to see that they are seeking someone who is positive for herpes type two. As stated earlier, not a requirement, and they would still be part of everyday society, so that is extremely exaggerated on your part.
It would just be an alternative where they can eliminate the guesswork as far as finding someone amazing who also happens to be infected. Far less dramatic than you made it sound.

You are braver than myself, I hate taking unnecessary risks.

quote:



I can give you three reasons real quick: Pfizer, Merck, GSK.

I concur.



SeekingTrinity -> RE: Should a person disclose... (9/22/2014 8:25:53 AM)

~FRing it~

Definitely not directed at anyone, but something I thought of as I was reading this thread. I'm speaking from only an experience of testing people for HIV. But I think this is good to keep in mind. You could go with your partner today to get tested. The test works by detecting the presence of antibodies. Seroconversion takes time though. Your partner could test clean for HIV at the test with you, but still be infected with HIV from an unprotected sex encounter that occurred within the window period while antibody level was still too low to be picked up by the test. I can't begin to tell you how many folks came in to get tested for HIV or Hep C because of something that happened the night before. I will test them, but if it's negative...I have to explain that they need to come back and be retested in a few months. Sadly the follow up test in a few months can end up positive.

I guess what I'm saying is please don't be lulled into a false sense of security with a test result.

I don't think someone should have to disclose in their profile that they have an STD, but I believe they have an obligation to disclose this to a potential sexual partner.



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